Parental Thread

[6793026]

Originally Posted by RabidRat

Has anyone read Good Inside?

Our older one (the 2y/o) is really good at getting on my nerves lol. I'm only a few chapters in, but this book's been really helping me understand how to get to the root of some of the more triggering behaviors. Incidentally, also helping me understand more about my wife and myself, and why we react and look at things differently.

https://www.amazon.ca/Good-Inside...

Girl or boy?

Strong Father, Strong daughters.

Very good book, PM me and I'll send you a digitial version. I read it while wife was getting induced. Extremely good coming from a doctor female writer so I can dish it out to my wife cause it's by a female author.

Gave me a perspective to really protect my daughter.
eg//
-He's a nice guy and offered to drive me home from a club
-i wont' let him drive if he dranks a lot. What's a lot? hm... maybe 7-8 beers
-Girls are online more and are being shoved with sex in their faces and has to deal with a lot of depression growing up.

you bet i'll protect my daughter to tougher terms.

this is also a great book

instead of beating hte shi* out of my child, i now knwo it's possible to reason with them.

[RabidRat]

We have two boys

That second book seems interesting, I'll take a look!

[6793026]

Originally Posted by RabidRat

We have two boys

That second book seems interesting, I'll take a look!

PM me with your email, i'll send you the PDF e book

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by supafamous

Anyone ever take their little ones to a Vancouver Canadians game? I want to take my 6 year old to one but I imagine it'll be hard to keep her focused for 3 hours (not that I'll be focused for 3 hours - ballgames are for eating food and enjoying the weather). They have a play area at the Nat but I can't find any info on what it's like.

So we just came home from a Whitecaps FC2 game, FC2 is their farm team and they play at Swangard in Central Park. That might actually be better than watching a Canadians game.

Concessions was weak, but the entertainment value wasn't bad.

[westopher]

I don't know the rules here, so I won't post it up, but if anyone is looking for prenatal classes about what to expect during late pregnancy, the birth experience, and the first little while of raising your baby, my wife who is a labour and delivery nurse and has experience teaching these classes for several years has started her own class with another labour and delivery nurse on the north shore. Message me if you have any interest in it and I can point you in the direction.
It's aimed at couples and is probably best attended at the 5-8 month mark so it's fresh in your mind during labour.

[6793026]

Things I wish I knew
Just gave birth (wifey, duh), and was at hospital for 44 hours. SO glad i bought my own cpu to do some work and E books to burn time.

1) Bring food esp, microwaveb-able stuff or else you're going to be eating bland meals / tim hortons junk. These were epic.
We were close by grocery store so i went and bought chips which was epic.



2) Formula - western society are all about breast milk, it's true it's good, but man it creates so much pressure on mom to produce. it takes 5 days and if you're doing C section, takes 10-14 days.
Gosh, my wife is so sad unable to produce and latching etc.
Please talk / convince wife on weight / health is much more important than breast feeding. start to plant seed months during preganncy.

3) go to free men's group. NO one gives a shit about men and no one talks about the stress we go thru. I didn't know shit about skin to skin, inlaw pressures etc.. the mens group i went to 2 months before were life saver to share books / things to read / expect.

4) in person classes - thank GOD we did in person classes, virtual woudl have been boring as F

5) doing vajayjay exercises before birth will help not having 3rd degree tears.
Props to you Westopher on doing these classes!

Since we are at books, i'm reading this book.
Snip summary a) After 1940s normally we pass down cultures / practices to our kids to next generation. Now, culture is passed horizontally between peers.
b) Kid might know what they want, but is that what they need?

Let's see what the book teaches. (if anyone wants the ebook, let me know).

[roastpuff]

Congrats, and hoping Mom/baby come home soon

[Traum]

Congrats on the new baby, and to mommy for a successful delivery!

I 100% agree that the over-insistence on breast feeding is BS. It should definitely be encouraged, but not every mom can produce, or produce enough. It is utter BS that the over-insistence on breastfeeding actually creates more stress for what is often an already very exhausted and stressed out mommy, so that definitely doesn't help.

[RabidRat]

Congrats 697823478!!!!

Re breast feeding: not to mention the hardship on the baby. When they're not latching or there's not enough supply or both, and the kid is starving and screaming for dear life... it's hard to watch them suffer like that while you're told "just gotta be patient. have some faith". Wtf.

[6793026]

My daughter is only 6 days old and she got surgery (dont worry, it's minor).
She has a VERY minor tongue and lip tie. It's really not a huge issue but just blessed she got that 'adjusted'. I didn't think it was a huge deal but of course the specialist say it will really open it up.
Entire procedure took 15 to make a slit which doesn't hurt the baby. It did provide better tongue extension / movement for my daughter and the lip, i can only see a bit. Regardless... i didn't even know there is such surgery and did it help latch better (errrr maybe), can i see her open her mouth better.. a bit. Will she become an opera singer... we'll see.

Aside from circumcision, this has gotta be the easiest / least invasive surgery ever.
*not my daughter.

[Traum]

In case you are the slightest little bit worried about recovery -- babies heal/grow REALLY fast. So I actually wouldn't be concerned at all about the physical wound from the procedure at all.

Chances are -- it probably wouldn't even be there anymore in 2 days.

[supafamous]

Originally Posted by 6793026

Aside from circumcision, this has gotta be the easiest / least invasive surgery ever.

Whoa, I think cutting off the tip of your dick is pretty invasive.

[underscore]

Circumcision is like the opposite of not invasive, it's completely unnecessary and about 9/100k babies die from complications.

Originally Posted by Traum

In case you are the slightest little bit worried about recovery -- babies heal/grow REALLY fast. So I actually wouldn't be concerned at all about the physical wound from the procedure at all.

Chances are -- it probably wouldn't even be there anymore in 2 days.

Especially in the mouth, your mouth heals way faster than anywhere else on your body iirc.

[westopher]

Circumcision is considered elective in Canada now. It’s not even offered at birth, or covered by healthcare. Off to dr pollock and see if he will do a package deal with the vasectomy.

[Gerbs]

Recent topic we had over the weekend were friends saying they had to make $xxx,xxx or have $1M before they have a kid. Citing that they needed them to go to private school, 3-5x extra curriculars, tutors, buying them car, tuition, house.

They barely even have $5-10K saved at 30, how are you gonna buy them a car or house lol

Anyways, I think that's crazy, what do you guys think a baby costs initially? I'm thinking < $3-5K a year aside from one-time costs. The two big expenses are an extra bedroom and daycare if you don't have parents / in-laws to take care of them.

Otherwise, a lot of things are luxury and are nice to haves.

[SSM_DC5]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Recent topic we had over the weekend were friends saying they had to make $xxx,xxx or have $1M before they have a kid. Citing that they needed them to go to private school, 3-5x extra curriculars, tutors, buying them car, tuition, house.

They barely even have $5-10K saved at 30, how are you gonna buy them a car or house lol

Anyways, I think that's crazy, what do you guys think a baby costs initially? I'm thinking < $3-5K a year aside from one-time costs. The two big expenses are an extra bedroom and daycare if you don't have parents / in-laws to take care of them.

Otherwise, a lot of things are luxury and are nice to haves.

Your friends ain't gonna have kids and those numbers are just their scapegoat.

Kids are expensive, but they become crazy expensive because you want to give them the best of everything, including the nice to haves.

Oh and public schools are messed.... Recent hearsay.... Little kid goes to public school..... Comes across a male and female washroom and doesn't know which one to use! Has to look to the parents for instructions. Those parents are now looking into private school options.

On the topic on daycare..... $10 a day..... good luck! It's like winning the lottery if you can get into one. I gotta pay the low low price of 1350 a month

[underscore]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Recent topic we had over the weekend were friends saying they had to make $xxx,xxx or have $1M before they have a kid. Citing that they needed them to go to private school, 3-5x extra curriculars, tutors, buying them car, tuition, house.

Lol that's all optional crap they don't need to do. Nobody is ever fully "ready" to have a kid, whatever thing they claim they need to have first is just an excuse not to have a kid. Not wanting kids is valid, but ffs just be honest about it.

[westopher]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Recent topic we had over the weekend were friends saying they had to make $xxx,xxx or have $1M before they have a kid. Citing that they needed them to go to private school, 3-5x extra curriculars, tutors, buying them car, tuition, house.

They barely even have $5-10K saved at 30, how are you gonna buy them a car or house lol

Anyways, I think that's crazy, what do you guys think a baby costs initially? I'm thinking < $3-5K a year aside from one-time costs. The two big expenses are an extra bedroom and daycare if you don't have parents / in-laws to take care of them.

Otherwise, a lot of things are luxury and are nice to haves.

3-5k a year LO FUCKING L

We spend $14000 a year on daycare.
Hell we probably spend 5k a year on fuckin raspberries. I’d say 20-30k a year if your parents aren’t taking care of the kid while you are at work. That changes when they get on school but take that daycare budget and have it for after school care, hockey, soccer, snowboarding, or whatever extra curricular they enjoy.
I’d blow my absent father for 3-5k a year expenses.

[RabidRat]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Recent topic we had over the weekend were friends saying they had to make $xxx,xxx or have $1M before they have a kid. Citing that they needed them to go to private school, 3-5x extra curriculars, tutors, buying them car, tuition, house.

They barely even have $5-10K saved at 30, how are you gonna buy them a car or house lol

Anyways, I think that's crazy, what do you guys think a baby costs initially? I'm thinking < $3-5K a year aside from one-time costs. The two big expenses are an extra bedroom and daycare if you don't have parents / in-laws to take care of them.

Otherwise, a lot of things are luxury and are nice to haves.

At the same time that your means, wealth, and experience grow, your energy level goes down as well. And it turns out that energy wasn't just about being able to play with them so they have more fun.

We found out it's also about giving them the interaction they need for brain development. Lasting, long-term developmental things that affect the rest of their lives into adulthood. Like emotional regulation, self-confidence, social awareness, enabling their language development, etc. This comes from both parents spending quality time in the moment with them. It takes a ton of energy not to just zone out and be on your phone, let alone not passing out from long sleepless nights + also working during the day. Plus having the patience to keep your cool when they e.g. repeatedly and consistently throw their food across the room just to watch you clean it up lol.

Anyway for sure prudent to do some financial planning, but going to the extent of "gonna hold off til I can comfortably put them through private school, buy them a car, house" for me feels like pushing pretty far into diminishing returns. Imo.

[EvoFire]

We chose public school over private. We choose to use the tuition saved for extra-curricular and trips. Yes school makes a difference, but not as much as parents can do when they participate in the teaching of your kids.

Extra-curricular for our son was up to $800/m, we've scaled back since because we realize the the value of just some downtime is worth more than cramming his schedule full of things. And for our own sanity as well for sheperding him to three classes a day.

We've discussed at length of other things, like eating well. After visiting some of our kid's friends, we realize we extremely healthy and well and our groceries bill reflects that. The other thing is we've done a few big trips in the last few years, and a bunch of smaller ones. The amount of growth we've seen from the kids from a trip is immense. They grow in ways that you wouldn't think is related, but they do.

No we don't have 1m saved up, but we do spend significantly to ensure their success. And it's more than just money, it's also do you have the energy and time to spend with them, and be able to emulate a good role model.

[RabidRat]

So Monday, somehow my kid learned how to say "I love you papa".

Shiet... he's going to get away with literally anything now .

"I want to drive the car" ya sure bud, take the keys!!

[supafamous]

I've found having a kid expensive only in the sense that they are taking budget (time and money) away from stuff that I used to spend money on. I don't get to eat as much at nice restaurants, I don't get to play golf anymore, I don't wear nice clothes anymore (hey Costco!), for a while I didn't go on any expensive vacations (then Disneyland hit the horizon), I don't drink as much nice alcohol anymore etc.

Since Sept (start of Kindergarten) my kid has cost about $9k in after school care, swimming, skating, Chinese school, gymnastics, and babysitting. Figure $200-300/mo in food and $100/mo in new clothes, toys, household goods and we're looking at $1200-1300/mo with half of that being stuff that could be optional (skating has been a waste of money).

I bet I'm saving at least $600-700/mo b/c of all the stuff I don't do anymore so I'm only out an extra $600/mo or so for my kid (she does cost me a LOT of quality sleep).

That's $20/day for a fucking cute kid! She tells me I'm the best dad any time I ask, gives great hugs, laughs when I fart on her, and is my Mini-Me. Hobz's GTI costs just as much and doesn't give him 10% that amount of fun! I'm sure when she turns 13 that she'll be just as painful to own as a 13 year old GTI but I'll enjoy it while it lasts!

[EvoFire]

I think the biggest thing I'm probably forgoing because of the two kids are cars and traveling, but you can scratch out the traveling part as we've recently been to HK in Oct, Japan in April, and we are planning a Shanghai trip in Nov, and a trip to the French Riviera next year.

On the car front, I might be driving a GT4 right now if not for kids, and probably doing a lot more trackdays so yeah probably saving money, or a wash.

Our limitations is definitely time AND money. I don't have extra money to chase after the expensive hobbies, but also don't have time to chase after the less expensive ones. I barely have time to even read.

[6793026]

I always yell at my wife and tell her to be humble.
We all grew up with NOTHING.
Fuck if I spend 5k on raspberries. (I have to humble cause maybe i'll end up spending 7k on gooseberries).
I grew up in a 700 sq ft apartment. My cousin had a family of 6 in bunk beds and the oldest brother would give $20 bucks for little bro to go to the corner store when his gf was at the apartment.

Babies don't NEED much, it's the parents. I like what EvoFire said - use the money from private school for trips. That's a great rebuttal and true. I rather take my kid to go to HK with that money saved. I came from public school and I turned out fine. Wife is private and went to become top student all of Ontario (no joke) and a health care professional. SO it's a tough balance on what's good and bad.

i do have the luxury of working from home so hoping I can still ttake care of the child and skip daycare.

[RabidRat]

At least in the first year or two, I don't know that you could really focus on your work if you're also taking care of them. Newborns mostly sleep at first, but then their wake windows extend, and they need continuous interaction (eye contact, physically being down in their space), for brain development.

Also, unless your work doesn't require you to present much at meetings, it's hard to have them physically in the same room (even if it's another caretaker) because there will often be screaming and crying while you're on mic.

I'm also working from home these days, and I'm living this experience right now haha.

The most I can really do is hold and bounce the baby for a few minutes so my wife can go to the bathroom. And at least being around to monitor the baby while he's sleeping, so my wife can go outside for a walk.