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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-10-2012, 12:57 PM   #1
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Is this normal?

I've been with my SO for around 4 years. We live together. She insist that she has access to my password to my email and access to my my cell phone. She gets mad when girls (normally my coworker) text me.

Last month she was in Asia for over a month. I know she had to share rooms with a guy friend for a night (she didn't tell me this, I found out) as there was no additional room at the resort where they were staying at. She comes back and text the guy asking him does he miss her? Is this normal at all? I think she would be pretty damn upset if I pulled the same thing or if any girl ask me if I missed them.

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Old 01-10-2012, 01:03 PM   #2
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:29 PM   #3
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they're boning.
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:29 PM   #4
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Did you read her messages to see the text to the other guy, or did she tell you? (Guessing you went through her phone.)

Me and my SO know eachothers phone passwords, so we can look into eachothers phones but don't. It's a trust and respect thing. I trust and respect her to not be screwing around behind my back and I don't screw around behind hers.

I would personally ask her if she's serious about the relationship, because it sounds like she might be jumping ship. Just my opinion though.
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:35 PM   #5
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She insist that she has access to my password to my email and access to my my cell phone.
I don't understand the sense of "entitlement" some girls think or expect to have. My ex and I had passwords, ATM numbers and such... not cuz we asked each other for them , but cuz there was respect and trust for each other. If you're not ready to share things like that, it shouldn't be a problem.

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I've been with my SO for around 4 years. We live together. She gets mad when girls (normally my coworker) text me.
4 years together and this is still a problem? I hope it's only recently been this way and not the whole 4 years... doesn't matter whether it's coworkers or not... why are friends of the opposite sex forbidden? Some guys get along better with bros, some are more comfortable with chicks... problem?

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Last month she was in Asia for over a month. I know she had to share rooms with a guy friend for a night (she didn't tell me this, I found out) as there was no additional room at the resort where they were staying at. She comes back and text the guy asking him does he miss her?
If there was really no other room in the resort, then I guess there was nothing she could do. That being said, she should have told you of course, especially if she had nothing to hide. If there was complete trust and communication in the relationship though, this probably wouldn't be a deal breaker.

The bolded part could be of concern though... although one must ask... how did you find out about her rooming situation at the resort, and the "miss me?" text.... were you snooping?

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Is this normal at all? I think she would be pretty damn upset if I pulled the same thing or if any girl ask me if I missed them.
To sum it up - No I don't think this is/should be normal. Like you stated, if it was vice versa, she'd be throwing a bitch fit. Talk to her, get a sense of where she is and where your guy's relationship is at. Hear her out and at least let her get her side out before jumping to conclusions or making a decision

There is also the possibility that she has already cheated, with said resort room mate... but I don't know what happened so of course that's all just pure speculation at this point. I feel that girls, as well as some guys get defensive and "paranoid" about certain things when they have shit to hide...

Again just speculation so take with a grain of salt.... good luck OP.
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:40 PM   #6
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What LSF22 said. She's cheated and is suspicious of you out of self-consciousness.
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:44 PM   #7
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Dump her.

She cray.
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Old 01-10-2012, 01:50 PM   #8
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Dump her.

She cray.
That bitch cray.
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Old 01-10-2012, 03:48 PM   #9
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I LOVE this section. You guys are hilarious.


Unless you have other suspicions or proof, don't assume she cheated.

I am worried for you about not telling you about the rooming situation.
If you have nothing to hide, then give her your passwords. BUT only if she reciprocates.
She does seem a bit on the crazy side though. 4 years should have been enough for her to get over her jealous streak.
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:01 PM   #10
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so you found out:
1) that she shared a room w/ a guy friend
2) that they had no rooms at the resort

did you find out #2 from her because you confronted her about #1 or did you found out both from someone else (i assume was also on the trip)?
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:39 PM   #11
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Brushing aside the hypothesis that she cheated, I think OP has bigger issues to deal with.

Her insecurity, lack of self esteem and however you want to describe it with "insert psychological disorder here" is a real problem.

You've been dating a psychotic woman for 4 years. I'm not so sure you can fix this overnight. You'd give FedEx and UPS a hard time to deliver any kind of result. That or you aren't satisfying some kind of need on her end, be it attention, affection or what-have-you. This girl she be cray.
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Old 01-10-2012, 04:46 PM   #12
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I LOVE this section. You guys are hilarious.

Unless you have other suspicions or proof, don't assume she cheated.
Shhhhhhhhh.....
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Old 01-10-2012, 06:00 PM   #13
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No it's not normal. Cheated or not, I'd dump her
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Old 01-10-2012, 06:20 PM   #14
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You shouldn't be giving her that info just because she insists. She'd probably tear you a new one if you requested the same info..

Personally I'd be questioning why she didn't tell you about the room situation
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Old 01-10-2012, 07:17 PM   #15
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She may not have cheated, but she is playing with fire.

She enjoys the attention of the dude she shared a room with because it is "new". Everyone loves that cat and mouse game that happens at the beginning of a relationship. After 4 years the butterflies, for the most part, are gone and there is no need to "wooo" each other. She is excited at the potential of flirting and getting attention from another guy.

I have had the same thing happen to me...you don't get as much attention from you SO, so you seek it somewhere else. Again, does not me she cheated (I didn't), but she is missing the excitement of something new or even taboo.

Sometimes you get to inter-twined with you SO that you literally become one person. You live together, sleep together, eat together, socialize together...you become "dick" and "jane"....not just "dick" or "jane". We like this music, we like this movie, we don't like that type of food, etc. It is cliche, but it is true.

You know email passwords, voice mail passwords, PINs, etc...there is no mystery. Now, just because you don't give that info to you SO, doesn't mean you or she is cheating....people just need their own shit. When you become some crazy conglomerate of 2 people in a "we"-type relationship, you lose yourself. That is when it becomes dangerous.

Yes, the fact that you keep you passwords secret from your SO does not really equate "mystery", but it can be a catalyst to everything else. What she is doing right now is looking for the "woooo". She may cheat....she may not cheat, but she is missing that excitement.

Also, why are girls from your work texting you? Maybe is it the same reason she is texting the guy she shared a room with.

If you guys are in that type of conglomerate relationship, it is going to be hard to separate and add the "wooo" or excitement back in.... especially without hurt feelings and suspicion...

After 4 years, it is bullshit to say "dump her" b/c of this...use this as a reason to examine your relationship. You guys may need a break to get your individual self back. Sit down and talk...ask her what she isn't getting from you that she is getting from other...and you tell her.

I think this is all a bigger issue.
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Old 01-10-2012, 07:49 PM   #16
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Old 01-10-2012, 07:58 PM   #17
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Truest truth
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Old 01-10-2012, 08:11 PM   #18
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She insist that she has access to my password to my email and access to my my cell phone. She gets mad when girls (normally my coworker) text me.
No one should ever have to deal with this.

You have to set boundaries when it comes to the relationship and she has to respect your privacy. (vice versa)

OP She did you a favor by cheating (if she actually did) because it gives you a very valid reason to end the relationship.

Keep your head up because girls like this bring nothing by drama and stress.
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