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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-05-2012, 05:59 PM   #1
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Is it worth it? *mature responses please?*

Had a crush on this girl for about 6 years (since we were younger, now we've grown to young adults, won't specify age but its not far off from high school) told her about a year ago I had a crush on her for that long.. but she was unsure.. she was happy to hear it but uncertain cause while we were younger she liked me too (but the opportunity if it being something bigger then "young love" was unlikely and I didnt want it to end quickly.. like few young relationships) so i waited it out... to tell her the previous year.. so just recently she told me she feels like shes using me and doesnt think there is any chance of it ever happening.. but wants to stay the close close close friends we were the 5 years before ive told her... (im sort of certain its unlikely that will be do-able...) unsure what to do now.. im sure a lot will say move on.. lol i understand that, just it was rough to find out after all that. full of mixed emotions now wondering what to do cause i really did like her, was there for her every moment of her life through all the ups and downs.

is it worth it to still like her and hope for another day, but along with that move on susp:? or should i just completely forget about her after so long.. been going happy, sad, hyper, laughing, etc all day.. maybe it just hasnt set in yet? I havent been able to talk to her about it, but since all those years ive strongly stuck with not forcing her to do anything or making her feel uncomfortable. didnt want to pressure her into anything.

thanks for reading

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Old 04-05-2012, 06:29 PM   #2
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Since the feelings isn't mutual after telling her, there is nothing wrong to continue to have feelings for her. You are not a robot and cannot turn off those feelings just like that. But with that being said, don't tie yourself up over her and move on. Nothing wrong with being friends with her, as long as you can separate you feelings and emotions. One day, she will meet a guy and start dating. Ask yourself this, can you see yourself getting upset by that idea?
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Old 04-05-2012, 06:34 PM   #3
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Honestly, at this point, I think it may be a good idea to stop hanging out for a few months.

It sounds bad but from what i have seen, in the short term you will feel regret from telling her and be a little bitter whenever you meet up and she talks about a date or doing something without you.

After a few months, when your emotions have settled down, its easier to see them as a friend again (although you still like her, the bitterness is much less) and its not painful to see them happy.

Make sense? If she understands your situation then she would understand it.
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Old 04-05-2012, 06:49 PM   #4
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You're in the friendzone, and you have dug yourself into a deep hole. It's probably one that you won't ever be able to get out of. You've already confessed, so she knows that you are in love with her. If it's going to happen, she'll be making the next move. If a woman is interested, she will make it obvious, and you won't even need to do anything for her to be at your side.

This one is done. Time to move on. I've been there before, and it feels like you can never let go, but you just gotta do it. You don't need to cut her out of your life, but you need to let go of your infatuation. As Nocardia suggested, it would be a good time to stop hanging out for a while.
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Old 04-05-2012, 07:41 PM   #5
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sadly yes its is at the moment difficult for the thought of that.. difficult to even say it

she doesnt want our friendship to feel awkward.. she doesnt want me to feel she is using me.
haven't felt any strong emotional pains yet.. just the tingle of a beginning lol just unsure.. she kinda wants to talk about it.. but if we do i dont want the possibility of saying something that may guilt her in feeling bad or causing more grief for me lol

oh how life is difficult
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Old 04-05-2012, 08:08 PM   #6
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Then do what Nocardia said.
Give her some time and space and do the same for yourself. Try not to think about her, or text her.
Anything you do trying to stay in contact with her will make things awkward and can harm the friendship.

But given your young age, don't worry too much about it because she won't be your last crush.
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Old 04-05-2012, 08:22 PM   #7
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Then do what Nocardia said.
Give her some time and space and do the same for yourself. Try not to think about her, or text her.
Anything you do trying to stay in contact with her will make things awkward and can harm the friendship.

But given your young age, don't worry too much about it because she won't be your last crush.
probably not, but just how "feelings and thoughts" are presently she means the "world" to me till i get over it. funny how a lot of people feel this way about others and then still manage to get over it lol
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Old 04-05-2012, 08:22 PM   #8
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During this 5 yr did u and the girl date other ppl?
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Old 04-05-2012, 10:06 PM   #9
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she has not.. i did for a month.. of which she knows about and did get a bit jealous :[ but this was like 2 years ago.
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Old 04-05-2012, 10:13 PM   #10
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Remember, one relationship for a month in the 6 years they were friends, and she stayed single throughout the 6 years of friendship. So what do you guys think? The blackhole equals the friendzone, even light cannot escape.
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Old 04-05-2012, 10:47 PM   #11
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Remember, one relationship for a month in the 6 years they were friends, and she stayed single throughout the 6 years of friendship. So what do you guys think? The blackhole equals the friendzone, even light cannot escape.
unfortunately its true. she has every right to give me hate for that too. and im bound to accept it
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Old 04-05-2012, 11:02 PM   #12
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I can't speak for the whole female population (actually..the general public) but when people use the reason of "lets stay friends" or anything that involves being friends..it pretty much means "No chance, just forget me and be friends in the future if we can both handle the awkwardness etc"

I've used it, I'm sure others have to. It's nothing personal but the fact that we're (or were) too scared to hurt you and make it easier for us to feel less guilt.

I can say for me..I have used (and have this been used on me) this when I was younger and more inexperienced with the whole relationships/dating thing
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Old 04-05-2012, 11:20 PM   #13
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I can't speak for the whole female population (actually..the general public) but when people use the reason of "lets stay friends" or anything that involves being friends..it pretty much means "No chance, just forget me and be friends in the future if we can both handle the awkwardness etc"

I've used it, I'm sure others have to. It's nothing personal but the fact that we're (or were) too scared to hurt you and make it easier for us to feel less guilt.

I can say for me..I have used (and have this been used on me) this when I was younger and more inexperienced with the whole relationships/dating thing
thanks lol, guess a females perspective is great to hear.
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:53 AM   #14
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Old 04-06-2012, 01:47 AM   #15
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the question is do YOU think is it worth it. If you actually like her go for it
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Old 04-06-2012, 07:49 PM   #16
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you're probably not going to like this, but take it from someone who's probably a lot older than you: you're in the friendzone. Don't press it and ruin what you have.
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:15 PM   #17
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you're probably not going to like this, but take it from someone who's probably a lot older than you: you're in the friendzone. Don't press it and ruin what you have.
with all due respect, with what was said above, isnt it kinda too late to not "press it"
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:29 PM   #18
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Old 04-07-2012, 09:13 AM   #19
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well your comment is the most helpful out of all of them
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Old 04-07-2012, 12:04 PM   #20
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with all due respect, with what was said above, isnt it kinda too late to not "press it"
No, what people has said earlier are 100% correct. Give her space. Eventually you will stop giving a shit. Don't completely cut her off also, just once in a while like a photo she posts on facebook or a posts or something. Just to show her you haven't died. And live your life. Hang out with your buddies, go out, trade YugiOh cards or whatever the hell it is you kids do these days, and just enjoy life. If you keep trying to push it, and think you have a shot, you will eventually ruin whatever friendship that still remains.

Eventually you guys will reconcile after some time, give or take a month or two and slowly, readjust back to friends. Maybe not what you had before, but an amicable friendship. And that's it. Just friends. I know since you're young and lack experience in these matters, you're going through a whole bunch of emotions.. "should I? could I? What if? OH GOD IT HURTS." etc, etc. And really there is no way in hell you will believe what I say, but take it to heart, in 10-15 years, after you have lost your v card and had a LT gf, or 2, got your heart broken and stomped on, recovered and got stronger, had a one night stand or two, got a job, finished school, traveled, loved and lost, and generally become this mature, relationship-veteran-person, I want you to pull up this post so you can look back and laugh your ass off at all this. Trust me, you WILL laugh.
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Old 04-07-2012, 11:36 PM   #21
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No, what people has said earlier are 100% correct. Give her space. Eventually you will stop giving a shit. Don't completely cut her off also, just once in a while like a photo she posts on facebook or a posts or something. Just to show her you haven't died. And live your life. Hang out with your buddies, go out, trade YugiOh cards or whatever the hell it is you kids do these days, and just enjoy life. If you keep trying to push it, and think you have a shot, you will eventually ruin whatever friendship that still remains.

Eventually you guys will reconcile after some time, give or take a month or two and slowly, readjust back to friends. Maybe not what you had before, but an amicable friendship. And that's it. Just friends. I know since you're young and lack experience in these matters, you're going through a whole bunch of emotions.. "should I? could I? What if? OH GOD IT HURTS." etc, etc. And really there is no way in hell you will believe what I say, but take it to heart, in 10-15 years, after you have lost your v card and had a LT gf, or 2, got your heart broken and stomped on, recovered and got stronger, had a one night stand or two, got a job, finished school, traveled, loved and lost, and generally become this mature, relationship-veteran-person, I want you to pull up this post so you can look back and laugh your ass off at all this. Trust me, you WILL laugh.
lol already got a job jr sous at a restaurant sadly being the inexperienced person that i am, the on going emotions are making me want to "give up on life" even though i know better to not cause not worth it :'( idk.. so hard.. pretty much was there since from when she was younger till shes grown up.
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Old 04-07-2012, 11:36 PM   #22
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*off topic* although rs smileys are making me feel better lol
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Old 04-08-2012, 12:07 PM   #23
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You know what, I say go for it.

From the way you're talking it sounds like you'll never be able to live with the "what if", so go ahead and do it. It'll most likely blow up on you and you'll lose a friend but so what, at your age it's your time to experiment and learn from stuff like this.
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Old 04-08-2012, 12:24 PM   #24
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I was sort of in the same situation, but I didn't tell the girl that I liked her. I knew her for a couple of months and never pressured her. I believe that something I did wrong was that I had no 'pressure' as in I still had the backbone, but I never really did anything intimate (touching, hugging, etc.) She told me that it was better off to spend my time/money on another girl. That's basically saying no I don't like you as well. So I cut her off for about a month now just to see if we were still friends because before I left, she said we were 'close' friends.

Hence after a month, I called and it was totally awkward. It felt like we were strangers. You know how strangers talk about school and other boring stuff? Yeah, that's how we were talking. Something once so intimate was distorted into something so distant. Now I'm not saying this applies to every girl but from this experience that I've learned is that when people say back off for a couple of months, either you back off for a long time and then come back or you back off for like 3 weeks, not a month.

I'm trying to recover or salvage the relationship we once had and trying to strengthen it some more. It's really going to take a LOT of time and energy to build it to once it was before. And I know I contradict myself because I always say time is valuable, but hear me out. This person means a lot to me. Regardless of rejection or whatever, just her mere presence inspires me. And that means a lot because you can't find these kinds of people in the world who matter this much to you everywhere.
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:50 PM   #25
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your young. hit the gym, hang out with the boys, do your own thing and live your life. girls like her are just a waste of time.
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