The Modern Dating Thread

[GS8]

Not to be cynical but if my GF & I broke up, I would never get into another relationship again. At my age, not even worth the investment.

If I wanted an unpredictable journey, I'd rather fly a Cessna blindfolded.

[EvoFire]

Originally Posted by spoon.ek9

A few thoughts:

1. Girls have been trying to teach each other that coffee dates are low effort and only done by broke boys. In reality, there are many benefits to this style of a first date but many girls simply want you to "prove you're a provider" so something like this simply won't cut it. Do yourself a favour and walk away from girls who straight up demand a fancy dinner right off the bat.

2. the dollar amount spent on a dinner is difficult for those of you who've long been married for a very specific reason. with apps, you're literally talking about treating a total stranger to an expensive meal who is for SURE talking to multiple other dudes. this isn't the same as traditional dating where you got to know someone in person over the course or weeks/months/years and finally have the opportunity to take them out after already establishing mutual interest. so to expect us as men to shell out $200-$300 for a dinner with some rando is not a smart idea nor does it generally lead to any kind of success with said girl.

3. i find the general disconnect in dating these days stems from wanting all the traditional aspects of dating (picking them up, opening doors, paying for the meal) while providing none of the traditional things on their end themselves. girls are quick to tell you what men should do but try asking them (definitely can't tell them) what it is they think women should do and you'll see how high the double standards are nowadays.

4. I remember one girl on an app who was truthful on her profile and said she is currently pregnant with her ex's baby and that she is keeping it. You'd have to be an absolute idiot to walk into a situation like that or desperate AF. Even then, single moms also have extremely high standards and will gaslight you into believing you're lucky to even be considered (ask me how I know).


Takeaway message:

I can tell you from personal experience that paying for expensive dinners didn't lead to much of anything when I was still out there. Save your money for the girl who proves she's worth it.

Originally Posted by spoon.ek9

One girl I had met, it wasn't until maybe date number 3 or 4 where she finally told me she had a son from a previous marriage. In order to manipulate the situation in her favour she told me things like "he's an amazing person and you'd be LUCKY to have him in your life". Girl, stfu. If you had been honest from the get go about having a kid I wouldn't have wasted any of my time considering you.

I used to think it's the noble thing to step up and be a father figure in this situation but that is flawed thinking. You're adding drama to your life no matter how you cut it. You are walking into a scenario where you have zero authority. You'll be met with things like don't tell my kid what to do, you're not his father. Or the kid themselves saying I don't have to listen to you, you ain't my dad. A lot of single moms simply want someone to finance their lifestyle and you're the sucker they have their eyes on.

Also, single moms KNOW they are at a huge disadvantage because why would a guy knowingly choose extra responsibility rather than starting fresh with a girl who has zero baggage? So how do you correct this disadvantage? Gaslight the men into thinking they're not a real man if they aren't willing to accept responsibility. It's not the mom's fault, it's yours! Imagine that

Let's not forget that you'll never hear the true story as to why things didn't work out in previous marriage/relationship. Accountability is often a one way street with these types. Did they cheat? Did they steal money? Did they start physical altercations and then claim to be the victim then call police? You'll never know so why choose this girl? Sure, some of them might actually tell you the truth but again, good luck with that.

Originally Posted by Razor Ramon HG

I agree entirely with what you said. Wanting a woman's perspective, I asked my fiance what she thought and I'm just sharing what she said.

1. She said overall she agrees with what you said.

2. She said that coffee dates are so-so. Coffee dates are neutral with low risk, low intimacy. She would agree to a coffee date if she didn't think too much of the guy, but wanted to give it a shot or was bored. If vibes were good, it generally led to lunch after. She wouldn’t want a fancy dinner unless there was real compatibility.

3. She said that she tends to associate money with effort, but that's just her standard. She said for every one of her, there are tons of women out there that are happy to split the bill or have lower standards.

For what it's worth, I talked to my fiance nonstop for 3-4 days before we met up for happy hour at Cactus. I think the bill was $80 for a few appetizers and drinks. I don't think I would've taken her there if I didn't feel a real compatibility.

I wasn't sure about one girl so we just went for a coffee and walk around Central Park, lol.

TBH, there is nothing wrong if you want to spend hundreds of dollars on a first date. I think it's when men expect to get something back in return -- nothing is guaranteed.

I talked to my wife about this as well and she mentioned a few things.

As a mom, the kids are going to be her number 1 priority. Chances are the kids are going to come ahead of you as some one she's dating. I argued about it with her where if she was gonna move in with a guy, you two will share the space and you'd expect the guy to help and then the guy will want to at least impose some of his own house rules. Given that scenario, she said she'd likely not be looking for anyone at all, and most of all won't be on dating apps. So your pool of single moms who ARE on dating app will likely skew towards batshit crazy/entitled/no self awareness.

As a single mom, she said she will have VERY HEIGHTENED sense of danger where the man she meets may potentially be abusive, to her and to her kids. And we have seen some crazy chicks where we agree it applies to both sides. She did mention the abuse thing is actually scarier for men because typically an abusive man is harder to hide. An abusive woman usually are more subtle about it and society's view on it is still very lopsided, where a woman can totally lie about shit, but a man will have to jump through flaming shit hoops to prove it.

I talked to her about how Gerbs found it easier in person (including the bit where he's cheating by being 6'1). She said yeah, cause again goes back to app dating to be so easy and quick, you are going to find girls who will find you replaceable vs meeting someone IRL.

We talked about dating costs. At no point ever in our relationship was Cactus not good enough. Again, a regular dinner for two, 2 mains 2 drinks $100 imo is fair. If the chick thinks Cactus or equivalent is not good enough for say a first date, then maybe the compatitibility isn't there.

[EvoFire]

I'll ask her about coffee/first dates tmr. Again though I'm in the boomer group that probably lines up more with Traum and Supa, where we've been together for almost 20 years and we are severely outdated.

[Traum]

Originally Posted by EvoFire

We talked about dating costs. At no point ever in our relationship was Cactus not good enough. Again, a regular dinner for two, 2 mains 2 drinks $100 imo is fair. If the chick thinks Cactus or equivalent is not good enough for say a first date, then maybe the compatitibility isn't there.

IMO from the girl's perspective, Cactus has gotta be a good restaurant for a first date, or any date! With their prettier-than-average waitresses in those little black dress, it's a sure-fire way to gain some quick insights into what kind of guy he is LOL~

Disclaimer -- I probably haven't been to Cactus for something like 2 - 3 years, so I can't confirm whether their lady servers are still as pretty as they used to be.

[punkwax]

Originally Posted by murd0c

best dating site hands down is Hinge. The rest are complete garbage and the same shit over and over.

Do you pay for the extra likes etc on Hinge?

[snowball]

Originally Posted by GS8

Not to be cynical but if my GF & I broke up, I would never get into another relationship again. At my age, not even worth the investment.

If I wanted an unpredictable journey, I'd rather fly a Cessna blindfolded.

Weird, must be our age. I have the exact same thoughts, if anything went awry I'd move into a one bedroom condo and have 3 cars and a mod shop. Rather be with nobody than the wrong person, that's for sure.

[donk.]

Your gf might not be there for you, but your cars always will

[spoon.ek9]

Men often choose peace over anything else. If a women is constantly bringing chaos into your life, let her go. If she doesn't add to your peace, she ain't worth keeping. Simple words to live by.

[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by dark0821

All the rich 2nd gen / newer immigrant friends that I met thru Uni and beyond are almost all divorced, on their 2nd marriages or what not...

Never thought of it till Hehe mention and I think back... oh yea....

Why is that, I met a buncha fobs last year, 3-4 of them are married at early 20's.

All divorced, cheating with kids. Had money early so they could afford to get married?

[UnknownJinX]

Originally Posted by punkwax

Do you pay for the extra likes etc on Hinge?

I did it in the beginning but it's pretty exhausting on my end when you have to think of a response for their prompts. You can just like the prompts without a response but that doesn't really get you anywhere. I was more curious than anything, but after spending like an hour a day on the app, it's definitely not healthy.

IMO 8 free likes a day are plenty, and I don't even use it daily. Again, I find it astonishing when some people were crying 8 likes aren't enough for free tier.

[Teriyaki]

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Why is that, I met a buncha fobs last year, 3-4 of them are married at early 20's.

All divorced, cheating with kids. Had money early so they could afford to get married?

Going to hazard a guess, culturally its

a) way higher pressure to marry by a certain age
b) marriage is seen more transactionally, for all sides.
c) marriage involves the whole family, which marriage simply kicks the problems down the road. marriage early satisfies the family pressuring for marriage, but incompatibilities between the couple AND the families eventually rear their ugly head.