REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

dachinesedude · 04-25-2012, 08:29 AM

Has this happened to anyone? and did you end up going? i'd find it extremely awkward if people that day asked me if i was going to the reception after..."uh i wasnt invited"

ive known the bride and groom for many years, know their parents too, not close friends though, no mutual friends, i was actually surprised i got invited, but its the first time ive seen an invitation to the wedding but not the reception

i know they are in a tight budget so i understand if they are trying to save money, but in this situation, to me it seems like they want me to spend money on them (gift) but they dont want to return the favour

imo its kinda rude, either invite people to both or not invite at all right?

fsy82 · 04-25-2012, 08:37 AM

you do have the option of not going...

melloman · 04-25-2012, 08:37 AM

... Weddings I've gone to, never brought a present to the actual WEDDING ceremony. I've always brought the gift to the reception. Then again, I've never only been invite to 1.. always both.

unit · 04-25-2012, 08:40 AM

i prob wouldnt even go tbh
getting dressed up just for like an hour or so ceremony? no thanks.

and yeah you dont bring a gift to the ceremony usually. the gift is to cover the seat and plate at the reception i think.

JHatta · 04-25-2012, 08:42 AM

I've never seen that happen before....been to a tonne of weddings too.

but like it was stated, you usually bring the gift to the reception, so if you're not invited.....too bad for them.

TheNewGirl · 04-25-2012, 08:44 AM

I've been to weddings of very religious folks where the whole congregation/community was invited to the ceremony but the reception was largely for close family and friends. That's the only instance in which I've seen this. Usually the invite is for both in every other instance.

jackmeister · 04-25-2012, 08:59 AM

What kind of wedding and reception was this?

Happened to a friend recently, he invited everyone to the wedding ceremony at the Church but the reception (at a Golf Course) space was limited and the budget was extremely tight so they had to prioritize, so I wasn't invited. That's understandable.

You just make them treat you to dinner every year around their anniversary to make up for it. Makes sense.

dachinesedude · 04-25-2012, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheNewGirl

I've been to weddings of very religious folks where the whole congregation/community was invited to the ceremony but the reception was largely for close family and friends. That's the only instance in which I've seen this. Usually the invite is for both in every other instance.

its a church wedding so i think the whole community is invited, but an open invitation wouldve been just fine for that, i got a formal invitation, so

dinosaur · 04-25-2012, 09:21 AM

it happens a lot.

try to respect their limited budget and space and appreciate them sending you a formal invitation to the ceremony.

you may not know the entire situation and though it may suck to not go to the reception, they though of you enough to invite you to witness their commitment.

go for the hour, dont bring a present, give them your heartfelt well-wishes, and go about your day. put yourself in their position and imagine how hard it was to have to pick and choose people in their life.

its not rude, its reality.

tiger_handheld · 04-25-2012, 09:33 AM

I've seen it happen. I've also been to just the ceremony.

If you are not that close to them, then don't expect to be invited to the reception - especially if they are on a tight budget.

As dino said, go for the ceremony wish them all the happiness and go about your day. If you are questioned about your presence at the reception, say you cannot make it - don't put the blame on the couple.

As for the gift - gifts are accepted at the reception from what I know.

For the guy complaining about dressing up - WTF?!?! Being a dude it should not take you more than 30 mins to put on a shirt, pants, a blazer , socks and shoes. Maybe 5 mins to style your hair. I bet you take the same amount of time to get ready to hit the city on a Friday night.

Psykopathik · 04-25-2012, 10:02 AM

happened to me. I have to say I felt pretty bad/hurt afterwards. IMO don't invite me at all, if not to both. Loads of old friends from high school were at reception too. They all asked if i was attending the dinner after. All the while I just said "uh, no, I wasn't invited"

fuck that stung. My wife told me "don't go", I should have listened.

I understand the financial costs involved, but seriously, either do it all the way or not at all.

worst part is I knew both Bride and Groom from way back.

this was almost a decade ago but it still hurts, not to mention the feeling of embarrassment (my perception). I can't even look at them the same any more.

Many other friends have not invited me to their weddings and thats perfectly fine. I have no Issues.

Just make up and excuse to refuse and wish them well.

SumAznGuy · 04-25-2012, 10:12 AM

People don't think about these things till it happens to them.
I invited a friend to my wedding. When it came time to his wedding, everyone in the group was invited but me. No one knew that, not even the best man and actually invited me to the bachlor party. Talk about awkward.
Luckily I had other plans that night so I told them I couldn't go to the bachlor party but gave them some money to buy him drinks on my behalf.

dachinesedude · 04-25-2012, 12:02 PM

ok so i asked them personally and its all cleared up now, i'll leave the op there just for discussion sake

i was not invited to the reception for a reason and its understandable (not tight budget issue), i will still be going to the ceremony with a gift, i guess i shouldve included some more information on the op, didnt think it would affect anything but it did

dinosaur · 04-25-2012, 12:17 PM

so.....? you gonna tell us or what?

freakshow · 04-25-2012, 12:36 PM

I've seen this happen many times, and I've both received and issued invitations that are 'ceremony only'.

The couple is inviting you to a very special day in their lives, and they have reasons, be it budget, or otherwise, that they can't invite everybody to the reception.

You can respond in one of two ways:
1. Be humble and thankful that you were invited to share with them, go enjoy the ceremony, and wish them the best.

or 2. Be a self-entitled princess, pouting about what you think you deserve. Whether you go or not makes no difference, because it's your attitude that needs a check. If this is your attitude, you're obviously not a good friend, and probably shouldn't have even been invited to the ceremony. I know that if it was my wedding, and that's how you felt, I would rather have you not come anyways.

xmisstrinh · 04-25-2012, 12:38 PM

I think that being invited to the formal wedding ceremony is enough. The party afterwards is the cherry on top. Seeing the two get married and for them to receive the blessings of everyone that attend the wedding ceremony is the heart of a wedding. Yes reception is great and all but seeing the couple get married is all I need.

JHatta · 04-25-2012, 12:41 PM

and this is the reason why I want to elope.

TjAlmeida · 04-25-2012, 12:45 PM

iv more so seen it the other way where people don't get invited to dinner but are welcome to come for the afterward celebration.

miss_crayon · 04-25-2012, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dachinesedude

ok so i asked them personally and its all cleared up now, i'll leave the op there just for discussion sake

i was not invited to the reception for a reason and its understandable (not tight budget issue), i will still be going to the ceremony with a gift, i guess i shouldve included some more information on the op, didnt think it would affect anything but it did

my guess is your ex or someone you had a bad falling out with is going.
AM I RIGHT? AM I RIGHT?!

dinosaur · 04-25-2012, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freakshow

or 2. Be a self-entitled princess, pouting about what you think you deserve. Whether you go or not makes no difference, because it's your attitude that needs a check. If this is your attitude, you're obviously not a good friend, and probably should have even been invited to the ceremony. I know that if it was my wedding, and that's how you felt, I would rather have you not come anyways.

I think this pretty much sums up your attitude.

In fact, I think it was rather rude of the OP to ask the bride and groom why he wasn't invited.

When you make a guest list for a wedding (or any event, really) you need to make some tough decisions...the last thing you should have done was ask them to justify not spending $50+ for you to eat food at their reception.

SumAznGuy · 04-25-2012, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinosaur

I think this pretty much sums up your attitude.

In fact, I think it was rather rude of the OP to ask the bride and groom why he wasn't invited.

When you make a guest list for a wedding (or any event, really) you need to make some tough decisions...the last thing you should have done was ask them to justify not spending $50+ for you to eat food at their reception.

Geez, you don't get out much do you?

Try a minimum of $100 per person for a wedding.

My wife's co worker brought her sister without telling us to our wedding. Luckily, one of my co-workers was sick that day and stopped by to take pictures and then left which freed up a spot.

As for my friend's wedding, I never did find out why I wasn't invited. I figured it must have been my bad breath.

dachinesedude · 04-25-2012, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss_crayon

my guess is your ex or someone you had a bad falling out with is going.
AM I RIGHT? AM I RIGHT?!

i admit i jumped to conclusion way too early, i really shouldnt have, they made the "ceremony only" invitation just for me, i apologized, they were totally cool with it *phew

in a nutshell, dated the bride's sister for many years, broke up a few years ago, the bride and family hates my ex's current bf so he's not invited to anything, i guess the ex is throwing a hissy fit, preventing me from going if he doesnt get to go

both of us not going prevents more arguements between the siblings, so im totally cool with that

trip · 04-25-2012, 02:02 PM

it happened to me recently. there isn't any reason to get ass hurt over things.

one of my best friends from preschool to highschool just got married and invited me to the ceremony. i paid someone to take my shift so that i could make it.

now keep in mind its been 10 years removed since highschool and just being asked to come to the ceremony is more than enough.

weddings are effing expensive man.

JesseBlue · 04-25-2012, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss_crayon

my guess is your ex or someone you had a bad falling out with is going.
AM I RIGHT? AM I RIGHT?!

looks like you've been in this situation

SpuGen · 04-25-2012, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SumAznGuy

Geez, you don't get out much do you?

Try a minimum of $100 per person for a wedding.

My wife's co worker brought her sister without telling us to our wedding. Luckily, one of my co-workers was sick that day and stopped by to take pictures and then left which freed up a spot.

As for my friend's wedding, I never did find out why I wasn't invited. I figured it must have been my bad breath.

And that $100 minimum per person doesn't include alcohol. Depending on how many people are going, a wedding gets expensive REALLY quickly.

Say 50 people per side. That's $10,000 Minimum. With Asian Families, the parents would want to invite everybody. So that 100 head count goes up to 200 easily. Especially when you start counting the couples and families that will be attending.

I know that when I get married, it's going to be a destination wedding. Nobody will want to take time off + pay for thier own flight and Hotel to attend a 1 day ceremony/reception, unless they plan on vacationing at the same time.