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Old 03-08-2013, 11:53 PM   #76
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EuterVanWasser View Post
OK, this is an interesting thread. My question to you guys is how would you deal with your own children now that you're adults.

I'm curious.. reason being; my wife is asian and I'm a white dude.

Our kids are in early elementary school and I can already see the asian dragon mom coming out in my once-mellow wife. Both my kids are advanced at anything they do, whether it be athletic or academic or musical in nature.. they're consistently top in their peer group, yet if they mis-step my wife is all over them telling them how useless they are. I'm sure this sounds familiar to some of you guys; if they don't get whatever task they're set to 100% correct their favourite toy / game / whatever is going in to be tossed in the garbage as punishment.

This drives me nuts.. Love my wife to death but we've naturally become the good cop / bad cop type parents. I try to talk sense in to her and remind her our daughter's doing math in grade 2 that I don't remember even attempting till grade 7 or 8. She and I talk constantly about this but I find this very different to how I was raised.

I might have got the belt and wooden spoon a few times, but it was when I deserved it, like getting caught playing with fire, or kicking my younger bro in the face or something (sorry Nodnarb! ) I never remember having to deal with all the mental discipline though.

Edumacate me on your thoughts.
Reminds me of this:
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior - WSJ.com
ignore the title, whether they're superior or not is irrelevant, but her take on why it's effective and what the differences are compared to others is interesting.

Spoiler!


she provides a pretty good take on asian parenting. i think the tough love explanation, to push you to your limits and be all you can be, is right on the money. I know the video shows him being beat for getting decent grades, but that's just an extreme, and as indicated by most people, we were typically only beat for doing dumb/bad shit.

i was treated that way growing up and thought my parents were the worst people in the world. looking back now, I have to say, it was very effective and got the most out of me. i was forced to play piano at the age of 4 and i absolutely hated it. i had to sit there and practice for hours everyday and was punished if i didn't. it wasn't until i was 12 that i realized i fucking loved playing music. if i hadn't been forced all those years in-between, i would've gave up long ago, and consequently never had the motivation to learn 3 other instruments throughout my highschool years, and then teach myself the guitar after. i don't know what i would do without music today. do i work in the music industry now? no. but it is something i could have pursued (or return to), an option that otherwise would have been ruled out had i been allowed to stop.

i was never an A student, but my parents always set the bar at the top anyway. anything short of 100% was never good enough, and that was all the time, since i was only a B student. but even though i rarely got 100%, it made me actually do my best work every time. it was their way of ensuring i actually tried my best. if they had just said to me "it's okay, just do your best, we won't be upset if you don't get 100%", i would've just slacked off and said "oh... i tried my best already" when in fact, i didn't.

growing up, i hated my parents for being hard with me, but i am very grateful now for all they did. they set out to prepare me for the future (whatever that future is doesn't matter) and wanted to make sure i had as many tools ready and as many opportunities available as possible. but what i choose to do with those tools and what opportunities i choose to access are entirely up to me.

This is not to say that any other way of raising children is ineffective. Just pointing out why I believe it works and isn't as crazy as what some might think it is. (the beating part is pretty crazy)
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Old 03-09-2013, 12:00 AM   #77
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Originally Posted by Yodamaster View Post
I would consider myself to be well behaved, and yet I haven't been the recipient of any violence. I learned what was right and wrong on my own, I learned by fucking up, not by being fucked up by my parents.
i don't believe the video has anything to do with "right or wrong". it's about expectations, performance, and results.
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