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SiRV · 02-03-2014, 11:47 AM

Long story short, I dated someone for 6-7 months back in 2010-2011. Things didn't work out as we both didn't want to settle with each other at that point in our lives. We stayed as friends, talked occasionally, got into other serious relationships at which point we stopped talking to each other almost completely for two years (removed from facebook, phone, whatsapp - the works).

As of last month, she got a hold of me again. And, coincidentally, both of us recently got out of relationships. We've since been hanging out almost on a daily basis, and absolutely LOVING each others company. We go to the gym together, we walk around town/hike together etc. We were both completely different people from when we met almost four years ago... although we've spent so much time apart, we've really grown into very similar people with similar values on the way we view life (&love, &family, &friends, &finances) now.

Now... I'm wondering if anyone has tried this before, and under what kind of circumstances? Is there any evidence that these types of relationships will work out in the long run - or are we doomed for disaster?

Berzerker · 02-03-2014, 11:50 AM

I don't see what your concern is. Like you said your both different people now and if those 2 people are a fit then go for it. By the way you describe things it was an amicable breakup the first time with no "loss if trust" issues like cheating that could/will come back to haunt you later on. This doesn't sound like a mistake waiting to happen.

Don't stress and enjoy bud.
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6793026 · 02-03-2014, 04:44 PM

I've done it twice to 2 girls and yup, it can be done. rule number 1, you can talk about the past, but ignore all the in between flings and bow chicka chicka bow bow stories or you'll go crazy. Usually you'll get a good second go at it cause in those 4 yrs, i'm sure both of you have matured some what, it's when only one side has matured and the other is still flipping burgers or still works in retail that kills the relationship. (unless she's epic hot then yeah, that is ok).

Zedbra · 02-03-2014, 05:35 PM

I believe you call them an "ex" for a reason. In the mind will always be the thought that you two split ways in the past, so statistically you will have a much higher chance of splitting again. After the first time, they just become f*ck buddies. Nothing more.

stewie · 02-03-2014, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zedbra

I believe you call them an "ex" for a reason. In the mind will always be the thought that you two split ways in the past, so statistically you will have a much higher chance of splitting again. After the first time, they just become f*ck buddies. Nothing more.

im a firm believer of "once an ex always an ex".

if the two of them weren't capable of fixing their shit out then, they probably wont be capable in the future. I personally hate the whole "im a changed person" excuse. its like an easy way of saying "I was an asshole, forgive me", but yeah, if something was capable of making us split up instead of being able to work it out, then I don't have much faith for them in the future. if they're a changed person then they should take what they've learned and apply it to the next person they meet.

just my opinion.

mr_chin · 02-03-2014, 07:33 PM

My opinion is totally opposite from stewie's. People can change.

Take for example, when someone worked their first job and hated being told what to do, etc. They later learn in life that they have to tolerate and work things out in order to compromise with life's needs.

Four years ago, both of your goals and views on companionship is probably different. If both of you enjoy each others company now, then I would say just go with it. You can't predict the future and you better be ready for it, whether it is good or bad. You have something good going on now, so just let it happen. Be positive.

SiRV · 02-03-2014, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6793026

I've done it twice to 2 girls and yup, it can be done. rule number 1, you can talk about the past, but ignore all the in between flings and bow chicka chicka bow bow stories or you'll go crazy.

Actually, we both find it kind of fun talking about everything in the past, different experiences, personality types etc that led us back to each other. I think it's this kind of openness that we have with each other that makes it so great?

But anyhow, thanks to everyone that provided input! Think we might give this another shot after all

nabs · 02-03-2014, 09:39 PM

If it was a mutual breakup due to an understanding on where you both stand in life at that point. And then you guys have had enough time to mature out of that stage of your lives and enjoy each others company, I don't see anything wrong with it.

This is maybe one of the only exceptions I would have to not dating an ex. Because really back then you just weren't ready for each other, and you both understood it, and now you just might be! As Berz said, there's no "loss of trust" issue, or any "craziness" issues, you continued to stay friends even after a few years of no contact. If the feeling is mutual then go for it.

mac25 · 02-03-2014, 11:00 PM

In my case Hell NO! but i'm pretty serious about who I date and know what I want in the future, so I know there was a very good reason why who ever it was i was dating is no longer with me.

If you're the date a lot but don't worry about relationship type and now you actually want more then a fling, then in that case I could see you returning to an old flame.

westopher · 02-03-2014, 11:16 PM

Worst decision I ever made in my entire life was getting back together with an ex from a fairly toxic relationship, however, its mainly because I was an idiot and she was a piece of shit. People grow up, and circumstances greatly effect relationships so I don't think its a bad choice if you are enjoying each others company.

320icar · 02-04-2014, 12:24 AM

I can only speak from my personal experience...

I dated a girl (my first actually) for a few months. But my own immature quirks hurt her enough to dump me. For example, i made fun of maple ridge, but she grew up there. And her love for leopard print.... Sigh haha. I loved the person she IS. But her past (of drinking, pot headedness and trouble) is a girl i would have never associated. In my lack of relationship experience (of being 18-19 years old) i did not realize that she had to be that person to become who she was today. And if i can't love all of her, which includes her past or future, that it wouldn't work.

She was right.

Afterwards we both had very shitty relationships and a year or two after, i got a text from her randomly. We hung out a few times, went for coffee, the zoo etc. shared our shitty relationship problems and such. I could feel she was definitely falling for me. But then i asked how long it was between her breaking up with her bf before she texted me. Reluctantly she answered "about a week" and i did not want to be a rebound guy. We both realized that people may evolve and become different, but they never rreeaalllllyy change. We walked away have never spoken since. That was about four years ago.

Do I wonder what my have been? Sometimes. How can I not. But I do not regret my actions in the slightest. I say keep seeing this new/old woman. But be prepared to walk away if you get a bad gut feeling
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NKC ONE · 02-04-2014, 06:18 AM

Dated a girl for 3 months back in grade 11. Broke up with her because that's what immature young assholes like me do when they're 16.

3-4 years down the road we hooked up again. 10 years later we're married with a 4 month old son. Best decision of my life.

Your case seems harmless. Give it a go. No one here should tell you if its right or wrong. Only time can tell and even then nothing is a sure thing. You two seem to have very similar upbringing and values. It always great to relate your childhood experiences (schools, places, malls, activities etc) with your SO. Best of luck to your new found relationship.

SiRV · 02-04-2014, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NKC ONE

Dated a girl for 3 months back in grade 11. Broke up with her because that's what immature young assholes like me do when they're 16.

3-4 years down the road we hooked up again. 10 years later we're married with a 4 month old son. Best decision of my life.

Your case seems harmless. Give it a go. No one here should tell you if its right or wrong. Only time can tell and even then nothing is a sure thing. You two seem to have very similar upbringing and values. It always great to relate your childhood experiences (schools, places, malls, activities etc) with your SO. Best of luck to your new found relationship.

I'd give you a million thanks if possible, and wish you many many more children (if wanted) & years of love to come!