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HealthCare & Wellness Breaking the Chains of Addiction. The Last Door Recovery Society
Mature discussion surrounding important health issues and concerns. Alternative therapies, healthcare questions, discussion of community resources, peer support help, group therapy, etc.

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Old 04-08-2012, 05:06 PM   #1
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Quarter-life crisis

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The quarterlife crisis is a period of life following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult.
coming to an age where the following problems are starting to creep up fast and all at once, those who went through it how did you guys cope?

the check list:
- feeling like you’re not doing well enough
- frustration & disillusionment with the working world
- feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
- anxiety over close relationships
- feeling extremely bored with your social life
- nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university
- feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
- ...or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
- financial stress or confusion
- intense loneliness
- feeling that everyone is doing better than you
- terror at the concept of getting “old”
- wondering “is that all there is?”
- a vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression

i can prob check off 80% of those right now, which is BAD

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Old 04-09-2012, 01:03 AM   #2
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Ride a motorcycle (which you already do.)

On a serious note (not that riding a motorcycle isn't) - I personally believe that list above does more harm than good. I once over-stressed and thought too deeply over each item you listed. There is a possible chance that you are over thinking things. A lot of the items you listed once bothered me but I crossed off the list by writing down each and every item in detail, listing out what matters and what doesn't etc. The worst part is comparing yourself to your peers which I had to stop doing because there was really no point. But when you stop and think for a minute - this is natural. You are human. You are naturally going to compare yourself to others, for better or worse. We are competitive animals by nature. I, too, can check off 100% of that list. But do I? No.

How I coped? I took the initiative on my own part and created bigger and newer challenges, especially at work and through continuing education. I took on bigger projects with much greater responsibility and risk and took night classes at UBC and BCIT. I also took up bicycling and motorcycling, got my Class 6 through PRS, picked up a bike and started riding. I also vacationed more frequently, visiting my family in Los Angeles. In life, there are a lot of insignificant details that shouldn't matter but somehow, we subconsciously take up useless details and turn them into problems. In the end and at the end of the day, I always ask myself, "Does this really fucking matter?"

The answer is usually no.

Set yourself some goals. Both short and long term goals. Write them down. And create a plan to achieve them because that is what matters in the end. And you'll feel better about it.
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:30 AM   #3
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personally i only felt few of those points applied to me...though those few are quite significant

i'm not sure how being nostalgic about school is a bad thing...and for guys getting old and aging shouldn't be as a big of a deal when compared to females

i think being in this general age group there might be that feeling of uncertainty of where you see yourself in 10 years..but honestly it's much better than the shit that comes your way when you get into your 30's..40's..50's+....thinking about paying mortgage...taking care of not just kids but your aging parents etc etc.
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Old 04-09-2012, 02:07 AM   #4
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Been going through over half of the things on the list for at least a couple years now. I've been told that over time it will go away.
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Old 04-09-2012, 08:53 AM   #5
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This has a lot to do with the fact that our evolutionary history conflicts with our present reality. Say you're 25. Well for like.... all of human history outside of the last... 70-50 years (at best) you should have had kids and a mate and be halfway through your life, with territory to defend (a house) and a family to provide for. You're supposed to be fully integrated into a multi-generational community not just fixed with your age cohorts.

This is hard coded into all of us. It conflicts greatly with the current reality of our existence but not nearly enough generations have passed to alter this programming.

So... I don't know if it helps but sometimes it does for people to think of it that way.

As someone who's in my 30s, I've watched most of my friends have MAJOR melt downs in the last couple of years (they're largely between 35 and 40) because at their ages they don't have families or children either. While me with a kid at home, I go meh no big, every year as my kiddo gets older I feel a little younger and freer.
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:22 AM   #6
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+1 for new challenges, and also just taking initiative to actually go do the things you've always wanted to do.

I'm in my early 20's and I had already gone through this.. still am.. sorta.
Here's a quick rundown of how it happened for me.

I became a project engineer when I was 20, which is a really young age for such a position. I'm still working the same job right now, but I don't plan on being here much longer. I mean money's great, but it's amazing how when you're making it doing something you don't enjoy, you finally understand what they mean by "money doesn't equal happiness."

Within a couple years into the line of work, I bought a nice car, started saving up for a down payment, and that's when the crisis hit me.. I asked myself.. I'm 21.. Do I wanna be doing this for the next 45 years? Am I going to be satisfied with my life? The epiphany really shook me up. I started reading some self help books and listing out things I want to accomplish.

A couple quotes that really stuck out to me from the books are: "If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting." and "You'll only remember the things you did do in life, not the things you didn't."

As I was going through this epiphany, the craziest thing happened. I found out that there was one guy who worked over 30 years for my dayjob company, just retired, and passed away 2 days after his retirement. That scared the shit out of me. Work all your life and never get to truly enjoy yourself? I had to make a change.

Months later, I decided to clear my life of clutter. I downgraded my car, sold my time-consuming stocks, paid off all my loans, and started actually executing things I wanted to do, as well as taking on new challenges. (Still in a smart, calculated sense, of course.. I wasn't blindly burning money.) Too many people tell themselves they'll do things "some day."
I figure, if not now, then when? What's the worst that can happen?

In the last 2 years, I was signed to a temporary music development contract with a record label, got to (and still) work with musicians, artists and writers I never thought I'd meet, wrote a book, met a literary agent (book deal is in progress right now), and incorporated a company. I'm also going to China for the first time tomorrow for a business trip! This is on top of all the extra snowboarding, biking, and traveling that I've been doing. It's amazing how much more you can do by making the tiniest changes in things you thought you needed.

I really have a soft spot for helping people going through these depressions, as it can be hard to be taken seriously by your friends. I was able help myself by reading. But I understand that's not for everyone. Some people I know turn to drugs to give themselves temporary highs. They literally go to work everyday, go home, smoke a joint, watch tv, play video games, go to sleep, and repeat until the weekend, which then they go to the club to chase tail. That was something I really didn't want to fall into. Don't get me wrong.. I still go out, get shitfaced with friends, sit around and watch tv every now and then. But I don't let myself become dependant on those things.

If anyone ever wants to have a chat, online or over coffee or whatever, shoot me a PM. I don't bite.

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Old 04-10-2012, 12:11 AM   #7
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PJ what books did you read? i wanna check them out
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:15 AM   #8
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I was already in the entrepreneurial mindset, so most of the books I read were all pretty much stressing the same points.

You should check out 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. This book kinda puts all the self-help books out there into 1. There's a bit of technical business stuff in it, but it still covers everything we're after. If I had to pick 1 book that really made me get my life on track, this would be the one.
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Old 04-10-2012, 03:59 AM   #9
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I really have a soft spot for helping people going through these depressions, as it can be hard to be taken seriously by your friends. I was able help myself by reading. But I understand that's not for everyone. Some people I know turn to drugs to give themselves temporary highs. They literally go to work everyday, go home, smoke a joint, watch tv, play video games, go to sleep, and repeat until the weekend, which then they go to the club to chase tail. That was something I really didn't want to fall into. Don't get me wrong.. I still go out, get shitfaced with friends, sit around and watch tv every now and then. But I don't let myself become dependant on those things.

If anyone ever wants to have a chat, online or over coffee or whatever, shoot me a PM. I don't bite.
im 25 and this is exactly what my life is like at the moment. seems like im stuck in this endless loop that i cant escape... also going through pretty much everything the OP listed.

oh and i also thought i'd mention that during this quarter life crisis, i ended up getting very depressed after my 25th birthday last june and as a result, i am now in a massive chunk of debt with my pickup truck.

Last edited by Teh Doucher; 04-10-2012 at 04:07 AM.
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Old 04-10-2012, 07:23 AM   #10
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im 25 and this is exactly what my life is like at the moment. seems like im stuck in this endless loop that i cant escape... also going through pretty much everything the OP listed.

oh and i also thought i'd mention that during this quarter life crisis, i ended up getting very depressed after my 25th birthday last june and as a result, i am now in a massive chunk of debt with my pickup truck.
Everyone has their priorities and vices.. it turns into a problem when your vices become your main priorities.

By no means am I a counsellor, I'm just merely suggesting based on personal experience and what worked for me. Remember, you have to make a change if you want a change.

I also don't mean to be presumptuous or offensive in anyway.. But here's a quick jumble of monthly costs based on absolute straight assumptions. I was able to help a few of my friends by showing them these quick simple calculations. Hopefully this can help some more people. All it takes is that little spark for you to take the initiative.

Truck payment (~600/month + 200 insurance + 400 gas), Mary J (let's say.. 50 a week, 200 a month), Clubbing (anywhere from 200-400 a weekend.. let's say say 300 for simplicity's sake, you hit the club say, 3 times a month, that's 900).

That's roughly $2300 a month, hopefully you don't gamble as well.
That's not including housing, food, cell, etc, because those are necessities.
Also that doesn't include eating out, movies, and bar nights, because well, we're not robots. A social life is still important. As long as it's kept under control.

A snowboarding lift pass at Cypress = ~$50
Go-karting = ~$30
Full on dinner for 2 at the Keg, drinks and everything = ~$150-$200+
A round trip flight to Vegas = ~$250?
A 1 or 2 week round trip flight to China + hotel, food, drinks = ~$1500-$2000
And so on.. I'm sure you get the picture.

Keep in mind, this is with ZERO saving or investing, and assuming you want to do such "crazy" things every month (which isn't a bad thing). If you can do some saving/investing, that can only do good for you. But I think at this point, the biggest milestone is realizing the things you COULD be doing by making the tiniest changes. Even if you kept your car, and cut down on the bud and take a night or two off from the clubs. There's your weekend in Vegas.

It's a little hypocritical since this is a CAR site.. but downgrading my car was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I still plan to have my dream car in the near future.. whether I'll actually get it or if it's just motivation, I don't know, and frankly I'm happy with either situation.

Remember, it's never too late to make a change.. and if not now, then when? Life's too short to let it get boring!


Time to head out for my flight to China.. ~20 hour flight + ~6 hour train ride.. yay..



@the people who sent me PM's, I'll have net access on Thursday, I'll try to check in then.
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Old 04-15-2012, 09:48 AM   #11
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The worst feeling is growing up and watching your parents age

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Old 04-15-2012, 10:25 AM   #12
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Just remember, its never too late for anything. As long as you keep moving forward, dont remain at a standstill in life
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Old 04-15-2012, 10:41 AM   #13
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The worst feeling is growing up and watching your parents age

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I'm getting depressed
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Old 04-15-2012, 12:08 PM   #14
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I was never the best at spending time with my parents, but recently I've been getting more comfortable with just hanging out with them and watching tv or cooking or whatever.

I am 100% sure I will regret it if I don't spend more time with them. What better time to start than now, right?
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Old 04-15-2012, 07:19 PM   #15
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man...i turned 21 5 months ago and im already feeling the pressure. i didn't go post secondary after high school, instead i just worked. seeing all my friends in their forth year of university has really put pressure on me since i just started my journey as a pilot. i feel like im already 25 and should have started my career...*sigh...
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Old 04-15-2012, 08:22 PM   #16
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23 now and going thru this crap too. Feel like I need a big change

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Old 04-16-2012, 04:46 PM   #17
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im 25, have a good job, no debt, not tied down to a woman or a mortgage, live day to day life the way i want to, and spend time the way i want to

dont plan on having kids, getting married, etc. any time soon

live life the way i want to and not the way others think i should

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Old 04-16-2012, 10:27 PM   #18
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people tend to think of their lives and careers in defining moments. We should not be doing this. It is not healthy because when a "moment" comes or doesnt come we may or may not be immensely disappointed. You have to appreciate the journey as much as the destination Dont worry be happy. There is always something to be thankful for.

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Old 04-16-2012, 11:01 PM   #19
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23 now and going thru this crap too. Feel like I need a big change
Go travel.
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Old 04-16-2012, 11:45 PM   #20
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Travelling's always quite the eye opener. You realize how much more there is to see and do out there..
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:17 PM   #21
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fucking jerks, i'm 28; you guys make me feel like an old cunt.

Travelling is awesome, if you can scrounge up some money, definitely the best way to just see what else is out there.
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:17 PM   #22
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I'm 23 and when asked how old i was the other day, honest-to-God, i had to take a second to think about it. my routine of work/school (designation)/extra work has me on cruise control right now until the next year or so. it's so mundane that i time goes by so quickly. sucksballsman
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Old 04-19-2012, 02:34 AM   #23
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^ Last time I was asked, automatically I said I was 21. Then I had to correct myself and say I was actually 23...

It's pretty crazy. I've essentially lived my entire life here in the GVRD and time flies just like that...I am no longer a teenager.

I am by no means "old" but I can certainly see myself falling into a quarter-life crisis in the future if I don't do anything about it. I feel too comfortable and content. My life is routine situated within an environment that I feel permanently attached to. This "settling", I think, is something that can rot someone if they haven't done something to take themselves out of their comfort zone...

Now is the best time to break routine and escape mundaneness.
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Old 04-19-2012, 12:03 PM   #24
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Until you have kids you can do whatever the hell you want. When they come it does change everything. I don't love my job by any means but it pay's the bills. I try and get some material things that give me enjoyment but I'm not the most outgoing person either. At the end of the day the only thing that matters to me is my family. I went through some hardships in 2011 so that was a bit of an eyeopener and reminded me what really matters.

In your early 20's, no real responsibility you honestly have nothing to worry about. Thinking back to those days it's kind of funny because what you thought was tough back then was so easy. At the end of the day you really didn't have anything holding you back.
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Old 04-19-2012, 12:27 PM   #25
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I have been feeling like this for some time now but have been trying to curve my thought and change how I see things, and it is finally starting to work after two years (recently turned 23) and the thing that really did for me oddly enough was the video below especially his beginning words, I don't know why, maybe it was just an accumulation of things but now I feel much happier on the inside than ever before. If your feeling this way you should just try on thinking positive, put a smile on even if its fake because eventually it will become sincere and your outlook on life will be better. Also get out and do things you would never do and not with people who aren't going to bitch and complain

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