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El Bastardo · 07-02-2012, 12:39 AM

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

i'm fairly new to the dating life, for i save myself for "the one" and just recently i made this girl my first girlfriend,
after many odd years of being the nice guy and talking to many girls and understanding what they want and what they need,
the girl i recently made my first ever girlfriend, (planning for a long term relationship, no short term 2-3 month) likes to party and drink and all that, and it makes me uncomfortable that she hangs around alot of guys, especially when she drinks because i can never not worry that something might happen,
she also has a friend that tried to get with her before we started dating, and he's always with her whenever her has the chance,

my question to you guys are;

1)what do you guys think that keeps a relationship last?
2)how do you keep it lasting?
3) how should i deal with her friend that tried to get with her before,
and 4) how do you deal with insecurities such as worrying about if somethings going to happen with your significant other and someone else?

in addition with having my first girlfriend,
i try my best to treat her well everytime,
there may be few conflicts here and there but i understand that relationships are all about communication and i always discuss with her whenever there is an argument that i don't want the argument to break us apart but to help us understand how we deal with arguments such as those and work it out together.

also, another question,
how does seeing each other too often deter a relationship?

PornMaster · 07-02-2012, 12:58 AM

Sounds like you have trust issues

Everyones relationship is different and it is up to you to make the best or worst out of it.
Has "she" done anything to break your trust? Then why worry?

Spartacus · 07-02-2012, 01:00 AM

It all comes down to how much you guys trust each other and whether or not you two see a future together.

Just keep yourself busy, that way you don't spend every minute thinking about what the other person is doing. Always work on improving yourself in every aspect.

My 2 year Long distant relationship is almost over, shes coming home in 2 weeks! =)

Verdasco · 07-02-2012, 01:46 AM

1

Quote:

1)what do you guys think that keeps a relationship last?Trust. Trust each other and do not lie. If you are going to lie, just break up.
2)how do you keep it lasting? Good sex life if it sucks in bed, she's going to find a new dick that is good to play with
3) how should i deal with her friend that tried to get with her before,
andNothing, you already won by getting her. Feel alpha as fuck around him but not a douchebag.
4) how do you deal with insecurities such as worrying about if somethings going to happen with your significant other and someone else? stop being so insecure and be adults. If she is hiding something and u know it/she confesses, break up. Stop worrying about her, worry about yourself.

FerrariEnzo · 07-02-2012, 06:42 AM

if you keep the rains on her too tight, both of you guys will go crazy.

since its your first real GF, its going to be hard to be relaxed..

first off, IS this a one sided relationship or does she know what you want and she has agreed to be your GF?!?!?!
Tell straight up, NO lies from both of you... if you guys do something wrong, straightup tell the truth instead to find out from someone else.
A lie will always be used to cover up another lie...

spideyv2 · 07-02-2012, 08:12 AM

Very first gf and you're looking for something long term? How old is the OP?

Bad idea, imo

Excelsis · 07-02-2012, 08:35 AM

likes to party a lot

o lawd OP if she's the "one" she'd partake in making the relationship stronger..not sure what she does since you didn't mention but if you're the only one carrying the relationship move on mang

strykn · 07-02-2012, 09:36 AM

she's probably gonna cheat on you because you sound like a giant pussy ( no hate just real tea)

Presto · 07-02-2012, 09:43 AM

Based on the fact that this is your first relationship, I have serious doubts that she is "the one."

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

how does seeing each other too often deter a relationship?

I may have a feeling why you asked this question, but I'll respond with another question: Who's usually the one that initiates these meetings? Do you call her, or does she call you?

Gridlock · 07-02-2012, 10:34 AM

You don't really plan on a long-term relationship. You can only state that you are interested in long-term, meaning, you have come to terms with the ideals of commitment and wanting to get to that next level with someone. That relationship becomes long-term through action on both sides.

You kind of made it sound like "I am now initiating a long-term relationship". You don't. You initiate A relationship and it either goes, or it doesn't.

I do think you need to work on trust, because if you are constantly thinking she's out ho-ing around, then sooner or later, she will. I don't say that because women are powerless to the cock, I say it because you will drive her nuts with your insecurities and she'll bail.

How do you know your gf isn't out messing around with guys? You don't. YOu have trust in the strength of a relationship that you are both committed to each other.

But, I'm going to caution you-don't get wrapped up in this shit too soon. Generations have changed, and married at 19 doesn't happen any more. I was like 21 and I was living with my girlfriend and I felt fucking trapped. If I could do it again, I would have stayed living in my tiny ass bachelor apartment and lived my own life.

El Bastardo · 07-02-2012, 10:44 AM

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Thanks guys for all the support and suggestions!
I will it to overcome my insecurity,
But to further add onto the topic while we're still on it,
Also, because I have many friends that tell me they get tired of their significiant other,I fear that she'll just get tired of me and find someone else, what do you guys think I should do?
I try my best to be the best she ever had, doing what her ex never done,
Trying something new each time, being involved with her life, such as meeting her parents and even explorIng with her

dinosaur · 07-02-2012, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a confidential post. If the member would like to reply to any comments please PM me

1)what do you guys think that keeps a relationship last?
2)how do you keep it lasting?
3) how should i deal with her friend that tried to get with her before,
and 4) how do you deal with insecurities such as worrying about if somethings going to happen with your significant other and someone else?

how does seeing each other too often deter a relationship?

1 & 2. Mutual respect, communication, honesty, and knowing what to walk away from an argument and let the other person win. Not fighting over stupid things like the toilet seat being left up, talking about "deal breakers" (ie: what is 'cheating', marriage, kids, expectations about living together, intimacy or frequency of sex, etc). This doesnt have to be a MASSIVE or intimidating conversation, but if you are planning to have a long-term relationship....these things need to be discussed to avoid animosity or disappointment in the future.

3 & 4. Have an honest conversation with her about them and tell her that you trust her.....and MEAN IT. It is hard to say "don't be insecure", but if you fear that this is going to be a problem, you need to work on yourself....of choose a different partner. You should never start a relationship with these feelings. Cheaters are gonna cheat no matter have much you worry or don't worry about it. You can freak out, check her phone, follow her, tell her she can't go out, etc....if a bitch is going to cheat...she'll make it happen. If you have any thoughts of this....is this the best relationship for you? Look, you can sit there all you want and worry about....it is not going to stop her if she wants to...and if she doesn't, you will drive yourself INSANE worrying about it and inevitably drive her away.

5. There is no standard answer for how often you see each other. Some people see each other almost everyday or move in together...other only see each other a couple days a week. The answer is...whatever works for you. You really can't start a relationship with all these concerns and/or guidelines or you will constantly worrying about if you are doing something right or wrong. If you start to feel that seeing your SO a lot is affecting your relationship or life in a negative way...talk about it an re-prioritizing. The best thing you can do is talk about shit like this.

Overall, the thing that concerns me the most about your entire post is where you raise concern about her drinking and partying. Are you SURE this is the person you want to have a long-term committed relationship with?

How did this relationship come about? Did you date for a while? How did you meet her? Have you talked about any of your concerns regarding her guy friends or her drinking?

Also, what do you like about her? What gives you butterflies? What does she do for you?

spideyv2 · 07-02-2012, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Thanks guys for all the support and suggestions!
I will it to overcome my insecurity,
But to further add onto the topic while we're still on it,
Also, because I have many friends that tell me they get tired of their significiant other,I fear that she'll just get tired of me and find someone else, what do you guys think I should do?
I try my best to be the best she ever had, doing what her ex never done,
Trying something new each time, being involved with her life, such as meeting her parents and even explorIng with her

OP never answered my question. Fuck you OP.

Semisrs

dinosaur · 07-02-2012, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Thanks guys for all the support and suggestions!
I will it to overcome my insecurity,
But to further add onto the topic while we're still on it,
Also, because I have many friends that tell me they get tired of their significiant other,I fear that she'll just get tired of me and find someone else, what do you guys think I should do?
I try my best to be the best she ever had, doing what her ex never done,
Trying something new each time, being involved with her life, such as meeting her parents and even explorIng with her

dont put the pussy on the pedestal.

MindBomber · 07-02-2012, 12:06 PM

Quote:

1)what do you guys think that keeps a relationship last?
2)how do you keep it lasting?
3) how should i deal with her friend that tried to get with her before,
and 4) how do you deal with insecurities such as worrying about if somethings going to happen with your significant other and someone else?

in addition with having my first girlfriend,
i try my best to treat her well everytime,
there may be few conflicts here and there but i understand that relationships are all about communication and i always discuss with her whenever there is an argument that i don't want the argument to break us apart but to help us understand how we deal with arguments such as those and work it out together.

also, another question,
how does seeing each other too often deter a relationship?

1. No, not a chance, this succeeding is as likely as hitting zero on a roulette wheel. I don't understand your reasoning of waiting for "the one," whether you're referring to sexually or in general, but relationships take practice and the first one will almost never succeed as a result. Having a couple casual relationships along the way is how you learn to share your life so intimately with someone, and at the same time learn about yourself and who you're compatible with.

2. Until you've had a couple casual relationships, you will not really understand how to make a relationship work. In general, mutual respect and trust is the more important of all concerns. You've already demonstrated you lack trust. I can't think of a person who has overcome a lack of trust while in a relationship, it just not possible.

3. You don't. Your new girlfriend's friendship with this fellow should not be in any way impacted by your relationship with her, she has not slept with him and you have no reason to expect that she will in the future. Being a persons significant other does not grant a veto power over who they can be friends with, although many people try to exercise one, it results in relationship failure. If you trust her, this would be a non-issue.

4. You remind yourself that jealously is a groundless and solely detrimental emotion and it is to be ignored at all costs, but like I said, people rarely overcome this during their first relationship.

5. It's not so much seeing each other too often to that causes significant harm to a relationship, it's attempting to merge your independent lives into a single entity that destroys relationships. You need to spend time apart, see friends and participate in activities separate from one another.

Planning on it becoming a long term relationship won't work either. Relationships are natural and fluid, no mathematical and pre-planned. You should not expect the relationship to last 3 months and you should not expect it to last 10 years, just roll with it and see what happens as you learn whether you are compatible.

El Bastardo · 07-02-2012, 12:48 PM

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

n reply to dinosaur,
before ive met her through friend a year ago but i never talked to her ever since but later on i've learned that she wanted to talk to me as muh as i wanted to talk to her
we've seen each other for 5 months, but i took awile to ask her out because i didnt know if she was going to stick around or just leave, its a test you coukd say, to see if she really wanted to be with me, and she did stick around
and yes i have, she said that her guy friends are like "bros" and that i dont have to worry but then again her ftirnd is always woth her whenever he has the chance which pisses me off
and i always hear beig the nice guy wont last, but why is that so?
and in reply to jayare, im 18 btw

spideyv2 · 07-02-2012, 01:15 PM

IMO, ur way too young to be looking for "the one." If ur gf is around that age, she probably isnt interested in being with you forever, either...can't say I blame her. You guys are still hella young lol.

Im only 19 btw

MindBomber · 07-02-2012, 01:21 PM

At 18 you shouldn't be concerning yourself with trying to create a serious relationship, if one evolves naturally that's great, but the goal should be just to have fun.

dinosaur · 07-02-2012, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

n reply to dinosaur,
before ive met her through friend a year ago but i never talked to her ever since but later on i've learned that she wanted to talk to me as muh as i wanted to talk to her
we've seen each other for 5 months, but i took awile to ask her out because i didnt know if she was going to stick around or just leave, its a test you coukd say, to see if she really wanted to be with me, and she did stick around
and yes i have, she said that her guy friends are like "bros" and that i dont have to worry but then again her ftirnd is always woth her whenever he has the chance which pisses me off
and i always hear beig the nice guy wont last, but why is that so?
and in reply to jayare, im 18 btw

WOAH WOAH WOAH. Hold the phone big guy.

You need to take a step back....like way the fuck back.

1. This is NOT the way to start a long term relationship.
2. You haven't even told us why you like her.
3. It appears that you are already going bat-shit-crazy regarding he "bros"
4. Are you a 'nice' guy? Does that matter? Do you want to try and be a 'bad' guy?
5. Never play games and 'test' people.
6. YOU'RE 18! Do NOT get into a long term relationship right now.... especially with someone like this! Do you actually want to be in a LTR with HER or just someone? It appears you are just wanting an LTR.
7. Why do you want an LTR at 18?
8. You appear to currently be drunk as you responses have become exceedingly harder to understand. Sober up and come back to discuss further.

Drow · 07-02-2012, 01:41 PM

your relationship won't be long term if you have these fears afloat in your mind.

confidence confidence confidence.

dachinesedude · 07-02-2012, 01:48 PM

how do you "plan" for a long term relationship????

Mr.HappySilp · 07-02-2012, 01:54 PM

LOL First gf and u expect a long serious relationship........

Just relax and have fun. If you never experience how do you know she have the qualities of "the one" you are looking for?

If you are so worry about her, go party with her, hung out with her more. Shows the ppl around her that YOU are her BF and you do care about her. Don't just sit on your ass and complain online lol.

spideyv2 · 07-02-2012, 02:09 PM

inb4 OP kills his GF for not calling him back

spideyv2 · 07-02-2012, 02:11 PM

But seriously, did you tell her you intend on her being "the one?"

Guaranteed she'd probably get crept out and tell you this isn't working, or continue to take advantage of her dominance in the relationship.

Wykydtron · 07-02-2012, 02:21 PM

All of your questions are pointless. The best way to answer them, is to not reserve yourself for "the one", go out, date, fuck, have fun, live your life, and learn. Plus every relationship, every person is different. Stop worrying about the long term-ed-ness of the damn thing and just let what happens happen. That's all you can do. Because at 18, if she likes to party etc, sounds like she isn't looking to settle down right this second so it's already destined to fail imo.