Hey guys, sorry I have been away for a bit...
feel stupid for not being able to reply to my own thread.
First I want to say thank you so much for all your advice.
Although I haven't responded, I have read all of your replies.
First I would like to say that my brother in law arrived at 10:50pm last night at the last second and drove here in a rental. He got here way past when I went to bed.
I was not aware of his arrival since I leave through the back of my house to go to work, and it was only until my sister texted me she was leaving because her and her husband worked things out.
He agreed to write a formal apology to my sister, signed and everything.
I helped her as much as I could and I have you guys to thank for small details, because divorce is not something that I am fortunately familiar with.
Just to clarify,
My brother in law opened a sushi restaurant and has been working around the clock managing it.
Because of the "apparent" success (or so I'm told), he decided to open a second location and he works from 8am-11pm 7 days a week.
Whenever he does take a day or even half a day off, he spends it with his friends.
She tries to make the most of the time they see each other whether it's for 15min before they leave for work, or she sleeps later to be able to spend a late night hour with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fliptuner  Be glad your nephew is only 2. It'd be a lot harder for him if he were say 6-10.
All you can do is support your sister in whatever she decides and help her make good choices, since she's probably in somewhat of a fragile state.
Don't attempt to confront her husband unless it's absolutely necessary. It can only exacerbate the problem and she'll be the one dealing with the brunt of the consquences.
Good luck to all of you. |
I agree, I would think that it would be a lot harder on the child because they are more understanding of the concept of a family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma lol
well i dont know much about you, and how you were raised and how you take care of your kid
but im basing it off my experience of seeing different families with kids.
and my experience coming from a family of 3 boys.
why is it some moms with 3 kids can still keep the house clean and have meals prepared every meal?
why is it some moms with 1 kid cant get anything done?
why is it some people can't even keep their place clean with no kids?
the only thing they have in common is it's their only job and they don't have any help.
yeah no shit it's hard. you're raising a human being. it's still no excuse for the place being a mess.
so can we come to a conclusion that some moms work harder than others?
some moms are smarter than others?
those with children old enough to put things back where they got them, but still don't. you aren't instilling enough discipline in them. if reasoning doesnt work, go with the universal language. corporal punishment.
yeah i understand toddlers like to throw shit everywhere and all that.
im talking about the moms (or dads), where your ONLY job is to take care of the kids.
there should be no exception. for the house "not being taken care of"
things should be tidy.
things should be clean.
meals should be prepared.
if you have a job. yeah fine, being tired is an excuse.
ok i'll clarify.
the reason i started this was because the OP was very quick to ask for advice on how to comfort his sister during these hard times.
im not the type to comfort someone, even if they're family, if they're WRONG.
you have to know both sides of the story.
to some of you, cheating might not ever be justified (to me it is), but regardless. even if he didnt cheat, lol people get tired and will eventually divorce or get in a huge fight and punch each other out or whatever.
the end result is the same.
the focus should not be on the cheating, or fighting, or whatever.
the focus should be on why one person is straying away or acting the way they are.
if the answer is logical, then there is a logical fix to it.
if it's unlogical, then you can try to reason with them. if that fails, then well, it's destined to not work out.
people focus on the wrong things. actions come from a series of events that lead up to it. the events are what matters, not the end action. |
Thanks for your input, you make a lot of valid points.
Like in Soundy's post, parenting can be different difficulties for some.
I guess my post is biased towards my sisters side (obviously because we're family) but I trust her.
I don't know his side of the story so I would be wrong to jump straight to conclusions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock There isn't a lot you CAN do.
My sister got divorced with 3 kids, and ended up in a bitter custody battle.
I couldn't say anything, because I didn't know what she was going through. You want to counsel her...you can't. She either loves him, or she doesn't. He either loves her, or he doesn't.
I'm not one of those people that think that cheating is an automatic end to the relationship. |
Ya I can't really do anything about what another couple agrees to do.
I agree that cheating is not an automatic end to a relationship. They can be patched however the trust level will be almost impossible to regain if possible at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soundy Second all of this.
OP: There is ONE thing you can do: listen to her. Don't try to tell her what to do, or how to handle it. Don't even offer an opinion on the guy. Just listen to her if she wants to talk. Most people can figure shit like this out on their own, but many need to be able to verbalize it rather than just rattling it around in their own heads. If she knows she can spill her guts to you without judgement, without being analyzed, then she's more like to keep talking until she figures it out for herself. |
Thanks so much for your input Soundy.
I definitely don't want to be saying the wrong things to her, or even offer bad advice if any at all that may change the way this plays out. As a sibling, it sucks to be listening to them without being able to help them because anything you say or do can turn ugly.
I can only be there when she needs someone to talk to or just be a shoulder to cry on.
I want to say a big sincere thank you for all your input, may it be negative or positive. All input helps in shedding light to a subject that I'm sure not many like to talk about. It has definitely made hold back from saying many things to her and her husband.
Like I said, they supposedly worked things out and are probably home by now.
I just hope that I helped her out as much as I possibly could.
Only time will tell what happens to them.
Again, thank you for all your help and support.
Amazing how internet communities can help you in any situation and cheer you up
Sorry for the super long post
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