can I curl my eyelashes with your curler?

her: One day I'm going to shave all your eyelashes off so you can stop doing that

me: :troll: go for it

her: :okay:

"take it out! it HUUURRRTTSSS!"

Me pissed off at GF for nearly dislodging the bumper on one of our cars when parking
GF: "I don't know why you're so upset, it wasn't my fault."
Me: "Were you driving?"
GF: "Yes"
Me: "Do the brakes work?"
GF: "Yes"
Me: "Does the hand brake work?"
GF: "Uh huh"
Me: "Did someone rear-end you as you were entering the spot?"
GF: "Obviously not"
Me: "So how isn't this your fault?"
GF: "I forgot to put my contacts in."

:rukidding:

"Im not in the mood" :okay:

http://chzmemebase.files.wordpress.c...emes-women.jpg

Me: Can I have some fun tonight.

Righty: Of course you can! Let me undress first.

Lefty: *Gasp* WtF bitch, I thought we were suppose to fuck tonite.

Me: ... honey... I can explain. After we have our 3 some.

:megusta:

her: can I curl your eyelashes?
her: can I put mascara on you?
me: no and no
her: sad face
us: hug n kiss

i woke up with that shit on me once :rukidding:

Him(not Chinese): I want some fried rice. Let's order some from no.9 takeout.
Me: you want me to order?
Him: no I got it.

"hi no.9 I want to order some chau hai to go."
"chau hai."
"chauhai!"

Me: you mean chau fan?!?!

gf: omg bras are on sale
me: go and take a look then
gf: it's a little awkward with you though
me: no I don't mind, go ahead I'll just follow you
*walks by sexy lace corsets*
me: hey babe, will you wear one of these if I buy it for you
gf: yea I will, they look so cute and sexy

me: *inside* :sweetjesus::fullofwin:

^^ She'll wear it once.. maybe twice.. then it stays in the dresser.. :okay:

----------------

Me: uh-oh..
GF: ..... what?
Me: ahhhhhhhhhhh... *sigh*
GF: ....... what. :pokerface:
Me: I farted. :joy:
GF: Great..
*5 minutes later.*
GF: ahhhhh..... *sigh*
Me: OH GAWD?!?! What did you eat?!?!
GF: Teehee. :joy:

Love it.

not my bf buuuuutttt... it was still :lawl:

*my phone le rings*
me: hellllooooo!?!?!
*clothes rustling on le phone*
me via text: you butt dialed me!!
him: oh shit lol but the phone was in my front pocket so something else dialed you...HHEEELLLOOOOO...!!!!
me: :pokerface:


....lolwat

Her: "Can I see if this lipstick is your shade?"
Me: "Why would I put that on...."
Her: "I want to see if it makes your lips look hot."
Me: "Uhhh.....no."

Proceeds to get mad and not talk to me for an hour.

the virginity is strong within this one
LOLL i'm jk, it was tempting

---

gf: omg can i put makeup on you
me: no
gf: can i do your eyebrows then?

Me: I want to lower my car and get some new rims
Gf: Why ? Whats the point, just leave it. And I like your rims now !
Me: Cause it'll look sexier and you didn't like my rims cause they were too dark
Gf: :pokerface:

After I lowered my car...

Me: Notice anything ?
Gf: About what ? I see bird shit on your car.
Me: I lowered it !
Gf: Oh...it looks the same. Can we get food now ?
:okay:

Women just don't care to notice, haha... Other than my buddy's girlfriend who noticed his bike was taller once he got new tires.
Also:
(on the phone)
Me: So what have you been up to today?
Her: *long pause* Uh-huh, yeah.
Me: Wut?
Her: I know right?
Me: Have you heard a thing I've said?
Her: Sorry, my Sim wouldn't go to work. What's up?

her: i'm not talking to you tonight because i'm going to read
me: wtf

Her: im so happy today i can bounce off walls.
Me: how about bounce off my dick?

Always brings the lolzzz