[BIC_BAWS]

*forked from "The Official No Need To Start a New Thread, Thread" by RabidRat, on request from BIC_BAWS*

Incoming word vomit.

What do you guys define as a high value individual? This term has popped up across social media lately, but ignoring the TikTok/IG brain rot perspective, what does this mean to you guys?

I've been really really really fucking burnt out (struggling) for the last few years. Hell I haven't done anything to change it and I know that. It's not an excuse but for context, I barely feel like a human being most of the time and it honestly feels like I'm living in a shell of myself - robotic going through the daily motions of life (work, eat, sleep, repeat). I've said this before, but I feel trapped. As in, trapped in debt (mortgage + car) via lifestyle inflation and other familial circumstances. Outside of track and friends, I am living only to pay off generational debt.

Anyway, through a conversation with a friend tonight, I think the lack of motivation to do something about it ultimately boils down to my self worth. Pre-COVID, in my early 20s, I was running several successful businesses and I had a clear path of what I wanted to do. COVID kind of really fucked me cause I feel like I've done nothing since the shut down. To me, success looks like ambition and living your life to your terms, done via entrepreneurship. I can't do that anymore because I need things like job security and being an employee for mortgage reasons.

Despite me feeling that I haven't had a lot of self growth in the last 4 years, a different friend reminded me that I've grown so much more as a person - managing to foster (cultivate) an amazing friend group, finding joy in caring for others (monetary, time, experiences) and showing up for people, etc. While I think I was doing that before, they did mention that they didn't really like who I was before - arrogant, cocky, and an overall asshole. I'm still an asshole, but I perceived that time of my life of being a high valued person.

I find it difficult to have this conversation with those amongst my age group as in most cases - it's the opposite. They didn't have a sense of direction in their early 20s, but now they do. Or tbh it's just that life hasn't beaten them up yet or enough, to get to this point of what the fuck. Whereas, the demographic here is older, so well most of you have gotten your 20s and 30s out of the way and life has fucked you up over the years.

[radeonboy]

Going to preface this by mentioning that everyone's definition of a high-value individual or 'success' is different.

For me, a high-value individual - in the context of someone's character - is a person who's reliable, open-minded, respectful, resourceful, and trustworthy with the confidence to uphold his/her personality and self-worth. That person acts with purpose and is self-disciplined with established values and goals.

A high-value individual to me might not be a high-value individual to you because our core values will be different. In the same vein, a 'successful' person to me might not be 'successful' to you - it's all relative.

What is the social media hivemind saying about high-value individuals?

[Traum]

I don't have an answer to your high value individual question, but I've certainly gone through several phases of burning myself out, and I have since vowed to myself that I would never put myself through that again unless I am literally fighting to survive to meet the basic need for food and clothes for me and my family.

I can safely say that I am chained down as much as any typical husband / dad with a huge mortgage on my back. I know there is no getting out of this because there are still 20+ years to go on the mortgage, 10+ years before my kid turns 18, (And what Chinese parent could really let go of their kid just bcos they turned 18?) plus all the expenses that go along with the journey. But most of the time I don't feel trapped.

It goes without saying that it's bad to feel burnt out and trapped. For me, I am actively and intentionally not allowing myself to get into situations where I would be burning myself out for an extended period of time -- IMO short bursts of taking on more than one can handle every now and then is pretty much a fact of life, so that cannot be entirely avoided.

The other thing is to not feel trapped. I know it sounds corny, but I don't feel trapped bcos I love my wife. I love my kid. I have a loving family, and I both enjoy and treasure our time together. Knowing that, and feeling that on a daily basis are the reasons why I do not feel trapped. Like I said -- it's corny, but it's true.

You have a lot on your shoulders. Is there any way you can take on less? You mentioned lifestyle inflation, and that might potentially be a good place for you to dial back on. Can you slow down / take on less, or let deadlines and standards slide a little? Some bosses will push and squeeze every last drop of usefulness out of his staff, and I would go back to the same old cliche bcos it's true -- employees are dispensable, but you are not, at least not to yourself.

But I wouldn't cut back on the time and things you do for your friends. At this moment in time, they are your core support network and non-family family. Should you eventually build a family of your own, you'll inevitably cutback on how much you do with and for your friends.

Good luck!

[bcrdukes]

High value = all you ballers on RS

[Badhobz]

My bro,

The problem is you’re being influenced by others on how your life “should be”.
Instead of what it is and what you already made of it.

Let me explain, And this is comparable to Plato’s allegory of the cave (omg my fucking philosophy degree actually is poignant for once) all you’ve been focusing is on the “world of forms” that is presented to you. The reality is your life is what you make of it. You can choose to be in this rut and let your success be defined by this unrealistic social media standard or you can say FUCK THIS. I’m an individual. I make my own definitions of success and the only master you need to honour is yourself.

My bro you are so fucking far ahead of most people your age that you’ve already lapped a few of them. Hell there are people who are twice your age and cannot achieve we you have achieved.

Facts:
You own a single detached house in the GVRD. I was living with my parents at your age.

You drove bmws and m3s and now CTRs when I was driving Sentra XEs and fighting buddy guy at KFC’s.

You have enough disposable income that you can afford a car hobby and go to track days. Like real fucking track days where a normal weekend is basically minimum 1000 bucks gone.

I think you need to give yourself a break and celebrate your achievements instead of focusing on what you’ve missed. You got time to make mistakes. You got time to retool and and change course if you find your current employment unfulfilling. Same with relationships.

Don’t be too scared to take risks. Even if it doesn’t pander out, you’re still miles ahead. Just plan accordingly though and stop using social media as a foil of success.

[6793026]

You're right, in our 20s, we have no idea what success or direction is.

Then now, in this generation, there are those who are dead set focused on ______.
Some make it big and props to them. Others crumble and realize there are hurdles which some, are impossible to overcome and you must pivot.

Life is always about being humble and pivoting. No you won't ever make it to be Basketball start, you're 5'1. No, you won't be a senior VP thanks to bamboo ceiling.. no you won't ever be a doctor cause you can barely pass grade 8..... reality hits hard.

[AstulzerRZD]

Incoming word vomit.

What do you guys define as a high value individual? This term has popped up across social media lately, but ignoring the TikTok/IG brain rot perspective, what does this mean to you guys?


I think it's about being good to yourself first, then being good to the community around you.

Looks different for everyone - for some this is service, for some people this is creating economic opportunity, for others it's leading them into a better experience.

For me, it's been about choosing my battles more wisely and playing a game that has a bit more benefits at the moment. Dropped cycling and picked up running because it's more social, dropped DJing clubs and picked up hosting, dropped car stuff and picked up DJing/travel

[Tapioca]

I find it difficult to have this conversation with those amongst my age group as in most cases - it's the opposite. They didn't have a sense of direction in their early 20s, but now they do. Or tbh it's just that life hasn't beaten them up yet or enough, to get to this point of what the fuck. Whereas, the demographic here is older, so well most of you have gotten your 20s and 30s out of the way and life has fucked you up over the years.

Life has a way of beating you up when you least expect it. For example, cancer could strike you anytime and I've seen it happen to people in their 30s. Social media masks most of the daily struggles that people face on a daily basis and unless you come from significant privilege, most do face a daily grind.

I will say that as a parent for almost 10 years, the daily struggles of being a parent are far greater than the struggles of those who are childless. Let that sink in for a moment and re-orient your perspective.

I didn't own a detached house until I was 38. I have never bought a brand new car in my life. I have an empty passport. You're doing fine.

On the other hand, you do have to enjoy the journey and find ways to derive joy during the daily grind when you can. Help your neighbour out with something, or open the door for an elderly person. Smile back at a toddler.

I recently celebrated my 10-year wedding anniversary with my wife. It was very meaningful - more meaningful than I realized. (And I hate to say it, but celebrating 10 years with someone is actually a real achievement these days.) When you invest in relationships with other human beings, your perspective changes as well.

[Gerbs]

Incoming word vomit.

What do you guys define as a high value individual? This term has popped up across social media lately, but ignoring the TikTok/IG brain rot perspective, what does this mean to you guys?

I've been really really really fucking burnt out (struggling) for the last few years. Hell I haven't done anything to change it and I know that. It's not an excuse but for context, I barely feel like a human being most of the time and it honestly feels like I'm living in a shell of myself - robotic going through the daily motions of life (work, eat, sleep, repeat). I've said this before, but I feel trapped. As in, trapped in debt (mortgage + car) via lifestyle inflation and other familial circumstances. Outside of track and friends, I am living only to pay off generational debt.

Anyway, through a conversation with a friend tonight, I think the lack of motivation to do something about it ultimately boils down to my self worth. Pre-COVID, in my early 20s, I was running several successful businesses and I had a clear path of what I wanted to do. COVID kind of really fucked me cause I feel like I've done nothing since the shut down. To me, success looks like ambition and living your life to your terms, done via entrepreneurship. I can't do that anymore because I need things like job security and being an employee for mortgage reasons.

Despite me feeling that I haven't had a lot of self growth in the last 4 years, a different friend reminded me that I've grown so much more as a person - managing to foster (cultivate) an amazing friend group, finding joy in caring for others (monetary, time, experiences) and showing up for people, etc. While I think I was doing that before, they did mention that they didn't really like who I was before - arrogant, cocky, and an overall asshole. I'm still an asshole, but I perceived that time of my life of being a high valued person.

I find it difficult to have this conversation with those amongst my age group as in most cases - it's the opposite. They didn't have a sense of direction in their early 20s, but now they do. Or tbh it's just that life hasn't beaten them up yet or enough, to get to this point of what the fuck. Whereas, the demographic here is older, so well most of you have gotten your 20s and 30s out of the way and life has fucked you up over the years.

I've had this conversation countless times over the last couple of years as many friends and acquaintances enter what feels like a quarter-life crisis. It’s fascinating to see how different life has turned out compared to how people expected it to be. Here are some recent events that triggered this conversation.

Financial Strain: Realizing they’ve peaked monetarily but can't afford the travel or hobbies they dreamed of.
Living Situation: Finding themselves still living with their parents by ages 30-32. With no realistic plan to ever leave and grow their character
Relationship: Discovering they're not as desirable for a long-term relationship with their ideal partner and facing the need to compromise on certain "must-have" criteria.
Friendships: They only have HS / college or one group of friends that don't value them and have very limited world outlooks and hobbies.

When it comes to being "high value," I think it largely depends on the perspective you're looking at:

Social Media / TikTok Perspective
IG/TikTok, targets 15-25 year old who are on self-improvement journeys who aren't happy with their life. "high value and happiness" is equated with having:

- $150K+ High income
- Successful social circle
- $500K-1.5+M NW by 30-35
- 10-12% body fat + muscle
- Looks maxing
- Fast cars + Nice watches

It's an intense and often superficial standard in which 95% of people will never obtain and the message seems to resonate that you're a piece of shit if you don't have this.

As a Full Individual Character
As Radeonboy put it, high value is more about being a person who’s "reliable, open-minded, respectful, resourceful, and trustworthy with the confidence to uphold their personality and self-worth." To me, this means someone who is emotionally intelligent, caring, has diverse interests and hobbies, and follows through on their word

This perspective values depth of character over appearance or material success. I think this is very important and is easily lost in the sauce in your 20's.

High Value for Adult Friendships in Your Mid-to-Late 20s
AstulzerRZD adds another layer, noting that value in friendships can vary. For some, it’s about service; for others, it’s creating economic opportunities, or helping others have meaningful experiences.

In my experience, infiltrating friend groups and being someone that others wanna re-invite out and accept is a game of value whether people agree with it or not. On top of basic things like good personality and being funny, providing economic and social opportunities too—like hosting, connecting friends with business referrals, or planning golf/ski events. They help you build a social circle with friends from different aspects of life (close friends, work friends, sports groups, car groups, friends in different city etc.) has been a game-changer for me in terms of finding a sense of belonging and maximizing enjoyment of experiences/life.

A lot of people resist the idea of needing to provide "value" in friendships, saying they only need their close high school or college friends. But, expanding your social circle can make a big difference, helping you find connections in different "pockets" of life.

[The Producer]

take a social media break. start w a couple of days, see if you can get to a couple of weeks. pretty quick you'll figure out that a lot of that anxiety is coming from a non stop barrage of social media presence that only exists to exploit.

mix up the podcasts. dump the doomposters and just toss in some good car content. Chris Harris, EVO is doing one now. Even Fat Marrah has had good guests on lately.

Lastly - it's hard, but don't compare yourself to others. You're leading in the life game right now, it's just the early part of the race. Got a house at your age, you're earning well, and that you're taking care of people. You still make time for yourself and your hobbies. For real man - save some pu$$y for the rest of us.

Really your only bonehead play that I know of is dumping your E36. The only real high value individual is BMW Individual

[Gerbs]

I didn't own a detached house until I was 38. I have never bought a brand new car in my life. I have an empty passport. You're doing fine.

On the other hand, you do have to enjoy the journey and find ways to derive joy during the daily grind when you can. Help your neighbour out with something, or open the door for an elderly person. Smile back at a toddler.

I recently celebrated my 10-year wedding anniversary with my wife. It was very meaningful - more meaningful than I realized. (And I hate to say it, but celebrating 10 years with someone is actually a real achievement these days.) When you invest in relationships with other human beings, your perspective changes as well.

Two things I'm trying to start valuing more before I enter 30-32 and kids are in play is finishing out the passport and investing in relationships. I feel like as a first gen Canadian, we're pretty lucky in that economically we're probably top 10 in the world for pay to work life balance.

Life is way more enjoyable with people and your 20's is the best time to explore and develop these friendships and relationships!


Lastly - it's hard, but don't compare yourself to others. You're leading in the life game right now, it's just the early part of the race. Got a house at your age, you're earning well, and that you're taking care of people. You still make time for yourself and your hobbies. For real man - save some pu$$y for the rest of us.
l

I always found it hard to not compare yourself to others to determine if you're living the best life possible. What helped me was I realized that I didn't have to same starting ground as many folks growing up widowed parent, so there's many ways I've never had the opportunities to do a lot of the things I aspired to do by 28. That helped me appreciate everything that I have but my mind always tells myself there's always someone who had it worse that is doing better than you. :lawl:

[underscore]

Other people put it better but being high value is tricky for some people because it's about who you are, not what you have, and that's a harder thing to quantify.

Social Media / TikTok Perspective
IG/TikTok, targets 15-25 year old who are on self-improvement journeys who aren't happy with their life. "high value and happiness" is equated with having:

- $150K+ High income
- Successful social circle
- $500K-1.5+M NW by 30-35
- 10-12% body fat + muscle
- Looks maxing
- Fast cars + Nice watches

It's an intense and often superficial standard in which 95% of people will never obtain and the message seems to resonate that you're a piece of shit if you don't have this.

On top of that the people pushing that are usually either faking that they have it (either lying about having it, renting things or being in huge debt), or lying about how they got it. A buddy of mine is friends with a bunch of those kinds of people and it's all BS. Nepo babies claiming they're #selfmade and conveniently leaving out the huge leg up and pile of cash their families gave them.

[CivicBlues]

Any other old timers here reading this and glad as fuck they're not in their 20s in 2024?

[bcrdukes]

I was half joking about my post where the ballers here on RS are of high value, but I was also half serious.

Look at all the people who regularly show up to the Stock and Noob Meets (except for dark0821 - fuck that guy :D) People of good character, are reliable, trustworthy, and have their own stuff together that is unique to them.

I used to think high value meant ballin' outta control like Hehe and his trillions, but I digress. There's some correlation of high value to monetary and material possessions, but ultimately, it boils down to the person and their values etc.

Extreme example, but you have a guy like Badhobz who hates everyone, but if you were in need, he'd take the shirt off his back and offer it to you. And maybe give you a beating with a bucket of KFC.

Edit / Disclaimer: I don't hate on dark0821 - I'm just picking on him because he's always bailing for the meets, but kudos to him for trying to show up. :)

[Gerbs]

Other people put it better but being high value is tricky for some people because it's about who you are, not what you have, and that's a harder thing to quantify.



On top of that the people pushing that are usually either faking that they have it (either lying about having it, renting things or being in huge debt), or lying about how they got it. A buddy of mine is friends with a bunch of those kinds of people and it's all BS. Nepo babies claiming they're #selfmade and conveniently leaving out the huge leg up and pile of cash their families gave them.

I'd say a lot of the people I'm around these days fulfil the above criteria. At least 50% of them have great upbringings, grew up in Fraserview, N.Burnaby / Westwood, given all the opportunities to succeed and they took it and did well.

With that said, I think there's maybe < 1,000 people total in Van that fill the above criteria between 21-35 without inheritance lol.

Almost 95% of the my friends who are homeowners had a $100-300K+ help from their parents or SO parents. Perks of immigrant parents making it :fuckyea:

Any other old timers here reading this and glad as fuck they're not in their 20s in 2024?

Imo having your shit together by 20's, your life has never been more comfortable.

You're WFH, Costco delivered to your door step w 20% off uber eats gift card, 12-2PM hits and you're saucing your S2000 to play some sports with your friends.

After work 4-6PM, you take your Type R up Seymour to go ski in the winter, then head back for a dinner/date that requires no in-person approaching because dating apps or friend referral.

Then proceed to sleep in the next day because no commute to work! YOY you're making more than you believe you'd ever make, I can't believe this is life lol

[CivicBlues]

Then wtf are you all complaining about!? Sounds like a sweet life to me, go shred that pow, go smash that pussy!!

None of those things are exclusive to people living in their 20s. Except maybe to a certain extent (over)use of dating apps. btw dating online isn't new it's probably mainstream for 2 decades now.

But then again I can really do without all the social media-envy, keeping up with the joneses, widespread "mental illness", gamification of dating apps, lack of intimacy, social awkwardness I see of many in Gen Z.

Damn....I'm channelling boomer energy now. Time for my afternoon nap.

[Tapioca]

Another thing people should be doing if the daily grind is getting them down is to become active in your community. Setting up activity groups is one way to do it, but there are lots of other established community groups and organizations that cater to every niche out there.

In my 30s, I was a Toastmaster for a few years and it opened up a lot of doors and built my confidence. I have no problems getting up in crowds of hundreds of people and speaking. Speaking to an executive probably makes me more nervous than speaking to strangers.

Nowadays, I'm on a couple advisory committees. I'm also on our strata council. I've grown my network threefold in the past 6-7 years.

Take people out for coffee and give them opportunities to talk about themselves and to share their stories. It goes a long way, gives you perspective, and potentially inspiration to do more in your life.

[noclue]

Yeah flex culture back then was only limited to your school and your network, now it’s bombarded 24/7 on tiktok/IG.

I miss the days when:
Kids wanted to be something else than a youtuber/content creator.
Nobody trying to get famous shilling yet another generic hotpot/bbt place with the same monotone voice.
There was no rampant cheating using AI in university.
Car forums not facebook groups.
Beetles and rolexes had a good discount.
Craigslist instead of facebook marketplace.

Sigh, time to eat my metamucil and get my steps in.

Jokes aside from my circle, the ones that “made it” locally were in medicine, even then their parents paid their tuition and $ for downpayment. The rest of us had to leave BC to get experience and come back. The ones that did came back was only due to family, it’s too lucrative in the US to come back to Canada.

[Gerbs]

Then wtf are you all complaining about!? Sounds like a sweet life to me, go shred that pow, go smash that pussy!!

None of those things are exclusive to people living in their 20s. Except maybe to a certain extent (over)use of dating apps. btw dating online isn't new it's probably mainstream for 2 decades now.

But then again I can really do without all the social media-envy, keeping up with the joneses, widespread "mental illness", gamification of dating apps, lack of intimacy, social awkwardness I see of many in Gen Z.

Damn....I'm channelling boomer energy now. Time for my afternoon nap.

Life's great for the upper percentile, not complaining one bit.


But if you're stuck making $50-60K, gg lol

[SkinnyPupp]

Any other old timers here reading this and glad as fuck they're not in their 20s in 2024?
Not to sound morbid but I am shocked the suicide rate hasn't skyrocketed over the past 5 years.

[Hondaracer]

If I went from my current situation, to being 25 again and in the same situation I was at that age in this current environment, with the knowledge of what it takes to get back to where I am, I’d legit kill myself

The only reason why I can think of it hasn’t blown up is that ignorance is bliss, if you don’t understand what it’s like to be comfortable, you don’t have a reference to your happiness.

[CivicBlues]

Not to sound morbid but I am shocked the suicide rate hasn't skyrocketed over the past 5 years.

I mean if you include opioid deaths it kinda has.

[Hondaracer]

So to that point I had a fairly disturbing conversation with a family member who her and her BF have been working in the DTES and SRO’s for the last couple years doing social work.

They said basically prior to Covid, your stereotypical addict was a white male, 30-50, had an accident, had some trauma, got hooked on painkillers and was forced in their addiction to move into harder drugs and ultimately ended up homeless etc.

They said these people actually had “ok” prospects of recovery as they may have had a family before, they knew “good” times when they weren’t in addiction, they knew that if they were to become clean there might be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel.

However, they said now, a very alarming trend among addicts are basically kids, 15-25 years old, who literally do not give a fuck about -anything- they don’t care about dieing, they don’t care about OD’ing, they will tear apart their SRO, they will assault other residents, they will steal from one another etc. and when they try to council these people, they are essentially hopeless. They’ve never had anything but stress and trauma in their lives, they have no reference to “good” times in their lives, they are hopeless.

It was really awful to hear, terrible.

[AstulzerRZD]

The rest of us had to leave BC to get experience and come back. The ones that did came back was only due to family, it’s too lucrative in the US to come back to Canada.

While some of my friends have gotten amazing self-discovery while living at home, I got a lot of it from moving abroad.

Looking back, if they had paid me the same salary in Vancouver / Seattle / NY, I still would've moved for the exp

[red kryptonite]

Like badhobz said, celebrate your achievements.
Try not to stress about debt. You’re in your 20s, who doesn’t have debt at that age. Most people aren’t out of debt until they’re 50.
Be grateful your debt a is going towards a home you can call your own and fun toys and experiences. I know people who are in crippling debt due to poor life choices or life handing them a bad hand. Work eat sleep pay debt, well that’s life. There are lots of people working 16 hour days, not spending a dollar on themselves to provide for their family.
I know it’s not super helpful advice but I hope it helps put things in perspective as far as debt goes.

[68style]

I think most people here are on to the right track, comparing to others whether it's in a relationship comparing to someone's other partners or just sitting on your own comparing to people around you... or what you see of them anyway which is very limited and designed to show them in the best light... you're basically piecing together a monster in your mind from little factoids and either way it is a quick path to depressionville and poor mental health.

Goodness knows I've got a truckload of failures I can look back on if I wanted to at my age, but as the saying goes man who drives while looking only in rearview mirror crashes into parked E46....... or something like that??

Seriously though, if you ever want to chat you have my number and I'm not currently working, just give me a shout any time day or night if you're feeling poorly or wanna run something by a third party that maybe doesn't know you super well but probably been down a similar road at some point. I can always make time for you sir!

[Gerbs]

Not to sound morbid but I am shocked the suicide rate hasn't skyrocketed over the past 5 years.

I'm shocked by the amount of people who are depressed and are on anti-depressants or ADHD med. Feels like 1 in 6 are on anti-depressants and 1 in 4 are on adderall / vvyanse

[SkinnyPupp]

I'm shocked by the amount of people who are depressed and are on anti-depressants or ADHD med. Feels like 1 in 6 are on anti-depressants and 1 in 4 are on adderall / vvyanse
I imagine it helps a lot of people get by. Some people are so out they can't even get to the point of seeing a doctor and using medication, and stay stuck for decades

[westopher]

Incoming word vomit.

What do you guys define as a high value individual? This term has popped up across social media lately, but ignoring the TikTok/IG brain rot perspective, what does this mean to you guys?

I've been really really really fucking burnt out (struggling) for the last few years. Hell I haven't done anything to change it and I know that. It's not an excuse but for context, I barely feel like a human being most of the time and it honestly feels like I'm living in a shell of myself - robotic going through the daily motions of life (work, eat, sleep, repeat). I've said this before, but I feel trapped. As in, trapped in debt (mortgage + car) via lifestyle inflation and other familial circumstances. Outside of track and friends, I am living only to pay off generational debt.

Anyway, through a conversation with a friend tonight, I think the lack of motivation to do something about it ultimately boils down to my self worth. Pre-COVID, in my early 20s, I was running several successful businesses and I had a clear path of what I wanted to do. COVID kind of really fucked me cause I feel like I've done nothing since the shut down. To me, success looks like ambition and living your life to your terms, done via entrepreneurship. I can't do that anymore because I need things like job security and being an employee for mortgage reasons.

Despite me feeling that I haven't had a lot of self growth in the last 4 years, a different friend reminded me that I've grown so much more as a person - managing to foster (cultivate) an amazing friend group, finding joy in caring for others (monetary, time, experiences) and showing up for people, etc. While I think I was doing that before, they did mention that they didn't really like who I was before - arrogant, cocky, and an overall asshole. I'm still an asshole, but I perceived that time of my life of being a high valued person.

I find it difficult to have this conversation with those amongst my age group as in most cases - it's the opposite. They didn't have a sense of direction in their early 20s, but now they do. Or tbh it's just that life hasn't beaten them up yet or enough, to get to this point of what the fuck. Whereas, the demographic here is older, so well most of you have gotten your 20s and 30s out of the way and life has fucked you up over the years.
Try and remove the financial and work portion from your self reflection for some times. I know that's not easy, as so much of our self worth comes from that, but really concentrate.
Do you have people you truly care about, people who truly care about you?
If so (which I know you do) think of the reasons those people care. Do you make them laugh, do you listen to their problems, do you pick them up when they are wasted and can't get a cab?
Try to show yourself the same care and respect as they do. Love yourself for the reasons people celebrate you and celebrate yourself for it as well. Tell people you care about them and see them smile.
At the risk of oversharing, I've been to therapy, I've been depressed, I've been medicated, I've been addicted to plenty of drugs, I've been an alcoholic, but I've always found solace in the real relationships I have with people, and that's not just my partner at the time, but my family and friends and even random people I have had any meaningful interaction with.
Human interaction is the meaning of life.
Honestly, sit down with some friends or a friend and lay it out in person. Catch up, talk about everything good and bad, turn your phone off and just connect. You'll feel refreshed.
I can't stress this enough, therapy can be a lifeline when you need it, but vet your therapists for a real connection. I've had some where I just leave feeling like I went to a psych 104 class and that's an easy call to find someone different.

[RabidRat]

What do you guys define as a high value individual?


For me, it's people with compassion and integrity. People who are generous: with their energy and their patience, and make an honest attempt to help others be better off.

Fwiw, it's what I see of you and most other folks on here.


I've been really really really fucking burnt out (struggling) for the last few years. Hell I haven't done anything to change it and I know that. It's not an excuse but for context, I barely feel like a human being most of the time and it honestly feels like I'm living in a shell of myself - robotic going through the daily motions of life (work, eat, sleep, repeat). I've said this before, but I feel trapped. As in, trapped in debt (mortgage + car) via lifestyle inflation and other familial circumstances. Outside of track and friends, I am living only to pay off generational debt.

Anyway, through a conversation with a friend tonight, I think the lack of motivation to do something about it ultimately boils down to my self worth. Pre-COVID, in my early 20s, I was running several successful businesses and I had a clear path of what I wanted to do. COVID kind of really fucked me cause I feel like I've done nothing since the shut down. To me, success looks like ambition and living your life to your terms, done via entrepreneurship. I can't do that anymore because I need things like job security and being an employee for mortgage reasons.

Despite me feeling that I haven't had a lot of self growth in the last 4 years, a different friend reminded me that I've grown so much more as a person - managing to foster (cultivate) an amazing friend group, finding joy in caring for others (monetary, time, experiences) and showing up for people, etc. While I think I was doing that before, they did mention that they didn't really like who I was before - arrogant, cocky, and an overall asshole. I'm still an asshole, but I perceived that time of my life of being a high valued person.



I find it difficult to have this conversation with those amongst my age group as in most cases - it's the opposite. They didn't have a sense of direction in their early 20s, but now they do. Or tbh it's just that life hasn't beaten them up yet or enough, to get to this point of what the fuck. Whereas, the demographic here is older, so well most of you have gotten your 20s and 30s out of the way and life has fucked you up over the years.


Like Hobz said, the reality is there is no truer success or failure than the one we have in our minds. The most powerful thing we can have, is control over our own goalposts, and not have someone else deciding that for us.

Setting those goalposts in a way that we give ourselves a break on things that are done and decided (which we can't or shouldn't change), but also so that we challenge ourselves to do more and better with things that are or will be upon us.

While some of my friends have gotten amazing self-discovery while living at home, I got a lot of it from moving abroad.

Looking back, if they had paid me the same salary in Vancouver / Seattle / NY, I still would've moved for the exp

This was huge for me as well: I didn't manage to really grow until I ventured out there to give myself a shake.

@BIC, if you're not currently attached right now, then a huge upside of that would be the ultimate freedom to just pack up and move somewhere totally different :D.

[Badhobz]

….
At the risk of oversharing, I've been to therapy, I've been depressed, I've been medicated, I've been addicted to plenty of drugs, I've been an alcoholic, but I've always found solace in the real relationships I have with people, and that's not just my partner at the time, but my family and friends and even random people I have had any meaningful interaction with.
Human interaction is the meaning of life.
Honestly, sit down with some friends or a friend and lay it out in person. Catch up, talk about everything good and bad, turn your phone off and just connect. You'll feel refreshed.
I can't stress this enough, therapy can be a lifeline when you need it, but vet your therapists for a real connection. I've had some where I just leave feeling like I went to a psych 104 class and that's an easy call to find someone different.

This.

I think a lot of dudes and more so the older ones in our generation never actively seek help. Whether mental or physical. You’re suppose to do it all and do it without complaining. You never show weakness

Men’s mental health have generally been overlooked for years and years and especially Asian men. Culturally this is frowned upon for Chinese people. You never say you’re mentally degrading.

You can talk to us, but I would suggest you seek professional help and see if they have any answers. Don’t be afraid to look down that path as well. Sometimes it’s medical and you might just have a chemical imbalance.

[westopher]

For me, it's people with compassion and integrity. People who are generous: with their energy and their patience, and make an honest attempt to help others be better off.


THIS
People that actually have rewarding lives do it by making those around them have the best experiences they can. Being fuckin nice to people that deserve it, and even some that don't is the most valuable thing anyone can provide.

[AstulzerRZD]

I'm shocked by the amount of people who are depressed and are on anti-depressants or ADHD med. Feels like 1 in 6 are on anti-depressants and 1 in 4 are on adderall / vvyanse

Dude Vyvanse totally changed my life for the better

[BIC_BAWS]

Thank you to everyone for their thoughtful and in-depth replies, you guys have no idea how much I value these kind of replies. I read every single one throughout the day, there's a lot to unpack here and I believe in equal energy, so read my replies or don't. Not going to quote all as there's overlap and it's not that I don't value your opinion or feedback. I'm way beyond oversharing at this point so this gonna be lengthy and messy. (TIL there's no word count limit... good luck everyone. I'm on a 2160x3140 monitor with plenty of screen real estate)

While Dukes was half joking, I would categorize RS to be high value people - whether that be ballers (everyone's a baller in here) or people that have meaningful relationships. Hell I've met most people in this thread, and I can wholeheartedly say when I imagine a "high value individual", it's you guys.

There are two ppl here that I have basically "grown up with", I have so much admiration for them because I feel like they made it. They have the relationships, the friendships, the job, the money, the housing, and the experiences. I am envious but I know they both worked really fucking hard to make this happen. Props to you guys.

I (logically) know that comparison is bad and I know that there are a lot of people who have it way worse. But I think the "suck it up and deal with it", is the reason why I'm here now - it's not really dealt with just ignored.

To preface everything, I am in no way a positive benchmark for good financial decisions. It's all bad but tracking makes me feel normal so fuck it.



- $150K+ High income
- Successful social circle
- $500K-1.5+M NW by 30-35
- 10-12% body fat + muscle
- Looks maxing
- Fast cars + Nice watches

It's an intense and often superficial standard in which 95% of people will never obtain and the message seems to resonate that you're a piece of shit if you don't have this.

When I made this post, my definition of an high value individual isn't based off what social media says - material and monetary items - it's a whole package as person.

OTOH, the above is quite accurate to would like to see for myself to be a "high valued individual". I have experienced entrepreneurship so I know it is possible. I can't have it all (looks max), but I can have most of it. I *could* have gotten there, but it's now no longer possible due to mortgage obligations. I believe this is why I'm so disappointed with my life

Hell, had I not been greedy with HULK.V, I could have hit NW value at 24. This is a bit more complex as you know, but I guess I only lost M3 ICBC payout money (funded by COVID savings lol).

The people pushing that are usually either faking that they have it (either lying about having it, renting things or being in huge debt), or lying about how they got it.

While I appreciate the props from all my bros here, it wouldn't be fair to say that I have all those things. I know that I'm incredibly hard on myself, but that's for the reason that social media paints a one side picture. Those that know me, know that honesty is one of my core values. I don't want to set the connotation that I'm whining about how shitty my life is but I "have" all these nice things. I don't have all these things, they all come with asterisks.


Facts:
You own a single detached house in the GVRD. I was living with my parents at your age.

You drove bmws and m3s and now CTR.

You have enough disposable income that you can afford a car hobby and go to track days. Like real fucking track days where a normal weekend is basically min $1000

Facts:

I own 33% of a single detached house in the GVRD AND still live with my parents. I pay 50% of the mortgage, mom covers the other half, dad takes care of other regular household expenses. Emergency expenses are split 33% each as I strongly believe in equal. Context in spoiler.

If I wasn't doing this, I would be living in the same low income housing townhouse (that we weren't getting subsidies for but still better than retail) with now 4 adults (myself, brother, mom, dad). It was 1000 sqft, 3 lvls, 2 bd 1 ba. My brother slept in the dining room with zero privacy. Our living room was my mom's office. And obvs with Asians, we don't talk. It's just yelling and not enough space apart in our home.

My parents has rented their entire life. Like many immigrant parents, they gave everything to us. The least I could do is to carry this burden of debt for them that is drowning me. As the eldest son, it's my responsibility and my sacrifice. I'm envious of my brother because he's planning on moving (escaping) to the US for tech work. OTOH, I'm "happy" to make this sacrifice for him bc it's the "right" thing to do, and integrity is important to me.

Growing up, I was so hard on my dad. He worked at a supermarket and aimed higher, only making minimum wage. It was so frustrating bc my mom works so hard and still does to this day - 18-20 hour days for as long as I can remember. I grew up pretty independently, raising my brother, but they did what they had to give us a future.

Now, I understand why my dad didn't leave his shitty job. Job security. You have to be able to put food on the table, so don't be a bitch and tough it out. I think that's why I also put up with so much shit at work and I'm scared to take the risk to quit. I need that job security or we default and are homeless.
I drove old BMWs and M3s, and now I drive a CTR that the bank owns and I just missed a payment on. Might get repo'd lol.

I don't have disposable income, I have a solid $92.48 in the bank right now. It's the only thing that makes me happy so I'll just put it on the LOC. That's how fixing my car post-track crash got funded. In previous years, I just made it work and I have no idea how.

Try and remove the financial and work portion from your self reflection for some times. I know that's not easy, as so much of our self worth comes from that, but really concentrate.

I don't necessarily tie work to happiness, but I enjoy taking ownership of things at work and I do take on a lot because I believe in doing things right and meticulously planned out. I know I do an outstanding job and I can't get fired.

I was at my happiest when I was building businesses. I can't do that anymore because mortgage requirements make it very difficult for self employed/small business owners. So I have to be employed for someone else, in order to have my mortgage.

If you're not currently attached right now, then a huge upside of that would be the ultimate freedom to just pack up and move somewhere totally different :D.

Not attached, attached to my burden of this house and familial commitments. I can't leave. I would love to. But it's not in the books.

Relationships

I assume that's what you mean by attached. I haven't been on a date or even talked to anyone in 4 years because I don't feel like I'm good enough or am a reasonably happy person to be around rn. I have all this familial baggage and debt that I'm carrying. I don't want to date and burden someone else with that. Like I see it as, these are my circumstances and it's what I have. So it is what it is. We don't all get what we want in life.

For real man - save some pu$$y for the rest of us.

All yours. Haven't got laid in 4 years, hookup culture isn't for me, and well the rest is explained above.

I didn't own a detached house until I was 38. I have never bought a brand new car in my life. I have an empty passport. You're doing fine.

OTOH, you do have to enjoy the journey and find ways to derive joy during the daily grind when you can. Help your neighbour out with something, or open the door for an elderly person. Smile back at a toddler.

I recently celebrated my 10-year wedding anniversary with my wife. It was very meaningful - more meaningful than I realized. When you invest in relationships with other human beings, your perspective changes as well.

Travel (read: Escape)

I don't have an interest in travel; I never had vacations or general travel growing up. I dream about what AstulzerRZD and RabidRat have experienced - the growth from putting yourself outside your comfort zone. I have seen first hand how much AstulzerRZD has grown since hs and each phase of his life in whichever city he's in at the time. It's fucking impressive.

I always dream about moving to Toronto, Calgary, Australia, Seattle, but I know I can't because of the above familial circumstances.

New Car

I wouldn't normally buy a new car. Hell, I've only had 15+ year old cars prior to the FK8. I purchased it used in 2021, when all car pricing was fucked, so at the time it made sense. My justification was that I spent so much money on the 330ci to get it track prepped, for it to be marginally faster than a FRS but drives significantly worse. SOOOO i might as well spend more on smt out of the box. Plus I can't get rid of track, it's the only thing that keeps me going year after year.

Finding Joy In The Little Things/Human Relationships

In my OP, I mentioned that my friend commented on my self growth as an individual that I'm blind to.

Despite not being a holiday person my entire life (childhood trauma or w/e new term?), last year I made the intentional effort to express gratitude to those around me that appreciate me. I think as we get older it's important to be intentional with your efforts.

As a result I did a few dinners last year around Christmas to celebrate those around me, despite my ongoing financial burdens, and it did make me happy. Selfish, isn't it? Doing things for others because it makes me happy.

Lastly - it's hard, but don't compare yourself to others. You're leading in the life game right now, it's just the early part of the race. Got a house at your age, you're earning well, and that you're taking care of people.

Try to show yourself the same care and respect as they do. Love yourself for the reasons people celebrate you and celebrate yourself for it as well. Tell people you care about them and see them smile.

Idk why I hold myself to an extremely high standard, but I think it's because expect a high standard from others, thus I should meet the same. I absolutely hate hypocrites and I refuse to be contradictory. It's hard for me to give myself grace when it feels like I'm not enough. I try my best to make others around me happy because frankly I'm not and if I'm forced to live then I might as well spend this time adding to other people's lives rather than taking from it.


Everything else below is kind of out of order.. oh well.

Not to sound morbid but I am shocked the suicide rate hasn't skyrocketed over the past 5 years.

Well life insurance wouldn't pay out on suicide.. but if it's fine if I died today. At least my parents won't have to worry about the mortgage, my policies will pay it off. I'll die without having experienced "true love" (or have had a lot of sex) but I know my friends love me, so that's good enough. Can't win em all.

The only reason why I can think of it hasn’t blown up is that ignorance is bliss, if you don’t understand what it’s like to be comfortable, you don’t have a reference to your happiness.

I think this is why I'm so unhappy. I was so happy being an entreprenuer in my early 20s, albeit no debt or burdens.

Really your only bonehead play that I know of is dumping your E36. The only real high value individual is BMW Individual

Lowkey... I kinda miss that shitbox E36... but I have zero purpose of having it haha. It's not a daily and it's not a track car.

take a social media break. start w a couple of days, see if you can get to a couple of weeks. pretty quick you'll figure out that a lot of that anxiety is coming from a non stop barrage of social media presence that only exists to exploit.

I don't actually spend that much time on social media.. well I post stories.. but don't watch many others LOL. But I know what you mean, social media and brain rot is actually fucked.

Imo having your shit together by 20's, your life has never been more comfortable.

You're WFH, Costco delivered to your door step w 20% off uber eats gift card, 12-2PM hits and you're saucing your S2000 to play some sports with your friends.

After work 4-6PM, you take your Type R up Seymour to go ski in the winter, then head back for a dinner/date that requires no in-person approaching because dating apps or friend referral.

Then proceed to sleep in the next day because no commute to work! YOY you're making more than you believe you'd ever make, I can't believe this is life lol

Yeah this isn't what my life looks like. I have a 45-1.5 hr commute daily, it's fucking awful, and lowkey making me a racist.

It's work. Go home. Smoke a bunch of weed to put up with the bullshit at work and what I call "life". End up in a deeper hole. Watch some porn to help me fall asleep (yes porn addiction is real and probably causing some of my probs too). Go to sleep. Repeat.

I have zero interest in dating (or pussy) bc I haven't been great to be around - I'm miserable.

But if you're stuck making $50-60K, gg lol

Exactly. I make 60K lol. And honestly who the fuck am i gonna date with $90 in my acct lol

[Badhobz]

That’s a lot of pressure for a young buck. Jesus Christ.

I know it’s not your parents fault and you are just trying to be the good son by providing them a detached house to live in as a reward for all their years of hard work, but if making these payments are robbing you of your life, you might need to step back from the brink and reassess the situation.

Would they entertain moving to a place with a bit less Asians like Calgary ? But where you don’t have to fork out 1.8mil for a house ? You can get a decent place for 700-800k and that way you’ll have way less stress.

If that’s not an option then you need more money. Period.
This is a lot of stress for a young guy like yourself and really in Vancouver there are only two real avenues to make money.

Trades or marriage. Either marry a rich bimbo or get into a lucrative trade.

The first few years of trades is gonna suck but then youll be 100k shortly. Like I’ve said to you at that dinner. Both CN and CP are constantly looking for conductors. They start at 80k and there is a 10k signing bonus. If you need help with studying or tips for being a conductor you can call me anytime.

Is it a good job? I say so. I enjoyed working with my brothers. The only caveat is it’s dangerous and the hours suck initially. If you’re not careful you could lose a leg or your life.

As for marrying into money, lots of China woman money floating around Richmond. Hell if you wanna come work out with me at the gym, you can date this Ferrari suv chick who’s trying to fucking feed me food and get me to go over to her house.

—————

Seems like a lot of your stress stems from you trying to keep this roof over your family. That kinda shit isn’t easy especially for someone your age.

You being this miserable is also affecting your pussy game. You losing interest in the chase because you’re stressed. Once you fix that big powder keg problem then your disposition will
Improve and the pussy will cum-ith.

[Hondaracer]

Would have to agree with Hobz in regards to the living situation. If your current arrangement is robbing you of happiness and freedom in your life because you’re handcuffed to it, might want to reassess that situation because it sounds like it isn’t bound to change in the next 10/20 years. That’s a long time to essentially commit to that arrangement and as you said, you need to live that same way in order to maintain payments, etc. sounds like you’re turning into what you didn’t like about your dad growing up?

Maybe there isn’t a better solution given cost of living etc. but there are always options, might have to think outside the box, get your parents into a Coop, etc.

[GLOW]

As for marrying into money, lots of China woman money floating around Richmond. Hell if you wanna come work out with me at the gym, you can date this Ferrari suv chick who’s trying to fucking feed me food and get me to go over to her house.


confirmed badhobz's life is basically a romance dating manga

[CivicBlues]

K, I feel shitty now being so snarky yesterday without knowing the whole story. Sorry you're having to go through this BIC BAWS, your 20s should be a time to discover yourself and find out what the world has to offer you. I say SHOULD because there's so many that didn't/don't have that kind of privilege and those that do rarely see outside their bubble. It sounds to me like you're in a real tight spot.

DOn't really have any sage advice to give you but seems to me you're taking on yourself the weight of the world and you're trying to fix everything in your life at the same time. This is overwhelming I can only imagine. If money issues are your biggest concern, can you focus on that? Promotion, more education, entrepreneurship, whatever you need to get you ahead if that's what you deem a priority. Hyper focusing on what your friends are doing and/or chasing pussy is probably not what you need right now.

Also your brother moving to the US for a tech job, can he not help out more with the mortgage? Doesn't seem like it's fair for you to shoulder much of the family expenses. I can relate tho you're probably the first born and you think it's your responsibility to take on this burden. But you're still young (late 20s?) and although it doesn't seem like you are anymore you still have a ton of life experiences ahead of you. You are your own person with your own wishes and dreams, not a productivity robot. We also don't live in Asia anymore where this BS first born burden is ingrained.

Also if you're having thoughts about suicide or ending things hoping that it'll make things easier for your family...it won't. Please talk to a mental health professional. We're all gunning for you. Good luck bro

[noclue]

Thanks for sharing.

You need to either cut cost or make more money or both.
1. We're all car enthusiasts and hurts to say it but you need to sell your CTR like yesterday and get an appliance car. Don't tank your credit score for an expensive hobby.
2. I don't know your education/skillset or what the circumstances were that you had to shut down your businesses but you cant survive on 60K with your responsibilities.
3. Might have to explore selling the house if it appreciated in value. Like Hondaracer said, your parents can qualify for a co-op or a low income housing and it'll set you free financially to focus on yourself.
4. Move to Alberta... depends on the individual's skillset/desires. The job market there is hit or miss.

[AstulzerRZD]

Thanks for sharing.

You need to either cut cost or make more money or both.
1. We're all car enthusiasts and hurts to say it but you need to sell your CTR like yesterday and get an appliance car. Don't tank your credit score for an expensive hobby.
2. I don't know your education/skillset or what the circumstances were that you had to shut down your businesses but you cant survive on 60K with your responsibilities.
3. Might have to explore selling the house if it appreciated in value. Like Hondaracer said, your parents can qualify for a co-op or a low income housing and it'll set you free financially to focus on yourself.
4. Move to Alberta... depends on the individual's skillset/desires. The job market there is hit or miss.

I thought the mortgage was at a crazy low interest rate?
Probably doesn't make sense to move if you're in at 800k at like 1.3%

The car purchased in 2021 is probably also a lower interest rate (3%?).
Again, you could sell it but unless you buy a total beater it doesn't rly make sense.
The best new car deal I can find rn is ~500/mo taxes in on a Equinox EV.

Not much cost to cut here other than selling the FK8 and driving the Civic but need to boost income/earnings.
Bro sending money back (depending on timeline) can help with the short term pain.
Once there's a bit of room to breathe, I do see a longer term horizon change that starts with physical/mental health + finding more positive male and career leadership.

[BIC_BAWS]

Mortgage was at 3.99%, now at 5.99%. Current owing is around 600K? Idk my mom takes care of that I just make sure I pay into our joint. Her goal is to clear another 300K by 2028 at which point they'll retire and I will have to take on 100% of the mtg, which is fair bc she's doing double payments now. And it should be more feasible at 300K mtg in 2028.

Car is at 3.99% and I think it's not worth selling or switching. I'll keep it forever.

It's only one payment... This year. RBC is pretty forgiving so there hasn't been any hits on my credit.

Car payment is more of a cash flow issue this month.

I need to cut down on eating out and honestly track days. I did 6 this year.. all fire sale but still.

K, I feel shitty now being so snarky yesterday without knowing the whole story.

Also if you're having thoughts about suicide or ending things hoping that it'll make things easier for your family...it won't. Please talk to a mental health professional. We're all gunning for you. Good luck bro

The beauty of social media (or RS) huh... This is why context is important to me and being transparent. I have no qualms about giving the full story and if someone wanted to look in post history, it's reflected there as well. Plus, here it's easy enough to scroll past if you don't want to read it. I wouldn't post this on my personal social media.. ironically.

I don't actively want to commit suicide... I think committing suicide is selfish and a cry for help. I'm saying if I happened to die, it is what it is. Some people are so scared to die, I'm not. I'm living what I can now, but lately in the past year minus the few track days it feels like I'm not really living so it's all the same to me.

I wouldn't attempt (as an adult) because I would feel guilty that I'm burdening you guys, my friends and my family for not seeing the signs and doing something about it.

I should rephrase and shouldn't joke about it because it is difficult and I don't want to diminish those who have attempted - successful or not.

[AstulzerRZD]

FK8 was a smart move, solid depreciation curve means you do have an out by selling it if you really want

[Gerbs]

Dude Vyvanse totally changed my life for the better

It's amazing for work and but it limits the extremes of ups and downs. Which makes me feel mellow but I can do a weeks work in 1-2 days :ilied:

[AstulzerRZD]

I feel like I can take a step back and really think critically/make good decisions on it

but also need to have my days where I can just do whatever / sleep

[westopher]

I think adhd and anxiety meds are gonna be the next drug that we find out really fucked our health in the next 20 years (I'm on anti anxiety and it helps immensely so this isn't some judgement btw) but I'm sure certain drugs like adderall and shit are going to come with serious implications for circulatory health and these SSRI meds are going to have some sort of dementia related implications.
Adderall is just diet cocaine and SSRIs are just diet ecstasy lol.

[RabidRat]

@BIC_BAWS:

You're in a tough spot for sure. That's hard :(.

I dunno man. Agree with others that something's gotta give. Either you pivot on liabilities to reduce your cashflow burden, or you make more money. If you feel like the latter is absolutely not an option, then I think your remaining path is to downsize.

I'm guessing you've got enough equity in that house to be able to buy a townhouse or a condo outright for your parents + brother to be in comfortably? Or at least, you'd significantly lower mortgage payments on a TH or condo.

Does that then give you the breathing room you need to live a more sustainable life?

I get that financially speaking there is supposed to be a "bigger payoff" from owning a detached house, but it's also costing you guys significantly to be under this much burden. In a quantifiable way: opportunity cost of not being able to be in a higher-income career. But plus also the mental toll on you, which sounds horrible.

[Hondaracer]

Don’t think anything you have to take consistently has a positive impact on your health

[westopher]

Don’t think anything you have to take consistently has a positive impact on your health
One thing I'm learning as I get older. Anything habitual either has a large positive or large negative effect on your health. Maybe both, but never neither.

[unit]

i have mild adult adhd and tried vyvanse, but it gives me a massive headache at 20mg. i even tried 10mg and it still gave me headaches, so i stopped.

it's definitely a strong stimulant and makes you feel like you're on coke or something without the sketchiness. for me the benefits were not really there even despite the headaches, and with the headaches it was in no way worth taking. my friend who takes adderall said for him it makes him feel like superman and it completely changed his life. thing is i would have never even thought he had adhd before he told me about it, especially not in a severe enough way that meds would help him that significantly.

[donk.]

Dont we all have ADHD/ADD....

Put any 50 adults into a room, 48 of them will not last 30 seconds without checking their phone every 5 minutes

[Hondaracer]

Think that has more to do with addiction than ADHD

Although I’ve found myself virtually unable to read books anymore lol

[Badhobz]

Can you adhd mother fuckers go back on topic?!?!? Oh wait….

So if your folks are gonna retire soon then you and ideally your brother too, needs to plan out a path to ensure you guys don’t lose the house.

You got a wee bit of time so you gotta make a plan.

Old fucks can get on the government tit. My mom and dad are both on OAS GIS CPP and they clear around 3k a month. That’s enough for them to eat and pay the bills since they were thrifty anyways. The mortgage is taken care of already so they live okay with 3k a month. Factor that into financial calculation

So if around 600k you still are doing 4-5k a month on mortgage and that means you should ideally have a combined income of 6-7k a month net. I mean even with these kind of numbers you’re barely keeping your head above water but it’s doable. So that’s a 100k a year job needed.

Either do your job currently, which you loath, and supplement with some gig economy stuff, or retool into a field that’s in demand. You can get a 100k a year trades job relatively easily in Vancouver or even in Calgary. Like I said conductors are short everywhere.

https://www.linkedin.com/mwlite/jobs/view/3949484324?referenceId=rtvT0conjKhrpYLR9bQnrQ%3D%3 D&eBP=CwEAAAGS5CpnEvaO3xHamVl8hzBL5curMMeF-MUqrHQxe6x4yzP0PZCwGcPe3J9B9u54onHJggoNsZHfCqGd42-fEv1v9VLMX7sbwfWUchijEaUkRVrZWXaW3U0yv3MYNBUGl1uCA xME-L9MStYZsRmbXx3UvL520CjbJJ1a-1scKsMMAVoj0wog43Rwx2grQUKfnzVwbA_RW4G2WvM-JnilJQcCH46V75DjbV9FpZ9pFA4lwgndSAtsbLZZdMq295XthR K6jEP5w3GgTMXT2aNL2Bky-GhAOlwB-bF2JpV4yi05pBWpSqtYAx5UNMBh81h4AZSCqW3HxAjiGWsjcX6 09oAvO8Q82O-0Bd9Thr2FfI9__0eomP0dhwCkMmWgv56sVQkavlTcfFVYpoX1E Y0CYN3Nc09sfGib0bpm0CquJnE70TztaaV34Oxe8nBG6ks-YpTghugOAFkyjyiHj-zh6H6OmW6aRXUAPwLOfS_oVLZEnACnFc0SOd_6NdHj6NIEoA

These fuck faces cheaped out. Used to be 10k signing bonus. Apply and I’ll help you study for the test and even show you the ropes. I still got a lot of conductor friends.

——————

As for off ing yourself. I’m sure most of us have all thought about it at one point or another.

Like you, I also don’t care if I live or die. It’s weird because my wife is deadly afraid of dying because she feels like she hasn’t spent all her money and then it’s gonna go to our fuck head nephew lawl. You know what keeps me grounded and still alive ? My wife. I feel obligated to take care of her. I made her dad a promise I’d take care of her and i don’t break my promises. I give her shit all the time but I’d do anything for that woman. Same with my chihuahuas… wruhh chihuahua now. I might not have much to live for myself, but I gotta keep living for others.

It might just be a Chinese guy thing…. I watch a lot of YouTube videos were the dudes all look like they want to end it. Or have similar thoughts.

Not to down play your situation. I’m just saying it’s okay to have these sorts of thoughts… a lot of us do. It’s also okay to recognize these are probably not healthy thoughts and basically a red flag to come in and take a pit stop.

[Hondaracer]

I also think paying down a mortgage and prioritizing that is such an old school way of thinking. If you’re on a variable rate and you get back down to 3.5 or lower, you’ve gotta start making fewer payments on the mortgage and more into a portfolio.

This again is a scenario where you parents are likely going to drag down your future if they have the mindset of mortgage over everything. My parents, now in their mid 60’s, one of their biggest regrets is having thay mentality as opposed to building wealth when money was cheap.

When they were both working they had a household income of over 400k and for the last 5-6 years have focused on growing wealth as opposed to paying off their mortgage completely. They still carry a minuscule mortgage but they’ve VASTLY increased their retirement savings by prioritizing investments over their mortgage.

If you’re parents aren’t into that and just continue these double payment, lump sum, mortgage reducers, honestly this is a great way to stay average/poor forever imo.

[bcrdukes]

It's time to reconsider your career path to something more stable and that allows you to earn more. $60K out of school in Vancouver is ok for a few years, but it is not sustainable long term. You eventually have to be your own man and do your own thing. You don't need to burden the responsibilities of your parents for the rest of your life, so mutually, you both will need to learn how to go on your own respective paths, while keeping close as a family.

[noclue]

Can you adhd mother fuckers go back on topic?!?!? Oh wait….

So if your folks are gonna retire soon then you and ideally your brother too, needs to plan out a path to ensure you guys don’t lose the house.

You got a wee bit of time so you gotta make a plan.

Old fucks can get on the government tit. My mom and dad are both on OAS GIS CPP and they clear around 3k a month. That’s enough for them to eat and pay the bills since they were thrifty anyways. The mortgage is taken care of already so they live okay with 3k a month. Factor that into financial calculation

So if around 600k you still are doing 4-5k a month on mortgage and that means you should ideally have a combined income of 6-7k a month net. I mean even with these kind of numbers you’re barely keeping your head above water but it’s doable. So that’s a 100k a year job needed.

Either do your job currently, which you loath, and supplement with some gig economy stuff, or retool into a field that’s in demand. You can get a 100k a year trades job relatively easily in Vancouver or even in Calgary. Like I said conductors are short everywhere.

https://www.linkedin.com/mwlite/jobs/view/3949484324?referenceId=rtvT0conjKhrpYLR9bQnrQ%3D%3 D&eBP=CwEAAAGS5CpnEvaO3xHamVl8hzBL5curMMeF-MUqrHQxe6x4yzP0PZCwGcPe3J9B9u54onHJggoNsZHfCqGd42-fEv1v9VLMX7sbwfWUchijEaUkRVrZWXaW3U0yv3MYNBUGl1uCA xME-L9MStYZsRmbXx3UvL520CjbJJ1a-1scKsMMAVoj0wog43Rwx2grQUKfnzVwbA_RW4G2WvM-JnilJQcCH46V75DjbV9FpZ9pFA4lwgndSAtsbLZZdMq295XthR K6jEP5w3GgTMXT2aNL2Bky-GhAOlwB-bF2JpV4yi05pBWpSqtYAx5UNMBh81h4AZSCqW3HxAjiGWsjcX6 09oAvO8Q82O-0Bd9Thr2FfI9__0eomP0dhwCkMmWgv56sVQkavlTcfFVYpoX1E Y0CYN3Nc09sfGib0bpm0CquJnE70TztaaV34Oxe8nBG6ks-YpTghugOAFkyjyiHj-zh6H6OmW6aRXUAPwLOfS_oVLZEnACnFc0SOd_6NdHj6NIEoA

These fuck faces cheaped out. Used to be 10k signing bonus.

My coworker was telling me about his time working at CP rail in Poco as a conductor during the pandemic.. wow it's some scary/thrilling shit and good chance losing a leg if you forget to put the brakes and the car starts rolling away and you gotta run and jump on. Also you're on call like 24/7. When can you start driving the train?

Also translink will pay your class 1 + air brake endorsement with decent pay.
Diamond mines in Northwest Territories or the Oil Sands in Alberta do 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. Good pay with overtime but it's not for everyone. A guy I know just chills and monitors the automated trucks and override as necessary.

[Badhobz]

I only recommended him to be a conductor because it’s still a job he can do locally and without previous experience or schooling. He’ll be a locomotive engineer in 3 years and easily clear 150k after 5 years. You just gotta be careful and take care of yourself physically. The hours are brutal (on call 24/7 on the spare board) and that’s why so many get washed out. You just gotta make it past 3 years and then you’re good.

Translink bus driving is also a good gig. Way safer too. I got no connections there but maybe RS can help you.

[Traum]

I really couldn't sum it up better than Badhobz has, so I would encourage you to read his reply again another 3x bcos there is just so much wisdom and truth in there that you want to soak up on.

From the outside, I can see a couple of potential options that I think you can consider. They are not recommendations -- just potential options that I think are worthwhile to consider.

Housing situation
With your brother's plans to move down to the States, I see an opportunity that you can consider -- with one less person in the house, you may no longer require as much space as you do. So if prices for your detached has risen enough, there might be an opportunity for you (and your parents) to move back into a smaller and more affordable place. If such a move can free up some cash flow for you, I think it would be a big help to your situation. Or as another potential options, one of your current woes is the amount of time you are losing to your commute, and the soul-sucking nature of the commute. If you can move back into a place that is closer to the city, cutting down your commute time could potentially be a god-send for your mental health in more ways than one.


Well life insurance wouldn't pay out on suicide.. but if it's fine if I died today. At least my parents won't have to worry about the mortgage, my policies will pay it off. I'll die without having experienced "true love" (or have had a lot of sex) but I know my friends love me, so that's good enough. Can't win em all.

To me, this is a red flag. You need to be mindful of this because most normal people -- esp not at your age -- won't consider the implications and consequences of what might happen if you die. In particular, you used the "suicide" word, so that makes the red flag stand out even more.

I am not saying you have suicidal thoughts. But for most people, even a serious contemplation of suicide suggests things are not going alright. You want to be mindful of where your stress levels are at, and try making changes that can relieve some of those stress on a permanent basis. (But temporary stress relief are just as important too.)

The Grind

Yeah this isn't what my life looks like. I have a 45-1.5 hr commute daily, it's fucking awful, and lowkey making me a racist.

It's work. Go home. Smoke a bunch of weed to put up with the bullshit at work and what I call "life". End up in a deeper hole. Watch some porn to help me fall asleep (yes porn addiction is real and probably causing some of my probs too). Go to sleep. Repeat.

I have zero interest in dating (or pussy) bc I haven't been great to be around - I'm miserable.

Your daily routine here is so similar to mine almost 20 years ago. At one point, I would be working and travelling between Surrey, Coquitlam, and DT Vancouver all in the same day, and it was absolutely brutal. And it is almost exactly as you have described -- Go to work. Go to a different work place. Go to yet another different work place. Go home. Get back on the computer to do more work. Fit meals somewhere between all those times -- I was eating a LOT of Subway during those few years. Sleep for anywhere between 4 - 6 hours. I always tried to give myself an hour or two of free Internet surfing / mindless video gaming time on Fridays because I knew I needed the break, but even then I would feel guilty bcos I knew I was running so behind on work.

Rinse and repeat for a year because that's how long my contract was with one of the companies I was working for. It was soul sucking at first, and soul destroying after the first few months, and things just kept on getting worse. I was always tired even though I was still in my mid/late 20's. When the company didn't renew my contract at the end of the 12 month term, I was actually glad that I was able to get out of that hell loop.

And of course, it goes without saying that I had no interest in anything other than food and sleep during that period. I was tired. And miserable. When the contract ended, I vowed to myself that I'd never put myself through that sort of hell ever again.

Car Life
I know you don't have any real interest in parting with your FK8 atm. Potentially, you want to know that there could be a lot of upsides to trading that out in exchange for something cheaper to help with the financial situation. As AstulzerRZD has said, the FK8 is on a pretty good depreciation curve, so you don't stand to lose much even if you sell.

For me, I grew up driving slow cars. Even now, my pos Mz2 is as slow as it can be. Perhaps because of that, even though I love acceleration, I am OK if the car is not fast. Pulling lateral g's have always been more fun to me, and my old cars reflect that -- Miata, ES1 Civic, Mz2. And these cars have always been ultra reliable, so my operating costs have generally been low.

But I know my cars have been slow. Cheap, fast, reliable. Pick 2. I left the fast out, and I consciously chose that.

I know you enjoy your track days. I do too, and I would never dissuade you from attending them. That said, this is what I have done to keep my track day costs as low as I can.

Shortly after I got hooked, I volunteered to help with VCMC's track day program. I was a general helper / photographer at first, and later helped to run the program for a few years. It was mostly only running at Mission, but I did get some free track time as a result of that. Also, the only track days I paid to attend were the winter ones at Pacific Raceway at the time. They were significantly cheaper than the normal summer track days, and there were fewer cars and more seat time than the normal summer ones as well. I was probably doing that for 3 years before my schedule wouldn't allow for that anymore.

Times and the landscape are certainly a little different now, but I know Ridge winter track days are still a thing. (And maybe also Pacific Raceway too.) So potentially, that might be something you can consider.

And when the car is slow, all your consumables last longer too LOL~.

Money
Exactly. I make 60K lol. And honestly who the fuck am i gonna date with $90 in my acct lol
I have been piss poor and/or cash strapped most of my life. Even now, my cash flow is very poor, but not having $$$ have never completely gotten in the way of my dating life. It is nice to take a girl out where you have to spend a bit of money, and being able to spend would certain make a lot of things easier, but there are also lots of free / cheap things you can do to have a nice date. And most important of all, the girl(s) that you want to meaningfully spend time with won't care about how wealthy you are.

Also, I 1000% agree with what Badhobz is saying here:
You being this miserable is also affecting your pussy game. You losing interest in the chase because you’re stressed. Once you fix that big powder keg problem then your disposition will
Improve and the pussy will cum-ith.

On the work front, an example to consider is Dark. I'm not saying you should quit your job now and go into car sales. At the same time, I don't think you should feel trapped or obligated to stay with your current job. Look around in the job market. Are there other positions elsewhere that offers a better pay? Are there public sector jobs that offers a similar (or maybe even slightly lower) pay, but would likely be less stressful and/or have lower time demands than your current job?

More often than not, we are creatures of habit, and we may get complacent. So if you don't make any attempts to change, the situation is unlikely to change.

Again, good luck. And don't stress yourself out.

[RabidRat]

Just saying, the conductor thing sounds super fun. Sounds like a hell of an adventure, and a reason to stay in shape.

Btw, a caveat to my opinion on what defines a "high value" person: I also think we have to be realistic about what we can afford to give of ourselves.

If we're maintaining a sprint just to give others everything we got, eventually we collapse, and then we're providing no value at all. I suppose life is a marathon, and we have to take care of ourselves in order to keep taking care of others.

It sounds to me like you've inadvertently dug of yourself so deeply to help your family's desire for a payoff, that you're just kind of sunk right now. I hope you consider the compromise option to move back into a more affordable place til you're back on your feet. Btw - short of that - can you rent out your basement or anything? Or heck, even a room or two to student(s)?

[red kryptonite]

That was a heavy read. I’m sorry to hear you’re in the situation you are in, Bic
I’m glad to hear you don’t have any suicidal thoughts. I don’t want to say it’s ok to not care if you live or die, but you’re not alone in having those thoughts. I am on the same boat. I don’t care but would like to live long enough to make sure my parents are taken care of in their old age.
If downsizing isn’t an option. With your brother moving away, have you considered taking a roommate to help out with the mortgage? Is there a livable space in the basement or something you can rent out?

[The Producer]

i think that there is some cultural stuff in here that I won't pretend to understand.

i will say this w the utmost respect: you are not responsible for your parents.

that's just not the deal. yes - you want them to be happy and healthy, but at what cost? bro if you have things you want to do with your life - i promise you they want you to do that.

find somebody to rent your room? - get a portion (or maybe all) of your 33% covered by somebody else. maybe your parents could host a student? - they might really enjoy that. you hang onto some equity and you get your freedom.

otherwise nothing is really going to change. that's fine if you're into it - i know people that are more than happy to do what you are doing now. but it doesn't sound like it's for you.

hang onto that entrepreneurial spirit. I went out on my own when i was in my 20's and I've never (really) looked back. being your own boss is incredibly liberating. it's tough too - but i wouldn't change anything about it.

hang tough homie

[Hehe]

Looking through the thread, I think many advice already offered are solid. This is truly the beauty of RS. We might disagree on shit, but eventually all come together when needed.

As for input from my own perspective, I just want to add, put whatever negativity you might feel into driving force.

When I was in sales, I hated the job. I was away for more than 1/3 of the year easily and had to do super long hours (ever done back to back trans-pacific flying? Like right after you land kinda b2b). But I grind through it. The pay was good (rent subsidy, employee car and very lucrative incentive if I closed a deal) and I needed it. I knew a lot in CRE, but in order to really start my own thing, I needed cash. I turned that hate of my job into doing anything I could to close a deal. I just kept going and didn't stop until my son was born where I found the incentives no longer outweighed the cost of losing the ability to see my son grow up.

A lot of your stress or dissatisfaction seems to come from money. As my dad would often say, any problem that can be solved with money is never a problem. It's just where to get the money. And my suggestion is, get your shit fucking together instead of making an explanation or justification for it.

House is what it is. I don't see much to do about it because it's a necessity. It's not like you guys are living in a mansion when a simple place would do. With you bro leaving, I might see a possibility of renting out the room or do homestay.

Car is something that I see can make a change... get a beater or an used EV and it would significantly push down your car-associated cost assuming you drive enough. Put it on Finance/Leasebuster.

Job is also something to make some change about. You said it yourself that you are in robot mode. Why not do a different robot that offers higher stability? Conductors in both CP/CN/Translink are always an option. With C-1 license it even open doors to many other things. But the key here, regardless which option was "patience". And this is going to go a long way, which I will add later. Many jobs suck monkey balls the first few years, but once you pass that stage, everything become so easy and simple.

Pussy game will eventually follow as you become more stabilized on all things. Dating for guys is like wine, it usually gets better as it ages. Look no further than Hobz where he has Ferrari-driving chick wetting herself.

The keyword is "self-improvement" but that takes time, and hence patience. How do you become a better version of yourself? My go-to guide is something taught by a mentor of mine. He said... "you should spend an hour improving yourself every single day at least. It doesn't matter what it is. Whether it's to read a good book, taking care of your personal hygiene/look, work on some side gigs... etc". It doesn't sound like much. But it had helped me immensely the last decade or so.
Cut everything that stands in your way right now (car payment, mortgage by rent a room out... etc) and focus. Give it a few years and see what it's doing to you.

Too often, especially with social media, we get so obsessed on "nice" life. What you don't see is the story behind it. So, cut those shit out and focus. Eventually, if you keep improving yourself, all that nice things in life will follow. But if you focus first on nice things, your life will always be miserable because you are always looking at that thing. But with enough effort, you will see that all those nice "things in life" people post on social media, trips, cars, pussies will be more like "what should I do today?"

High value in my opinion is being able to not give a fuck. Anyone who still needs their job, or depends on other things or person, IMO is not a high value person. When you are high value, you choose what you want to do and what you want to chase. But if you depend on others for whatever... it means your value is not high enough.

[The Producer]

Anyone who still needs their job, or depends on other things or person, IMO is not a high value person. When you are high value, you choose what you want to do and what you want to chase. But if you depend on others for whatever... it means your value is not high enough.

:rukidding:

"depending on others" is a fundamental part of success and happiness.

friends, family, colleagues. Working with and supporting people is the definition of high value.

[Hehe]

:rukidding:

"depending on others" is a fundamental part of success and happiness.

friends, family, colleagues. Working with and supporting people is the definition of high value.

The fuck you yapping about?

By dependent I mean that you cannot sustain your life if the only way to do that is that you need your daddy’s money, your job or whatever that is.

I never said that you don’t need F&F, but if you have to be totally dependent on that person’s or that thing, you are not yet there. This can be financially, emotionally and whatever in between.

I share my everything with my family and I chrish every moment of it and they are my only source of motivation. But if I have to rely on my dad’s handout to buy my toys or worse yet, provide a life to my family, I don’t think I’m anywhere near high value.

I don’t think I’m a high value person yet as I still depend on things I do to live the life I want. But I know people who really cannot give a flying fuck about anything and just concentrate on what they love, be it work, f&f or whatever. And that’s a person I consider as the ultimate definition of high value. They might not be all that well off. But they reached a place in life where they just do what they love and don’t need to consider anyone else’s opinion about him/her.

[bobbinka]

BIC_BAWS, it sounds like you got in way over your head. You came from one life, wanted to live the better life, but was not prepared for what the consequences were (how the mortgage weighs on you and affects your life decisions, how taxing the long commute is, how a 9-5 job wears you down).

Everything everyone else has said here is great, self improvement, talk to people, make connections, change careers for better opportunities, etc, but it doesn't address your problem in the short term.

I'm going to tell it to you as it is and you're not going to like it. You live paycheck to paycheck, have $90 in your account, and was late on a car payment. My friend, it's time to make some serious re-evaluations in life and address the problem before it spirals out of control. I've worked collections before. Once you fall behind, it becomes exponentially harder and harder to catch back up. You need to deal with this now. How long before it's a late mortgage payment? What happens if you, mom, or dad, get sick for an extended period of time or someone gets laid off? What if interest rates skyrocket to 8% when you need to re-finance?

I don't know how big your house is or what your mortgage payments are, but whatever it is, it's too much. You need to live within your means. You frame it as wanting your family to own their home etc, but the reality of it is that it's what you wanted. I'm sure mom and dad would be perfectly fine living in a 2 bedroom condo or smaller townhouse if it meant their kids could actually live their lives happily. You need to sit down with mom and dad and admit that your plan did not work out. If it means selling the place and downsizing together, or living separately in rentals, then so be it. You do what needs to be done. I'm sorry if that means you dont get to have a garage anymore.

I know this is a car forum, and everyone loves a CTR (I assume Civic Type-R), but you need to sell the car and stop financing. People make twice what you make and drive $30k-$40k cars. You've had your fun, you have pictures on the Gram to prove it, it's time to move on. Get into a cheap reliable car. You don't need a race car to be a car enthusiast. It's not forever, it's to help you get by until you have the means to live big in the future.

Expensive hobbies are for rich people. Does your bank account look like it belongs to a rich person?

You know the difference between the people who recover from these situations and those that spiral out of control until they declare bankruptcy? They COMPROMISE, take responsibility for their problem, and make big life changes to start dealing with it. Those people who cant recover are the ones who have an excuse for everything. They MUST have a brand new $100k pick-up truck, because they need it for work (when a used cheaper one would do). They MUST order take-out because they're too busy to cook. They MUST have expensive sushi because that's the only joy they get each week. They MUST keep the boat because it's almost paid off anyway. The people who fix their shit will eat mac and cheese everyday if they have to. They'll downsize, move to an older building, or move to a different city. They'll meal plan and find the most cost effective way to survive and still be healthy. Yea, it fucking sucks and it's not easy, but they get their life back on track and can actually live freely again.

You know why you're miserable? Because you are/were a cocky arrogant person (as you said) who was over confident in himself, so you think you're the shit and the decisions you make are great, and now when it's falling apart, it's fucking hard to swallow. I'm sure these tough times, while watching your friends succeed in life, are humbling though.

Live. Within. Your. Means. I promise you you'll be so much happier without the fear of defaulting on mortgage/car payments hanging over your head every waking moment of your day. Get that shit in order first, THEN focus on getting into a career that has opportunities to move up. Years later, when you are actually at an income level to support those other things, THEN you get to have a nice race car, go tracking, get uber-eats every day, and own a home with a garage. Not everyone has cheat codes to skip to the good stuff.

Stop comparing yourself to the old farts on here who won the lotto when they bought their house in 2008 when you were still in diapers, or the guys who have slaved away at their careers for 15-20 years to get where they are, or the assholes who came from rich families. Stop comparing yourself to your friends, who you thought you were better than at the time that you had successful businesses, but are now successful cause they've worked their way up in life. Everyone has their own path in life, some go in straight lines, some zig zag, some go backwards before they go forward again. But in the end, we all end up in the same place. It's not a race. So live YOUR life, not what you think would look good to others. Travel YOUR path and own it.

[BIC_BAWS]

I'm going to tell it to you as it is and you're not going to like it.

Actually, I do like it. Hell I "pay" someone to sit in my car and literally yell at me all day. I tell people the cold hard truth all the time to support them and to be honest it's why I don't really tell people my problems because they just say "oh you're doing fine" or "it's fine you're young". No, the softness while appreciated doesn't work for me because I can't give myself the satisfaction of being ok with an excuse. Yes, I have been very complacent in 2024 but I normally don't give myself a chance to even fester in my thoughts. Weed is not good when you are not good. Anyway, you're free to treat my replies as an excuse or justification but this is kind of how I work out problems in my head via discussion. You're definitely not going to like my replies.

You live paycheck to paycheck, have $90 in your account, and was late on a car payment. My friend, it's time to make some serious re-evaluations in life and address the problem before it spirals out of control. I've worked collections before. Once you fall behind, it becomes exponentially harder and harder to catch back up. You need to deal with this now. How long before it's a late mortgage payment? What happens if you, mom, or dad, get sick for an extended period of time or someone gets laid off? What if interest rates skyrocket to 8% when you need to re-finance?

Lifestyle inflation is a bitch. 60K/yr was definitely doable when I didn't have home expenses AND well my cars were paid in cash. Albeit, they broke all the time and in the course of 3 years, I spent probably 30K on it. Purchase price 10K. $40K in 4 years but living comfortably. Which is the same cost as the CTR. I'm already at worst case scenario and I have worst case scenario plans that I just need to execute.

And tbh I get asked this all the time, idk how it works, but I always make it work. It's really just the unexpected track crash that threw off my cash flow and being too fucked on weed (as a result of other factors) to finish projects (which is how I normally funded my car hobby).

You frame it as wanting your family to own their home etc, but the reality of it is that it's what you wanted. I'm sure mom and dad would be perfectly fine living in a 2 bedroom condo or smaller townhouse if it meant their kids could actually live their lives happily. You need to sit down with mom and dad and admit that your plan did not work out. If it means selling the place and downsizing together, or living separately in rentals, then so be it. You do what needs to be done. I'm sorry if that means you dont get to have a garage anymore.

You're not wrong. As much as it's framed that way, there is an inherent selfishness to it which I'm constantly fighting between trying not be selfish by doing the right thing (in all aspects).

My dad is a hard liner for not paying for strata bc of the usual cons re strata, so TH/condo is out of the question automatically. Tho my dad was more than happy to just keep living in our (shitty) home environment. Mom, OTOH, really wanted a place and at the time we received notice for our office.

Requirements:
- Must have legal suite (mtg requirement)
-- Therefore SFH (which is why in 2020, in the RE thread, I considered moving to Aggasiz and making the commute. Which you guys told me it's a fucking awful idea and I listened. Bless you guys)
-- Suite is used for office (but tbh underutilized)
- Double car garage (my only requirement)
- Renovated (my parents' requirement bc they didn't want to do renos )
- Min 4 bd, 3 ba (mom likes to have in-home office as well)

Honestly having experienced home ownership and living in a TH for most of life, I would rather pay strata to take care of all this shit I have zero experience in dealing with. ie. the most recent storm a branch fell down and I thought it was a tree falling down... so I called an arborist to remove something that could have easily been done myself. Tho at that time it was, idc how much money it costs, this needs to come down today or it'll fall on the power line/house.

I'll revisit the legal suite topic below as many others have discussed downsizing and/or renting something out.

You don't need a race car to be a car enthusiast.

It's not this. It's I like the self improvement I get from driving better. I treat track days as education or self growth. I set a goal (not time related) for every track day and I work on improving in those aspects.

One of my lifelong dreams is to start a charity that gives underprivileged teens the opportunity to experience this. I am 100% serious that I would not be alive without this "hobby" or community I got into. I enjoy building communities, making connections, and ultimately giving. I'm not gifted in driving. If I don't start making connections NOW and get decent at driving, this won't happen ever.

Plus which business doesn't love charitable donations for tax purposes AND they get a good rep for it. It's like when green-washing was big.

Expensive hobbies are for rich people. Does your bank account look like it belongs to a rich person?

No. But, I don't buy clothes (I'm wearing the same jacket from 8th grade). I don't have any other hobbies, I don't travel, etc. I don't spend unnecessarily. It's literally just track period. I don't buy parts because it's a new car, it works out of the box. And yes there are consumables to consider, but I buy 3 owner old tires to track on. And my fluids/pads are all free for the rest of my life, thanks FCPEuro.

I should cut out my vaping habit once I'm in a better work environment. I depend on it to not walk out everyday or punch my boss. Often, our disagreements are so extreme that it looks like a father yelling at his son. Once I cut my vaping habit, it'll free up ~ $200-$300/mo.

I [B]will cut out dining out. I do it out of fomo and the social aspect. I don't know how much this costs but I eat like I'm rich (price is irrelevant, not paying for shit food is) so there is likely a significant saving there.

I am not anticipating attending any track days in 2025. I might give in for a fire sale day, so I don't want to promise that.

You know the difference between the people who recover from these situations and those that spiral out of control until they declare bankruptcy?

I disagree with all of this. Those examples you listed are for weak minded people who I was all of 2024. You talk about COMPROMISE, but on the other token, you know how I fix this? I make more money. I do the projects I should be doing and I should be finding more clients. I have plenty of free time so I should be using it to earn more. 100% in agreement with Hehe on the money and high value individual aspect. Like I said, I don't know how but I always make it work.

I'm in this situation because I didn't plan for burning out and falling behind on projects.

You know why you're miserable? Because you are/were a cocky arrogant person (as you said) who was over confident in himself, so you think you're the shit and the decisions you make are great, and now when it's falling apart, it's fucking hard to swallow. I'm sure these tough times, while watching your friends succeed in life, are humbling though.

Technically, my friend said it. I don't see it. But it is true that I'm having a difficult time with accepting that my plans aren't working out. I'm in Ops and have a background in accounting/consulting, so my nature is to meticulously plan everything and find the most optimal path to achieve it without too much lag time or redundancy. This goes for everything in my life, I'll touch on this in the next post re: actionable items.

Stop comparing yourself to the old farts on here who won the lotto when they bought their house in 2008 when you were still in diapers, or the guys who have slaved away at their careers for 15-20 years to get where they are, or the assholes who came from rich families. Stop comparing yourself to your friends, who you thought you were better than at the time that you had successful businesses, but are now successful cause they've worked their way up in life. Everyone has their own path in life, some go in straight lines, some zig zag, some go backwards before they go forward again. But in the end, we all end up in the same place. It's not a race. So live YOUR life, not what you think would look good to others. Travel YOUR path and own it.

I value the opinion of the old farts on here because they have 20 years on me, so they must have gone through some shit. I value Hehe's opinion because despite how much of a nepobaby he sounds like, based on what I read, it's not that. I value his opinion because entrepreneurs think differently.

Hell, it's easier for me to vent here because while I'm known, it doesn't feel like I'm crying for attention on my own social media like a basic bitch tumblr girl. And it beats reddit, because over the years it's not that anon and context is important to me. You can't call me out for not being honest and transparent.

I can't tell my friends because well I'd be a broken record and I don't want to be that ask-hole. Whereas, here, whatever. What are you going to do? Ban me? I need time to process and this is my second big thread re: burn out this year here. I'm at the point now where I think I'm ready to start building again.

And yes, this seems like a drastic change from a few days ago. But I didn't realize how much actually verbalizing it or putting it into text helps me clear some burden and per Westopher/Producer how unrealistic I am with holding myself to these standards and expectations. Thank you guys for all the support. Seriously. You're all internet people, but I value your experiences and I appreciate you for putting time and thought into helping me work out my problems.

[BIC_BAWS]

I know people who really cannot give a flying fuck about anything and just concentrate on what they love, be it work, f&f or whatever. And that’s a person I consider as the ultimate definition of high value. They might not be all that well off. But they reached a place in life where they just do what they love and don’t need to consider anyone else’s opinion about him/her.

High value is being content. I'm content with dying alone and just having my friends. It would be nice, but it's not the end of the world. Being able to be generous with my time and money is more important. Ultimately, that's all I need.

Again, I don't see the social media standard of "high value" to be unachievable. It's unrealistic for most, but it's not impossible (for me). It's more the personal relationships (very transactional) and self growth outside of the business that I found I was missing in my early 20s.

When I was in sales, I hated the job. I was away for more than 1/3 of the year easily and had to do super long hours (ever done back to back trans-pacific flying? Like right after you land kinda b2b). But I grind through it. The pay was good (rent subsidy, employee car and very lucrative incentive if I closed a deal) and I needed it.

Job is also something to make some change about. You said it yourself that you are in robot mode. Why not do a different robot that offers higher stability? The key here, regardless which option was "patience". And this is going to go a long way, which I will add later. Many jobs suck monkey balls the first few years, but once you pass that stage, everything become so easy and simple.

It's a bit different grinding and being in a shit environment for 60K vs several figures. I don't mind grinding. I just need to get paid decently to grind. I keep saying this but, I miss my early 20s. I went full time into building businesses and as you know yourself, that is a fucking grind. Me and my partners were good at it, but we got burnt by a lot of "good at first, now a nightmare" clients. Then COVID hit and then I bought a place, so my priorities shifted to showing steady income working for someone else for mortgage requirements.

I'm not stranger to the grind. If I could, I would put bookkeeping experience since I was 8. And accounting experience since I was 12. I didn't start client management until 18 due to perception. And I took on my own clients at 20. If I could, I would put dealmaking, PE, and consulting on as well. But it's a bit hard to show that on a resume when it's not a full time job for unnamed company that isn't owned by you or parents. Hell at 22, my partners and I launched a client onto the TSX.V.

I definitely was working more than 40 hours a week across all these things. And I'm not listing all these things as wow I accomplished so much, I just don't like being told (not anyone necessarily) that I haven't been working hard enough my entire life when it's really I have been slacking in the last 4 years because of circumstances and tbh I just want to see what it's like being on the other side in a 9-5 (it sucks).

Well it sucks on both sides - as a business owner, we take on all the risk. I can make all the pitches put in all the effort and make nothing. But I have and will always pay my people fairly. As an employee, you take the short end of the stick for everything except for no risk cheque every two weeks and most people (not me) get benefits (health/dental/RRSP).

As my dad would often say, any problem that can be solved with money is never a problem. It's just where to get the money. And my suggestion is, get your shit fucking together instead of making an explanation or justification for it.

I touched on this above and in prev post. 100% agree. I need find where to get the money and just do it. Circumstances aside, an actionable item that I've gotten from this discussion over the last few days is that I need to get back on the horse and be an entrepreneur again (eventually full time, just not now).

[BIC_BAWS]

Alright, actionable items. Do I....

1. Finish projects (~4 outstanding) that I know I will be paid for. (Interest on LOC doesn't bother me because I know once I finish these projects, it'll wipe it clean)
2. Find a new job as that's long term and once hired it's an immediate effect on my cash flow.

I can't do both at the same time because I "tried" that all of this year, got stuck in the semantics and did neither.

Resume
I've worked on this over and over again. I have a "finished" product but to me it's a cop out. My gripe with it is that it's not a true reflection of everything I actually manage at my day job or side jobs elsewhere. I don't want to submit it because it doesn't feel authentic and I don't feel like it's the best reflection of me.

I treat this job search like a project. Create a WBS. What do I need to do to get this done? How can I do it with best practices in mind to give me the most optimal outcome? What's the most efficient way to do this to reduce redundancy? If I'm putting the effort in to switch jobs, I should be identifying KPIs and hitting them.

The problem with how I function is that I get stuck on not being able to optimize or hit my best practices targe... and then I end up doing nothing. I've been "searching" throughout 2024, but I probably only applied to 2 and I don't feel like my resume hits the best practices mark so it's kind of a wasted application/burnt opportunity.

Further to this, I want to take this opportunity to explore different (not vastly different like trades or 100% commission based sales) career choices as this is part of my "optimal outcome". The worst case scenario is that I find a job in accounting. I would hate it, I'm not trying something new, and I know it's a waste of my effort since job hunting is such a big task so I want to find something I'll enjoy. OTOH, I can't imagine it being too difficult with my experience and I'll definitely be getting paid more than $60K, if not at the very minimum get dental benefits.

I'm aware that this is kind of insane, so what should I prioritize?

Anyway, I clearly have enough free time to be up at 4AM (can't sleep) and be typing this, so I guess I'll tackle the projects first... since I'm stuck with the resume.

[Badhobz]

Those office jobs are hard to get nowadays and not necessarily financially rewarding. Like if you look at the amount of work those cpa’s do, their per hour drops to a minuscule amount. Work vs effort.

I wouldn’t 100% rule of trades if I were you. It might just be the kick you’re looking for to get you out of your rut. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is insanity.

Take a break from the weed and the vape. Detox yourself and see if you can come up with a list of alternative jobs you would like to do. Then let us know and maybe someone on here has connections to said positions.

Regarding your resume:
It doesn’t matter what you put on it. It’s a piece of paper that is often filtered by digital algorithms for the “right” candidates. What your resume needs to do is to put you in a position for an interview. That means it needs to have all the keywords they are looking for. ChatGPT is a good tool for this and then just add in all the buzz words from the job ad. Even if you don’t know what it is or you have never done it before. It doesn’t matter. It’ll get your foot in the door.

Once you get that interview, This is where you need to shine.

Job interviews are a lot like dating a woman. If you’re good at dating you’re good at interviews. Selling yourself is an art. Your personality is often more important than your skills and qualifications. As long as you can make them think you’ll fit the team dynamics, and you’re capable of learning, they’ll go for it.

[bcrdukes]

With an ops and accounting/finance background, you are under valuing yourself. Start looking, start networking, stop hanging out with your track buddies because they won't get you that job. I'm sure they are great people, but they aren't the ones who will get you where you need to be.

I can't even get an interview at McDonald's when Badhobz told me to get off my dumb ass. Here I am. Stuck in Toronto for life. :alone:

[Tapioca]

The good thing about 60K is that it's an entry level salary these days. You can easily find a entry-level job that pivots your skills and experience into a different industry or sector, without any further hit to your day-to-day finances.

Trades aren't a bad idea, honestly, and you'll learn how to better maintain your detached house if you're dead set on holding onto it for the long-term.

My own recommendation would be to use your accounting background to find a role in a not-for-profit. There are lots of them around closer to home that are more than willing to pay someone like yourself half-wages for their needs. You would at least save some commuting time to free up your time and mind for other pursuits and a way to get your mental health back in order.

Dukes is right - your track buddies aren't going to help your professionally. Feel free to DM if you want to toss around some ideas over a cup of coffee.

And yes, use AI as a thought-starter for your resume, which is what everyone does these days.

[Hehe]

Only one suggestion for resume, lie the crap out of it. If you know how to do something at 30%, make it 100. If you know how to do something at 100, make it 400.

There’s no shame in it. Everyone does it to a degree. Why not go all in?

Of course, you wouldn’t want to straight lie about something you know nothing about, but for things you know, make the most out of it.

[bcrdukes]

Fun fact: One of my track buddies helped me land a job offer at a Big 4, but the opportunity was blocked by both legal teams due to a major transaction between the firm in question and my employer, so that was bust. :alone: Having said that, I should heed my own advice. Stupid track buddies. :troll:

In all seriousness, this was a situation of the value of people I did my track days with, and to your original question, it boiled down to their value as a person. I volunteered with the track team and optimized their registration process, day-of-registration flows, and their track communications plans. He saw the value in what I was able to offer and after a few discussions, he made a recommendation to several partners at his firm. I wasn't even actively looking for work.

Your transferable skills are valuable in other industries, and Tapioca is right. Not-For-Profits are a great place to pivot to and I am certain there are a handful within your very own community. Consider volunteering as a way to network and to transition out. Attitude is everything. You are cognizant of your attitude and perhaps it could use some refinement, so treat it as a project to improve yourself. Reach out to Tapioca. His time is worth more than gold itself.

[N.V.M.]

ffs type much everyone

[sonick]

From what I've followed even though bicbaws is I'm a tough position with his family and living situation on a $60k annual salary, but I can't get over the cars he's owned given the financial situation he's in.

They are way nicer than anything I've ever owned and am nowhere near the type of challenges that bicbaws has faced.

[unit]

i have a friend who is a car guy but really shouldn't be. works one decent job, maybe makes 75k or so there, then works part time for his buddy that he rents a room from in the evenings.
he has 1-2 cars that are always new and always changing. his situation has been the same for as long as i've known him, literally almost 20 years now.
if he quit working for his buddy and stopped buying cars, guy would have moved out a long time ago, maybe finally met a girl and had a second income, started a family, etc...

[Eff-1]

I guess I'll just say this:

When it comes to choosing a career path, you need to choose what you'll enjoy doing over and above solely how much money it pays. If you're already saying now that you'll be miserable doing accounting, then don't even consider it. You won't survive waking up everyday being miserable at work without it causing serious problems later in life (relationships, health, etc).

I understand it was being an entrepreneur, but if the mortgage is preventing that, then find the next best thing. Like me, I wanted to be a pilot more than anything. But my eyes became terrible and we had no money for pilot school. What can you do. So I found another passion. It takes time but you'll figure it out, but you need that mindset to get there.

The other thing is you gotta accept the fact that your current financial situation isn't allowing you to do the things you love most. Track days??? Get the fuck out lol. Of all the hobbies in the world, that's like the most expensive of them all with huge financial risk on top of it. The fact it makes you happy so it's worth doing is unrealistic.

Find new hobbies that make you happy that don't require all that debt. I know it's hard to hear, but what can I tell you. Sometimes it sucks to suck. Deal with it and stop digging yourself into a larger financial hole just because it makes you happy. Same with the weed and vaping.

[Eff-1]

Sorry one more thing:

I bet if you asked every single person here who is quote unquote "successful" :

Are there things in life you really, really wish you could be doing, but aren't, because you realize you can't afford it, or you can afford it but have other pressing priorities?

I'm going to guess 99% would raise their hand YES. (The 1% are super rich who don't worry about money, ever).

Something to think about next time you're at the track, or vaping $200 - $300/mo while complaining about $90 in your bank account! Can't have it all.

[bcrdukes]

Track days are expensive. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are either a big fat liar, richer than you, or just very rich (or a combination of all three.) Agreed on getting out of it. You tried it. You crashed. You learned. Time to move on.

[RabidRat]

From what I've followed even though bicbaws is in a tough position with his family and living situation on a $60k annual salary, but I can't get over the cars he's owned given the financial situation he's in.

They are way nicer than anything I've ever owned and am nowhere near the type of challenges that bicbaws has faced.

My hypothesis: it's a mental wellbeing thing.

If you're perpetually feeling low with seemingly nothing to look forward to, then going all-in on an aspirational car would be like pounding back powdered donuts when your blood sugar is just constantly cratering.

There are so many options with way higher $-to-happiness conversion efficiency, but when you're riding the low end of the joy curve, I can see how his options would be limited. At least he's not doing hard drugs: that would be the unrecoverable deep end of the curve.

[AstulzerRZD]

FWIW I get it - car is your way out of a house you don't enjoy spending time in and a taste of freedom.

[Hondaracer]

You know what’s the best thing I’ve ever felt for my mental well-being?

Not being worried about having the money to pay for bills or the mortgage lol

Having a buffer of funds to float between pay periods and mortgage payments etc. is the best thing you’ll do for your mental health.

Unlike EvoFire I’m likely years away from being “cheque to cheque” but with that said, if I have to worry about payments coming out and not having the cash there, that stress alone in the allotment of my accounts is bothersome.

On paper I’m balling af compared to most my age, but my car is worth 15k and it’s got 200,000km lol :shrug:

[CivicBlues]

BIC BAWS...don't take this the wrong way but just based on your long rambling post I feel like you may have some more deep-seated anxiety issues at play here. Issues that aren't really healthy and won't really get resolved by getting a higher paying job or being more frugal with expenses.

I'm not saying just dive deep into psychotherapy right now but maybe take a step back and see if you can talk to someone about this even look into some free mental health resources available in the health system.

[RabidRat]

BIC_BAWS: it feels so much like you've overcooked the entry and you've got a wheel hanging off the track. But by a miracle you've kept the other 3 tires on the black and now you're at corner exit: it's tight, you're not sure if you're going to smack the wall, the tires are spinning, shit it's gonna be a close one.

Fuck's sake, I think it's hooking up though: I think you're gonna make it :).

Alright, actionable items. Do I....

1. Finish projects (~4 outstanding) that I know I will be paid for. (Interest on LOC doesn't bother me because I know once I finish these projects, it'll wipe it clean)
2. Find a new job as that's long term and once hired it's an immediate effect on my cash flow.

I can't do both at the same time because I "tried" that all of this year, got stuck in the semantics and did neither.

Resume
I've worked on this over and over again. I have a "finished" product but to me it's a cop out. My gripe with it is that it's not a true reflection of everything I actually manage at my day job or side jobs elsewhere. I don't want to submit it because it doesn't feel authentic and I don't feel like it's the best reflection of me.

I treat this job search like a project. Create a WBS. What do I need to do to get this done? How can I do it with best practices in mind to give me the most optimal outcome? What's the most efficient way to do this to reduce redundancy? If I'm putting the effort in to switch jobs, I should be identifying KPIs and hitting them.

The problem with how I function is that I get stuck on not being able to optimize or hit my best practices targe... and then I end up doing nothing. I've been "searching" throughout 2024, but I probably only applied to 2 and I don't feel like my resume hits the best practices mark so it's kind of a wasted application/burnt opportunity.

Further to this, I want to take this opportunity to explore different (not vastly different like trades or 100% commission based sales) career choices as this is part of my "optimal outcome". The worst case scenario is that I find a job in accounting. I would hate it, I'm not trying something new, and I know it's a waste of my effort since job hunting is such a big task so I want to find something I'll enjoy. OTOH, I can't imagine it being too difficult with my experience and I'll definitely be getting paid more than $60K, if not at the very minimum get dental benefits.

I'm aware that this is kind of insane, so what should I prioritize?

Anyway, I clearly have enough free time to be up at 4AM (can't sleep) and be typing this, so I guess I'll tackle the projects first... since I'm stuck with the resume.

I feel your frustration. Please keep in mind though that perfection is the enemy of good. Imo you're going to have to lower your standards to take your first shot, and let it be a series of smaller steps rather than one huge perfect one.

If you put too much of your energy and hope into one or two major shots, it's going to leave you exhausted and unwilling to make those [perhaps many more] next attempts.

I'm doing ok in my career now, but it came out of 5 straight months of:
200 job applications -> trickling into 20 phone interviews -> trickling into 8 on-site interviews -> resulting in 3 job offers. That was 200 separate applications.

My resume started out super shitty but I just kept refining it as a continued applying and interviewing. It's a long process of iteration and the crucial step is to build the momentum. The other critical steps I bet you know more about than I do - being you were an entrepreneur - learning as you go, and getting back up more determined than ever to keep going, after a door shuts in your face. There are more doors, you have to keep going for them.

You are really motivating and inspiring me with your journey. I genuinely wish you the best in this.

[supafamous]

The other thing is you gotta accept the fact that your current financial situation isn't allowing you to do the things you love most. Track days??? Get the fuck out lol. Of all the hobbies in the world, that's like the most expensive of them all with huge financial risk on top of it. The fact it makes you happy so it's worth doing is unrealistic.

Find new hobbies that make you happy that don't require all that debt. I know it's hard to hear, but what can I tell you. Sometimes it sucks to suck. Deal with it and stop digging yourself into a larger financial hole just because it makes you happy. Same with the weed and vaping.

Late to the party on all of this but this is the part that I think needs to sink in: that Bic is in over his head financially and needs to make changes starting with the car and the racing hobby (and maybe the house). Isn't the adage about tracking a car that you should only track something you can afford to write off? I don't see how you can afford to write off the CTR with your financial situation.

The 20s are indeed a time to be a bit financially irresponsible but there are limits and/or there is a price to be paid later. I think you're trading one kind of happiness for another kind and it's not paying off at all.

There's happiness to be found when you have financial stability/freedom that will outweigh the happiness of tracking/owning a car you can't afford to write off. Bic, a couple weeks ago I shared that I'm giving up my high paying job to focus on my health due to my hearing loss - while it was a shitty choice to have to make it was also an easy choice to make b/c over the last few years I've chosen to focus on financial freedom over any of my hobbies (I was on the verge of becoming Trollface but for a Porsche).

It is so liberating to not be trapped due to financial circumstances - I really encourage you to consider making a change that gives you some more freedom and happiness - I think you're flying too close to the sun here.

[Hakkaboy]

From what I've followed even though bicbaws is I'm a tough position with his family and living situation on a $60k annual salary, but I can't get over the cars he's owned given the financial situation he's in.

They are way nicer than anything I've ever owned and am nowhere near the type of challenges that bicbaws has faced.

Unfortunately some people are just more willing to spend money they don't actually have than others.

The cheap credit available even pre-covid certainly doesn't help either.

[bcrdukes]

BIC BAWS...don't take this the wrong way but just based on your long rambling post I feel like you may have some more deep-seated anxiety issues at play here. Issues that aren't really healthy and won't really get resolved by getting a higher paying job or being more frugal with expenses.

I'm not saying just dive deep into psychotherapy right now but maybe take a step back and see if you can talk to someone about this even look into some free mental health resources available in the health system.

Re: Higher paying job - I've seen a few within my professional circle who ended up making a lot of money along with hot shot job titles etc. With the jump in their salary and meteoric rise in the corporate world also came a lot of vices.

I have witnessed first hand their downfall as a result of their decision to abuse hard drugs (notice I said abuse, not use.) The crash is hard, and I don't think they've been able to recover. You have to be careful for what you wish for. More money does not always lead to more happiness.

There's sage advice on exploring mental health options, and I'm siding with CivicBlues on his observation. Highly consider the option.

[RabidRat]

BIC_BAWS, it sounds like you got in way over your head. You came from one life, wanted to live the better life, but was not prepared for what the consequences were (how the mortgage weighs on you and affects your life decisions, how taxing the long commute is, how a 9-5 job wears you down).

Everything everyone else has said here is great, self improvement, talk to people, make connections, change careers for better opportunities, etc, but it doesn't address your problem in the short term.

I'm going to tell it to you as it is and you're not going to like it. You live paycheck to paycheck, have $90 in your account, and was late on a car payment. My friend, it's time to make some serious re-evaluations in life and address the problem before it spirals out of control. I've worked collections before. Once you fall behind, it becomes exponentially harder and harder to catch back up. You need to deal with this now. How long before it's a late mortgage payment? What happens if you, mom, or dad, get sick for an extended period of time or someone gets laid off? What if interest rates skyrocket to 8% when you need to re-finance?

I don't know how big your house is or what your mortgage payments are, but whatever it is, it's too much. You need to live within your means. You frame it as wanting your family to own their home etc, but the reality of it is that it's what you wanted. I'm sure mom and dad would be perfectly fine living in a 2 bedroom condo or smaller townhouse if it meant their kids could actually live their lives happily. You need to sit down with mom and dad and admit that your plan did not work out. If it means selling the place and downsizing together, or living separately in rentals, then so be it. You do what needs to be done. I'm sorry if that means you dont get to have a garage anymore.

I know this is a car forum, and everyone loves a CTR (I assume Civic Type-R), but you need to sell the car and stop financing. People make twice what you make and drive $30k-$40k cars. You've had your fun, you have pictures on the Gram to prove it, it's time to move on. Get into a cheap reliable car. You don't need a race car to be a car enthusiast. It's not forever, it's to help you get by until you have the means to live big in the future.

Expensive hobbies are for rich people. Does your bank account look like it belongs to a rich person?

You know the difference between the people who recover from these situations and those that spiral out of control until they declare bankruptcy? They COMPROMISE, take responsibility for their problem, and make big life changes to start dealing with it. Those people who cant recover are the ones who have an excuse for everything. They MUST have a brand new $100k pick-up truck, because they need it for work (when a used cheaper one would do). They MUST order take-out because they're too busy to cook. They MUST have expensive sushi because that's the only joy they get each week. They MUST keep the boat because it's almost paid off anyway. The people who fix their shit will eat mac and cheese everyday if they have to. They'll downsize, move to an older building, or move to a different city. They'll meal plan and find the most cost effective way to survive and still be healthy. Yea, it fucking sucks and it's not easy, but they get their life back on track and can actually live freely again.

You know why you're miserable? Because you are/were a cocky arrogant person (as you said) who was over confident in himself, so you think you're the shit and the decisions you make are great, and now when it's falling apart, it's fucking hard to swallow. I'm sure these tough times, while watching your friends succeed in life, are humbling though.

Live. Within. Your. Means. I promise you you'll be so much happier without the fear of defaulting on mortgage/car payments hanging over your head every waking moment of your day. Get that shit in order first, THEN focus on getting into a career that has opportunities to move up. Years later, when you are actually at an income level to support those other things, THEN you get to have a nice race car, go tracking, get uber-eats every day, and own a home with a garage. Not everyone has cheat codes to skip to the good stuff.

Stop comparing yourself to the old farts on here who won the lotto when they bought their house in 2008 when you were still in diapers, or the guys who have slaved away at their careers for 15-20 years to get where they are, or the assholes who came from rich families. Stop comparing yourself to your friends, who you thought you were better than at the time that you had successful businesses, but are now successful cause they've worked their way up in life. Everyone has their own path in life, some go in straight lines, some zig zag, some go backwards before they go forward again. But in the end, we all end up in the same place. It's not a race. So live YOUR life, not what you think would look good to others. Travel YOUR path and own it.

Holy shit, I just finally managed to read this amazing post.

@BIC_BAWS I know you have a lot of initial rebuttals to what bobbinka is saying, so please try to come back to it over a couple of passes, to accept as much of it as you can over time.

A lot of your response to his post are hard-line "well I simply cannot / will not accept because ___" but you know that objectively there is no way it can be true. Subjectively in your mind it is true, and it will take time to chip away at those beliefs, I'm sure.

When you're financially good and ready, for sure you will have all those nice things back and more.

edit: your brain is wired for it to be hard to let go of things you already have, btw. i hope everyone gives you a break on hard it is to move on, because you are only being human. the only difference between you and them is your reference point has been skewed to the right by what you've been exposed to.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loss_aversion
https://insidebe.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/picture_1.png

[bobbinka]

Sounds like he's got it all figured out.

Can we get back to the regular no need to start a new thread thread?

[bcrdukes]

If you guys recall, some girl shat on him because he was renting a place at the time and that was a huge blow to his self confidence. That lead him to buy a place. Congrats to him on achieving that, but as reality has shown, it doesn't work.

Said girl is nowhere to be in his picture anymore.

[68style]

Was tooling around in sunny but cold Calgary in my Miata with the heated seat on yesterday, thought to myself that I could not think of a single reason besides carrying too many ungrateful friends/family members or hauling junk why anyone would need a different car (Calgary's snow not withstanding).

Cheap to buy, cheap parts, cheap to run, cheap to mod, competes at autocross and fun on track especially if you want to push and compete against yourself, not racing Porsche's or GR Supra's or whatever else is out there. If I was broke and wanting to be in the car community and could do it all over again that's what I would pick up.

[unit]

nowadays girls should be impressed that you even can afford to rent something that isn't a bunk bed with 3 other guys. also just don't waste your time caring about what girls like that think. impressing those types of people is truly not worth it.

[bcrdukes]

Guys, c'mon. Vancouver isn't Brampton. Yet. :lol

[unit]

surrey kind of is

[bcrdukes]

I was trying to be polite. :peek:

[CivicBlues]

If you guys recall, some girl shat on him because he was renting a place at the time and that was a huge blow to his self confidence. That lead him to buy a place. Congrats to him on achieving that, but as reality has shown, it doesn't work.

Said girl is nowhere to be in his picture anymore.

If this is true...big yikes.

If your entire self-worth is shaped by other's perception of you I can't see how this will end well. By all means dig yourself out a financial hole but at this point all this well meaning advice...it's just treating the symptoms not the disease.

I'd have to double down on my call for some serious self introspection at some point soon.

[AstulzerRZD]

just gotta find the chicks who really value character and feels, lots of em out there

tiffany who grew up with daddy issues and a lotta childhood trauma ain't it

[bcrdukes]

If this is true...big yikes.

I am mostly wrong with my post, but here you go, sir.

https://www.revscene.net/forums/538959-speak-out-1007.html#post9058804

[HonestTea]

I guess I'll just say this:

When it comes to choosing a career path, you need to choose what you'll enjoy doing over and above solely how much money it pays. If you're already saying now that you'll be miserable doing accounting, then don't even consider it. You won't survive waking up everyday being miserable at work without it causing serious problems later in life (relationships, health, etc).

I understand it was being an entrepreneur, but if the mortgage is preventing that, then find the next best thing. Like me, I wanted to be a pilot more than anything. But my eyes became terrible and we had no money for pilot school. What can you do. So I found another passion. It takes time but you'll figure it out, but you need that mindset to get there.

The other thing is you gotta accept the fact that your current financial situation isn't allowing you to do the things you love most. Track days??? Get the fuck out lol. Of all the hobbies in the world, that's like the most expensive of them all with huge financial risk on top of it. The fact it makes you happy so it's worth doing is unrealistic.

Find new hobbies that make you happy that don't require all that debt. I know it's hard to hear, but what can I tell you. Sometimes it sucks to suck. Deal with it and stop digging yourself into a larger financial hole just because it makes you happy. Same with the weed and vaping.

Completely agree, out of all the hobbies, this one is probably one of the most expensive.

Why not try out sim racing? If it's good enough for Max Verstappen, it'll be good enough for you. That might be a good compromise until you're better off financially to do actual racing.

[bcrdukes]

SIM racing ain't cheap either :lol

https://axonsim.com/sim-center/sim-center-info/

[SkinnyPupp]

I can't tell BIC how to be a baller like everyone else here who have great educations, worked hard when they were young, or were simply born into wealth. I can tell him what NOT to do through experience, to the point where I was homeless for almost a year.

Saying things like "I need to do track because it's the only way I feel normal" and shit like that.. that is DELUSIONAL. I mean that literally, not as an insult. You do not need any hobby to make you "feel normal" let alone one that is way out of your financial means. A lot of people (99%+) have to go through life without expensive hobbies. Stuff like that, and buying a house you can't afford, has put you in this position.

What you should do is read Bobbinka's post (https://www.revscene.net/forums/653341-official-no-need-start-new-thread-thread-937.html#post9153119) over and over again until it gets through to you. Based on your reply, that hasn't happened yet, so keep reading it. To me, that's the best advice. This is coming from someone who is not a baller but has been in a VERY VERY bad spot, for quite a while (and never really fully out of it), to someone who looks like they are about to be there.

[HonestTea]

SIM racing ain't cheap either :lol

https://axonsim.com/sim-center/sim-center-info/


I mean he could just buy a sim racing rig ($800-15k+) depending on what type of setup he wants. There's plenty of used ones and that's still cheaper than potentially writing off his CTR and the wear-and-tear items.

Axon is good but that's not necessary to have fun with sim racing.

[CivicBlues]

Yeah so this goes beyond finding a partner or having expensive hobbies.

If you're influenced to make major life decisions based on the perceptions or perceived perceptions of your peer group at the cost of your own well being and capabilities...you're going to have to bad time.

So basically fancy way of saying peer pressure sucks. Until you get over it and stop caring that type of anxiety is not going to magically go away if you start making > $60K or even $100K. Because now your friends have leveled up and started making more as well and have moved on to even more expensive hobbies.

[Badhobz]

tiffany who grew up with daddy issues and a lotta childhood trauma ain't it

What the fuck ?! Do you and I know the same Tiffany ?

She should change her name to alexia. At least that why she’ll have more utility.

RS is like this sopranos intervention

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40HPFGvZ4ro

[bcrdukes]

bobbinka - RS Member of the Year :fuckyea:

[SkinnyPupp]

bobbinka - RS Member of the Year :fuckyea:
Seconded!

[GLOW]

i finally saw bobbinka's post...me reading and soaking in
http://www.revscene.net/forums/customavatars/avatar54015_7.gif

[Eff-1]

FWIW I get it - car is your way out of a house you don't enjoy spending time in and a taste of freedom.

Only if you can afford it.

[Badhobz]

I was just thinking about bic’s predicament, that this is exactly why I didn’t want kids.

The stress these kids are under nowadays are exponentially higher than when we were growing up. Like in my high school if you had that base model celica you were a GOD amongst men. The standards are all so far out of whack that I’m really not sure how their egos dont shatter into a million pieces.

P.s in before you guys tell me to get back to Vancouver and fix this strike problem. I didn’t do it !!!

[RevYouUp]

Bobbinkas advice is spot on. You do not need a $40k car with a $60k salary. I know it might not seem like much, but $500/month goes a long way if you’re investing that regularly into a S&P index fund instead. Car payments keep poor people poor. There’s no problem tracking an older civic si or Miata/frs/brz.

Don’t be that guy that cares what others think of you. I know of someone in his early 30s handed a $100k down payment for a condo with a 500k mortgage and he’s struggling. He has $60-70k in credit card debt and is working cash jobs to avoid taxes. He’s missed multiple mortgage payments and found a younger girlfriend to move in with him to pay rent.

He drove a stupid Audi to flex and sold it to buy a Tesla to do Uber. However, he was rejected for his finance application (prob 84 months 7%) and had to use his girlfriends name to finance it. His justification was he’ll save $500/month in gas and he’ll make 10k a month doing Uber. I feel bad for the young girl as she’s kind of naive. This guy cares about his image and perception so much that he’s in crippling debt, don’t be like that guy. He’s always full of excuses and BS to as why he needs to do what he does.

[RabidRat]

I was just thinking about bic’s predicament, that this is exactly why I didn’t want kids.

The stress these kids are under nowadays are exponentially higher than when we were growing up. Like in my high school if you had that base model celica you were a GOD amongst men. The standards are all so far out of whack that I’m really not sure how their egos dont shatter into a million pieces.

P.s in before you guys tell me to get back to Vancouver and fix this strike problem. I didn’t do it !!!

At the same time that things have gotten increasingly hard for kids, I also think parents have become a lot more conscious and intentional about parenthood.

Take a look at the Parental Thread and compare any random post from the RS dads, to how our folks raised us. I mean back in the day, the bar was just to make sure you were fed, and beat you every once in a while.

I think you especially, would make a great dad. If you decide it's right for you. And it won't even be a question of "ship has sailed". We have the technology. There's IVF, surrogacy, adoption.

[noclue]

I was just thinking about bic’s predicament, that this is exactly why I didn’t want kids.

The stress these kids are under nowadays are exponentially higher than when we were growing up. Like in my high school if you had that base model celica you were a GOD amongst men. The standards are all so far out of whack that I’m really not sure how their egos dont shatter into a million pieces.

P.s in before you guys tell me to get back to Vancouver and fix this strike problem. I didn’t do it !!!

I heard richmond high schools had a ton of nice cars in the student parking lot back in the days like M3, SLK, C55 AMG, G35 coupe, S2000, WRX STi. But I never heard of a kid driving to school with a Porsche 911 or a Ferrari until their parents got them one for getting into UBC.

[SkinnyPupp]

When I was in HS, if you had a car that ran, you were way ahead of almost anyone else. Friends in my group had an old AMC Pacer, a 91 Firefly, one had a 1988 Celica that was actually really nice. I had a 79 Corolla coupe, same year I was born LUL. We all put money into our stereo systems over anything else, only to get it stolen. I don't know anyone into car audio that didn't get it stolen eventually.

At the time, I lived in a different world than what was going on in Richmond (edit: during this time, before I met her, my wife was driving a 300ZX)

[RabidRat]

I heard richmond high schools had a ton of nice cars in the student parking lot back in the days like M3, SLK, C55 AMG, G35 coupe, S2000, WRX STi. But I never heard of a kid driving to school with a Porsche 911 or a Ferrari until their parents got them one for getting into UBC.

You know, as a parent, I wouldn't blink at buying my kid a Ferrari if it meant a guarantee they'd study hard enough / stay off drugs long enough to get into post-secondary. I'd reverse-mortgage my house, downsize, and/or delay my retirement if I had to. That's an easy sacrifice.

The reason I wouldn't, is because it would really fuck up their lives.

What the hell could you even aspire to if you'd already had the best? What's the point anymore? There's just nothing to work towards. It's like starting an RPG at Lvl 99. It's fun for all of 15 minutes and then it's like "what are we doing here?".
What's after the Ferrari? That's the end game. It's all downhill from there. How could you derive ay happiness from driving any other car after owning something like that?
Makes them weak. If we've learned anything from Dragonball Z, it's that you only get stronger by getting your ass kicked through hardship.

[Qmx323]

@BIC_BAWS - Best of luck bro, remember, the track will always gonna be there for you. No matter what.

One day I'll be there with a 08 Carrera S too.

[underscore]

Isn't the adage about tracking a car that you should only track something you can afford to write off? I don't see how you can afford to write off the CTR with your financial situation.

It'll also make the track day more enjoyable when you haven't got that worry in the back of your head the whole time. It's not quite the same thing but I changed my offroader from my (relatively) expensive daily to a cheap toy that I could write off without it causing any financial issues. Doing that made going out a lot more relaxing and enjoyable because it removed what I didn't realize was actually a huge source of stress, from something that was meant to be a fun activity.

[Hondaracer]

You know, as a parent, I wouldn't blink at buying my kid a Ferrari if it meant a guarantee they'd study hard enough / stay off drugs long enough to get into post-secondary. I'd reverse-mortgage my house, downsize, and/or delay my retirement if I had to. That's an easy sacrifice.

The reason I wouldn't, is because it would really fuck up their lives.

What the hell could you even aspire to if you'd already had the best? What's the point anymore? There's just nothing to work towards. It's like starting an RPG at Lvl 99. It's fun for all of 15 minutes and then it's like "what are we doing here?".
What's after the Ferrari? That's the end game. It's all downhill from there. How could you derive ay happiness from driving any other car after owning something like that?
Makes them weak. If we've learned anything from Dragonball Z, it's that you only get stronger by getting your ass kicked through hardship.


It’s like anything like that.. you’re never at a point where you feel like you made a huge jump.

I owned an investment condo in Whalley in 2008, there was a time I considered living in it, spent ample time there renovating and touching up between tenants etc.

I then lived by Lougheed mall in Burnaby, an obvious step up, nice 1000 sq ft 2 bed unit albeit 30 years old, was great I enjoyed it.

Now have a detached in Vancouver, love it, put like 200-300k of sweat equity into it on top of all the actual money, and the headaches of having a detached home, etc.

If you have a place to live, like the difference between some condo and a 5 million dollar home isn’t what you think in your head.

If I went from my current place to a 5-6 million dollar home, I wouldn’t be 5x as happy as I am now.

I see this a lot on IG with like these lifestyles of the rich skiiing in St.Moritz and driving lambos and Ferraris and having cocktail hour at the LV store etc.

I’m like, if you went from your average life going to crystal lodge in whistler to st.moritz in this high society soirée drinking champagne and eating caviar slope side, you’d realize pretty quick that the amount of net worth needed to have this slight change in lifestyle is hardly worth this perceived “upgrade” it just becomes the new norm.

I also don’t know a single “wealthy” person (20+ million dollar net worth) who isn’t a workaholic to the point of being a detriment to relationships and family.

If you make 60k or 600k I think it’s about living within your means and using your time and money effectively. TBH BIC, I think you’ve already got a leg up on most people to some degree, you’re just focusing your energy and time in the wrong places.

[Traum]

One day I'll be there with a 08 Carrera S too.
Don't get a 2008 Carrera, man. The 2009 car is the facelifted model, and it is much better in a lot of different ways. New DI engine that is far less prone to bore scoring, no IMS issue, PDK, updated for a more modern look, etc.

[bcrdukes]

You want the 997.2!

[red kryptonite]

took me all day to get through the last 2 pages on my phone. re-reading a few of the post and really letting it sink in. man! theres alot of wisdom amongst RS. props to you guys

best of luck Bic

[Qmx323]

Don't get a 2008 Carrera, man. The 2009 car is the facelifted model, and it is much better in a lot of different ways. New DI engine that is far less prone to bore scoring, no IMS issue, PDK, updated for a more modern look, etc.

Thanks but no thanks, I'll stick to manually jerking my knob.

But thanks on the 09+ recommendation.

[GLOW]

I heard richmond high schools had a ton of nice cars in the student parking lot back in the days like M3, SLK, C55 AMG, G35 coupe, S2000, WRX STi. But I never heard of a kid driving to school with a Porsche 911 or a Ferrari until their parents got them one for getting into UBC.

This sounds like the first episode of Beverly Hills 90210 when the brokie Walsh’s go to their new school

I’m dating myself if only the old farts remember that show :lol

[bobbinka]

I know of someone in his early 30s handed a $100k down payment for a condo with a 500k mortgage and he’s struggling. He has $60-70k in credit card debt and is working cash jobs to avoid taxes. He’s missed multiple mortgage payments and found a younger girlfriend to move in with him to pay rent.

He drove a stupid Audi to flex and sold it to buy a Tesla to do Uber. However, he was rejected for his finance application (prob 84 months 7%) and had to use his girlfriends name to finance it. His justification was he’ll save $500/month in gas and he’ll make 10k a month doing Uber. I feel bad for the young girl as she’s kind of naive. This guy cares about his image and perception so much that he’s in crippling debt, don’t be like that guy. He’s always full of excuses and BS to as why he needs to do what he does.

This reminds me of a poor lady, an immigrant who came to the country doing house cleaning to get by. She eventually turned it into a business, hired staff and expanded. She was doing good, not rich, but well enough. Then she got married. What she didn't know was that the guy she married had a crippling amount of debt.

She thought she loved this guy. And based on her upbringing, culture, sense of responsibility, she believed that the right thing to do was to try and help him pay off his debt. She couldn't. And not only that, she ended up putting her business into debt trying to "save" him. The mofo was using her to fund his extravagant life. It's fucking sick. There's no happy ending here.

[Traum]

Unfortunately, this kind of story is hardly new. I've even heard of similar incidents happening among my extended circle of friends.

The real question is though -- why am I not able to find a sugar mama like this though? All I'd ever ask for is to have her fund me and my fast cars habit. :alonehappy:
This reminds me of a poor lady, an immigrant who came to the country doing house cleaning to get by. She eventually turned it into a business, hired staff and expanded. She was doing good, not rich, but well enough. Then she got married. What she didn't know was that the guy she married had a crippling amount of debt.

She thought she loved this guy. And based on her upbringing, culture, sense of responsibility, she believed that the right thing to do was to try and help him pay off his debt. She couldn't. And not only that, she ended up putting her business into debt trying to "save" him. The mofo was using her to fund his extravagant life. It's fucking sick. There's no happy ending here.

[spoon.ek9]

being single up until recently and also age 40, my friends were suggesting more and more often that I consider finding a sugar momma lol. meanwhile hobz is sitting on multiple girls try to get his peen into their... homes.

[Badhobz]

being single up until recently and also age 40, my friends were suggesting more and more often that I consider finding a sugar momma lol. meanwhile hobz is sitting on multiple girls try to get his peen into their... homes.

Stupid home wrecking whores !!! The only one for me is spy ballooooon. She’s the best sassy little cunt in the world. Plus I’m genuinely scared of her voodoo witch powers. She seems to be able curse me if I don’t listen to her tiny 5 foot nothing ass.

[BIC_BAWS]

To wrap up this topic (should've started a thread lul), I just had a heart to heart with my mom. She echo'd that I was at my happiest when I was running several businesses at once. I wasn't really considering accounting jobs and therefore getting a CPA, but Gerbs showed me that a CPA isn't just full-cycle accounting, as there are many pathways.

I also had a brief chat with my boss on Friday and gave him a heads up that I'll need to leave soon. I need more pay and I know he can't give that to me - we had just wrapped up year end. I feel so much better having that convo, I think I was so scared of the convo it added to my stress all year.

I find it crazy that so much change has happened in the last week, but it only started because of all of your advice/vented here.

Gameplan:
- Finish projects to free up energy for resume and to get immediate cash, in conjunction with doing a few entrepreneurial things.
- Get a new job that pays for tuition, dental and health benefits
- Finish my BBA, get CPA or SCMP certification, depending on what I think I will want to do long term as I still need employment income for mortgage purposes

Let's see what I get done by Nov 2025. I'll update then, if interested.



To sum it up, I'm deadset on things because I'm all or nothing type of person. I don't want to say I'll do something (ie. sell car/house/not track) and not do it. There's some trauma associated with this, but my word is and will always be "gold". Actions speak louder than words and I like to be a living example of it. Probably because of the high standards I hold myself - including not being a hypocrite.

The good thing about 60K is that it's an entry level salary these days. You can easily find a entry-level job that pivots your skills and experience into a different industry or sector, without any further hit to your day-to-day finances.

My own recommendation would be to use your accounting background to find a role in a not-for-profit. There are lots of them around closer to home that are more than willing to pay someone like yourself half-wages for their needs. You would at least save some commuting time to free up your time and mind for other pursuits and a way to get your mental health back in order.

Feel free to DM if you want to toss around some ideas over a cup of coffee.

And yes, use AI as a thought-starter for your resume, which is what everyone does these days.

Thanks for the coffee offer, I'll reach out when I'm a bit more set up. The non-for-profit idea is a fantastic idea. I want to be doing something impactful. My bosses use "all hands on deck" all the time (despite everyone being at 110% capacity), but like... we're in the fashion industry....

AI is so ingenuine but my friend suggested I have a conversation with ChatGPT instead, so instead of plagiarizing it, I can use it to get ideas and put it in my own words.

BIC BAWS...don't take this the wrong way but just based on your long rambling post I feel like you may have some more deep-seated anxiety issues at play here. Issues that aren't really healthy and won't really get resolved by getting a higher paying job or being more frugal with expenses.

I'm not saying just dive deep into psychotherapy right now but maybe take a step back and see if you can talk to someone about this even look into some free mental health resources available in the health system.

None taken, you're probably right. I would like to think that I'm pretty self-aware, but I think that only extends to how I treat others (not myself). I don't think it's normal to live a life full of contradictions/constant internal battles with myself, overthink/plan everything, hold myself to an extremely high standard, yet be able to give grace and support to others.

I'm hoping that more revenue = access to therapy or something. I will however look into some free mental health resources. Are the mental health apps any good? I keep getting ads for Unbounce or other apps.

LOL I also just got an ad on IG for life insurance :dead:

I am however actively trying to be more positive in all situations. I hear it helps with getting your brain to not feel bad.

Re: rambling - have you seen the pick a car (https://www.revscene.net/forums/716914-pick-dual-duty-car-bic_baws.html) thread... LOL

I feel your frustration. Please keep in mind though that perfection is the enemy of good. Imo you're going to have to lower your standards to take your first shot, and let it be a series of smaller steps rather than one huge perfect one.

If you put too much of your energy and hope into one or two major shots, it's going to leave you exhausted and unwilling to make those [perhaps many more] next attempts.

I'm doing ok in my career now, but it came out of 5 straight months of:
200 job applications -> trickling into 20 phone interviews -> trickling into 8 on-site interviews -> resulting in 3 job offers. That was 200 separate applications.

My resume started out super shitty but I just kept refining it as a continued applying and interviewing. It's a long process of iteration and the crucial step is to build the momentum. The other critical steps I bet you know more about than I do - being you were an entrepreneur - learning as you go, and getting back up more determined than ever to keep going, after a door shuts in your face. There are more doors, you have to keep going for them.

You are really motivating and inspiring me with your journey. I genuinely wish you the best in this.

Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. I keep hearing about how hard it is to find a job, but I assumed it was for people that doesn't have a ton of experience. However, I'm assuming you have quite a bit and was still running into this scenario.

My friend also made a good point, my "50%" resume, might be someone else's 100%. So I should still be using it to apply. I think it'll be difficult to get all of my experience on the page and it'll definitely be more than the 1 page limit. I should really be logical in this aspect as I have quite a bit of experience on the hiring manager side of things.. so you'd think I would know what would be good/bad.

edit: your brain is wired for it to be hard to let go of things you already have, btw. i hope everyone gives you a break on hard it is to move on, because you are only being human. the only difference between you and them is your reference point has been skewed to the right by what you've been exposed to.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loss_aversion

I didn't know about this. I thought I just didn't like to lose out on the upside - a hazard of occupation. Fully committing to the choices and adapting project plans to make it work.

tiffany who grew up with daddy issues and a lotta childhood trauma ain't it

Bro if it was a Tiffany with daddy issues, at least the sex would've been crazy good. Got put in the doghouse 2 mo in bc she had self image/worth issues so no intimacy at all (which is fine) but her personality sucked. She was miserable to be around.

WHICH IS WHY IM NOT DATING BECAUSE IM MISERABLE TO BE AROUND. Get my shit together first and then date.

[Badhobz]

Unless you like schooling or you think this is the only way of accomplishing your goals, I wouldn’t focus on getting a cpa / other accounting designations. It sounds like you hate accounting anyways.

What’s the point of doing accounting if you’re going to be even more miserable

[BIC_BAWS]

High paying and I only hate the tax side and full cycle side of accounting.

Plus mom and I will be able to bill at CPA rates instead of bookkeeper that knows tax and has experience rates.

The other designation mentioned is for supply chain, which I do enjoy, but I don't have formal education or YEARS OF EXPERIENCE in (10 in acct - 4 in supply chain)!

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

[noclue]

CPA is oversaturated with internal conflicts - Ontario just left and created their own.
Get SCMP/PMP and get badhobz to hire you… then replace him for the power move lmao

[westopher]

To wrap up this topic (should've started a thread lul), I just had a heart to heart with my mom. She echo'd that I was at my happiest when I was running several businesses at once. I wasn't really considering accounting jobs and therefore getting a CPA, but Gerbs showed me that a CPA isn't just full-cycle accounting, as there are many pathways.

I also had a brief chat with my boss on Friday and gave him a heads up that I'll need to leave soon. I need more pay and I know he can't give that to me - we had just wrapped up year end. I feel so much better having that convo, I think I was so scared of the convo it added to my stress all year.

I find it crazy that so much change has happened in the last week, but it only started because of all of your advice/vented here.

Gameplan:
- Finish projects to free up energy for resume and to get immediate cash, in conjunction with doing a few entrepreneurial things.
- Get a new job that pays for tuition, dental and health benefits
- Finish my BBA, get CPA or SCMP certification, depending on what I think I will want to do long term as I still need employment income for mortgage purposes

Let's see what I get done by Nov 2025. I'll update then, if interested.



To sum it up, I'm deadset on things because I'm all or nothing type of person. I don't want to say I'll do something (ie. sell car/house/not track) and not do it. There's some trauma associated with this, but my word is and will always be "gold". Actions speak louder than words and I like to be a living example of it. Probably because of the high standards I hold myself - including not being a hypocrite.



Thanks for the coffee offer, I'll reach out when I'm a bit more set up. The non-for-profit idea is a fantastic idea. I want to be doing something impactful. My bosses use "all hands on deck" all the time (despite everyone being at 110% capacity), but like... we're in the fashion industry....

AI is so ingenuine but my friend suggested I have a conversation with ChatGPT instead, so instead of plagiarizing it, I can use it to get ideas and put it in my own words.



None taken, you're probably right. I would like to think that I'm pretty self-aware, but I think that only extends to how I treat others (not myself). I don't think it's normal to live a life full of contradictions/constant internal battles with myself, overthink/plan everything, hold myself to an extremely high standard, yet be able to give grace and support to others.

I'm hoping that more revenue = access to therapy or something. I will however look into some free mental health resources. Are the mental health apps any good? I keep getting ads for Unbounce or other apps.

LOL I also just got an ad on IG for life insurance :dead:

I am however actively trying to be more positive in all situations. I hear it helps with getting your brain to not feel bad.

Re: rambling - have you seen the pick a car (https://www.revscene.net/forums/716914-pick-dual-duty-car-bic_baws.html) thread... LOL



Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. I keep hearing about how hard it is to find a job, but I assumed it was for people that doesn't have a ton of experience. However, I'm assuming you have quite a bit and was still running into this scenario.

My friend also made a good point, my "50%" resume, might be someone else's 100%. So I should still be using it to apply. I think it'll be difficult to get all of my experience on the page and it'll definitely be more than the 1 page limit. I should really be logical in this aspect as I have quite a bit of experience on the hiring manager side of things.. so you'd think I would know what would be good/bad.



I didn't know about this. I thought I just didn't like to lose out on the upside - a hazard of occupation. Fully committing to the choices and adapting project plans to make it work.



Bro if it was a Tiffany with daddy issues, at least the sex would've been crazy good. Got put in the doghouse 2 mo in bc she had self image/worth issues so no intimacy at all (which is fine) but her personality sucked. She was miserable to be around.

WHICH IS WHY IM NOT DATING BECAUSE IM MISERABLE TO BE AROUND. Get my shit together first and then date.


I think with your experience and having some drive you're going to have an easy time getting a job with better cash flow. It's not going to solve all your problems, but taking the first step is a big move and taking some financial stress out is going to be a big positive net to your stress and self worth Im betting.

[Gerbs]

You know, as a parent, I wouldn't blink at buying my kid a Ferrari if it meant a guarantee they'd study hard enough / stay off drugs long enough to get into post-secondary. I'd reverse-mortgage my house, downsize, and/or delay my retirement if I had to. That's an easy sacrifice.

The reason I wouldn't, is because it would really fuck up their lives.

What the hell could you even aspire to if you'd already had the best? What's the point anymore? There's just nothing to work towards. It's like starting an RPG at Lvl 99. It's fun for all of 15 minutes and then it's like "what are we doing here?".
What's after the Ferrari? That's the end game. It's all downhill from there. How could you derive ay happiness from driving any other car after owning something like that?
Makes them weak. If we've learned anything from Dragonball Z, it's that you only get stronger by getting your ass kicked through hardship.


My cousin is in that dilemma, his parents were working in another city due to their business. He got offered any car if he can make it to uni.

He signed up for flying school which required no pre-reqs. Got a $150K E63s and a detached house to live in. He doesn't have much aspiration for anything because even his salary at air canada for the first couple of years can't buy a better life than he already has.

just gotta find the chicks who really value character and feels, lots of em out there

tiffany who grew up with daddy issues and a lotta childhood trauma ain't it

I can only imagine we're talking about the same tiff :ilied:


SIM racing ain't cheap either :lol

https://axonsim.com/sim-center/sim-center-info/

Daddy hobz got us


Those office jobs are hard to get nowadays and not necessarily financially rewarding. Like if you look at the amount of work those cpa’s do, their per hour drops to a minuscule amount. Work vs effort.


While I agree the majority of CPA's suck. Within the 5-7 CPA's I talk to weekly, we're all 1 day office or full remote, free time for hobbies, averaging < 20 hours a week, and make > 5-10% median salary for working the little hours that we do. The beginning was $40K/year and you're on your knees playing politics. Took about 5-8 years to get to a good position for all of us. The real bread and butter is having a low stress and non time consuming job that allows the freedom to pursue fun side hustles to generate income to sustain expensive hobbies.+

Saw this bit and I am gonna say -- health benefits from work are a nice-to-have, but a bare bones safety net plan is sufficiently affordable to purchase on your own. IMO basic dental coverage that you can buy on your own, however, offers a fairly poor value for your money. So make sure you brush your teeth and floss on a daily basis bcos dental work is seriously $$$$$.

Also bear in mind that a lot of married couple get their extended health benefits off their spouse's work plan. A lot of couples I know have 1 partner working a steady, secure job with health coverage, while the other works a higher paying job with few other benefits.

Dental benefits are worth MAYBE $500-1,500 annually, just get paid more and pay the $100/month yourself. Health benefits should not be valued that much.

[Badhobz]

Get SCMP/PMP and get badhobz to hire you… then replace him for the power move lmao

https://media.tenor.com/YX-v_B1li6cAAAAM/gay-cries.gif

[Traum]

Gameplan:
- Finish projects to free up energy for resume and to get immediate cash, in conjunction with doing a few entrepreneurial things.
- Get a new job that pays for tuition, dental and health benefits
- Finish my BBA, get CPA or SCMP certification, depending on what I think I will want to do long term as I still need employment income for mortgage purposes

Saw this bit and I am gonna say -- health benefits from work are a nice-to-have, but a bare bones safety net plan is sufficiently affordable to purchase on your own. IMO basic dental coverage that you can buy on your own, however, offers a fairly poor value for your money. So make sure you brush your teeth and floss on a daily basis bcos dental work is seriously $$$$$.

Also bear in mind that a lot of married couple get their extended health benefits off their spouse's work plan. A lot of couples I know have 1 partner working a steady, secure job with health coverage, while the other works a higher paying job with few other benefits.

[Gerbs]

I finally caught up with the last few pages and I know there are solid actionable that are being set forward.

Holy fuck, Bobbinka has the post of the year!

I was just about to call out the delusion,
- Income $60K Gross
- $90 in Bank
- $2.5-3K/mo+ House payments? idk, guessing
- Missed car payment
- LOC @ 8%
- High KM CTR could be underwater on a $40K+ Loan?
- Cash flow is pay cheque to pay cheque and underwater

You're not in a position to be spending
- $200-300 on vape/weed
- Not looking at price when eating out and eating out most meals
- Spending $3-5K on track, $1.2K sim memby is the solution in the interim
- $300-400/month on gas
- $40K over 4 years on hobby related car maintenance/upgrades not including purchase


Not to be offensive, but I don't agree with others saying you're doing well for your age, that your way ahead and you shouldn't stress. It feels like you gave yourself 100% of the dopamine from owning a home, while contributing only 33% of the mortgage and < 5% down?

I don't know if this is true but not being able to manage a $600K mortgage payments with 4 incomes on a big SFH purchase is a bit odd. It seems to me that you never built the strong financial literacy from having to save the $200-600K+ for a SFH down payment. I can't see how you could live half the lifestyle above and save for any meaningful down payment. If that's true, it appears that the equity gained from inheriting a % ownership in the family home made you feel like you're in a better financial position than you're currently in. Which is only applicable if you have the ability and control to downsize and withdraw equity, which is impossible with 4 owner opinions.

There's a time to enjoy life in your 20's, not worry about spending and living a little, but this ain't it. This is a lifestyle of someone who's making on the lowest end $120-150K+ for 3+ years, has emergency funds and investments in check or someone who makes $80K+ and has 0 expenses living at home. The lifestyle inflations needs to be compromised asap and should be enjoyed after you increase your income via the actionable.

This should be a HUGEEEEEEEEE wakeup call for positive change, which you're actively seeking! You're spending money you don't have, on non-essentials you shouldn't have at this point in time.

BIC_BAWS, it sounds like you got in way over your head. You came from one life, wanted to live the better life, but was not prepared for what the consequences were (how the mortgage weighs on you and affects your life decisions, how taxing the long commute is, how a 9-5 job wears you down).

Everything everyone else has said here is great, self improvement, talk to people, make connections, change careers for better opportunities, etc, but it doesn't address your problem in the short term.

I'm going to tell it to you as it is and you're not going to like it. You live paycheck to paycheck, have $90 in your account, and was late on a car payment. My friend, it's time to make some serious re-evaluations in life and address the problem before it spirals out of control. I've worked collections before. Once you fall behind, it becomes exponentially harder and harder to catch back up. You need to deal with this now. How long before it's a late mortgage payment? What happens if you, mom, or dad, get sick for an extended period of time or someone gets laid off? What if interest rates skyrocket to 8% when you need to re-finance?

I don't know how big your house is or what your mortgage payments are, but whatever it is, it's too much. You need to live within your means. You frame it as wanting your family to own their home etc, but the reality of it is that it's what you wanted. I'm sure mom and dad would be perfectly fine living in a 2 bedroom condo or smaller townhouse if it meant their kids could actually live their lives happily. You need to sit down with mom and dad and admit that your plan did not work out. If it means selling the place and downsizing together, or living separately in rentals, then so be it. You do what needs to be done. I'm sorry if that means you dont get to have a garage anymore.

I know this is a car forum, and everyone loves a CTR (I assume Civic Type-R), but you need to sell the car and stop financing. People make twice what you make and drive $30k-$40k cars. You've had your fun, you have pictures on the Gram to prove it, it's time to move on. Get into a cheap reliable car. You don't need a race car to be a car enthusiast. It's not forever, it's to help you get by until you have the means to live big in the future.

Expensive hobbies are for rich people. Does your bank account look like it belongs to a rich person?

You know the difference between the people who recover from these situations and those that spiral out of control until they declare bankruptcy? They COMPROMISE, take responsibility for their problem, and make big life changes to start dealing with it. Those people who cant recover are the ones who have an excuse for everything. They MUST have a brand new $100k pick-up truck, because they need it for work (when a used cheaper one would do). They MUST order take-out because they're too busy to cook. They MUST have expensive sushi because that's the only joy they get each week. They MUST keep the boat because it's almost paid off anyway. The people who fix their shit will eat mac and cheese everyday if they have to. They'll downsize, move to an older building, or move to a different city. They'll meal plan and find the most cost effective way to survive and still be healthy. Yea, it fucking sucks and it's not easy, but they get their life back on track and can actually live freely again.

You know why you're miserable? Because you are/were a cocky arrogant person (as you said) who was over confident in himself, so you think you're the shit and the decisions you make are great, and now when it's falling apart, it's fucking hard to swallow. I'm sure these tough times, while watching your friends succeed in life, are humbling though.

Live. Within. Your. Means. I promise you you'll be so much happier without the fear of defaulting on mortgage/car payments hanging over your head every waking moment of your day. Get that shit in order first, THEN focus on getting into a career that has opportunities to move up. Years later, when you are actually at an income level to support those other things, THEN you get to have a nice race car, go tracking, get uber-eats every day, and own a home with a garage. Not everyone has cheat codes to skip to the good stuff.

Stop comparing yourself to the old farts on here who won the lotto when they bought their house in 2008 when you were still in diapers, or the guys who have slaved away at their careers for 15-20 years to get where they are, or the assholes who came from rich families. Stop comparing yourself to your friends, who you thought you were better than at the time that you had successful businesses, but are now successful cause they've worked their way up in life. Everyone has their own path in life, some go in straight lines, some zig zag, some go backwards before they go forward again. But in the end, we all end up in the same place. It's not a race. So live YOUR life, not what you think would look good to others. Travel YOUR path and own it.




Actually, I do like it. Hell I "pay" someone to sit in my car and literally yell at me all day. I tell people the cold hard truth all the time to support them and to be honest it's why I don't really tell people my problems because they just say "oh you're doing fine" or "it's fine you're young". No, the softness while appreciated doesn't work for me because I can't give myself the satisfaction of being ok with an excuse. Yes, I have been very complacent in 2024 but I normally don't give myself a chance to even fester in my thoughts. Weed is not good when you are not good. Anyway, you're free to treat my replies as an excuse or justification but this is kind of how I work out problems in my head via discussion. You're definitely not going to like my replies.



Lifestyle inflation is a bitch. 60K/yr was definitely doable when I didn't have home expenses AND well my cars were paid in cash. Albeit, they broke all the time and in the course of 3 years, I spent probably 30K on it. Purchase price 10K. $40K in 4 years but living comfortably. Which is the same cost as the CTR. I'm already at worst case scenario and I have worst case scenario plans that I just need to execute.

And tbh I get asked this all the time, idk how it works, but I always make it work. It's really just the unexpected track crash that threw off my cash flow and being too fucked on weed (as a result of other factors) to finish projects (which is how I normally funded my car hobby).



You're not wrong. As much as it's framed that way, there is an inherent selfishness to it which I'm constantly fighting between trying not be selfish by doing the right thing (in all aspects).

My dad is a hard liner for not paying for strata bc of the usual cons re strata, so TH/condo is out of the question automatically. Tho my dad was more than happy to just keep living in our (shitty) home environment. Mom, OTOH, really wanted a place and at the time we received notice for our office.

Requirements:
- Must have legal suite (mtg requirement)
-- Therefore SFH (which is why in 2020, in the RE thread, I considered moving to Aggasiz and making the commute. Which you guys told me it's a fucking awful idea and I listened. Bless you guys)
-- Suite is used for office (but tbh underutilized)
- Double car garage (my only requirement)
- Renovated (my parents' requirement bc they didn't want to do renos )
- Min 4 bd, 3 ba (mom likes to have in-home office as well)

Honestly having experienced home ownership and living in a TH for most of life, I would rather pay strata to take care of all this shit I have zero experience in dealing with. ie. the most recent storm a branch fell down and I thought it was a tree falling down... so I called an arborist to remove something that could have easily been done myself. Tho at that time it was, idc how much money it costs, this needs to come down today or it'll fall on the power line/house.

I'll revisit the legal suite topic below as many others have discussed downsizing and/or renting something out.



It's not this. It's I like the self improvement I get from driving better. I treat track days as education or self growth. I set a goal (not time related) for every track day and I work on improving in those aspects.

One of my lifelong dreams is to start a charity that gives underprivileged teens the opportunity to experience this. I am 100% serious that I would not be alive without this "hobby" or community I got into. I enjoy building communities, making connections, and ultimately giving. I'm not gifted in driving. If I don't start making connections NOW and get decent at driving, this won't happen ever.

Plus which business doesn't love charitable donations for tax purposes AND they get a good rep for it. It's like when green-washing was big.



No. But, I don't buy clothes (I'm wearing the same jacket from 8th grade). I don't have any other hobbies, I don't travel, etc. I don't spend unnecessarily. It's literally just track period. I don't buy parts because it's a new car, it works out of the box. And yes there are consumables to consider, but I buy 3 owner old tires to track on. And my fluids/pads are all free for the rest of my life, thanks FCPEuro.

I should cut out my vaping habit once I'm in a better work environment. I depend on it to not walk out everyday or punch my boss. Often, our disagreements are so extreme that it looks like a father yelling at his son. Once I cut my vaping habit, it'll free up ~ $200-$300/mo.

I [B]will cut out dining out. I do it out of fomo and the social aspect. I don't know how much this costs but I eat like I'm rich (price is irrelevant, not paying for shit food is) so there is likely a significant saving there.

I am not anticipating attending any track days in 2025. I might give in for a fire sale day, so I don't want to promise that.



I disagree with all of this. Those examples you listed are for weak minded people who I was all of 2024. You talk about COMPROMISE, but on the other token, you know how I fix this? I make more money. I do the projects I should be doing and I should be finding more clients. I have plenty of free time so I should be using it to earn more. 100% in agreement with Hehe on the money and high value individual aspect. Like I said, I don't know how but I always make it work.

I'm in this situation because I didn't plan for burning out and falling behind on projects.



Technically, my friend said it. I don't see it. But it is true that I'm having a difficult time with accepting that my plans aren't working out. I'm in Ops and have a background in accounting/consulting, so my nature is to meticulously plan everything and find the most optimal path to achieve it without too much lag time or redundancy. This goes for everything in my life, I'll touch on this in the next post re: actionable items.



I value the opinion of the old farts on here because they have 20 years on me, so they must have gone through some shit. I value Hehe's opinion because despite how much of a nepobaby he sounds like, based on what I read, it's not that. I value his opinion because entrepreneurs think differently.

Hell, it's easier for me to vent here because while I'm known, it doesn't feel like I'm crying for attention on my own social media like a basic bitch tumblr girl. And it beats reddit, because over the years it's not that anon and context is important to me. You can't call me out for not being honest and transparent.

I can't tell my friends because well I'd be a broken record and I don't want to be that ask-hole. Whereas, here, whatever. What are you going to do? Ban me? I need time to process and this is my second big thread re: burn out this year here. I'm at the point now where I think I'm ready to start building again.

And yes, this seems like a drastic change from a few days ago. But I didn't realize how much actually verbalizing it or putting it into text helps me clear some burden and per Westopher/Producer how unrealistic I am with holding myself to these standards and expectations. Thank you guys for all the support. Seriously. You're all internet people, but I value your experiences and I appreciate you for putting time and thought into helping me work out my problems.

[BIC_BAWS]

100% in agreement with the "not doing well for my age thing". I feel like it devalues your experience, where you did have to grind for your first place.

This is precisely why I don't celebrate my own achievements, BC what achievements.

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

[BIC_BAWS]

@RabidRat my pm box is full but

Oooh, if you could do that, that would be great. I didn't know it was that easy and it's what 4 pages of it? I didn't want to bother an admin with it.

This title sounds good too. I feel bad about it continuing to clog up the no need to start a thread thread.

Thanks!

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

[Badhobz]

We are all happy to help a brother out. I don’t think anyone here feels inconvenienced by your posts

Keep your chin up bro. This is some bitter medicine, but the uncles of RS are always there to bust your balls and give your emotional damage la..

https://youtu.be/Y0I92t0cVJ8?si=m5SPwwJRfj17ag_4

[spoon.ek9]

Stupid home wrecking whores !!! The only one for me is spy ballooooon. She’s the best sassy little cunt in the world. Plus I’m genuinely scared of her voodoo witch powers. She seems to be able curse me if I don’t listen to her tiny 5 foot nothing ass.

if things don't work out for me, i'm counting on you to send some rich hoes my way lol.

[Badhobz]

Okay but it comes with a whole bunch of yarrr yarrrr ni haoooorrr marrrr !!! Kinda shit. If you can’t stand that crap then I gotta dig through my bag of Guangdong muis and they are broke as shit nowadays

And given the vintage a lot of them are pre menopausal and cunty as fuck. High mileage, neglected maintenance, multiple owners and lots of dings on the body

[Gerbs]

rich optional!


High mileage, neglected maintenance, multiple owners and lots of dings on the body

You a straight savage, not the high mileage, multi-owners.

[RabidRat]

@RabidRat my pm box is full but

Oooh, if you could do that, that would be great. I didn't know it was that easy and it's what 4 pages of it? I didn't want to bother an admin with it.

This title sounds good too. I feel bad about it continuing to clog up the no need to start a thread thread.

Thanks!

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

Thread forked. No worries man, I'm happy to do it!

The discussion deserves its own corner of RS for sure. There's such an epic level of perspective coming from all around :bowdown:: I'm sure I'm not the only one learning a lot from everyone else.

[spoon.ek9]

Okay but it comes with a whole bunch of yarrr yarrrr ni haoooorrr marrrr !!! Kinda shit. If you can’t stand that crap then I gotta dig through my bag of Guangdong muis and they are broke as shit nowadays

And given the vintage a lot of them are pre menopausal and cunty as fuck. High mileage, neglected maintenance, multiple owners and lots of dings on the body

not gonna lie, mandarin is usually a boner killer for me but if it means i can be a rich house husband and just cook/clean i might be down :lol

[JDMDreams]

I just stumbled on this thread, I feel like I'm in a similar situation but I guess everyone else my age is in the same boat straddled with mtg. At least we're not renting.

Just a few suggestions. Can you rent anything out? Air BNB $1000 a month will help out greatly. Rent out the garage? Cough as a garage or convert it into something? When does your mtg heloc mature? $600k split between 3 incomes isn't the worse. You have no strata. You can definitely look for better rates, switch lenders to get cash back, lower rates. Go on variable, rates will continue to drop. I think paying less into the heloc isn't the worse case, just restretch the amortization. As land value appreciation should cover that. That's the whole point of a heloc vs mtg, you have more flexibility than just making fixed payments. I think the Asian mentality of not owing money really hurts people. Yes you have a $2m house paid off. But no savings in the bank when you retire and can't pay property tax. Do you have any savings left? I think putting a few hundred a month to start on something like wealth simple into like a S&p etf to build some savings is a good thing rather than spending every dollar on payments to pay off quicker. Or some high yield stock dividend funds to pay monthly dividends to build cash flow a long with drip to auto build your portfolio.

Where's this rich ppl Ferrari girl gym, RS meat?

[RabidRat]

I feel your frustration. Please keep in mind though that perfection is the enemy of good. Imo you're going to have to lower your standards to take your first shot, and let it be a series of smaller steps rather than one huge perfect one.

If you put too much of your energy and hope into one or two major shots, it's going to leave you exhausted and unwilling to make those [perhaps many more] next attempts.

I'm doing ok in my career now, but it came out of 5 straight months of:
200 job applications -> trickling into 20 phone interviews -> trickling into 8 on-site interviews -> resulting in 3 job offers. That was 200 separate applications.

My resume started out super shitty but I just kept refining it as a continued applying and interviewing. It's a long process of iteration and the crucial step is to build the momentum. The other critical steps I bet you know more about than I do - being you were an entrepreneur - learning as you go, and getting back up more determined than ever to keep going, after a door shuts in your face. There are more doors, you have to keep going for them.

You are really motivating and inspiring me with your journey. I genuinely wish you the best in this.

Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. I keep hearing about how hard it is to find a job, but I assumed it was for people that doesn't have a ton of experience. However, I'm assuming you have quite a bit and was still running into this scenario.


Yeah at that point, I'd worked at Blackberry and then Cisco for a couple of years, designing high-speed digital logic boards.

It was wildly unpredictable whether I'd even hear anything back for positions that I was kind of overqualified for, vs surprisingly getting immediate calls back for positions that I was very underqualified for. The Microsoft Xbox hardware team comes to mind: the engineering manager called me directly and said he was straight up skipping HR because he needed someone and they're too damn slow... and can he just phone screen me right now, and could I manage to fly out in the next couple days? (I got an offer out of that one!)

Also, having been on the other side of it for the last 9 years, it really is completely random and unpredictable what's happening behind the scenes. HR randomly sends us resumes that are hardly related to the position we're hiring for but neglects tons of other really good ones; budgets / headcounts open up and get taken away / transferred unexpectedly; sometimes a horde of very qualified candidates show up and we have to reject a lot of really strong candidates because we only had the one opening; or there are no decent candidates but we're just freaking desperate to get some help so we take a chance hiring somebody we'd normally never even spend the time to interview. It's really crazy. And it's not a startup / small company thing either: I worked at [still work for] one of the biggest tech companies in Silicon Valley. Hiring processes are bananas.



edit: your brain is wired for it to be hard to let go of things you already have, btw. i hope everyone gives you a break on hard it is to move on, because you are only being human. the only difference between you and them is your reference point has been skewed to the right by what you've been exposed to.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loss_aversion
https://insidebe.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/picture_1.png

I didn't know about this. I thought I just didn't like to lose out on the upside - a hazard of occupation. Fully committing to the choices and adapting project plans to make it work.


Yep I think it's both. Unrealized upsides, also feel like loss. Especially if you've internalized how it would feel to succeed. Humans struggle to let go of things that they feel they either deserve or already have. Apparently!

Source: "Thinking Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman. He won a Nobel prize for Prospect Theory, which this Loss Aversion plays into. It's a hell of a book all about human behavior (behavioral economics, specifically). I'm half way through listening to the audiobook right now. I've been liking it so much that I bought copies for my parents in Chinese lol.

[JDMDreams]

To add to my post, please get your parents out of gics, rates are dropping, have you looked at any after hour gigs, type r should be new enough to Uber, food delivery? I know the cash rate for house cleaning starts at $20 an hour cash. Just saying. Maybe 3 hours a day on the weekend or after work. That's extra $120 income a week x4 =$480 month. That's a car payment right there.

[Hakkaboy]

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but even if you were to start having an income of 150k+, you'd probably be in even more debt that you are in now.

Well, at least not unless you make major changes in the way you approach making financial decisions.

People who keep talking about waiting for more money to come in most likely means that they have already spent it before they've ve actual made that much, and that happens at any income level. It just means spending even more money they don't have the more money they make.

[JDMDreams]

Yes, more money = more debt. You will just have a bigger mtg, and Integra type s instead of type r. My goal is to be financially independent from my job so I don't need money from my job to survive.

[BIC_BAWS]

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but even if you were to start having an income of 150k+, you'd probably be in even more debt that you are in now.

Well, at least not unless you make major changes in the way you approach making financial decisions.

People who keep talking about waiting for more money to come in most likely means that they have already spent it before they've ve actual made that much, and that happens at any income level. It just means spending even more money they don't have the more money they make.

Ya uh.. I don't know if I posted it here.. but I told Gerbs. There's like 80K lost on risky investments. 30K for my investment and 50K for my mom's investment. Apparently greedy + desperation does not mix well.

100% financial literacy needs work. Which is ironic because by trade I'm in accounting lol

[JDMDreams]

You only lose if you sell:pokerface: yea that's why I say S&p that should be more than enough returns for the average boomer.

[Badhobz]

Yeah but it’s these risks that pays off and you’re set for life or you’re doomed.

I took my student loan money and gambled it on GM stock (pre bail out when they were down to like less than 2 bucks a share) It was enough to pay for my house and my Maserati. Otherwise I’d be in the same position as you BiC.

I knew the government wouldn’t let such a huge automaker fail. It was an insane gamble for a university history / philosophy student riddled with debt.

[BIC_BAWS]

Yeah uh gambling on GM stock is a bit different from gambling on a penny stock on the TSX.V

I thought it'd be secure cause of other unnamed factors. But I was wrong lmao

[JDMDreams]

I just ran the math $600000, 30y at 5.5% is $3,383.44 a month, when rates goes down to 4.25% it's down to $2,938.61. also switch your payments to weekly if you're not already on it. You should save at least $2-3xx a month vs monthly.

[BIC_BAWS]

Idk if I mentioned, but I'm on a fixed. When we previously looked into it, the cost of breaking the fixed wasn't as good as the savings.

But that's a fantastic suggestion. I have a few gigs already, but looking into doing UberEats or smt that's 100% cash isn't a bad idea at all. It would definitely keep me afloat.

[JDMDreams]

Even if you're on fixed, depending on your bank. If you still have available room on your heloc to use you should be able to take money from the revolving portion to pay down the annual lump sum of your fixed portion. Then relock that new amount you used to pay down at current lower rates + amortize it over 30y again. You can do this to save money without having to pay the penalty, you can make your 2024 lump sum before year end and do it again in 2025.

[RevYouUp]

I just ran the math $600000, 30y at 5.5% is $3,383.44 a month, when rates goes down to 4.25% it's down to $2,938.61. also switch your payments to weekly if you're not already on it. You should save at least $2-3xx a month vs monthly.

His problem is not his mortgage. He’d be paying more in rent if he were to move out, his part of the mortgage is 33% of the $600K. I’m 100% with Gerbs on this, you need to work on your financial literacy like ASAP don’t just shrug it off. I’ll break down your expenses with guesstimates:

Gross income - $60K, after taxes net about $3.5K a month give or take a couple hundred.

Expenses:
- mortgage $2k (being generous, based JDMdteams it should be $1.5K for your portion)
- Car payment $500-$600
- Car insurance $200
- Gas $300

Just the total of the above expenses is about $3K. That leaves you with $500 a month for food and everything else. You’re spending 33% of your net income a month on car expenses, not including maintenance and car mods. That’s not it my man. It doesn’t matter if you think you deserve it or not. You deserve to take transit at that point let alone a $40K car. The car owns you at this point and you don’t own the car.

I’m pretty sure you’re starting to slowly accumulate credit card debt living on $500 a month with $90 in your bank account. One major expense and you’ll be stuck in a snowball of debt.

If you really need a car, there’s no problem buying a Honda Fit, those are capable track cars. You can reduce your car expenses by 50% if you do that. Wouldn’t it be more rewarding driving a slow car fast at the track. My friend is literally a dentist and makes 3x your income, he drives a 1999 Accord and everyone gives him shit about it. He doesn’t care, the people judging him aren’t paying his bills.

You need to take control of your finances now. Increasing your income is a good start but not your solution. 3-5 years from now when you’re making $100K+ and your cars older, “I deserve a nicer car, 2030 M3”, “my partner wants this”, “I can’t live with my parents anymore, I need to buy my own place”, and so on. You’ll let life style creep take over.

Also one last note. Don’t write off travelling in your 20s. Travelling with your closest friends in your 20s is something you shouldn’t take for granted and will be hard to replicate when everyone’s older and have their own commitments. Good luck man, just take responsibility of your finances and stop having excuses for yourself of you’ll find yourself in a worst situation in your 30s.

[JDMDreams]

Sell the type r and spend like $10000 on a leaf, you will save the $200 a month in gas. Just plug in at home. Throw the remaining $25000 on the s&p.

[AstulzerRZD]

The leaf play is to buy the cheapest leaf in battery warranty
Bring OBDII reader to check health, you want one that's on the verge of needing a replacement (I heard it's 7 bars?)
Fast charge it, then rip it up and down Cypress while the battery overheats. MAX regen and lots of full throttle at low battery state.

Boom, Leaf just got a new, bigger battery with a new warrantry

[Traum]

The leaf play is to buy the cheapest leaf in battery warranty
Bring OBDII reader to check health, you want one that's on the verge of needing a replacement (I heard it's 7 bars?)
Fast charge it, then rip it up and down Cypress while the battery overheats. MAX regen and lots of full throttle at low battery state.

Boom, Leaf just got a new, bigger battery with a new warrantry
I'm totally taking notes on this LOL~

My other plan was to find a Bolt that hasn't had its battery swapped yet.

[BIC_BAWS]

No EV... funny thing is if I had EV charging capabilities at home, I'd be in a red Model 3 right now instead of a red Type R.

There's this whole panel capacity, aluminum (or was it copper) wiring thing, and not enough power supply in this junky ass house.

Also one last note. Don’t write off travelling in your 20s. Travelling with your closest friends in your 20s is something you shouldn’t take for granted and will be hard to replicate when everyone’s older and have their own commitments. Good luck man, just take responsibility of your finances and stop having excuses for yourself of you’ll find yourself in a worst situation in your 30s.

Yeah this is one of the expenses I wish I didn't track and instead saved money for. I'm missing a Japan trip for 2025 because I can't afford it. And well most of my friends are getting closer to 30s.

And yes, those guestimates are pretty accurate.

$1500 for my portion
$646.80/mo for the car
$200 for insurance - accurate
Gas is likely more than $300... but ya.

I didn't really start to feel the struggle until gas got more and MORE expensive and I used my safety net to paydown the mortgage (not by choice).

I'm pretty frugal with additional car expenses (not an excuse). All my basic maintenance is covered - lifetime oil change package, wheel/tire warranty, FCPEuro for brake pads, brake fluid, and Motul 300V (as needed), rotors are the only thing that isn't covered but I buy people's used rotors lol, and tires (ie. in the summer I got a pretty new set of Cup 2s for $200) - I almost always buy used and wear them all the way down. I initially chose the newer car so I don't have to worry about maintenance or reliability at all.

I don't buy mods, things just end up in my possession lol (no i didn't steal it) or I already had it (5x120 wheels from BMWs). I'm a strong believer that I should be tracking the car stock until I am a good enough driver to justify mods. The car is tuned, but that was covered as its a shop's dev car.

I'll say this now. I'm 100% committed to not tracking in 2025, with the exception on if I get my track days sponsored (by friend) which outside of gas is no additional expenditure since I use FCPEuro.

And yeah.. I'm concerned about what's gonna happen in 5 years when I do need to find my own place to live and what not. However, I am doubtful that I'll upgrade my car beyond the FK8. I'm an one car forever type of guy. The only reason why I have an interesting list of them is because they keep getting written off.

Edit: Just looked it up, I owe $17.6K. So thankfully, I'm not underwater yet. It seems like general consensus is $35K is on the cheap end, $38-$39K if I want to play the Rallye Red one MY card. Let's aim lower and say I actually get 30K, that'll leave me with $12K to find a replacement daily, which I think I can get my friend's CSX-S for. But then I'll be back at 0 and have to consider cost of maintenance which is not the same as a monthly payment, but it's an expense.

It being $17.6K owing makes me think I should almost just work harder and pay this off ASAP, which would give me the most breathing room. Still skip out on track this year tho and work on personal finances.

[AstulzerRZD]

Don't rly need EV charging at home with how cheap it is in BC.

.22/kwh at public supercharger means $4/100km, home charging would've been $3 at .15/kwh.
BC Hydro's a bit more at .35/kwh

putting a ton of miles on an EV is great

[BIC_BAWS]

Yeah.. I'm not going out of my way and sitting at a supercharger in the middle of the night to charge. My friend does that as he has no charging capability, but hard pass.

[AstulzerRZD]

it's like 30 mins even in the dogshit slow teslas (90kw).
the hyundais pull 230kw+ and it's a 10 minute charge stop

[AstulzerRZD]

My 2 cents - the other guys have offered a lot of suggestions, but I wanna zoom out a little bit:

The energy I’m getting is things have to be done a certain way which can work, but at the same time I got the impression that family commitments and choices we’ve made before have left us with not very much buffer/ options.

I think a healthy reframe here could be how can I get more options so that my life can be good across a variety of outcomes or even if a lot of things I was hoping for don’t actually land. Are there things that we can do that have asymmetrical outcomes - a little bit of sacrifice for a big increase in average outcome and optionality?

[RevYouUp]

Yea, the car loan seems manageable at $17K. You’re right, that should be your priority right now if you don’t have any other loans outstanding. Not having to pay $700 a month for the car will definitely help with your cash flow and well being.

[SkinnyPupp]

Should be taking the bus tbqh

[BIC_BAWS]

I ain't taking the bus. I won't make it in to work. Have you heard about my 13 hours on Alex Fraser story? Yeah it would be much worse in a bus.

If I still lived in Richmond, it would be possible. Not in my part of Delta tho. A previous coworker that lived nearby (when staying with his gf), I'd occasionally pick him up, cause otherwise it would take him 3 hours to get into work. Leave at 5:30am to get to no.5/Bridgeport for 8:30.

Doesn't matter how broke I will be, that ain't it. I could be spending that 3 hours making more money elsewhere, gig economy or a part time job.

Edit: And no, I don't think I'm too good for the bus. I took the bus my entire life until 20. My dad was the only one who drove, so when he went to work, my mom and I went on adventures across the Translink network. I'm quite fond of my time (and autism) on the bus and thankful that she did that as I was pretty self resilient on transit throughout high school.

[Tapioca]

I'm in my 40s and I drive a 15 year old car with a manual transmission that basically requires no maintenance other than fluids and other consumables. It's worth like 3K - you can reduce your transportation costs if you really wanted to.

If you don't want to exit the hobby at this time, you should just buy a beat up Miata or E36 (not an M3, but like a beat up 318i or a 325i), like all of the broccoli heads these days, for the track and keep it off insurance until track days. Keep it under cover in your driveway.

[Hondaracer]

Would have to agree with Skinny.. honestly you’re not really in the position to have a car loan period.

As well, are you getting anything out of the equity you’re putting into the home other than a roof over your head temporarily?

Like, at the end of the day are your parents going to sell and give you a portion of the sale of the home? Or are you just paying down the mortgage for their benefit and they will ultimately need the entire sale of the home to live off moving forward? OR is this the type of situation where they are just going to live in this home until it falls apart?

[bcrdukes]

BIC_BAWS - Assuming you continue to track your CTR, and heaven forbid, you total it, what is your contingency plan?

[AstulzerRZD]

I think the car brings BIC_BAWS a ton of identity/value in his social life even outside of track.
That balance has to shift to something else (gym? golf? dating? dance? running?) to feel ok with giving it up/going back to 9G Civic.

FWIW even on 280k salary, I thought my paid off 30k S2k was too expensive of a car for daily & never did track it because of risk.
BUT, it also wasn't a major part of my identity/social life so it was easy to give up.

[Tapioca]

Yeah, he needs to find another outlet that will reinforce his self worth and identity.

In my 30s, I was a Toastmaster for a few years which gave me an outlet to talk about myself and develop some leadership skills.

Track racing is a complete bro hobby as well. He would be better off spending a couple of thousand dollars to refresh the wardrobe and buy some fitness equipment, like a power tower and some adjustable dumbells. He'll feel better about himself and maybe attract the attention of others too.

[badgerx3]

Brother, have you ever considered getting therapy? Sounds like there are some underlying issues or even trauma that are causing this attrition.

A couple of posters already chimed in that driving a car that is 80% of your gross salary is insane. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Speaking as a CPA myself, if you ain't going to grind the corporate ladder, there isn't much this designation can provide that can guarantee what you desire.

You mention that you and your mom can bill at rates higher than a bookkeeper if you get this designation. Is the plan to run your accounting shop? If so, isn't that just a glorified bookkeeper but with a CPA?

[noclue]

BIC_BAWS - Assuming you continue to track your CTR, and heaven forbid, you total it, what is your contingency plan?

Doesnt even have to be a track day accident, can be something else like a money shift, or a transmission failure or a $$$ repair that you cant defer.

I don't agree with a racing civic that takes 91 octane and high insurance cost + consumables given the situation but dude's stubborn so c'est la vie. I think as long as he doesn't track or mod his car until he pays it off it's managable.

[bcrdukes]

A car should never be anyone's identity. It's easy for me to say this, but after all, this is a car website.

I understand the why but you can't let a material object define who you are. I agree with noclue - you get into an accident of any kind, whether on the street or on the track, the car is gone and you're left picking up the pieces of the repair bills. I think the track day accident should have raised the alarm bells where he had to spend his savings to fix the car and he's down to $90 in savings. That is no way to live.

[Razor Ramon HG]

I think at this point, his mind is made up and he's not going to sell the CTR despite everyone's advice. If he rather have $90 in his chequings and keep the vehicle, you know he's too far gone.

At this point it's better that we focus on his other expenses to get a better picture of where all his money is going and what can be cut.

Making $60,000 a year, he should still have around $1250 a month after the "fixed" expenses he listed. Subtract $200 a month for weed (which is fucking wild BTW) and that's still $1050.

He said he doesn't eat out much or buy clothes. He lives with his parents, so how much do they chip in for things such as groceries and utilities?

We need a spreadsheet of all monthly expenses.

[Gerbs]

His problem is not his mortgage. He’d be paying more in rent if he were to move out, his part of the mortgage is 33% of the $600K. I’m 100% with Gerbs on this, you need to work on your financial literacy like ASAP don’t just shrug it off. I’ll break down your expenses with guesstimates:

Gross income - $60K, after taxes net about $3.5K a month give or take a couple hundred.

Expenses:
- mortgage $2k (being generous, based JDMdteams it should be $1.5K for your portion)
- Car payment $500-$600
- Car insurance $200
- Gas $300

Just the total of the above expenses is about $3K. That leaves you with $500 a month for food and everything else. You’re spending 33% of your net income a month on car expenses, not including maintenance and car mods. That’s not it my man. It doesn’t matter if you think you deserve it or not. You deserve to take transit at that point let alone a $40K car. The car owns you at this point and you don’t own the car.


A $1,500 rent / mortgage is a major privilege to pay in this economy. You should be able to sustain this by late 20's with no cash flow issues, otherwise you're an adult child lol. Adult child's should not have Type R's.


Track racing is a complete bro hobby as well. He would be better off spending a couple of thousand dollars to refresh the wardrobe and buy some fitness equipment, like a power tower and some adjustable dumbells. He'll feel better about himself and maybe attract the attention of others too.

Also don't cheap out on health and personal hygiene/self care. How you present yourself and how others perceive you can help ya land a job / side hustle / business ops that can increase your income.

If ya look like a overweight bum, nobody will respect you for business or looking for higher paying jobs.

go figure out ur skincare --> then diet --> then start gymming --. as u lose weight u buy better fitting cheap clothes at uniqlo

Find cheap hobbies + travels so you can grow your character as you're grinding away. You also don't wanna be someone that's only work + cars.

[Gerbs]

Sell the type r and spend like $10000 on a leaf, you will save the $200 a month in gas. Just plug in at home. Throw the remaining $25000 on the s&p.

pay off consumer debt and secure that 8-24% gain first!

I think the car brings BIC_BAWS a ton of identity/value in his social life even outside of track.
That balance has to shift to something else (gym? golf? dating? dance? running?) to feel ok with giving it up/going back to 9G Civic.

FWIW even on 280k salary, I thought my paid off 30k S2k was too expensive of a car for daily & never did track it because of risk.
BUT, it also wasn't a major part of my identity/social life so it was easy to give up.

I have quarterly regrets spending $40K for the Velo N, my copium is that it costs $10-15K to own it for 6 years, so I'm paying $2.5k/yr for pre-paid maintenance. First car I owned that had depreciation though.

[bcrdukes]

Just for clarification, are BIC_BAWS and Gerbs friends in real life? :confused:

[JDMDreams]

I think having $90 in your bank account isn't horrible, if every other penny is going into investments, all your other expenses are paid on credit to milk cash back and points and you pay off everything in full monthly to not get charged 20%+ interest. The occasional dip into loc is fine as long as you have the assets to back it up/ income. Property tax bill, your car explodes etc.

[Gerbs]

I think having $90 in your bank account isn't horrible, if every other penny is going into investments, all your other expenses are paid on credit to milk cash back and points and you pay off everything in full monthly to not get charged 20%+ interest. The occasional dip into loc is fine as long as you have the assets to back it up/ income. Property tax bill, your car explodes etc.

I think it's safe to assume
- $0 TFSA + possibly blown up contribution limit
- $0 RRSP + possibly withdrawn contribution limit
- $0 FHSA

and probably consumer debt CC + LOC + HELOC.

Any extra cash paying off consumer debt will yield 6-24%, even car loan which i assume should be 8%+ on a used car.

[supafamous]

Maybe what Bic needs to do is Turo the CTR and the rest of us can rent it from him on weekends.

[bcrdukes]

BRB Let me take it to the track :troll:

[JDMDreams]

Actually I don't mind turo a type r. Never tried turo before. Obviously I will have to see if it has VTEC or turbo.

[yray]

how many months left on the CTR?

[Eff-1]

I think at this point, his mind is made up and he's not going to sell the CTR despite everyone's advice. If he rather have $90 in his chequings and keep the vehicle, you know he's too far gone.

At this point it's better that we focus on his other expenses to get a better picture of where all his money is going and what can be cut.



I dunno, I don't see the point. I think it's absurd that someone is under financial duress but also insisting they continue doing track days because it's fun.

Boo hoo, woe is me, I'm in so much debt, and I have $90 in my bank account. Oh sorry brb, on my way to the track!

[JDMDreams]

I mean there is Richmond speedway for free

[BIC_BAWS]

Did y'all miss the part where I said I'm committed to not tracking in 2025 lol

And the part where I said I'm not going to say I'm going to do smt and not do it. So if you don't see commitments here it's not that considering it, I just haven't decided yet.



Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

[AstulzerRZD]

Just for clarification, are BIC_BAWS and Gerbs friends in real life? :confused:

yes + i went for brunch with Gerbs a cpl weeks ago in ny / did s2k parts run with BIC

[JDMDreams]

Is the type r that good? I mean lots of JDM type r, turbo AWD cars are available for under $20000. Get a ep3 for $6000 and you still have VTEC, nc Miata?

[AstulzerRZD]

For a 30k out of the box trackable car with good dynamics, safety, practicality and reliability ; what other options are there?

Low key with the way beater prices are, you're only a repair or two away from a 10k EP3 or 20k NC

[Badhobz]

If ya look like an overweight bum, nobody will respect you for business or looking for higher paying jobs.:badpokerface::badpokerface:

:okay::okay:

Leave his CTR alone !!! He’s almost paid it off. 17k to go, it’s not that bad

[Traum]

Find cheap hobbies + travels so you can grow your character as you're grinding away. You also don't wanna be someone that's only work + cars.
:badpokerface: :badpokerface:

:okay: :okay:

I'll go back to my corner to hide and cry now lol~ :inout:

[Gerbs]

I dunno, I don't see the point. I think it's absurd that someone is under financial duress but also insisting they continue doing track days because it's fun.

Boo hoo, woe is me, I'm in so much debt, and I have $90 in my bank account. Oh sorry brb, on my way to the track!

I'm under duress but my $35 big way hot pot is the only way I'll eat a meal today :ilied:

For a 30k out of the box trackable car with good dynamics, safety, practicality and reliability ; what other options are there?

Low key with the way beater prices are, you're only a repair or two away from a 10k EP3 or 20k NC

There's definitely a gamble with the beater. In most cases you end up with a $10K Beater + $10K repair and maintenance over 4 years or you buy a overpriced beater for $12-15K.

[Hondaracer]

I dunno, the fat, bad skinned white guys seem to dominate management

All the in shape, yuppy types who want to talk about hiking and cycling all day long seem to be consistently be on the bottom end of the pay scale :lol

[GLOW]

my $35 big way hot pot is the only way I'll eat a meal today :ilied:


pack up the soup broth and that's another meal if you heat up again witih plain noodles :pokerface:


There's definitely a gamble with the beater. In most cases you end up with a $10K Beater + $10K repair and maintenance over 4 years or you buy a overpriced beater for $12-15K.

or you buy a overpriced beater for $12-15K AND still have $10k repair and maintenance :troll: Kappa :lol

[roastpuff]

For a 30k out of the box trackable car with good dynamics, safety, practicality and reliability ; what other options are there?

Low key with the way beater prices are, you're only a repair or two away from a 10k EP3 or 20k NC

Is it really 30k nowadays? I thought they were still touching 40k for a FK8.

[JDMDreams]

https://www.facebook.com/share/QuJVGSBTf7U9qa6m/

https://www.facebook.com/share/Zm45hqyMHnFmVT3E/

That's the asking obviously sell price is lower

[bcrdukes]

What kind of beater requires $10K in maintenance? A V8-powered BMW M5? What kind of crack are you guys snorting?

[Gerbs]

pack up the soup broth and that's another meal if you heat up again witih plain noodles :pokerface:



bud, im so poor I ask for extra soup + takeout more sauce

Got veggies + han kook meat at home ready to deploy for meal 2

Is it really 30k nowadays? I thought they were still touching 40k for a FK8.
Maybe 20-30,000 KM, 5-7 year old car, no warranty



What kind of beater requires $10K in maintenance? A V8-powered BMW M5? What kind of crack are you guys snorting?

- 330ci, my boy spent 30-40k over 4 years

[bcrdukes]

Dear Lord. I forgot he had that.

A 330ci is a terrible categorization of a beater. A terrible financial nightmare and abyss is more like it.

A beater is like a 250,000KM+ Toyota Yaris, Mazda 2, Civic with manual windows, and a Sentra with blood stains on the driver seat. You can take those to the track and still have fun.

[JDMDreams]

He just needs a Nissan Altima

[SkinnyPupp]

I dunno, I don't see the point. I think it's absurd that someone is under financial duress but also insisting they continue doing track days because it's fun.

Boo hoo, woe is me, I'm in so much debt, and I have $90 in my bank account. Oh sorry brb, on my way to the track!
I have a feeling he knows he has a decent parachute to depend on that will prevent complete catastrophe.

Usually when people are down to their last $100 and missing payments some months, they are pretty close to no longer having a home. But if they know that someone can swoop in and prevent that from being their reality, they'll keep doing those habits in the face of all the good advice saying otherwise.

[Razor Ramon HG]

To be honest, I do feel like a large part of his decision to keep his CTR is to keep up with the illusion that he's doing okay.

[bcrdukes]

And I think that's where the fallacy of all of us reassuring him that he's doing ok is actually doing more harm. Positive reinforcement can backfire.

[Badhobz]

You guys are a bunch of mean old uncles. He’s in his 20s!!

Of course he has to keep up appearances. Which one of you old geezers didn’t do that in your twenties ?!!

I still think he’s doing okay. This is majority of people in Vancouver nowadays anyways. Pay cheque to pay cheque. Dead end job. Paying for a very expensive house and car.

I’m such a coddler…

[JDMDreams]

^Are you free now cuz you're on strike again?

[Badhobz]

Also free cuz I’m on vacation in Hong Kong. I’ve done all the sight seeing / touristy shit. I’m just chilling at the beach at shek o

https://i.postimg.cc/N03nFYrY/IMG-4729.jpg (https://postimg.cc/sBJmHkc0)

[JDMDreams]

Call chicken, ktv, massage in China

[SkinnyPupp]

To be honest, I do feel like a large part of his decision to keep his CTR is to keep up with the illusion that he's doing okay.
And to be clear, the illusion is on himself, not necessarily random people.

I've been there

[red kryptonite]

I’m such a coddler…
There’s a Chinese saying… 長命債 長命還

[bcrdukes]

Badhobz - Please show us a photo of you on a jet ski as if you were miserable.

[Gerbs]

A beater is like a 250,000KM+ Toyota Yaris, Mazda 2, Civic with manual windows, and a Sentra with blood stains on the driver seat. You can take those to the track and still have fun.

We're not going from 300hp euros / jdm legends back to a yaris / clapped out civic

And I think that's where the fallacy of all of us reassuring him that he's doing ok is actually doing more harm. Positive reinforcement can backfire.

Y'all did him injustice :lawl:

[BIC_BAWS]

We're not going from 300hp euros / jdm legends back to a yaris / clapped out civic

I drove a Mini to work today... and proceeded to cut off 4 lanes of traffic cause i forgot how fucking slow this dogshit car is.

That said, I could probably get this Mini for 8K. It's sorted now, but then I'd always be scared about future maintenance.

Y'all did him injustice :lawl:

Not like I actually listen to the positive reinforcement LOL. Don't waste your breath, I know I'm not doing good, you don't need to tell me that. Did you miss the first post of this thread? Let me remind you. I'm only alive because life insurance doesn't pay out on suicide.

It's like my whole thing about not modding before being good enough for the mods again.

However, out of the positivity, is learning to lean on my friends more. That was my take away. And I need therapy.

[bcrdukes]

We're not going from 300hp euros / jdm legends back to a yaris / clapped out civic

Beggars can't be choosers.

[coneZONE]

Beggars can't be choosers.

I am begging for a nice Yaris/Echo/Fit to fall into my lap haha

Dailying a nearly 28 year old car with 337000 km is not bad
I dont even think i’ve reached $10k in maintenance and repairs during 8 years of ownership

And you guys laugh at me for buying $120 fog lights for it :fullofwin:

[68style]

Mini is a terrible choice

Miata for sporty car

Or heck even a Lexus IS... I had 3 of them and never spent a dime on maintenance... can easily get a IS300 for $5-7k althouh they're not the greatest on gas

[JDMDreams]

^^ altezza with 6 mt

[double0seven]

Was recommended to read this thread but it’s too much reading. Not impressed. Someone please summarize bic baws dire situation LOL

[BIC_BAWS]

Was recommended to read this thread but it’s too much reading. Not impressed. Someone please summarize bic baws dire situation LOL

I'm retarded /thread

[double0seven]

Just blame it on the boomers. Back to enjoying my vacation ��

[AstulzerRZD]

We're not going from 300hp euros / jdm legends back to a yaris / clapped out civic



Y'all did him injustice :lawl:

Lowest I'll go is a base model Mk7 Golf TSI/TDI, G37, LS460/600h, Mercedes/BMW Diesel, or 3G TL manual
Should be lots of options under 10k

[Badhobz]

^^ altezza with 6 mt

One has a tree sized dent in it floating around somewhere

[GLOW]

bud, im so poor I ask for extra soup + takeout more sauce

Got veggies + han kook meat at home ready to deploy for meal 2


how do you ask for extra soup? that's a thing??!!

https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.1138273851.1329/flat,750x,075,f-pad,750x1000,f8f8f8.jpg

[underscore]

A Miata/86/IS can be had for a lot less than what the CTR is currently worth and by all accounts they're cheap to run and easy to work on. An Echo/Yaris/Fit is even cheaper and still going to be a laugh.

Anything needs maintenance but was the 40k into the 330 all DIY or were you paying shops to do it?

[Tapioca]

$40K on an E46 is all shop time, plus markup for OE parts.

Parts are pretty cheap, especially on RockAuto. It all depends on how much you value your time and whether or not you have a garage and the necessary tools/diagnostic equipment (INPA, etc.).

[bcrdukes]

If I recall, he tried to tackle most of the maintenance himself when and where possible. How it ended up being $40K is beyond me. That's getting into cup car territory. :inoutugh:

If this was all shop time and OE parts etc, I would believe that.

Edit: Are you guys suggesting he gets a Miata/86/IS as his daily to replace his Civic? Or separately as a track car? If you guys recall, he had specific criteria for his daily driver as he still needs to shuttle his parents around. Imagine asking your mom to hop into your slammed Miata or FR-S. So cool, right? :pokerface:

[JDMDreams]

Get a Prius for $10000, then you can Uber/ delivery at night, also track it and not break :lawl:

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQpTgjxiiVjylh8NtL0naHpowVpm85Ru DXkiIjgvp5U9Q&s

[bcrdukes]

One has a tree sized dent in it floating around somewhere

Savage.

[noclue]

After spending $7k on repairs I wouldve junked the car not spend $40k in total, you can get a new car

[underscore]

If I recall, he tried to tackle most of the maintenance himself when and where possible. How it ended up being $40K is beyond me. That's getting into cup car territory. :inoutugh:

If this was all shop time and OE parts etc, I would believe that.

Edit: Are you guys suggesting he gets a Miata/86/IS as his daily to replace his Civic? Or separately as a track car? If you guys recall, he had specific criteria for his daily driver as he still needs to shuttle his parents around. Imagine asking your mom to hop into your slammed Miata or FR-S. So cool, right? :pokerface:

If he needs to run the whole family around just stick to the 4 doors in that list. IS/Yaris/Fit hell even a Matrix. Or get a separate daily and a cheap track beater to not care about.

[bcrdukes]

Let's not forget that he needs to insure the beater track car, so that's two insurance policies if he has a dedicated daily and track car. :lol

[underscore]

Depends how many events it's being used at, it might be cheaper to just day plate it for each event or only insure it for the months with a lot of events. Even with full plates It'd be pleasure use + low mileage so cheaper than his DD is to insure.

[BIC_BAWS]

Uh lets move the car suggestions back into the Pick a Dual Duty Car for Bic Baws (https://www.revscene.net/forums/716914-pick-dual-duty-car-bic_baws.html) Thread...

I'll respond regarding everything else later.

I'm probably exaggerating and incl transfer tax, etc. But the Ownership notes/cost breakdown is available for viewing in the aforementioned thread.

[AstulzerRZD]

I think it was more like 25k, mostly aftermarket from FCP euro.
Still a lotta money tho

[yray]

I can get you in a land rover for $800. You will be working on it every weekend to keep your mind and hands busy. :troll:

[AstulzerRZD]

The spreadsheet says 13920 over 3 years on the 330, 5k a year's pretty reasonable

[BIC_BAWS]

I think it was more like 25k, mostly aftermarket from FCP euro.
Still a lotta money tho

I broke even after parting out EVERYTHING, but yeah that was expensive and I wasn't looking to do that again. Every paycheck went to that car. Hell I can't even deal with the emotional toll of literally refreshing a car completely.. and then losing it due to a distracted driver. Not again, no thanks.

The spreadsheet says 13920 over 3 years on the 330, 5k a year's pretty reasonable

Oh I think I consolidated costs into the M3 and/or sold parts and took that out of the equation. Got lazy with the bookkeeping after the hit. Of the bookkeeping I did do, $13K was recouped from payout and selling stuff. I didn't record some cash stuff that I immediately used on a chick lmao.

ie. expensive foglights went to the M3
Wheels + tires from the 330 went to the FK8 cost

I can get you in a land rover for $800. You will be working on it every weekend to keep your mind and hands busy. :troll:

Ya this is exactly what I'm tryna avoid by financing a newer car. Ironically, I'd rather work on another BMW (OE parts + fcpeuro, realOEM to reference substitutes, forums where ppl actually DIY, etc) over working on a Japanese car. Working on the FK8 wasn't hard per say.. it's just I don't know what I'm looking at, there's nothing to reference, the parts diags are useless (don't have measurements or tell u what goes where), and everything is OEM only. OE is not a thing. Dogshit Honda.

Dailying a nearly 28 year old car with 337000 km is not bad. I dont even think i’ve reached $10k in maintenance and repairs during 8 years of ownership

It's a little different when you're a mechanic, have access to a lift, have access to Worldpac at cost+10, know how to diagnose without throwing parts at it and have access to the OEM diag/manual on fixing things (I forgot what it's called but i used to have a login).

Good to hear the teg is still alive tho. Hope you've been doing well, haven't seen you in awhile.

[coneZONE]

Thanks BIC :) i haven’t locked my keys in my car for awhile now
I know you as one of the most hard working guys.
You are probably singlehandedly keeping our forum lively haha
I work on trains now so losing some access to a hoist kind of sucks (unfortunately cannot lift the car with a train jack haha)
But yeah it’s just experiences over the years that helped. I might’ve gone another route if i could go back in time, or not. I don’t think i would change anything now though. There’s some chinese saying that there are only results, no such thing as “what if”. And connecting with the group of all you guys on here counts as part of that fate, right.

But bus driving could be a fun gig hahaha i wouldve gone that route if i didnt get my current position.

[Badhobz]

You work on trains ?!!!!!? You’re a Car man ? God bless bro

[coneZONE]

You work on trains ?!!!!!? You’re a Car man ? God bless bro

noooo not heavy rail; just light rail vehicle technician :) :ifyouknow:

[double0seven]

noooo not heavy rail; just light rail vehicle technician :) :ifyouknow:

Def making double of the 60k a year :D

[twitchyzero]

just caught up wow, saw 10+ pages and it became invisible to me thinking it's an old discussion

bic you seem very hardworking, sry you going through a lot

from what's been described it sounds like maturing/peaking too early

im like the last person to give advice as i've seen myself in similar traps, esp justifying the reward mechanism when it may not be sustainable

i have the opposite problem of nearly not giving any shit about image tho, and that can also be detrimental

so many people have had fuck-ups and that's where the learning happens..your 20s are for trying things out and fucking up so you can straighten it out for the prime earning years with handful responsibilities

this may be where you need to become aware and make changes, even small steps at first then regularly evaluate

and yes bobinka's post is the best ive read on here in years

keep us updated, best

[BIC_BAWS]

As well, are you getting anything out of the equity you’re putting into the home other than a roof over your head temporarily?

Like, at the end of the day are your parents going to sell and give you a portion of the sale of the home? Or are you just paying down the mortgage for their benefit and they will ultimately need the entire sale of the home to live off moving forward? OR is this the type of situation where they are just going to live in this home until it falls apart?

To be honest, I think this is where I feel trapped. I can't leave Vancouver because of this house. I know how privileged I am to be only paying $1500 for my portion of rent and all other household (groceries) expenses are covered. Hell I don't even cook for myself - Dad cooks and it's fantastic. [On side note, I think he really enjoys it. The food he's been making is actually delicious now and he finds so much joy in cooking for us. It used to actually be inedible. Like chicken sashimi kinda raw/inedible.]

I feel trapped because I'm tied down to here. I want to explore the world or just anywhere but here. I find myself often jealous of AstulzerRZD (someone I looked up to when I was a lot younger and still do) for all the worldly work experience he has. I would much rather rent tbh, at least, I'd have the freedom to fuck off whenever. Again, due to familial circumstances, I can't rent out the legal suite (which would cover my portion).

Upon sale, my parents have disclosed that they would just do 25% split between all 4 of us bc at the end of the day, when they go, their shares would be split between me and my brother anyway. If it were up to me, I would do it % based on total contributions to the decimal, because that's what fair is to me. And idc even if I get less than 33% or 25% or whatever it is, as long as it's EQUAL.

My mom is paying down the home so that I can solo the mortgage in 2028 at which point I'd be taking on 100% of the mortgage (as of ytd we're at 570K). She disclosed she's doing this because of past guilt of not being able to give us a better childhood and shit with my dad. She, like me is stubborn, she's not gonna listen to anyone LOL.

Future Options:
- Sell house, split 25% each. Mom and dad would like to live on a ground floor apt or smt as they get older.
- Keep house, (if) I get a gf, I move into legal suite.
- Keep house, (if) I or my brother have kids, mom & dad move into legal suite.

They don't expect kids from me. Tho the question now is about my sexuality since I've been single for so long... watch out boyssssss lul

I think the car brings BIC_BAWS a ton of identity/value in his social life even outside of track.
That balance has to shift to something else (gym? golf? dating? dance? running?) to feel ok with giving it up/going back to 9G Civic.

The 9G Civic isn't an option, that's why I had to buy a car in the first place. My brother is currently using it as his daily and I would like my dad to drive it after my brother moves away.

FWIW even on 280k salary, I thought my paid off 30k S2k was too expensive of a car for daily & never did track it because of risk.
BUT, it also wasn't a major part of my identity/social life so it was easy to give up.

Thank you for stating the big difference. It was easy to give up for you, had you made it a priority, you would have done it. Instead, you travelled, did other hobbies, etc. Costs the same tho.

BIC_BAWS - Assuming you continue to track your CTR, and heaven forbid, you total it, what is your contingency plan?

Don't crash. Since my first off, I actually modified the way I think about track days. I pick one goal (not time related) for the day and focus on that. Time is irrelevant. There's no trophies to be won.

Brother, have you ever considered getting therapy? Sounds like there are some underlying issues or even trauma that are causing this attrition.

Speaking as a CPA myself, if you ain't going to grind the corporate ladder, there isn't much this designation can provide that can guarantee what you desire.

You mention that you and your mom can bill at rates higher than a bookkeeper if you get this designation. Is the plan to run your accounting shop? If so, isn't that just a glorified bookkeeper but with a CPA?

Yeah I didn't think I needed it until CivicBlues and others pointed out that rambling is abnormal - which is good looking out.

Yeah I don't really have an interest in Accounting tbh, but OTOH my only view on accounting has been the bottom barrel shitty clients kinda shit. I do enjoy cost accounting and finding out what items I've implemented moves the needle (ie. At work I took this role from our external cause they weren't doing a good enough job. I made a change to our process and saw a change of +30K from net zero).

And yes, we have the business set up already. Might as well be a glorified bookkeeper but with a CPA. She's not going to retire, this is all she knows LOL. Here are my mom's rates (that dogshit clients keep trying to negotiate down):

Bookkeeping - $50/hr or $350/mo
T1 General - $65 (just a T4 and a few other misc things)
T1 + T2125 - $65 + $50/hr or $500
T2 Filing (Inactive) - $500
T2 Filing (Active) - $750

This ALL includes tax planning and strategy, which unfortunately opens us up to liability. I'll give an example, clients tend to force our hand on inadmissible expenses despite being told it's inadmissible. They get audited, now the liability and risk is on both the client AND us. The CRA will go after the promoter/preparer/advisor now btw (look up the notifiable/notable transactions). Imagine getting fined $25K for a $750 job lol. Actual depression lmao.

A car should never be anyone's identity. It's easy for me to say this, but after all, this is a car website.

Similar to this, it's why I ain't working on my car. There's too much of an emotional toll attached to it. Like I keep saying tho the car is a forever car. All my cars were supposed to be a forever car (except for the E36 M3 that car was purchased as a yolo why not). I can't justify spending more than MSRP 41K on a car anyway.

just caught up wow, saw 10+ pages and it became invisible to me thinking it's an old discussion

i have the opposite problem of nearly not giving any shit about image tho, and that can also be detrimental

and yes bobinka's post is the best ive read on here in years

Like the VI thread or the pick a car thread, I ramble and like to reply to everyone so its lengthy.

However, since I find I keep repeating myself, I'm just gonna pick and choose what to reply to. Seems like there's reading comprehension or inference issues in here. We're in the same boat about image - if you saw me IRL you wouldn't think I drive a Type R. Hell, the Type R to normal people is just a Civic with a big wing. If I really cared about my image, you'd think I'd actually take care of basic hygiene (which I don't but apparently its adding to my depression so im trying to). Or I'd go buy clothes and actually cut my hair more than every 6 mo. OR I'd be in a fucking M car. Why would I settle for a HONDA CIVIC if I cared THAT much about my image?

HELL IF I FUCKING CARED ABOUT MY IMAGE I WOULDNT LET MYSELF GET FAT. godfuckingdamnit.

Imagine calling ME vain. ME. That's such an insult on my character. If there's one thing I hate the most, it's when I say something & people try to read between the lines. THERES NOTHING THERE. What I say is literally what I mean.

Bobinka's post is so good that I've forwarded to others who expressed they're in similar situations and or younger than me. Don't be like me kids, listen to Uncle Bobinka.

----
I'll do my yearly personal bookkeeping + FK8 ownership costs and throw it up eventually

[Gerbs]

HELL IF I FUCKING CARED ABOUT MY IMAGE I WOULDNT LET MYSELF GET FAT. godfuckingdamnit.



IZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

https://www.revscene.net/forums/717891-rs-weight-loss-accountability-thread-july-23-dec-23-5-months-14.html


Life's better when you're not chonky
- More energy
- Don't lose respect from bias first impressions
- Better health to be there for friends and future family
- Hobbies are easier to do
- Buckets seats don't TUGGG

[twitchyzero]

i quickly skimmed 10 pages at 2am, at least not me, is attacking your character ..i gain nothing from judging you. I can relate more than i disagree with, however the things i might not agree with knowing what I know now from maybe age and some experience, are fairly substantial issues

i also have some very stubborn traits but sometimes it's worth revisiting a decision you've already put your foot down on

turbo manual spicy hatches likely aint going anymore
sure there's no promise of rarity of spec getting it back
this is a car forum, of course we know the emotional aspect, but more importantly most your friends will still be there
only you can decide if it's worth financing a car past 5 years old, you might look back and say dang i did that for a civic while nearly drained my bank account

also, image can be more than just the appearance of fitness and status and not just for others, but for self-validation

[BIC_BAWS]

Oh rarity and spec is not the issue. FK8s are dime a dozen. I literally do not plan on buying another vehicle in my lifetime, assuming it doesn't get written off.

If it was an Oxford Green E46 M3 in M/T and cinni interior... Now that's a spec you'll never get back

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

[bcrdukes]

I literally do not plan on buying another vehicle in my lifetime, assuming it doesn't get written off.

We are going to hold you to this. :accepted:

[Badhobz]

IZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

https://www.revscene.net/forums/717891-rs-weight-loss-accountability-thread-july-23-dec-23-5-months-14.html


Life's better when you're not chonky
- More energy
- Don't lose respect from bias first impressions
- Better health to be there for friends and future family
- Hobbies are easier to do
- Buckets seats don't TUGGG

Hey ! I’ve been chunky all my life and my life is great :okay:

[JDMDreams]

^^ he gets Ferrari girls hitting on him too FeelsBadMan

[BIC_BAWS]

We are going to hold you to this. :accepted:BET

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk