How important is it to be good in bed? (Serious Discussion)

[Culture_Vulture]

Hey nocturnals of RS,

I recently started seeing this awesome girl that fits the criteria of everything I would want in a girlfriend, except she's quite inexperienced in bed. And when I say that, I don't mean the sex is bad; I simply mean she doesn't have the "wow" factor of what most guys would ideally want in a woman. It doesn't really bother me all that much since I'm head over heels about this girl either way, but seeing as a long term mutually exclusive relationship is potentially imminent, I'm just wondering if this has any bearing on the trajectory of the relationship. My ex, for example, was awful in bed (even though we experimented every now and then), and nearing the end of our 3 year relationship, when all of the other elements contributing to our breakup started piling on top of each other, sex just became less and less exciting, and eventually even undesirable.

Now that could have been because there were a number of other factors playing in all at the same time, but still, I'm going off the assumption that regular (enjoyable) sex has the added benefit of keeping a relationship strong.
So, I'm interested in the community's opinions (particularly those who are/have been in relationships where the sex is just a mediocre experience as part of a relationship).
Just how important it is to be having "great sex" regularly in a long term relationship as opposed to just regular sex on a regular basis?


For the purposes of a general discussion, I suppose what constitutes as being "good" in bed could be anything that one would find sexually exciting/intriguing (be it just being confident with one's body and abilities, willingness to try new things, talking dirty, etc.)

And I should note that I'm not talking about a drunken one night stand where (presumably) the "better" the partner is in bed, the more desirable the experience. To generalize, most of the people that fall under this category are typically not great relationship material anyway.

[Recon604]

it is that you are bad in bed, not the girls LOOL

you control how great the sex is at first. Then the girl gets into their mood.

go watch some porno, learn some moves LOOL

[6793026]

yeah i know exactly what you mean. i call these girls starfish. i guess the ONLY way to win is to groom them to something that you like.

you are JUST as guilty for not teaching her what you like and I took it into my own hands to teach my gf what i want.... good luck.

[dinosaur]

Originally Posted by Culture_Vulture

I simply mean she doesn't have the "wow" factor of what most guys would ideally want in a woman.

What is this "wow" factor?

Originally Posted by 6793026

yeah i know exactly what you mean. i call these girls starfish. i guess the ONLY way to win is to groom them to something that you like.

you are JUST as guilty for not teaching her what you like and I took it into my own hands to teach my gf what i want.... good luck.

Dude man, she ain't a fucking race horse. Ever ask her want SHE wants?

[PJ]

Originally Posted by Culture_Vulture

Just how important it is to be having "great sex" regularly in a long term relationship as opposed to just regular sex on a regular basis?

This answer will be different for everyone. Sex is way up there on the priority list for some, and for others, the contrary.

For me, it's somewhere in the middle, and the girl I'm dating fits the bill pretty well. We have our regular sex, but now and then, for whatever reason, she turns into a freak in bed. And that's enough for me.

If sex is important for you, you'll want to bring this up with the girl down the road. Maybe she's just shy because it's a new relationship?

And, trust me on this one, don't kid yourself about it. If you need hot sex, but you pretend you don't, it'll be like dating a vegetarian, and telling her you're also a vegetarian. You're having "new relationship syndrome" right now, and if you keep depriving yourself of your needs, you WILL get bored down the road. And fast. That's just how our brains are hardwired.

But for now... I'd say try some new moves. Push the envelope a bit. Maybe she hasn't done much, and will find something she likes.

Good luck, sir. Happy nailing.

[dinosaur]

Originally Posted by PJ

And, trust me on this one, don't kid yourself about it. If you need hot sex, but you pretend you don't, it'll be like dating a vegetarian, and telling her you're also a vegetarian. You're having "new relationship syndrome" right now, and if you keep depriving yourself of your needs, you WILL get bored down the road. And fast. That's just how our brains are hardwired.

This man speaks the truth.

The key to have good sex is to fuck with no reservations that first time you fuck a new partner.

It is near impossible to turn from a librarian to a pornstar 4 year into a relationship without your partner getting suspicious. Also, if you bring an issue up 4 years in, the partner will automatically think, "oh, so you haven't liked the way I have been fucking you for 4 years".

Chicks are SUUUPER bad for this!!! The key is to be your true-fucking-self the first time.

[PJ]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

The key is to be your true-fucking-self the first time.

This is awesome.

[6793026]

my gf cums every single time at every fooking position she wants it to be. her needs are always taken care of first before i make my way, it's an equal opportunity relationship.

[Culture_Vulture]

Originally Posted by 6793026

yeah i know exactly what you mean. i call these girls starfish. i guess the ONLY way to win is to groom them to something that you like.

you are JUST as guilty for not teaching her what you like and I took it into my own hands to teach my gf what i want.... good luck.

Honestly I hadn't considered that, though I suppose it's a good point.
I've always thought of sex as something of a mutual give-and-take...yes I might be assertive and/or tell my partners what I want, but as far as "getting them in the mood" goes, sometimes no means no.

Originally Posted by dinosaur

The key to have good sex is to fuck with no reservations that first time you fuck a new partner.

I feel like this is easier said than done.
Suppose for example, that you do try to fuck with no reservations, but the energy levels between the two partners just aren't on par.
That's what happened the first time between us; in addition to being too shy to try anything remotely unconventional/out of the book, she just hasn't had that many partners to be comfortable with what she's doing.
Yes, short of forcing myself into her, I could have been more assertive with what I wanted. But I felt that would have ruined the moment, and like I mentioned above, it's not fun if it's not mutual.

I should mention that she's younger, although at this point it's probably pretty self-evident. I feel as if part of the discussion of how important it is to be "good in bed" also lends itself to a bigger discourse of how many partners does one need to be relatively more experienced.

[Culture_Vulture]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

What is this "wow" factor?

It could be anything that turns you on. I wasn't referring to anything specifically, because it depends on each individual's sexual preferences.

[dinosaur]

I don't think experience=good sex.

Confidence=good sex.

With your specific situation, you are going to have to decide what is best for you. Sex CAN be a big part of a relationship. Whether is over-rules the other part of the relationship, is up to you. Are you OK having mediocre sex and a fantastic life with her outside the bedroom? If so, I think you are good. If this is something you think about often or too often...maybe it is time to re-examine.

[Girl]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

I don't think experience=good sex.

Confidence=good sex.

Truth.









I had an ex who was terrible in the beginning, and then it got better as time went by, it actually got fucking amazing cuz we were so comfortable with one another and started communicating our preferences. But having said that, there are people that are just plain bad at it, like....bad. And this is only because these people seriously have no fucking idea whatsoever about pleasing ppl and just lies there like a petrified fossil (I guess it's part of their genetic makeup), and if this is the case he/she better be an amazing conservationist and you guys better have other stuff in common cuz when you're 6 years in that same bloody vagina's gonna gets stale and your penis is going to wilt away like a sad little flower and die. Yes. Die. Until you can't handle it anymore and you shove your penis in the next best hole you're closest to. Sex isn't everything, but it sure plays a factor when it's the only thing you are screwing regular basis (asides from Palmela).

[SoNaRWaVe]

just keep having sex and maybe she will get better and more comfortable with you to be open and talk about it. i think communication is key but once you 2 get on the same page, it just gets better.

[Recon604]

how young is she? are you her first?

[Vansterdam]

Stick it in her butthole
Posted via RS Mobile

[dkwan101]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

This man speaks the truth.
It is near impossible to turn from a librarian to a pornstar 4 year into a relationship without your partner getting suspicious. Also, if you bring an issue up 4 years in, the partner will automatically think, "oh, so you haven't liked the way I have been fucking you for 4 years".

Chicks are SUUUPER bad for this!!! The key is to be your true-fucking-self the first time.

Ohh Dino why are you so wise

[stewie]

Originally Posted by PJ

This answer will be different for everyone. Sex is way up there on the priority list for some, and for others, the contrary.

For me, it's somewhere in the middle, and the girl I'm dating fits the bill pretty well. We have our regular sex, but now and then, for whatever reason, she turns into a freak in bed. And that's enough for me.

If sex is important for you, you'll want to bring this up with the girl down the road. Maybe she's just shy because it's a new relationship?

yup, for me...i dont care if i have sex once a week or 5 times, just being with my gf is enough. i made a thread a bit ago about spicing our sex lives up. we both walked into it kinda blind not knowing what to expect and turns out it worked out quite well.

Originally Posted by dinosaur

This man speaks the truth.

The key to have good sex is to fuck with no reservations that first time you fuck a new partner.

for me i cant do that, and probably for a lot of others as well. when you see me in person, i can be very extroverted, but when it comes to lights out and in the sheets, i get shy...to many things run through my mind that i just cant control....things like "what if she doesn't have an orgasm", "what if she thinks i suck", "what if i cant last long enough for her" etc etc. and for those reasons i usually take the first several times slow and keep it more reserved.

Originally Posted by SoNaRWaVe

just keep having sex and maybe she will get better and more comfortable with you to be open and talk about it. i think communication is key but once you 2 get on the same page, it just gets better.

^^thats the best advice in my books, get comfortable, talk, slowly push the boundaries. if i really liked a girl, and finally had a chance to get her in my bed, and i went 100% and started bringing out the cuffs and blindfolds and foods/syrups..if she isn't comfortable with it...that'll probably be the last time i see her naked. id rather make a foundation and work my way up from there.

but thats just me.

[dinosaur]

Originally Posted by stewie

for me i cant do that, and probably for a lot of others as well. when you see me in person, i can be very extroverted, but when it comes to lights out and in the sheets, i get shy...to many things run through my mind that i just cant control....things like "what if she doesn't have an orgasm", "what if she thinks i suck", "what if i cant last long enough for her" etc etc. and for those reasons i usually take the first several times slow and keep it more reserved.

Then you need to work on this. Nobody wants to fuck a scared introverted dude. I am not saying you need to be a porn star, but your need to excrete confidence.

You only have one time to make a good impression. Fake it till you make it. Chicks want to fuck a MAN....not a shy scared boy.

[Mr.HappySilp]

Not sure but my gf is so so in bed not the greatest and there are some werid monents. But hey who doens't have monents when you first had sex with a completely new person?
I really have no issue as we are both confortable with each other, in fact she really loves it when we have sex since I made her cum everytime and it blows her mind lol.

[CaRcuS]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Then you need to work on this. Nobody wants to fuck a scared introverted dude. I am not saying you need to be a porn star, but your need to excrete confidence.

You only have one time to make a good impression. Fake it till you make it. Chicks want to fuck a MAN....not a shy scared boy.

Agreed.. No women wants a little donkey boy

[Ri2]

You can teach someone how to be good in bed...for you.
Everyone comes at different levels right? People like different things so you have to adjust to that. If she's shy, be supportive and encourage her to explore things she may not feel comfortable bringing up on her own. Pay attention to her reactions. You can teach her what you like without seeming like a dick.
Personally, sex is important for me...if you don't hit it right, chances are I'll get bored. My libido is high so if you can't keep up I get frustrated.

I've learned to pick up on what he likes and I can adapt. I'm pretty down so there's few things I will deny my man lol. I dunno, to me it's about being eager to please and following through.
I can be generous or a chintz depending on how he is with me and his attitude about it. Like for example, I hate being on top because it doesn't do anything for me. I like being dominated and being shown who the fuck the boss is, but I'll go on top and be into it if he initiates it right.

Sometimes I get embarrassed about what I like or how I act in bed but that's mostly to do with my personal insecurities. I'll overthink it sometimes like "was I too loud? was that too dramatic? did he think I was faking it? was it annoying?" but shit, sometimes you can't help it when he knows what he's doing.

[BBMme]

It's pretty important unfortunately.
Posted via RS Mobile