[Confidential] Avoiding the friend zone
 

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I'm interested in a girl and I don't want to be friend zoned...

My situation is I met a girl and we've been talking for a little bit now.. she seems to be opening up to me a bit more everyday but I have a problem.. I found out she recently broke up with her bf (complicated problems they tried to fix but couldn't.. so he ended it)

I need some advice on how to handle this situation..
1) I already know I shouldn't bring up ex's but when she says shes sad or blah blah.. should I ask what happened or try change the subject?
2) When should I make a move on her... Its literally been weeks since they broke up.. I don't feel comfortable/think its a good idea to try now but I don't want to wait to long
3) Any open thoughts on the situation would be nice.. all advice and comments will be appreciated

Thanks.

Sorry to say it dude, but to me it looks like you already are in the friend zone.

It's just a bad time to make any sort of move.

If you want her to be more than friends I suggest you be upfront and tell her that. Let her know how you feel. If she isn't down with you in that kind of way then that is okay shit happens. Show her you are direct and aren't afraid to take what you want.

It is unfair to the girl to think she has a 'friend-zoned' guy but that friend actually wanted to be more than just friends. Do yourself and her a favor by being upfront.

Be honest and let her know your intention. Tell her you like her and see what she says. If she wants some time then you should step back and try not to hang around to be her shoulder to cry on - this is where people get friend-zoned.

There is a chance that even if she goes out with you, it may be a rebound thing for her to get over the breakup, though, so there's that to consider as well. If you're okay with that risk, and she's open to the idea of dating you, then go nuts.

i would tell her upfront that my intention is pursuing her, if she rejects you, then you know how it will turn out and move on and save your time with another girl

just whip it out and say, "LETS FRIEND"

to avoid being 'friend-zoned'. stop being her fake friend when your intentions are something different. she can't read your fucking mind.

like others have said, tell her what you want from her. if you don't want to be her friend, STOP!

When one asks about the friend zone, one is already in it.

One thing I always like to know how come girls have friend zone but guys rarely have one........

^ good question!!!
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Both girls and guys have friend zones. Guys see certain girls only as a friends just as much as vice versa.

You gotta be initiated to not be in the friend zone. Tell her how u feel, girls love it when you call them pretty.
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You guys talk about the "friend zone" like its a border that you cross without a sign by the side of the road.

"Oh fuck! did I cross it? Am I there? Oh shit. I asked how her day was and was sympathetic to her feelings, when I should have been puffing my chest out and asking for a sammich"

It's already done man. You meet someone, and there is either a spark, or there isn't. Occasionally, a spark forms over time, or you lose it, but I don't think its something you cross into, its something that forms.

So sitting there wondering if your actions are driving it is, in my opinion, some internet bullshit perpetrated by a group of douche cannons trying to make it rich online telling guys that they can fuck a large amount of women by acting all primal around them.

So you want to avoid being "just a friend"? Tell her..."I am attracted to you" Want to avoid coming across as too forward? Wait until there is some indication that she might be attracted to you.

If you've been hanging out with her repeatedly, and she is a human, heterosexual female, then this type of shit is not going to be a foreign language...the thought, on some level has been in her head. What's complicating it is she just got out of a fucked up relationship and her head space may not be right in the place of "I want to jump right back in with this guy".

Therefore, if you do like this girl, your "move" needs to be slow and you need to be patient, but don't sit there and be paranoid of some internet meme "friend zone", be conscious of her feelings as she deals with the end of a relationship. If she's into you, she'll let you know when she's ready.

Cant believe no one said this but how about get her buzzed or drunk and make your move........

^ because all healthy relationships start with a drunken confession

amirite?

sounds like bad timing.

-first tell her your intent. she'll say it's too soon.
-say it's ok. hang for a week, then date someone else, or say you are; and that you don't feel right to continue seeing her based on your previous and continuing interest.
-keep in touch now and then on facebook, once she seems interested in dating again "accidentally" bump into her at the grocery store while you're holding a baby tiger, showing you're a tough SOB with a heart
- instant bone zone =D.

Why not? there's no hard rule that all healthy relationships must have start from A & B or C.

Some of my best memories, some of the coolest people I've met, some of my awesomest hookups (that either later went onto friendships or relationships) have come from drunken fits.

well I figure if OP wants a meaningful relationship, making a move may be well...wrong.

^been guilty of that, but coming from someone who got out of what I thought was the friend zone, it really is kinda ridiculous how we look at it and how things that we do that are "nice" such as listening to her feelings etc suddenly become "wrong" or no the thing to do if you want to be with her in a non platonic way. I mean what are we expecting, that becoming an ass will suddenly make her want to be with us, I just say give it time OP and just be straight and upfront with it

Congratulations. You’re in the friend zone. You’ve found an attractive woman with whom you share many commonalities. You have two important factors firmly in your favor: comfort and rapport.

Now this is how you fuck her.

Mainly you have to work on attraction. Start by making yourself unattainable. Cut off contact with her. Don’t call her, text her, email her or answer if she tries to contact you. If you do this for about a month it gives her plenty of time to reevaluate your role in her life. The longer you go without doing her favors the less she’ll associate you with that “friend” role.

In that time work on picking up other women. Go out every single night if you can. Make sure you go to places where your mutual friends will see you with a variety of women. If you can manage to be seen with a different woman every night, do it.

A quick word of caution. If you run into the target female friend while out, acknowledge her. Greet her, keep it brief and leave on a high note.

Optimally when she sees you at the end of a month you should look dramatically better. Get a haircut. Get a new wardrobe. Start working out. This step isn’t indispensable but if your game isn’t top notch. It’s a BIG help.

The best environment to reunite with her would a social gathering, preferably with women you’ve had sex with. She’ll be able to figure out this fact without being explicitly informed. Bragging is chode. It lowers your value.

The most important thing to remember is to get her in state and physically escalate quickly. Hopefully by now you know how to close solidly. Physical intimacy will get you out of the friend zone fast, but buyers remorse can completely destroy any relationship you have with her platonic or otherwise.

I’ve been in this community for a little over a year. Because I come from a fairly small town I have a limited selection of women to seduce. While this fact has kept me from developing in the ways of the typical “pick up artist” it has forced me to focus on an area of my game that I may have ignored otherwise.

I don’t really believe the so called “friend zone” exists except as a chode concept that limits development. The formula I outlined above is just a guide to help a person stuck on a girl get over it and fuck her. It worked for me early on, but since then I’ve laid many of my female friends, sometimes in one night.

Or..be up front without having to redefine yourself for every girl you come across in any sort of friend/relationship level

my advice is, don't be upfront like all the other guys here said. reason being...

1) it's only been weeks since they broke up and you're trying to start another relationship with her.
2) she needs space and time to get over him
3) she's at a time where she doesn't know if she still likes him or not
4) being upfront is a hit and miss honestly, you'll either get her to like you or you'll scare her away forever

what she really needs now is a friend who will listen. if you really like her and care about her, just be there for her whenever she feels sad. don't ask her about her ex. only listen when she wants to tell you. when she's upset, cheer her up with something spontaneous.

but seeing your #2 question, it doesn't seem like you guys have a very close relationship as friends and you just want to get straight to the point. just think about it, she's all upset about her previous relationship and now you're here confessing your feelings to her and asking her to give you an answer immediately.

lay off the pressure on her for now and just keep in contact. message everyday in the morning and when you go to sleep. do this for several weeks and slide in several days or a week of not messaging and see if she message you, or how she responds. test her feelings for you by seeing if she misses you when you're not there and when you're absolutely sure, then tell her you like her. you're not friendzoned until the girl clearly states in the form "just want to be friends", "i see us as friends", etc.

EDIT - after reading Hash_Berlin's post, he has nailed it. But first ask yourself what your intention is with her, relationship or get laid?

Girls like to think, as a matter of fact, like to over think, and she'll come looking for you when she sees you having fun with your life.

^ did this girl happen to reject an engagement as well?
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with the other dude obviously

you never know who's reading these boards...

Get her drunk. take her home. then whisper this into her ear..

"let's not turn this rape into a murder"
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