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Old 01-31-2015, 09:37 PM   #1
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Engagement Party Question

So a good friend of mine just got engaged and is having an engagement party at a Chinese restaurant in Richmond

I'm a little lost as to what the norm is for presents or if any at all? Do I just buy a bigger ticket item for the actual wedding? Or do I get something for both.

I've only ever been to a western wedding and an East Indian engagement party, and I got presents for both.

If gifts what should I get? They don't have a registry and didn't ask for anything (being humble). I know baby stuff is out of the question so what's a more "Chinese" tradition? Red pockets? (Dollar amount?)

My friend is Vietnamese and her fiancée is Chinese if that helps

Thanks in advance
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:40 PM   #2
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Maybe take them a nice bottle of wine? Its a nice gesture and won't break the bank. I don't think its necessary, but not sure of traditions on the matter.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:54 PM   #3
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AFAIK, it's atypical for Chinese/Viet to have an engagement party, so I'd call it Western influenced. However, if you want to err on the safe side, go red envelope w/ cash.
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Old 01-31-2015, 10:05 PM   #4
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Engagement parties are a western thing? That's news to me...
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Old 01-31-2015, 10:06 PM   #5
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Unless it's a "Jack and Jill", I wouldn't get anything other than a card. If they're planning to do the traditional Chinese banquet, save your red envelope until then.
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Old 01-31-2015, 10:48 PM   #6
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i'm chinese so i tend to just give red envelopes for the wedding.

engagement parties, i kind of gauge what kind it is. since its a restaurant, i wouldn't bring wine or anything at all. i would just get a card.

i think the gift registry thing is usually for the actual day of the reception but some people do it differently.

in terms of cash value, how close is these couple to you? the closer they are, the higher the value.
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:15 AM   #7
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generally you give a card/red pocket with some money to try and cover your seat.
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:49 AM   #8
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Maybe it's just me, but I think engagement parties are a big scam for the wedding couple to try and milk their friends/family for as much as they can.
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:53 AM   #9
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generally you give a card/red pocket with some money to try and cover your seat.
that's for weddings, engagement parties are a different matter
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:54 AM   #10
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Maybe it's just me, but I think engagement parties are a big scam for the wedding couple to try and milk their friends/family for as much as they can.
Google says it's to fund the wedding, genius move lol
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Old 02-01-2015, 03:28 AM   #11
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good friend...at least $200 in a red envelope, otherwise you are not welcomed or good friend anymore.
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Old 02-01-2015, 06:42 AM   #12
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Haha Asian_XL just puts a giant box out at his labelled "S-Class Maintenance Fund"
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Old 02-01-2015, 08:58 AM   #13
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Why would anyone do an engagement party? Just in case they don't end up getting married but still get the $$$?

I know a couple like that
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:01 AM   #14
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Why would anyone do an engagement party? Just in case they don't end up getting married but still get the $$$?

I know a couple like that
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:11 AM   #15
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Engagement parties are a western thing? That's news to me...
LOL, was thinking the samething I've had a ton of "western" friends get married and never been to an engagement party.
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:23 AM   #16
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Lol engagement party. This is funny.
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:58 AM   #17
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LOL, was thinking the samething I've had a ton of "western" friends get married and never been to an engagement party.
Lol, by Western I didn't mean white people. I meant more along the lines of current, North American trends. I haven't been to an engagement party either - I don't see the point. Unless they're rich, why bother with the expense?

Since the OP's a good friend, he's probably already going to spend decent coin on the bachelor party and wedding gift - even more if he's a groomsman, plus time.

The avg. cost of a table at a Chinese restaurant (banquet style) is going to run $600-$1000ish? So if you're going to give money, at least cover your meal +.
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Old 02-01-2015, 10:02 AM   #18
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Unless it's a big trick and they're getting married that day which is what happened with a couple I know. They told everyone it was an engagement part but had actually gotten engaged a year ago and had been secretly planning their wedding the whole time. We show up and groom announces that it's not an engagement party but a wedding.

It was great. Groom's mom starts screaming out in shock in the middle of the room.
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Old 02-01-2015, 10:13 AM   #19
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Lol at all the conspiracy theories in here for money making engagement parties. We had an engagement party at our house. Just cooked a bunch of food and got shitfaced because you know, it's fun to celebrate with your friends?
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Old 02-01-2015, 10:19 AM   #20
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Yah, everyone has their own idea of what it is... I doubt that many people have $$$ signs in their eyes, and if they do, why are you even going to their wedding/friends with them in the first place?

I am white and would probably bring a red envelope myself with like $20 or something in it with a card just to engage in the culture a little bit... and then based on the level of hotties invited, up that amount hahaha. Kidding. Maybe.

Save the pre-wedding gifts for the girls doing their bridal shower or whatever I say!
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Old 02-01-2015, 10:59 AM   #21
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I don't give gifts at engagement parties, at all, ever.
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Old 02-01-2015, 11:21 AM   #22
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when me and my wife hosted our engagement party, we never asked or intended to receive anything. we just wanted our close friends and family to celebrate with us knowing that we will be getting married.

to be a bit off topic, even at our wedding, we invited people to come expecting nothing. you wouldn't host a wedding hoping that your wedding gets covered for (or at least partially) and getting gifts. thats just a bonus.

it should be just for celebrating with close friends and family and that should be it. if you were to be classified of not being a close friend anymore just because you didn't gift a good monetary value or bring a gift, well, some kind of friends you have.
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Old 02-01-2015, 12:15 PM   #23
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Lol, by Western I didn't mean white people. I meant more along the lines of current, North American trends. I haven't been to an engagement party either - I don't see the point. Unless they're rich, why bother with the expense?

Since the OP's a good friend, he's probably already going to spend decent coin on the bachelor party and wedding gift - even more if he's a groomsman, plus time.

The avg. cost of a table at a Chinese restaurant (banquet style) is going to run $600-$1000ish? So if you're going to give money, at least cover your meal +.
this. when i had my wedding, 15 tables that seated 10 per table put the bill just slightly over 10k.

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Old 02-01-2015, 03:43 PM   #24
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Google says it's to fund the wedding, genius move lol
You shouldn't be anywhere close to thinking about a wedding if you need to resort to having your family and friends fund it for you.
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Old 02-02-2015, 02:39 PM   #25
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I've got a freind getting married this year in Manitoba and theyre known to have this get-together known as "The Social".
Its kind of like an engagement party where guests have to buy a ticket to enter, pay for drinks- i believe, and all proceeds go to the couple to spend on their wedding.

Its apparently a tradition over there to have this party to raise money before having the actual wedding.
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