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hotshot1 · 05-11-2013, 12:40 PM

I'm friends with this girl, lets call her A. A and I aren't technically a couple - we don't call each other boyfriend-girlfriend, we don't go out as a couple with other people, we don't talk long on the phone, I don't buy her gifts, etc. It's kind of like a friends with benefits situation except we're close and we don't meet up only for sex. We hang out and we talk about a lot of personal stuff like desires, insecurities, etc. We go deep. She's pretty awesome. She's smart, hot, got a stable job - but there's no it factor. It's hard to describe. We've been hanging out for a year or so.

There's another girl in my life, let's call her B. B and I have been friends since high school and have been tight for a long time, a decade or so. She probably knows me better than anyone. We've had a really up and down relationship through the years. Anyway, the other day, B and I hang out like usual, except she comes over afterwards. We end up cuddling on the couch, which hasn't happened in years, and I want to go further but she doesn't. We've never had sex but come close a few times in the past. She always says that she'll regret it and wants me only as a friend and bla bla bla. She says she's only willing to cuddle with me, and that's as far as we'll go. We talk and I end up telling her about A, which gets her mad. She says that she "likes (me) a little less" and that she can't believe A and I don't just act like a couple and how I'm scared of "commitment". I tell her that A and I are basically a couple except we don't have imaginary rules and labels, which makes her even more mad. She says that my relationship with A is disgusting because anyone can cheat on anyone and that I'm a highly likely cheater. I tell her that honesty is the only rule I have with A and that I trust A. This goes on for a while. So anyway, B is single but she wants to have a serious relationship and get married and have kids or whatever. She knows me well and says that she doesn't want to date me because she knows we'll have major problems, which she says she can overlook now as friends. It always feel like there's a chance to go further but she stops it. Whenever I hold her and or put my arms around her she's always going with it but it ends up with me being like Charlie Brown about to kick the football, her being Lucy just moving it at the last second.

I feel like I have way more in common with A than with B but I couldn't sleep the night after seeing B. I really like B and am willing to end my relationship with A to be more serious with B. The thing is B doesn't want that. I want B so bad and I can't stop thinking of her. I don't even feel like eating. I just feel like I'm in a semi-depressed state of mind. I've been trying to forget her but I can't. WTF is wrong with me? I'm never like this.

Kidnapman · 05-11-2013, 12:55 PM

bah, I know I'm gunna sound cold but leave them both behind. You'll regret settling with A. How old are you? If you're still young you still got a lot of time to find the right one. I know that feeling you got bro. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Once you meet some new people, both A and B will become nothing more than a spec of memory. But at the same time I wonder if it might just be the fact that you're just wanting what you can't have??? You say you have a lot in common with A than B yet you still want B? I don't think anyone will know the answer better than you will honestly.

jdmhaze · 05-11-2013, 12:56 PM

B for Bitch? Or Blueballs?

Srsly bro, dont waste your time with B anymore. Sounds like shes a continuous let-down for you. You need to cut her out.

hotshot1 · 05-11-2013, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juwlzx

bah, I know I'm gunna sound cold but leave them both behind. You'll regret settling with A. How old are you? If you're still young you still got a lot of time to find the right one. I know that feeling you got bro. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Once you meet some new people, both A and B will become nothing more than a spec of memory. But at the same time I wonder if it might just be the fact that you're just wanting what you can't have??? You say you have a lot in common with A than B yet you still want B? I don't think anyone will know the answer better than you will honestly.

I'm 25. I think maybe it is a case of wanting what I can't have but the thing is, I feel like there's always a chance with B but somehow it breaks down in the end.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdmhaze

B for Bitch? Or Blueballs?

Srsly bro, dont waste your time with B anymore. Sounds like shes a continuous let-down for you. You need to cut her out.

I've thought about ending my communication with B before but it's too difficult. I've known her too long and I truly care about her. Hanging out with her is almost always really enjoyable.

knight604 · 05-11-2013, 01:53 PM

You are hotshot, you will find another one.

Tapioca · 05-11-2013, 02:00 PM

You're wasting your time with B. If she really wanted to be with you, she would have at least made out with you, or perhaps jerked you off. Oh, and she sounds like someone who is quite prudish, and really, who wants that?

If A is okay with no relationship and just sex, then keep her around until you find someone else you're more interested in.

You're 25. The world is your oyster - go out and meet other women.

hotshot1 · 05-11-2013, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tapioca

You're wasting your time with B. If she really wanted to be with you, she would have at least made out with you, or perhaps jerked you off. Oh, and she sounds like someone who is quite prudish, and really, who wants that?

If A is okay with no relationship and just sex, then keep her around until you find someone else you're more interested in.

You're 25. The world is your oyster - go out and meet other women.

The thing is we've made out and gone further before and it always feels like it's gonna go even further, but it doesn't.

And my relationship with A is not just sex, we've become good friends. I feel like there's more honesty and trust with A but here's an attraction with B that I don't feel with A. B gives me butterflies in my stomach every time we hang out.

I really care about both of them though.

dinosaur · 05-11-2013, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotshot1

I'm friends with this girl, lets call her A. A and I aren't technically a couple - we don't call each other boyfriend-girlfriend, we don't go out as a couple with other people, we don't talk long on the phone, I don't buy her gifts, etc. It's kind of like a friends with benefits situation except we're close and we don't meet up only for sex. We hang out and we talk about a lot of personal stuff like desires, insecurities, etc. We go deep. She's pretty awesome. She's smart, hot, got a stable job - but there's no it factor. It's hard to describe. We've been hanging out for a year or so.

So.....a friend. A is a friend. You don't call each other boyfriend\girlfriend because you guys are friends. There is no "technically" about it....she is your friend.

B is a a girl who desires attention from you. She wants to be chased after and be in control. There aren't the type of girls you date\marry. Stay away. I don't give a shit how long you have known her...you are her back-up plan. Right now she is wearing the pants and you are her little bitch....you said it yourself: Charlie Brown.

A: Friend.
B: Cunt.
C: Go find and date.

Don't cross boundaries with any of them.

Marshall Placid · 05-11-2013, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dinosaur

So.....a friend. A is a friend. You don't call each other boyfriend\girlfriend because you guys are friends. There is no "technically" about it....she is your friend.

B is a a girl who desires attention from you. She wants to be chased after and be in control. There aren't the type of girls you date\marry. Stay away. I don't give a shit how long you have known her...you are her back-up plan. Right now she is wearing the pants and you are her little bitch....you said it yourself: Charlie Brown.

A: Friend.
B: Cunt.
C: Go find and date.

Don't cross boundaries with any of them.

Straight-forward and realistic.

Great advice!

Yes, I think Dinosaur is entirely correct.

If the women wanted to be your girlfriend (technically), then they would have done so a long time ago (unless you haven't made a move yet or indicated to A that you wanted to officially become a couple...). I know you already indicated to B that you wanted to become a couple but she did not want to.

heisenberg · 05-11-2013, 09:26 PM

i'd listen to everyone else and find someone else. A isn't worth your time. Clearly youre putting more into this than they are. B just seems like shes using you just in case. Find a girl that will put in the same effort you are. And B might be better in the long run as a friend.

dinosaur · 05-11-2013, 09:39 PM

also, you are 25....your too old for this shit.

Gridlock · 05-12-2013, 09:20 AM

I've discovered in my life, that if you have to convince someone to be interested in you, then its never going to work.

I learned that early on in a job, and I learned it in dating.

So let's talk B...she doesn't think you are up to the task of being boyfriend material. She's single...trust me, she's examined the option! So at this point, you can sit there and convince her that she's wrong, and that you can be the boyfriend type for her. And it might work, for awhile. But I guarantee. No, I guaran-fucking-tee, that when the first roadblock comes up, the thing you are going to feel(bad), see(worse) or hear(brutal) is "this is why I didn't want to start this up with you in the first place"

And where do you go from there? Well, you try harder. And you fail again. And you try harder again, and fail again until you realize that you are bending over backwards to be something you aren't, for a girl that didn't want you for who you were. And boom! One friendship dead, and one relationship destroyed.

A? You aren't into her...so why are you getting into her? Think beyond your dick.

If something is working well for you, then keep it up. Only you can ask, is the time you spend fucking and hanging out with A working out for you? I don't know. Maybe she's mind blowing awesome in bed. Maybe its cool that she puts out with no strings.

If you are pining after another woman, and getting serious about the idea of a serious relationship, then maybe its time to re-examine if A is really "working out for you".

hotshot1 · 05-13-2013, 08:19 PM

Thanks for the responses everyone, especially Gridlock, that was an awesome break down. First of all, I'm definitely not getting serious about the idea of a serious relationship... at all. I just wanna date hot women.

Other people besides you fine people have said to let go of B as she's like a "drug that gives (me) temporary happiness" and that cutting communication with her would get me back to "a state of normality". Those things are probably true but I don't think I can cut her out of my life. I think I love both of them so I'm gonna continue seeing both of them, hopefully going further with B. If not, maybe then I'll consider cutting her out of my life. I'm gonna have to accept the consequences of whatever happens. I feel like my conscious is a little more clear now; I should never have told B about A. That was the mistake.

dinosaur · 05-13-2013, 08:42 PM

so....your just going to keep doing what your doing? what was the point in making this thread?

hotshot1 · 05-13-2013, 08:57 PM

I think it was a spur of the moment thing as I was feeling really shitty. I was really looking for answers.

At first I felt like this was really unfair for A and had to choose between them, deep down knowing that nothing serious will ever work out with B, but over the last few days I somehow talked myself into "B makes me feel good and isn't that all that matters? I'm just gonna go along with it as long as I feel this way". I hope that logic makes sense.

dinosaur · 05-13-2013, 09:01 PM

Give us an update when shit hits the fan. Crying girls are the best.

E.D.C.5 · 05-13-2013, 10:35 PM

dinosaur, you're my hero. lol

Noir · 05-17-2013, 03:08 AM

Go hard for girl B. She is what will make you happy.

Keep A around as a safety net. If she wanted honesty and exclusivity with you, she would seek the label of relationship between the two of you, but she does not. If B pans out, you have the option to cut ties with A. If B doesn't pan out, you will always have Girl A, and if she's unhappy about this play, well, she's the one who wanted to have a loosely defined relationship with you so... that's just too bad for her.

I know it's a dick move towards Girl A, but sometimes you have to be a dick so you don't get dicked around in the end.

(By getting dicked around, what I meant was: Despite this cute trust thing you have with Girl A, having that loosely defined relationship also means she's just as open to do the same to you as you are now to her.)

corollagtSr5 · 05-17-2013, 03:54 AM

^
Also find Girl C, to show girl A and B you have options.

fishCak3s · 05-17-2013, 12:37 PM

Cut them out. Later on when you look back at this, you'll think you were a dumbazz wasted so much time and energy on them. A n B are both just friends.

TOS'd · 05-17-2013, 12:43 PM

Find girl AB.

miss_crayon · 05-17-2013, 04:33 PM

Why do people make their life so complicated?!??!??!?!?

1) A is the equivalent to what you are to B. Backup Plan.

2) Like a lot of people have mentioned, B already explored the option of being your gf but has not because:
-2A) She probably has her own B in her life and is probably waiting for him to take her as his gf.
-2B) She keeps you for her own selfish insecurities whether it's wanting someone to want her or to fulfill her own loneliness
-2C) You are probably not her type..whether it's looks, personality, status etc. Not saying there IS something wrong with you but for her..maybe it's just something she doesnt want.

3) You only consider A because for once..there is a level of attraction (personality) you don't have with B. You obviously prefer B over A, so why don't you give the poor girl a break and just let her go. Unless she likes being your backup/B-equal.

4) People come and go in your life. People grow up, people change, people move on. B is probably one of those people that would probably be better off being cut from your life..but since you're so adamant on having her stay..then just prepare yourself for the long road of emotional drama.

Seriously, a person should not be feeling grief from someone they like. I know, it happens. Sometimes people just don't feel the same. I've been there, you've been there, we've all been there before. But as you grow older, you realize your time is worth much more than for some 2 second chick you're not gonna remember years from now.