[Confidential] Buddy's ex wants a FWB with me
 

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Hey so to start it all off, my buddy's ex is a very close friend of mine (lets call her J), one could say she is one of my closest friends. Me and J have liked each other on off for pretty much as long as we've known eachother. Anyway she and my buddy broke up because she felt he was only in it for the physical aspects of the relationship and he just "wasnt there emotionally" for her ever. So throughout their relationship and a lot of the time I've known her, she pretty much tells me everything because I'm there to support her and the such (and she's there for me too). My buddy unfortunately doesn't like to say much about what goes on or what he feels or whatnot and even told me he was going to break up with her at the end of summer.

I personally have never been in a serious relationship and am a virgin. I wouldnt call myself unnatractive or anything, many of my buddies girlfriends say I would be one of the best boyfriends ever, just havent found the girl yet.

So heres the dilemna, yesterday J approaches me and asks if we could be FWB. We've already promised that we would be friends no matter what, regardless if we went through with it or not we both fully believe we will remain the same good friends. She says basically it will be helping both of us, she wants to have fun with me and she would teach all the things from the girls perspective what a guy should do. And I would be there to learn, and just like have fun with one of my best friends. I feel alright losing my V card like this considering we are so close and it wouldn't feel wrong, much rather it this way than with a random chick at a party?

Now.

1. What about my bro, I might feel guilty.
2. What about our friendship, its pretty valuable
3. What if it escalates into something more than FWB, and knowing us it probably will. With her leaving to Ontario for university what effect that would have on us.
4. And ultimately, should we do it, its gonna start either tomorrow or wednesday probably?

Thanks everyone for their thoughts in advance

FWB is not the best way to lose your virginity unless if it turns into a healthy relationship.

Since its going to be a long distance relationship if it happens, definitely avoid it. Nothing says FML more than when you start a new relationship and the other half is gone.

This is an inappropriate response to this thread.

Go with the flow!!! Ur buddy seems like he didn't give a fuck to start in the first place so it shouldn't matter too much, a little confirmation wouldn't hurt though or keep it between u and J only

just go for it, stop over thinking

1. You're calling him your bro and think you'll feel guilty. Dont' you think there's a reason for that? If he's your "bro", you wouldn't fuck with his ex without talking to him about it first.

2+3. Your friendship w/ him or her? If he's cool w/ it, fine. If he's not, you're gonna lose him as a friend. Her? IMO, sounds like she wants to use you as her fuck toy til she leaves and you're already friendzoned. It also seems like it's easier for you to mess w/ her cause she's already there and willing to put out. He probably only tells you what he thinks you're going to tell her anyways since he knows you two are close. She's leaving anyways, so what are you going to do, start a relationship with this chick that's leaving, barely have a relationship with and be stuck here, w/ your ex-friend, who's ex you were screwing w/, right after they broke up?

4. No.

You sound young, there's plenty of girls out there that aren't your friend's ex, go find one of them.

I know I said it in another thread, but

It's a trap.

FWBs hardly ever work. Someone will fall for the other and all is hell from there. And in this case it's most likely you

Resist the urge and move on

Do it! since she will be going away for school you won't see her all the time. Is everyman for himself. Beside your buddy doesn't seem to care about you anyways.

If you do end up doing it, try not to get emotionally attached.. the worst thing would be to actually get into a relationship and her to leave to Ontario.

On the other hand, it depends on how close you are with the "bro." Is he a better friend then J, or just "a guy you know."

Good luck, try not to spoil the wrong relationship.

U guys sound like u r fresh out of highschool...... In highschool everyone dates everyone so i wouldnt think it was a big deal if u dated ur buddies ex at all. Its like saying ur buddies ex is off limits to everyguy in the grade.

Anyways go for it and enjoy it, and like someone said before just dont get emotionally attached and ull be fine.

i say do it. emotionally attached? who cares.

WHY? Life is about experiencing the unknown. You will take risks, succeed and you will enjoy and you will eventually get hurt and then you will learn.

Ehhhh I have to agree with fliptuner.
I wouldn't do it, personally. I would just straight up tell her it's not a good idea.

You sound young. Take it from me, always avoid getting into potential complications with friends and their gf's/ ex-gf's.

There's a bajillion girls out there that don't have any headache attached to them.
But yeah, you're young, hormones are raging. So do what you gotta do. Make sure you have your options properly and objectively weighed out, or you might lose your friend, or even both of them.

I would have said do it if you were not a virgin.

Being that it would be your first time, your emotions will be out of wack. I don't necessarily think you need to be in a LTR to lose your virginity or anything, but I think there are too many variables with this situations (your buddy, her leaving) that you may not be able to handle it without losing your mind.

The way I'm seeing it is like this: If you and J get together and start being FWB, it's going to escalate for at least one of you. Losing your V card is more than just "Whatever, I'm not a virgin now"; you're likely going to fall for her because of it. This can ultimately be the worst part about it as she may still see you both as just friends. OR, if she does feel more, you'll be dealing with either a long distance relationship which will be extremely difficult, I know, or heartbreak as she leaves and breaks it off.

Personally, as much as you may want to, if I were you, I wouldn't do it. There's too much at risk for people getting hurt/ wrecking old friendships. I'm sure you can find another girl that you'll be able to share your first time with.

To quote Han Solo, "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Dude as hot as she is I wouldn't take it. Even if I liked her and she liked me it would be very very hard to start a relationship or do the whole friends with benefits thing. My only reason being is that I value my friends a lot. If your bro is great to you and a super person overall, then don't lay hands on his ex. However if he's a total douche and you don't think you're going to be friends your whole life, then MAYBE.

But even if you are adamant on going for her, wait at least a bit so it doesn't look suspicious and get permission from his side. Rumours spread and it's never pretty. Try closing all ties before even going in.

Here's the thing that would stop me the most. If you want your bro's aftertaste, why don't you just get it from the source. It's a little bit disgusting to me when your bro has done that in there. I mean if it's a stranger you'll never know. But she's gonna be comparing you to your bro because you guys are so close. And stuff like that is bound to happen.

if he is really your bro not your "bro" than get the go ahead from your bro and go for it.

life is about the experiences. Youth is the time to try things, to fuck up things and to test your limit. FWB doesn't work but you won't know until you have try.

If you're a virgin, I would encourage you to wait it out for more than a FWB type situation. You've got plenty of time to horn it out after you get the first outta the way.
I have a buddy who was a virgin til he was 23/24 and for his first, he ended up boning (and having a FWB sitch w/) some chick who has a boyfriend. He recently told me he's in love with her. She refuses to break up with the boyfriend. Shitty deal, hey?

Simple rule; don't mess around with buddies ex's and ex's buddies.... it can get messy real quick. Exception; if all parties know what the deal is and everybody is genuinely cool with it.

So, this girl is in a relationship with a guy where she finds him only interested in the physical aspects, and closed off emotionally.

Her answer is to musical chair it over to you, and then engage in a FWB relationship where, as a given rule, she has no emotional attachment.

It's called getting even sport...and she is going to fuck you in more ways than the one you've been wanting for the better part of 20 years.

The deal: If she liked you, then she should have done something about it. She didn't like you enough to dump the boyfriend, come to you and start a proper anything relationship, she just wants to wiggle her ass and get what she wants.

Pass. You've waited this long...keep waiting. Don't be in such a hurry to drop the v status...no one really cares, and your buddies that give you shit probably nailed their 40 year old neighbor named Rhonda and can still smell the menthol cigarettes on their lips.(thanks Barney)

I read that as 'hands solo'.. It really depends if you prefer to play with yourself, than to f*ck the broad. She's basically begging you to do her, why are you still holding back? Just remember to bag your tool.

Just go through with it, if you know you and J can't keep the secret, just ask your friend if you can pursue J (without actually pursuing her). And honestly, judging by the way she says she'll teach you stuff you need to learn, it sounds like you're going to have some great sex.

rofl i would murder you if i was your friend and i didn't know, just saying. And i know who the fuck you are in real life :troll: so better watch out

Why would you even be considering this... Unless you plan on having a serious relationship with the girl, then its just an all around bad idea, and something that you shouldn't even consider.

Work on your game and meet other women instead. I have had a couple of friends whose ex gf's just wanted to fuck when I was younger. I was like - no thanks, I can get pussy from somewhere else.

That's your friend man. I make it my way to not disrespect my friends. And that's just a girl. You may feel desperate since you're a virgin. But I'm telling you, it's not worth it. There are so many other gorgeous women here. Work on your game, work on self improvement in general. The women aspect will be easy.