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Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
[Confidential] Classic rebound case? Or a chance to salvage in the future
The following is an anonymous post from a Revscene member
Looking for some insight on this.. need some help whether to keep it going or cut all ties and try to move on.
Throughout the tail-end of summer I became romantically involved with a woman who very recently came out of a 2 year long relationship. We essentially slept together two weeks after she had left her ex.
Very early on it wasn't either of our intentions to become romantically involved - the chemistry was just incredible and the conversation flowed effortlessly. It became obvious there was feelings there and we eventually got together and spent many nights with one another. If this matters, we slept together a total of 5-6 times in a span of 3 months? We established exclusiveness very early on, which in retrospect might have been a mistake.
When she went away for holidays she would text me constantly, whenever she had a chance, and when she went to Vegas she felt obligated to keep distance from other guys keeping my feelings in mind.. and here's where things kind of fell apart.
Her ex continues to message her on the regular just to catch up and I have a feeling that got the best of her emotions. When she came back from Vegas she was distant... and never made an effort to see me. On impulse I called her out and that scared her.
On the same day that she continuously told me she missed me, that evening she decided that she needed things to stop. She wanted to be single - her mind was confused and she felt guilty for moving on so fast. Exclusiveness scared her as she didn't want to have to worry hurting me, not necessarily because she wants to see other guys (I'm the first she's been with that hasn't been labelled a boyfriend.. she's had 2 boyfriends.)
Anyway, it's been about 2-3 weeks since this happened. At the end of things she sent me a couple paragraph texts emphasizing that her feelings for me were real, and I wasn't a rebound. It was more so that she's not ready for another commitment so fast after moving on from her previous relationship. She left the text saying that she still likes me but just needs time alone for a little while and wants to talk on occasion.
Talking on occasion has lead to IG posts about missing me, random reminiscent messages about the things we did together (i.e. workout, OOTDs etc..), snapchat conversations here and there.
Now here's where my emotions come into this. The beginning was very hard to deal - I couldn't focus on school, nauseous feeling in my stomach and lost my appetite. It's come to a point where I can continue conversation with her but it's obvious I still have feelings for her. She says she doesn't know what the future holds for us but wants to go with the flow.
My main question for you guys: should I continue conversation and hope that it eventually leads somewhere more or back off now to save myself from disappointment / it's too late to rekindle that kind of physical relationship?
If you have any questions please ask. will check back regularly and respond!!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1
She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face.
The following is an anonymous post from a Revscene member
Her ex continues to message her on the regular just to catch up and I have a feeling that got the best of her emotions. When she came back from Vegas she was distant... and never made an effort to see me. On impulse I called her out and that scared her.
On the same day that she continuously told me she missed me, that evening she decided that she needed things to stop. She wanted to be single - her mind was confused and she felt guilty for moving on so fast. Exclusiveness scared her as she didn't want to have to worry hurting me, not necessarily because she wants to see other guys (I'm the first she's been with that hasn't been labelled a boyfriend.. she's had 2 boyfriends.)
Anyway, it's been about 2-3 weeks since this happened. At the end of things she sent me a couple paragraph texts emphasizing that her feelings for me were real, and I wasn't a rebound. It was more so that she's not ready for another commitment so fast after moving on from her previous relationship. She left the text saying that she still likes me but just needs time alone for a little while and wants to talk on occasion.
Now here's where my emotions come into this. The beginning was very hard to deal - I couldn't focus on school, nauseous feeling in my stomach and lost my appetite. It's come to a point where I can continue conversation with her but it's obvious I still have feelings for her. She says she doesn't know what the future holds for us but wants to go with the flow.
My main question for you guys: should I continue conversation and hope that it eventually leads somewhere more or back off now to save myself from disappointment / it's too late to rekindle that kind of physical relationship?
If you have any questions please ask. will check back regularly and respond!!
I think you will find your answers in bold above.
You will have people tell you that it is a rebound...maybe it is, maybe it isn't. To be honest, I doesn't really matter because regardless of whatever you want to label it, this is not the right time for you two to be together.
I would suggest you back away and cut contact down to a minimum. She won't be able to heal herself if you are waiting too close and you wont be able to gain some perspective if you are standing next to her.
You both clearly have an interest in each other...if this is genuine, it will be worth it to step away for a few months. If you are going to be hanging out together in some weird grey zone (sleeping together/texting), it will just become more and more complicated.
She may genuinely just need some time to be on her own after getting out of a long term relationship. If this is the case and she actually recognizes that this is a really healthy and potentially necessary thing for her to do, then AWESOME. 5 stars to this girl for not jumping right into something else before she's ready. If you think she's sincere and you really think there might be something here, then give her the space she's asking for.
I'd suggest not taking too much time to pine or daydream about her during this time, but also take time for yourself. I also recommend giving yourself a deadline on this friend-zone time. How long are you willing to wait for her to be "ready"? a couple of weeks? 6 months? A year?
Another scenario is that she got out of a long-term relationship and suddenly someone was super keen on being with her and she milked it for all it was worth. Finally, someone was paying her the kind of attention her ex wasn't. It's possible she just got scared, or it's possible that feeling wore off a bit and now she wants to see what else might be out there. She might want to keep occasional contact in order to keep you warming on the back burner, just in case she decides that you're the best she can do.
This is all just from my own personal experience, but at the end of the day I think you're best taking her lead and making your own feelings and needs your #1 priority. She's taking care of herself right now and you should probably do the same.
You've been used as a classic rebound. You KNEW that going in. The moment you CALLED her out is when you should have realized to just let it go (it would have been your best bet as a fuck buddy).
Be proud, have your head up high. Chalk her down as another chick on your belt.
You're like a tampon, insert when needed, and your purposed has been fulfilled. Now you're in the trash.
give her the space she wants. Yes you were a rebound had a similar situation last year, and it sucked. If she does want you she will approach you in time (Few weeks sometimes months) and see where things pick up from there.
I'm not going to tell you if you were a rebound or not; there is no point
OP just needs to know what to do know.
Give it time.
I went through a similar thing. (still on going actually)
I wow'd a girl that just got out of a relationship and i confused the shit out of her; even up to this day, she is unsure of her feelings.
Give it time, thats all you can really do.
Time will give you the answer either it be good or bad.
Over time she might realize that her feelings towards you are real.
Over time she might realize that it was just impulse.
Just tell her your feelings once (i think you already did that)
and wait.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by TOS'd
The reason for Speak it Out is to actually set PK-EK up with someone, whether that be someone from this thread or outside of RS.
The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster
When we have conversation, she still initiates and keeps it going. If I reply neutrally without shooting back a question she'll fire one back my way. An update as far as today goes... we've essentially chatted the entire day - nonstop unless we were both busy (shes at work or something)...
For the time being, should I continue with conversation? Or stop replying at some point... and if I do stop replying and she messages again, what then? I understand she wants her space but she's clearly interested in keeping continually chatting.. If I oblige and stay on her mind, will this turn into a friendzone type thing? I feel like if I crack the question too often and see where she stands, it'll just push her away. She's not one for serious conversations unless she wants to have them.
I don't know if it's obvious but I want this to go somewhere. I'm willing to wait, but I want to make sure I take the proper steps.. I don't want her to forget about me. If conversation goes dry, should I check back in once in awhile, surprise her and say hello?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1
She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face.
The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster
When we have conversation, she still initiates and keeps it going. If I reply neutrally without shooting back a question she'll fire one back my way. An update as far as today goes... we've essentially chatted the entire day - nonstop unless we were both busy (shes at work or something)...
For the time being, should I continue with conversation? Or stop replying at some point... and if I do stop replying and she messages again, what then? I understand she wants her space but she's clearly interested in keeping continually chatting.. If I oblige and stay on her mind, will this turn into a friendzone type thing? I feel like if I crack the question too often and see where she stands, it'll just push her away. She's not one for serious conversations unless she wants to have them.
I don't know if it's obvious but I want this to go somewhere. I'm willing to wait, but I want to make sure I take the proper steps.. I don't want her to forget about me. If conversation goes dry, should I check back in once in awhile, surprise her and say hello?
I've been in this situation before and it seems like she's just filling in a void. After her breakup with her boyfriend she missed the feeling on being with someone. You came in to replace that void. She may not really like being with you as much as she just likes being taken care of. I know this sounds harsh but that's what it appears like from the way you're telling your story. She wants to be apart, realizes that she misses someone being there, then texts you to make sure she still has that someone to take care of her. It's a stupid mind game and I personally think you should tell her it's unfair to you, and unless she wants something more serious that you should stop talking. This will make her very upset, but only because she knows it's true and can't really say anything back. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
BTW, when this happened to me, I confronted the girl. She got upset and we stopped talking to each other for a bit. It hurt at first but I truly realized that was the best move for my personal well being.
stop being her source of acceptance and validation like a lap dog. move on and show her that you're the one leaving her and not the other way around before it's too late.
The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster
Thanks for all the input. It seems like the overwhelming consensus is that I was simply a rebound and to drop things and let it go. Move on, fuck bitches yada yada but that just ain't who I am.. when someone is extraordinarily special to me and doesn't come around often theres some undeniable feeling to fight...
At this point, I'm comfortable with accepting the rebound label. However I'll be optimistic and think glass-half full - emotions existed, they were real, and they could perhaps come back. Time and space alone is a given, and I've decided to cut off contact for a little while just to figure out my emotions as well and give in to what she wants.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1
She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face.
When a girl sleeps with you after 2 weeks of going out, there's no love. She needed, she wanted, and she got it.
You know a girl loves you when she goes out of her way to do things for you and never ask for anything in return. Not because she sent you "i miss you" texts, or say "can't stop thinking about you" on a vegas trip.
Cut communication. She will want you back, and by then, you better have found another chick (whether to love or to fuck).
The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster
It's been about 3 days N/C.. things have been really awkward. Think about her all the time, wonder if she's thinking about me.
Was thinking of pulling the random let's get together and fuck line but if she's not feeling it I feel like it's game over haha. Any opinions?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MG1
She taught me right from wrong and always told me to stay positive and help others no matter how small the deed - that helping others gives us meaning to carry on. The sun is out today and it's a new day. Life is good. I just needed a slap in the face.
OP - Did you watch the video I posted? I gather that you did, based on your response, but your approach is wrong. Re-watch the video and post back with results.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badhobz
You show me a 1998 240sx in prestine condition and ill fucking suck your dick. no homo!
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