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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 03-09-2012, 06:29 PM   #1
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Tricky situation...salvagable?

So I'll start from the beginning. I met this girl through a mutual friend. My mutual friend and her had dated each other in the past and have been close friends ever since.

Anyways, the girl and I end up dating for a few months (kind of broke the unwritten bro code). Everything is great. However, towards the end we end up constantly fighting over text over stupid little things(guy friends, not spending enough time together, sex). I have to add that I lied to her about having a previous long term relationship. I'm fairly new to the whole relationship thing.

Fast forward to a week ago she breaks up with me telling me it's for the best because she felt she couldn't make me happy. At this point, I kind of went full retard. Immediately drove to her house asking to talk things over, did the whole letter and flowers bit attempting to get her back with no success.

At this point I let my emotions get the best of me. I had to vent to our mutual friend who promised not to say anything. In order to cope I had to make myself hate her. I called her a whore and said some other hateful things I didn't mean. Needless to say the mutual friend stabbed me in the back and told her everything.

The next day I drop by unannounced when said mutual friend and girl are hanging out. I pour my heart out and apologize to both of them asking for friendship. At this point I don't think I can win her back, so I attempt to regain her friendship. Then she goes off on me while I try to explain my actions. She tells me we can never be friends.

After much apologizing, she finally starts to answer my texts. She needs time and has no reason to be friends right now and that she needs time. She tells me that she forgives me, but that the comments and lies I made will always be in the back of her mind.
I know being friends is the first step to getting her back and regaining her trust. I don't mean to sound cliche or desperate but shes really important to me and i know at one point I meant a lot to her too.

My question is is there anyway I can fix things?

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Old 03-09-2012, 06:44 PM   #2
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You aren't going to marry her, it's unlikely you'll ever have a friendship with the way things ended, I would just move on.

Take what you learned from this relationship and apply it to any you have in the future, it sounds like your lack of honesty and trust ruined this one, don't let that happen again.

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Old 03-09-2012, 07:01 PM   #3
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I dun goofed
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Old 03-09-2012, 07:10 PM   #4
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Quote:
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At this point, I kind of went full retard.
Never go full retard.

Also, never call a girl a whore (unless she has cheated on you multiple times with multiple dudes).
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Old 03-09-2012, 07:21 PM   #5
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I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.
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Old 03-09-2012, 07:31 PM   #6
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i hope you learned your lesson, nice guys finish last. never go full retard.

a picture says a thousand words.

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Old 03-09-2012, 07:47 PM   #7
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I dun goofed
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I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.
You definitely made a big mistake, but there's a reason almost no one gets married to the person they have their first serious relationship with, and it's not necessarily incompatibility. Relationships take practice, you need to learn what expectations are reasonable and how to not allow your emotions to take control.

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Also, never call a girl a whore (unless she has cheated on you multiple times with multiple dudes).
Unless you're having sex and she's into that kind of thing
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Old 03-09-2012, 09:41 PM   #8
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You lost all posture my friend. You would have had some pride and respect left before you've done all these things. When she broke up with you you should have chilled out and relaxed. There was still a chance if you had taken time off for a couple of months and then try going for her again. This time, you messed up hard. I don't know how much these two people mean to you but they cannot ever forget what they've heard and saw from you. I think you need a fresh start with another person.

The reason why she is still responding to you is because she's nice. Nice in the way that she wants to let your 'man' ego down slowly. Nice in the way that she doesn't want you to explode again and maybe even pitying you. She needs time, time, time and more time. I have to say you need to move on my friend. Time is money.
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Old 03-10-2012, 12:46 AM   #9
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Given some time and patience, they will probably forgive you sooner or later. But as you have mentioned, its highly unlikely that you will get back with this lady.

Seems like you learned a lot of important lessons through this mess. Losing your composure and letting emotions run wild leading to irrational/illogical actions will do more harm than good to your relationships.

Love someone with all your heart but use your head to control your relationships.

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Old 03-10-2012, 12:56 AM   #10
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Quote:
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Never go full retard.

Also, never call a girl a whore (unless she has cheated on you multiple times with multiple dudes).
That's true. Recently broke up with my gf and well I didn't say anything mean but I do want to.....

You never who your next date will be and if your ex knows her...... Always true to be nice and be mature about break ups. It shows you are a better person than she is.
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Old 03-10-2012, 01:04 AM   #11
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Didn't sound like that great of a relationship anyway. Just let this one go, lesson learned =)
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Old 03-10-2012, 04:24 AM   #12
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fuck bitches get money
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Old 03-10-2012, 04:36 AM   #13
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Quote:
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i hope you learned your lesson, nice guys finish last. never go full retard.

a picture says a thousand words.
Map://i.imgur.com/JmfbF.gif[/IMG]
U fuckin suck at giving advice lol? Makes no sense.....
Back to OP, u fucked up big time by calling a whore n shit lol she is gonna remember tha forever, but keep ur compusure and make her feel special and not like a whore, u might win her trust back but still hard to get into a relationship with her again lol
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Old 03-10-2012, 04:49 AM   #14
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If she's a bitch, you probably better of being alone. And your guy friend is stupid for telling her. What kind of a bro does that? He's thinking with his dick n not his head.
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Old 03-10-2012, 10:14 AM   #15
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i hope you learned your lesson, nice guys finish last. [/IMG]


"nice" guys don't call girls whores.
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Old 03-10-2012, 11:03 AM   #16
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Unless they've actually been cheating. There's no such thing as a "perfect" nice guy. Gotta have some bad in all guys.
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Old 03-10-2012, 12:41 PM   #17
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If i were you id girlfriend the weights instead.
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Old 03-10-2012, 06:26 PM   #18
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sounds like you learned a lot of things from that relationship....including how trustworthy that 'friend' of yours is. better to have him show what his word is worth early from something you can walk away from than something worse in the future
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:17 PM   #19
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The "Bro" is friends with both sides of the couple, and that can be a very difficult position when a relationship ends. Not that I'm condoning the break in trust, but I definitely understand it.

The best decision would have likely been to vent to someone who has no emotional relationship with the now ex-gf, if Jordan wants the honest truth. Talking to a mutual friend is a great idea at times, because they can provide a neutral perspective on the relationship and generally want to see it succeed. Venting though, calling the ex-gf a whore, making accusations, saying things that you know aren't true to someone who cares about the ex-gf is almost as bad as saying them to the ex-gf herself. Hearing those things can hurt the friend in the same way it hurts the ex-gf, and almost inevitably the comments will find their way back to the ex-gf as a result. If you need to vent do it with someone who is completely neutral.

One last piece of advice, don't start fights over silly things like having guy friends if she's given no reason to warrant a lack of trust.

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Old 03-12-2012, 09:28 AM   #20
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I find it too often where you can trust a bro with your shit but when it comes down to the wire they pick the ladies side to look good. Sometimes I think it has to do with the image of hanging with a lot of ladies makes them feel better about themselves, versus the quality of having a bro around.
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Old 03-12-2012, 09:38 AM   #21
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grow a backbone next time, girls dont like soft guys

the fact that you blew up showed you are extremely sensitive and soft, huge turn off for them
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Old 03-12-2012, 09:08 PM   #22
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what the fuck. move on son


she probably back bangin your bro

bitches be snitches and ur bro has a dick right?
probably using it in her right now
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:07 PM   #23
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grow a backbone next time, girls dont like soft guys

the fact that you blew up showed you are extremely sensitive and soft, huge turn off for them
Yup, because 3 billion women all share an identical and very clear cut taste in women.

Just like some men prefer women with strong personalities that challenge them and others prefer women who are more passive and sheep like, some women prefer a guy with a softer side. I have a sensitive side I selectively choose to show in addition to a more dominant side; I would never choose to bottle up that component of my presonality, and have never had to appease a girl. What Jordan did was act needy to compensate for insecurities, and that's an entirely seperate issue.

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what the fuck. move on son

she probably back bangin your bro

bitches be snitches and ur bro has a dick right?
probably using it in her right now
As idiotic as this post is, Lime raises a good point.

They may very well fuck or even get back together, but I wouldn't hold that against either of them. It all comes back to why you don't date friends ex's.

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Old 03-13-2012, 07:46 AM   #24
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You dun goofed and I'd just move on.

Bad move with calling her a whore. Also women like men with a backbone and groveling is unattractive
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Old 03-19-2012, 10:11 PM   #25
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you went into emotional overdrive and let your emotions control your actions.
you're always going to feel the emotions, but you need to learn to step back from how you're feeling and figure out the best play to make.

Learn from it, and don't be afraid to ask others for help!
Don't ask her best friend though - that's a no-go. They ALWAYS talk
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