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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 09-04-2002, 12:48 PM   #1
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Intimacy question! please help RS peeps...

"Hey guys, i have a bit of a problem. I've been goin out with my girlfriend
for a little bit over a year now.. everything is goin great and we get along
fine, but there's only one problem, the physical intimacy portion of the
relationship. You see, everytime I tried to make out with her, she's always
say "No" and pulls away. Then I have to back down, and ask her what's wrong
and she says that she's uncomfortable when I touch her like that. I can
understand not having sex but foreplay? I've been really patient with her
for a while now cuz like i said i've been going out with her for a year now
and still she's giving me the cold shoulder when it comes to makin out and
such. I've been in a few relationships myself and I never had this problem
before but with this gurl it seems like im heading no where. Im figuring
the problem maybe im her first boyfriend so she never experience much
before, but how can she experience it if she never tries ya know? I know it
sounds like im a prick and stuff and I should wait, but a guy can only hold
out until a point where he goes crazy.. sigh.. any suggestions?"

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Old 09-04-2002, 12:55 PM   #2
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have you tried talking to her about it? It sounds like she had something traumatic or unpleasent happen to her before, so she is pulling away from being intimate. It probably has nothing to do with you, it is about her. Talk to her about it, and not when she turns you down. Try making her dinner, getting her relaxed, maybe go for a walk and ask her in the most gentle way you know how. Hopefully she opens up to you. Good luck.
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Old 09-04-2002, 01:22 PM   #3
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We are really open with things, so if she had a troublesome past or a
traumatic experience she would have told me about it. Everytime we talked
about this, she always say that she's just ain't ready and that she is
nervous when guys touch her body. I don't know what it is, maybe it's cuz
she scared that im not the one to get close to or that it may lead to sex.
I've tried giving the setting a romantic feeling and it still wouldn't work,
so im fresh out of ideas.
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Old 09-04-2002, 01:42 PM   #4
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well maybe she isn't ready then.......

if i were in ur situation i'd just back down, if u keep on doing that she'll feel pressured into doing that kinda stuff and since she isn't comfortable with it u should just leave it alone for now

this is comin from a guy and i kno a couple of my frendz are sorta in ur position but give the girl a break......a relationship isn't all about sex
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Old 09-04-2002, 01:43 PM   #5
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hmm..how old is she?
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Old 09-04-2002, 01:54 PM   #6
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Well i know a relationship isn't all about sex, but common we've been together for over a year now and the only thing close to intimacy was kissing. I am 24 and she is 23. I am a patience person, I don't like to be rushed either but this is getting to a point where i feel the relationship isn't going anywhere. Any Suggestions??
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Old 09-04-2002, 02:00 PM   #7
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yo not EVERYONE'S that open you know
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Old 09-04-2002, 02:35 PM   #8
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either you have no skills or theres something wrong with her.

id dump her.
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Old 09-04-2002, 02:57 PM   #9
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dumping is not a good advice to give out...

is this her first time? try to move on as slowly as posible, sometimes giving pressure is not a bad thing, *i am not talking about forcing like tie her up nd rape her!!** because girls are always shy, try to move on bit by bit, put a little force, but never make her feel bad about it!

and also make sure the place is quiet that no one is around like in the other room, a place like an empty house, and also make sure you've got the rubber too!
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Old 09-04-2002, 02:59 PM   #10
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Waiting is tough sure but, consider yourself fortunate that your gf takes intimacy as a serious matter. It tells me that she thinks about things longterm, not just for the moment. Good girls are hard to come by... I think she's a keeper
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Old 09-04-2002, 03:38 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by silvia
either you have no skills or theres something wrong with her.

id dump her.
that's what i think too...
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Old 09-04-2002, 03:38 PM   #12
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lemme get this straight:

she's 23 and doesn't like to be "touched" by guys

you've been w/ her for over 1 year, and the only thing you guys have done intimatedly is "kissing"???

if the above facts are true, then it's either:

a) u have no skills
b) she's hiding something (bad past experience)
c) she doesn't like guys
d) u have no skills

what do u think??? a, b, c, d or all of the above???
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Old 09-04-2002, 03:39 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hakkaboy
lemme get this straight:

she's 23 and doesn't like to be "touched" by guys

you've been w/ her for over 1 year, and the only thing you guys have done intimatedly is "kissing"???

if the above facts are true, then it's either:

a) u have no skills
b) she's hiding something (bad past experience)
c) she doesn't like guys
d) u have no skills

what do u think??? a, b, c, d or all of the above???
i pick A or D!!
lol sorry jk
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Old 09-04-2002, 03:45 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by VB_Middle
Waiting is tough sure but, consider yourself fortunate that your gf takes intimacy as a serious matter. It tells me that she thinks about things longterm, not just for the moment. Good girls are hard to come by... I think she's a keeper


that's a very interesting theory...

Initial D: i think you hafta define what "intimacy" is... you've been talking about trying to make out with your girlfriend...but your girlfriend doesn't feel comfortable when you TOUCH her like that.... so what does "making out" consist of?
and you say that the closest you've gotten is kissing her.... dno about you, but i think that kissing IS an intimate act...so....what exactly DO YOU WANT to do with her?!?!
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Old 09-04-2002, 04:23 PM   #15
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Guys, i don't think its' about skillz, like i mentioned, i had 5 gfs before so im not inexperience or anything, and im sure as hell not doin anything wrong cuz all my gfs didn't complain, its just that im her
first boyfriend so she just aint used to guys touchin her I guess. As far as intimacy is concerned, im talkin about 2nd and 3rd bases here.
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Old 09-04-2002, 04:43 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intial_D
As far as intimacy is concerned, im talkin about 2nd and 3rd bases here.
ahh...ok...

see, the thing is not to have her LET YOU move to 2nd and 3rd base...
you have to make her WANT TO move on to 2nd and 3rd base... intimacy involves both ppl...so both must want to get it on before anything happens...there's no point if one person is stealing 2nd or stealing 3rd if the other person won't even let you play ball....get what i'm saying?...

so you're gonna hafta think of something that turns her on...so it IS about skill....
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Old 09-04-2002, 04:57 PM   #17
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you guys arn't in my shoes, you guys won't understand.. thanks for the replys..
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Old 09-04-2002, 06:07 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intial_D
you guys arn't in my shoes, you guys won't understand.. thanks for the replys..
exactly, and that's also the reason why i still don't think turning to ppl in a message board for relationship advice is the best thing to do....or a thing to do at all.....

oh, and just to kinda conclude on your situation "D" .... you're her first boyfriend, she's 23.... i'm just wondering, what did you expect? not trying to get on your nerves, but your gf's probably only heard stories and watched movies about relationships for the last 22 years....and you know how us guyz are portrayed as "sex-first, girl-second" monsters....so give her some time...it's definitely not something worth breaking up over.....unless that "sex-first, girl-second" monster thing applies to you as well....
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Old 09-04-2002, 07:26 PM   #19
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my gf was just like yours
but my massages made her wanna
har har!

oh, and not complaining doesn't not mean they actually really want it.

not trying to flame you or anything...just telling u what i think...
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Old 09-04-2002, 08:48 PM   #20
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Talking

u should both get really drunk , watch a porno, start givin her a massage and see where is goes on from there.
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Old 09-05-2002, 05:16 AM   #21
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Old 09-05-2002, 10:37 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by Intial_D
you guys arn't in my shoes, you guys won't understand.. thanks for the replys..
dont get upset cause youre not dont like the answers ppl are giving. ive been there, and im sure most other guys have too. take yourself out of the situation. image it was your buddy and his gf. what would you tell him to do? ive gone out with girls who had never had bf's b4 me, and i never waited that long. its not like im good at convincing them or anything like that, but they want to get into it too. its natural. if your gf doesnt like this kind of thing, theres something wrong with her. period. maybe she was abused, or maybe shes just really really conservative. the question is, do you have the patience to wait????

my buddy was 22, gf was 26. they went out for 4 years, and all he ever got to was 2nd base. she wanted to wait for marriage, and he thought he could convince her otherwise. he was wrong. he ended up cheating on her, she found out and dumped him....
4 years down the drain.
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Old 09-05-2002, 11:49 AM   #23
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I hate to be the one to point it out, but you said you dated 5 other girls, and are not inexperienced? How long did those girls last with you? Does she know about them all, and if you were "intimate" with any of them?? Some girls can get a little freaked when they are not experienced at all, and they know their bf's have had it before. They don't want to be just another notch on the bed, so if you care about her, wait until she is ready and feeling secure enough to be more intimate with you.
And for the record, I think kissing is a very intimate act, its not all about the sex.
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Old 09-05-2002, 03:05 PM   #24
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Quote:
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I hate to be the one to point it out, but you said you dated 5 other girls, and are not inexperienced? How long did those girls last with you? Does she know about them all, and if you were "intimate" with any of them?? Some girls can get a little freaked when they are not experienced at all, and they know their bf's have had it before. They don't want to be just another notch on the bed, so if you care about her, wait until she is ready and feeling secure enough to be more intimate with you.
very good point.
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Old 09-05-2002, 03:30 PM   #25
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well has she made the decision to wait till marriage?? is it a religious thing for her??
have you asked her WHY she doesn't want to make out with you..a different answer then "i feel uncomfy"
i guess the only thing to do is to talk to her, and let her know that you'll be patient with her..if she has decided to wait for whatever reason, you cant push her..youve stuck it out for over a year..iam sure if you wait longer it wont kill you
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