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Old 03-31-2012, 04:34 PM   #1
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my life is boring

(short version at bottom)

I'm a guy, 19, first year in college. Comparing with what others are doing with their lives, I find my life to be so boring. When people ask me "What's New?" I have nothing to reply to them. I go to school, I go home, do my homework and in my freetime I watch movies or tv shows online. On weekends I hangout with my friends, but we basically do the same thing every time (workout for an hour, watch a movie/play videogames, eat out for dinner, go home). I keep having this restless feeling that I need to do more exciting things while I'm still young and not overwhelmed by responsibilities.
At school I've been very friendly and met a lot of new people - however, only like one or two that I've gotten close with that I can actually talk to outside of school (I've met a lot of people but I only see them like once a week in class, so it's difficult to get closer). Like, I wouldn't mind hanging out with them, but it would be awkward and more uncomfortable than enjoyable for both of us.
I've joined school clubs, but I realized they don't really do things I"m interested in eg. play mahjong, online game competitions. They have a dance every semester, but I always get sick around that time for some reason. I don't know anyone in the clubs so I'm less inclined to go.
The people I hang out with at the moment aren't interested in doing the things I want to try (like clubbing ect.).
I'm also low on cash. I haven't worked in almost a year. I'm trying to find a job but I haven't been very successful, even when I'm applying everywhere and willing to do night shifts and doing stuff like dishwashing ect.
I live with my mother, and she doesn't like me going out. She doesn't like the idea of me spending money, and by my appearance, I look like a "bad kid" so she thinks that whenever I go out I'm doing drugs and drinking ect. (even though the last party I went to was like 8 months ago). I'm 19 and I told her I should be able to do what I want (come home late ect.) but she says as long as I'm living with her I need to live by her rules, and I need her for financial support so I don't want to argue too much about that.
Just wondering if anyone has been, or is in my current situation and if they have any ideas how to kickstart my life.

SHORT VERSION:
I'm a college freshman. I have a boring life, where I just go to school, go home, and do the same thing every weekend. Things holding me back from experiencing new things is money, parents, my friends not wanting to try new things and not being able to make new ones.
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:45 PM   #2
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Do you have a passion for anything?

And if your mom is like that then it'd be better for you to move out and grow up, but i guess you should do that when you find a job first
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:47 PM   #3
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i draw as a hobby. I"ve joined art clubs before, but i find most of the people there don't like to go out much.
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:59 PM   #4
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If youre 19 and your mom is still concerned about you being a "bad kid" just move out like alpha said or make her happy and prove to her youre more responsible.

my mom was like that too back when i was in high school. I went through blonde hair, heavy make up, alcohol & drugs phase. She used to be anal about everything and didnt let me out after 9 because she thought i was doing stupid shit (especially after seeing one of my friends with heatscore sleev tattoo). I wanted to prove to her i was more responsible than that so i studied, got into ubc, and made her happy. Now she doesnt give a fuck whether i go out at 3pm or 3am. I told her she can call me any time to check whether im really with my friends or not and she did first couple of times. Now she doesnt anymore. Whether its getting into good school or whatever, make her happy and earn her trust.

And as for your friends, u just gotta find a new crew. My highschool girl friends all had controlling bfs and didnt go clubbing. At ubc i met knew friends (and got closer with girl whom i went to HS with) with similar interestS and we click way better. HOW do i find these ppl is the tough part. Ive met ppl from house parties to revscene meets. Joined all girls club etc. Try to get involved with lots of stuff. Volunteering is a good place to meet ppl too (at times).

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Old 03-31-2012, 05:18 PM   #5
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move out ASAP. And don't be a pussy about it, just go. your life will improve and you will be a better person
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Old 03-31-2012, 05:32 PM   #6
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1st things 1st...you need a job.
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Old 03-31-2012, 05:40 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by MeowMeow View Post
If youre 19 and your mom is still concerned about you being a "bad kid" just move out like alpha said or make her happy and prove to her youre more responsible.



GL OP
thanks! i've posted on like 4-5 sites and that's the most helpful comment i've got so far. can you please elaborate further on how you earned your mom's trust? just academically?
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Old 03-31-2012, 05:42 PM   #8
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move out ASAP. And don't be a pussy about it, just go. your life will improve and you will be a better person
i would love to move out...
but don't have the money to doit lol... looking for a job...
I dont know if working 2-3 shifts a week at minimum wage is gonna cut paying rent living in vancouver and still having to pay school fees ect.
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Old 03-31-2012, 05:57 PM   #9
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Finding a job should be your number one priority. I find it's much easier to expand your circle of friends a work, especially if it's a relatively large company like a big box store, than it is at school. It will also finance those things that you're interested in pursuing, clubbing gets expensive quick.

There's one common sentiment everyone in university shares, they want to meet new people and make friends. Yet, almost no one who doesn't live in res actually achieves that. Just make the first move with your class friends as far as hanging out outside of school, you'll probably be surprised how enthusiastically most people will respond.

I don't necessarily agree with Skinny's suggestion to move out, but I also don't disagree with it. I moved out two weeks after graduating high school, seriously. That gave me the independence to bring people over and essentially do whatever I like, but it also made work an absolute necessity. Whereas I have friends who still live at home and are off to grad school next year, because they were able to work very little if at all, while I'm still completing my undergrad.

Quote:
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thanks! i've posted on like 4-5 sites and that's the most helpful comment i've got so far. can you please elaborate further on how you earned your mom's trust? just academically?
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Old 03-31-2012, 06:02 PM   #10
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thanks! i've posted on like 4-5 sites and that's the most helpful comment i've got so far. can you please elaborate further on how you earned your mom's trust? just academically?
I think my mom's biggest concern at that time was my academics. I never had problems with grades but being asian girl she really wanted me to go to a reputable school (but local hence why ubc). If you dont want to lose your relationship with your mom, think "whats her biggest concern & makes her happy?" if you give her respect she will eventually give you respect as well

and she met my ubc friends. She knows we party a lot but i guess my mom sensed they were responsible and stuff because i go study with them too, not just party. She actually never liked my HS friends even tho they werent party type. So i guess its important she trusts ppl u hang out with. Dont lie and only introduce her your "good friends". I introduced her my close friends and at times talk about dealer friends who are struggling. Now my mom kinda understands perspective from those who arent so privileged.

btw your mom wont just all of the sudden go "okay youre free! Go wild and party!"It'll take a bit for her to adjust to new ways. at first i would come back home by 10, then 12, push it lil bit by lil then just started sleeping over at friends places. If your mom is super conservative, its going to be way tougher than my situation. And be honest about what you do. Dont lie and get caught. If all fails just move out theres nothing you can do. Its not fair that shes not trusting you thinking youre a "bad kid" even tho clubbing is normal thing to do for 19yr olds.

Hope this helped.
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:46 PM   #11
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clubbing is overated , trust me, don't feel bad for not being able to go clubbing when you look at facebook pics of your friends or from local promoting groups. The pics and reality are 2 different things. Promoters are always hyping up their events etc saying shit like "don't miss out" or "biggest event ever" and its not really all that fun. People that go clubbing and meet alot of girls have to spend alot of $ treating them drinks etc in which you prob can't do right now since you are short on funds. To give you an insight on the costs of going clubbing: taxi there or get a friend to drive+ door ticket price (usually $10-$15)+ coat check( $3-$5)+ cost of drinks (treat ppl etc)+ taxi back home (don't drink and drive) and you can be easily out of your $100 for that night.

Don't stress too much abt clubbing, clubbing is gay in Vancouver and very intimidating if you go to the wrong clubs (ones filled with LB highskooler acting all drug dealer and shit with their fucking blackberries acting all big time) and please don't get me started on some lame local asian promotion groups....

Last edited by blee123; 03-31-2012 at 09:54 PM.
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:09 PM   #12
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step 1 - find a job

i'm willing to bet if you spend 2 weeks fixing up your resume, and having it proof read by friends, rs, whoever it'll be a HUGE help.

the following saturday, stay home and send resume to all part time jobs that fit your interests/distance/shifts etc.. (vancouver, BC all jobs classifieds - craigslist)

update the thread when you have a job. mom will start to gain trust when you balance school and work
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:23 PM   #13
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Having friends that are open to actually doing things and going out is key. Took me nearly all of my grade school career to figure that out, but I have a lot of fun now because I'm around the right people. Bounce around until you find a group that you fit into and share interests and values with.
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:25 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Paranoiak View Post
i would love to move out...
but don't have the money to doit lol... looking for a job...
I dont know if working 2-3 shifts a week at minimum wage is gonna cut paying rent living in vancouver and still having to pay school fees ect.
Yeah part of "ASAP" means getting a job, I guess I should have mentioned that part

Go get a job ASAP, then move out ASAP. Your mom doesn't own you
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:26 PM   #15
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clubbing is overated , trust me, don't feel bad for not being able to go clubbing when you look at facebook pics of your friends or from local promoting groups. The pics and reality are 2 different things. Promoters are always hyping up their events etc saying shit like "don't miss out" or "biggest event ever" and its not really all that fun. People that go clubbing and meet alot of girls have to spend alot of $ treating them drinks etc in which you prob can't do right now since you are short on funds. To give you an insight on the costs of going clubbing: taxi there or get a friend to drive+ door ticket price (usually $10-$15)+ coat check( $3-$5)+ cost of drinks (treat ppl etc)+ taxi back home (don't drink and drive) and you can be easily out of your $100 for that night.

Don't stress too much abt clubbing, clubbing is gay in Vancouver and very intimidating if you go to the wrong clubs (ones filled with LB highskooler acting all drug dealer and shit with their fucking blackberries acting all big time) and please don't get me started on some lame local asian promotion groups....
agreed.. I used to think that I m missing out, but later on you realized more. and one thing I realized is that, their not really friends in all those pictures acting all buddy buddy (its just the picture they have to look happy and all). their no different than you in the outside world.

and blee is right, alot of money is needed to actually keep you going in the club. easily 250 dollars. I was never able to spend less than 250.
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:27 PM   #16
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Here's a low effort idea:

Ask your college acquaintances if they want to meet up for a beer on Friday afternoons. Have a few drinks, complain about school, maybe learn a little about them. Then go home and do your normal routine. Eat some jalapeno nachos and chew some gum before talking to your mom.

There are a few people that are actually busy in their lives, but most people are waiting to be asked to do something and will probably think that a few drinks after school would be fun. Don't go to fancy expensive bars/clubs, keep it within a student's budget.
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Old 03-31-2012, 11:38 PM   #17
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agreed.. I used to think that I m missing out, but later on you realized more. and one thing I realized is that, their not really friends in all those pictures acting all buddy buddy (its just the picture they have to look happy and all). their no different than you in the outside world.

and blee is right, alot of money is needed to actually keep you going in the club. easily 250 dollars. I was never able to spend less than 250.
i always thought u were underage

yea ppl who take group pics at clubs arent relli "friends", they just wana feel cool taking pics with other people. Clubbing is such a 17-20 year old thing because its when ppl finally turn legal and can be allowed into the clubs. Those 17-18 year olds go clubbing because they want to show their frends how cool they are going into "adult" places when their frends can't. People who just started going clubbing will usually tell you 'holy shit, it was so fun" or "so many hot chicks that night" etc. But seriously when you think abt it, girls at clubs are all so slutty in their short dresses and 5inch heels wanting to get gangbanged etc. Going clubbing to meet girls is such a joke because most of them are drunk and prob dunt even rmb you buying them a drink at the end of the night, heck they might not even rmb your name, so $ spent on drinks basically went down the drain

please don't believe your friends when they say clubbing is so "fun" and how they brought the hottest chick home etc cause its all BS

or maybe its just me being too careful therefore i'm

Last edited by blee123; 03-31-2012 at 11:45 PM.
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Old 04-01-2012, 12:15 AM   #18
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step 1 - find a job

i'm willing to bet if you spend 2 weeks fixing up your resume, and having it proof read by friends, rs, whoever it'll be a HUGE help.

the following saturday, stay home and send resume to all part time jobs that fit your interests/distance/shifts etc.. (vancouver, BC all jobs classifieds - craigslist)

update the thread when you have a job. mom will start to gain trust when you balance school and work
Can't agree with you more tiger. When you start to get a job and balance a job with school, your mom won't be able to stutter a word. Getting a part-time job is what will really set you apart from who you are now and who you will be. Your mom seems to be the type that is very protective and caring about you. Don't get me wrong, she loves you very much and you should appreciate the fact that she does, but part of the reason that she may come across as being overly protective about you and not giving the freedom you need is because she is still premature as a parent herself. Needless to say, parenting is a life skill and your mom still has alot of room for improvement. It's very hard for parents to find the balance between security and freedom for their children because they don't know what will happen the moment they let go of their children from their grasp. As you learn to become independent, she will continue to learn with you. It's a learning process built upon a mutual system of interexchangeable mistakes.
Getting a job not only let's your mom know that you are capable of managing time, but that you are also able to face the cold and harsh reality of life. Essentially, that is what bars most parents from giving too much freedom to their children.

That aside, go to your college career advising centre and get your resume fixed up there. If you go to ubc, you can attend those regular resume clinics and they will get it checked professionally for you.
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Old 04-01-2012, 11:56 AM   #19
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clubbing is overated , trust me, don't feel bad for not being able to go clubbing when you look at facebook pics of your friends or from local promoting groups. The pics and reality are 2 different things. Promoters are always hyping up their events etc saying shit like "don't miss out" or "biggest event ever" and its not really all that fun. People that go clubbing and meet alot of girls have to spend alot of $ treating them drinks etc in which you prob can't do right now since you are short on funds. To give you an insight on the costs of going clubbing: taxi there or get a friend to drive+ door ticket price (usually $10-$15)+ coat check( $3-$5)+ cost of drinks (treat ppl etc)+ taxi back home (don't drink and drive) and you can be easily out of your $100 for that night.

Don't stress too much abt clubbing, clubbing is gay in Vancouver and very intimidating if you go to the wrong clubs (ones filled with LB highskooler acting all drug dealer and shit with their fucking blackberries acting all big time) and please don't get me started on some lame local asian promotion groups....

$100 a night? fuck LOL.. sometimes (rarely) I spend that much in a month..
Just wondering, howmuch do girls spend on average going clubbing? Since guys usually buy them drinks and all.
I have a friend who goes clubbing like every other week... and she has no job ==


PS. Thanks for all the comments guys! opened my eyes a bit
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Old 04-01-2012, 11:58 AM   #20
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^depends if the girl uses guys to buy them drinks....
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Old 04-01-2012, 12:06 PM   #21
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^depends if the girl uses guys to buy them drinks....
Yeah, let's say they do
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Old 04-01-2012, 12:33 PM   #22
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Props for speaking out.

The problem is $$. You need to make more of it. Once you have enough, all your problems will be solved.

I posted something before, it might help you. I think point #1 applies to you very much.







Nurse Reveals Top 5 Secrets People Make on Their Deathbed

By Bonnie Ware(who worked for years nursing the dying)

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.
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Old 04-01-2012, 12:55 PM   #23
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Fuu I wish i was in school. If I don't get accepted into college for this fall, then its another year of effing around. Now THAT would be boring. I guess I'm in the opposite boat as you. I've messed around for way too long now and wish i was in school lol.
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Old 04-01-2012, 01:00 PM   #24
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Just wondering, howmuch do girls spend on average going clubbing? Since guys usually buy them drinks and all.
0-20
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Old 04-01-2012, 01:01 PM   #25
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0-20
FOH REALS?
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