Grudges, just let it go
 

I've held a lot of resentment for things that my sister did in her past to the point where I never could get over it. Even when she bettered herself I still held on to that anger and I never told her that I was proud of how far she's come. I hardly spoke to her over the last 6 years, I seen her once in the last 4 years mostly due to distance. Even when she would reach out to me I'd ignore her phone calls.

Today I lost my little sister, my only sibling and I'd give anything if I could have one minute to tell her I'm sorry for not letting it go, I'm proud of her for how far she's come and I love her.

Don't hold grudges, hug the ones you love and tell them you forgive them. If you wronged someone tell them your sorry. It's just not worth holding on to hate, it just eats you up.

Sorry for your loss quasi :( That's really good advice and I hope those who need it, heed it.

Sorry to hear dude.

Take care of yourself.

sorry it took loss for you to realize this
take care

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear. That is really heavy.
I wish you and your family the best in dealing with this hard time.

Sorry to hear about your immeasurable loss. My family is all Irish, I know all too well what grudges can do within a family. You can't pick your family, but you can love them no matter what.

Sorry for your less and thank you for the reminder.

Letting go of grudges is something that we should all work on even if it is easier said than done.

I'm truly sorry for your loss, losing a younger sibling is a pain I wish no one had to feel.

I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. May she rest in peace and look after you and your family. RS here for you brother, strong and proud.

I hate to hijack this thread but I just came back from a Celebration of Life…

My cousin passed away at the age of 57. I’ve known him for decades. In the time I knew him, I saw the good and bad traits of him and so did the rest of the family. The thing is I never let his bad qualities prevent me from speaking with him. The downside is I never really spoke to him much in the last 4 years. Last time I saw him was at his mother’s (my aunt’s) funeral. My mom would always speak with him and other family members would ask her why bother with him?

My mom would simply reply with ‘regardless of how much you differ from people, always speak with them. Keep them close because if you dwell on only the bad, you’ll forget the good until it’s too late’.

And that’s what exactly happened. It’s only when the reality of his death set in that family members started remembering the good qualities about him and forgot about the bad ones. It’s sad that it had to come this late but hopefully they learn that as humans we are all capable of good and bad traits but if you get together, crack open a beer or three, we’re all really the same.

After his eldest sister gave a speech and told everyone that dinner was served (we were at a banquet hall), my cousin’s widow immediately ran over to my mom and hugged her with tears and wouldn’t let go. Keep in mind there were at least 50 people in the hall. She was sitting way up front and we were far in the back. She ran across the whole floor to reach my mom for that embrace. Meanwhile, two tables over, people were laughing and eating. It was surreal.

He may have been derided by some in life but some people loved him through that life. Forgive those that wrong you and remove the burden from your mind. Your life will flow a lot smoother without the crushing weight of anger which can manifest in guilt and ultimately regret.

When the night was over, I realized that my mother is one of, if not THE last pillar holding this family together. When I showed up with her and my dad, she went over to every single table and spoke to every single person there. Even people she didn’t know.

Why can’t all humans be like this? Including me?

Anyway, sorry for the long winded post. I am neither drunk nor high. I just feel my heart beating and it feels good.

Sorry for your loss, Quasi.

As the Chinese always say, as your little sister passed on to her next level of existence, she will now know that you've changed and that you are sorry for not letting it go earlier, and that you are proud of her for how far she's come, and that you love her.

Remember her and grieve for her passing. And then let all of that sorrow go too. It is what she would want to see from you.

I wish I could heed this advice but someone in my life caused me so much grievance that I haven't spoken to that individual for nearly half my life.

Sorry for your loss quasi. I hope you have found some peace and I also hope that I can forgive before time runs too short.

Damn quasi, sorry for you loss. That's heavy. I like what Traum said, wise words.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister, Quasi. Thank you for the words of wisdom.

I'm going to start trying harder to forgive, and not hold grudges against people, whether they are strangers, colleagues, friends, or family.

Life is so fragile and short in our world. :tears:

were all here for you!

Im so sorry for your loss, quasi and I send my condolences and all the love to your family.
Personally, I believe when we lose people it is only here in this physical plane. I believe souls and energy live on in the people who remember and love them. She is with you always as well as the lessons you learned from her. Everyone has a greater purpose and once they meet it, they are called home to All That Is. I've dealt with many a death and great loss of family members by believing its never goodbye, rather a See You Later. The love you have for her will carry you through the grief. Whatever you wish she knew, say it out loud, put it out into the Universe...that soul connection you have with her will carry that message forward.
Dont hold on to regret for the things not said, you are exactly where you need to be right now in your life for a reason. As tragic as it is, sometimes we need the hard lessons to teach us how to love one another better.

Lots of love to you and your family <3

That’s terrible to hear quasi.
I’m sorry for your loss.

:(

Man, wish you and your family all the best during this tough time.

There is the saying you only live once (YOLO) and I've started to learn what that truly meant when my grandmother passed away many years ago. Appreciate the time family and friends are here.

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you and your family are able to get through it, alright. No parent should have to bury their child.

As far as grudges go, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm not saying you're right or she was but what's done is done and you'll just have to learn from it and move on. Maybe you were being stubborn but maybe there was more she could have done too. Do better going forward and teach your kids from your mistakes.

I read this when you first posted. I was at a hospice, watching over my dad, while waiting for him to pass. I had a lot of time to reflect on whether I'd done everything I could, to be a good son and you know what, no one does.

We never saw eye to eye and butted heads a lot but in the last few years I made a conscious effort to let him be and just appease him. He wasn't going to change and it would only cause more frustration, just for the sake of being right about things that don't even really matter.

He passed away yesterday and I'm at peace, knowing that I at least tried to meet him halfway and then some. He's gone now and beating myself up over things I could've done, aren't going to change a damn thing. I can only use this to raise my kids better and improve the broken relationships I have, that are worth fixing.

All the best.

we need mg1 up in here

I'm really sorry for your loss. You're right, I've also done a bit of reflecting since it happened and we can't take back or change the past, it's the past and that's where it stays. It's what we do moving forward that's important.

I'm going to fly back to the Prairies to spend some time with my parents and finally put my sister to rest next week. I've heard the term roller coaster of emotions but never lived it, each day is better and once we can get some closure I'm sure it will be all that much better.

Again, sorry about your dad be strong for your family but take some time for yourself as well.

Thanks man.

Not sure if you have young kids but I'm really up in the air in how I'm going to break the news to my 3yo. It's a lot easier to explain when you're religious but we aren't really.

Mine is older almost 12, I just sat him down and told him. I don't know at 3 how they would take it or if they would understand the finality of it all. That's a tough one, maybe talk to someone who's dealt with something like that before and get their opinion.

Very sorry for your loss flip. I'll offer a similar experience. I lost my grandfather in October. He was 91 and the last couple of years he steadily declined so it wasn't a shock when he passed. I told my 3 year old daughter that he had transitioned to the next chapter in a different place and that we keep those close to us alive by remembering them. We also had to put one of our dogs down last Thursday and we had the same conversation. She even remembered the things I said a month or so prior. IMO, at that age they are more curious than anything and don't really comprehend "loss", so to speak. That was my experience anyway. I'm not religious at all so I was reluctant to offer the "Heaven" theory to her. She seemed to digest it well so I figure I did ok.

quasi: I'm glad you are able to travel to see your family and gain some closure with your sister. You are right that each day gets better and offers some new perspective. It sucks that these things happen at this time of year when this is the time that family comes together. For anyone that has suffered a loss; hold your family close, have no regrets, remember them, and think of them often. I like to think of it as the next chapter rather than closure as we never really close the book on them, the dynamic of the relationship just changes.

Just as an update.

I prefaced the talk with my daughter by using flowers and trees to explain the circle of life. Things grow, bloom, wilt and die. Grandpa was so, so old and sick and tired that he went to sleep and didn't wake up. Just like leaves turning brown and falling off the tree. That he was resting and not in pain anymore. But he's always with us when we think about him. She comprehended and accepted it just fine and she was just a bit sad that she wouldn't see him anymore.

I didn't let her attend the funeral cause she took it so matter of fact-ly, that being around a bunch of crying and hysterical people would just make her upset, without reason.

Quasi, I hope you parents are doing alright. My brother was killed by a drunk driver on his 18th birthday and they were devastated. He was the oldest boy and it's fair to say they were never the same. If they start being extra stubborn or short, do your best to understand.