To set the scene, it was late last night -- like most Vancouver nights, it was drizzling so traffic was expectedly moving 20km/hr slower than usual, even at 11:30pm on a Saturday. I had spent the entire day catching up on work and had forgotten to eat ... but it was later now, the caffeine was wearing off, the resulting crash left me feeling lethargic to the point of contemplating going to bed hungry.

My conscious began to speak to me:
"It's OK, you've only had like 600 calories today. It's cutting season, you don't need to eat 2000 calories everyday. Going to sleep hungry isn't that bad, there's poor people all over the world that do it every night". As the voice of reason subsided, my laptop opened. Unfortunately for my conscious, but fortunately for me, Revscene exists.

I logged on to shout random rap lyrics into chat (Capslock = shout), and proceeded to stalk my favorite posters: Maybe multicartual bought a new car and covered it in chalkboard paint, and now uses it to list names and sexual acts performed by the copious amount of women he sleeps with. Or maybe bcrdukes broke his espresso machine and finally snapped and reverted to his earlier more primitive form -- a shaved head, tight white vneck, and a tattoo with the words "DEATH BEFORE DISHONOUR" scrawled across his neck. To my dismay, neither had happened (yet).

My innocent perusal of Revscene was not completely fruitless -- it lead me to this thread, the thread promising luscious, breaded and battered chicken proteinz for only $1.88.

The potential for savings triggered a dark part of my mind that I have spent most of my adult life battling. In just a moment I lost my composure and went from intelligent adult to animal -- all I wanted to do was put on my Bomber Jacket, Jeans, a pair of Nike Free's and go smoke some weed and eat a lot of nuggets. I was Bro-seph again, someone who I thought I had lost for good in 2010.


Impulsively, my fingers spewed strings of ebonics on Whatsapp:
"yo bro wat u doin, lets smoke nugs and eat nugs, nugs on nugs my nuggah!!!!!"
A brief pause followed, almost as if for dramatic effect. The response was what i had hoped for:
"lol, k"

...

I arrived at Burger King Ironwood -- "30 Nugz, 2 Ice teas, BBQ and Sweet & Sour pls" were the only words spoken.
$9.82 later, I left with a bag full of nuggets and a PRD (Pre Rolled Doob). Sparked up at my friend's place, put on an ISIS Documentary and ate:

I peeled back the barbecue sauce like an eager virgin unwrapping a condom in the heat of the moment for the first time -- I fumbled, but eventually got it open and ready for dunkin' (punny). BBQ Sauce + BK Nugz was delicious, not as great as Mighty McDonalds but for $2, definitely edible. In my medicated state, it was perfect. I occasionally took sips of my Ice Tea to deal with my ferocious cotton mouth, which the salty, dry nature of the nugs was not helping.

When my Barbecue sauce finished, my dining experience took a turn for the worst. The Sweet and Sour sauce was terrible, it was too sweet and didn't come close to the perfect ying and yang of McDonald's Sweet&Sour.

Aggravated, I tried to eat a nugget without any sauce ....

High as hell with my eyes red and almost shut, I turned to my friend and said quite possibly the best description of bland food anyone has ever said:
"Bro, these nuggets are gross. I'm high and i don't wanna eat them, they literally taste like the inside of my mouth."

Proceeded to laugh our asses off for 20 mins.
if i go back, BBQ sauce only.