| Vancouver Off-Topic / Current Events The off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum. |
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02-18-2009, 11:59 PM
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#1 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 5,688
Thanked 251 Times in 71 Posts
Failed 40 Times in 12 Posts
| The Official F*** My Life Thread
FML = Fuck My Life http://www.fmylife.com/
"Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML"
"Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML"
Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML  | 
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02-19-2009, 12:12 AM
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#2 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 5,999
Thanked 1,384 Times in 482 Posts
Failed 51 Times in 26 Posts
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i was reading that in class
so damn funny
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02-19-2009, 12:24 AM
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#3 | | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: 604
Posts: 1,049
Thanked 160 Times in 80 Posts
Failed 84 Times in 14 Posts
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gawd. Quote:
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
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Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML
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Today, I got talking to a really hot guy at a party. He told me that he was only here because he heard the host would sleep with anyone, and he and his buddies had a bet going. It was my party. FML
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Seems like a ton of these are posted by girls.
gotta add one more: Quote:
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
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02-19-2009, 12:27 AM
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#4 | | Unofficial Tin Foil Hat Specialist.
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 8,150
Thanked 1,529 Times in 604 Posts
Failed 326 Times in 125 Posts
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Good site!!!
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02-19-2009, 12:30 AM
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#5 | | 無敵
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,319
Thanked 406 Times in 150 Posts
Failed 33 Times in 17 Posts
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OMG those are awesome haha
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02-19-2009, 12:36 AM
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#6 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Van.
Posts: 2,929
Thanked 1,967 Times in 290 Posts
Failed 536 Times in 92 Posts
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the 3rd one made me LOL..
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RIP JN
UNCE UNCE UNCE! Quote:
Originally Posted by strykn  Comparing A&B with deadmau5? Really? I should fucking slap you | 2007 Acura TL 2005 Acura TL....RIP 2003 Honda Accord Coupe V6....RIP | |
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02-19-2009, 12:40 AM
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#7 | | RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 9,441
Thanked 2,377 Times in 445 Posts
Failed 601 Times in 94 Posts
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"Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML"
That is gold.
__________________ Feedback Quote:
Originally Posted by Jason00S2000 Invisible sky daddies commanding people to do shit is just so beyond retarded, I feel like punching myself in the balls until I shit my computer chair. | Quote:
Originally Posted by Chopstick 4 years ago, I pulled up to burger king, and asked to get a teen burger. I realized after the 3rd time i said it, I was in the wrong fucking place.
(>___<) | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Sky_High [19-10, 22:51] how many post do I need before I can fail TOS'D posts. | | |
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02-19-2009, 12:46 AM
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#8 | | Limited to Fight Club
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 6,628
Thanked 741 Times in 374 Posts
Failed 494 Times in 130 Posts
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Awesome site, totally fake though
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02-19-2009, 12:51 AM
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#9 | | My dinner reheated before my turbo spooled
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,720
Thanked 2,116 Times in 382 Posts
Failed 877 Times in 94 Posts
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LOL
i know so many people who could use this site!
__________________ Quote:
If we are not able to ask skeptical questions, to interrogate those who tell us that something is true; to be skeptical of those in authority, then we're up for grabs..
-Carl Sagan
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02-19-2009, 01:05 AM
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#10 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: somewhere in bc
Posts: 2,125
Thanked 825 Times in 330 Posts
Failed 263 Times in 78 Posts
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You know it's fake when all the posts have correct grammar.
Funny as hell though.
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02-19-2009, 01:23 AM
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#11 | | God of Unce
Join Date: May 2008 Location: ASOT
Posts: 7,828
Thanked 167 Times in 43 Posts
Failed 285 Times in 103 Posts
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HAHA how awesome 
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UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! | |
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02-19-2009, 01:32 AM
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#12 | | VAC Head Rotang Mod
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Van
Posts: 10,668
Thanked 1,427 Times in 627 Posts
Failed 33 Times in 24 Posts
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"Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML"
rough, hahaha
__________________
2020 ND2 Miata - Polymetal Grey, Red Nappa Leather
1993 Subaru WRX (2004 WRX engine, COBB access port)
2001 CBR600F4i My Feedback (10-0-0) Quote:
Originally Posted by Fei-Ji haha i can taste the cum in my mouth | | |
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02-19-2009, 03:29 AM
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#13 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,674
Thanked 599 Times in 232 Posts
Failed 1,191 Times in 212 Posts
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Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML
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:lol
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02-19-2009, 03:36 AM
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#14 | | ESKETIT
Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Shambhala
Posts: 23,366
Thanked 9,698 Times in 2,328 Posts
Failed 998 Times in 241 Posts
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02-19-2009, 04:33 AM
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#15 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: MacLeod
Posts: 7,298
Thanked 542 Times in 289 Posts
Failed 1,639 Times in 418 Posts
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haha.. i had moments like that before...
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02-19-2009, 05:13 AM
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#16 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: burnaby
Posts: 2,705
Thanked 356 Times in 170 Posts
Failed 46 Times in 13 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantaskyline You know it's fake when all the posts have correct grammar.
Funny as hell though. | The website FAQ clearly states all user submitted material is reviewed by admins, who I assume also correct grammar.
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02-19-2009, 07:36 AM
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#17 | | Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Surrey
Posts: 12,760
Thanked 689 Times in 376 Posts
Failed 61 Times in 38 Posts
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haha nice
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02-19-2009, 09:08 AM
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#18 | | SFICC-05*
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,135
Thanked 545 Times in 127 Posts
Failed 107 Times in 33 Posts
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Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyde nammer don't listen to me, they listen to money. do you know how cheap it is to have someone killed in vancouver? let alone a beat down | | |
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02-19-2009, 09:22 AM
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#19 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: North Vancouver
Posts: 669
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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FAIL!
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02-19-2009, 09:45 AM
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#20 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: North Vancouver
Posts: 669
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Failed 0 Times in 0 Posts
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Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML hahahaha
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02-19-2009, 09:47 AM
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#21 | | I is Romanian
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Vansterdam
Posts: 1,756
Thanked 868 Times in 228 Posts
Failed 417 Times in 94 Posts
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Originally Posted by Adsdeman Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML hahahaha | ROLF!!! | |
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02-19-2009, 10:06 AM
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#22 | | Willing to sell body for a few minutes on RS
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Cloverdale
Posts: 11,620
Thanked 3,878 Times in 1,372 Posts
Failed 83 Times in 42 Posts
| Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML
Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML
__________________
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I donīt care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. Thatīs how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. - Rocky Balboa | |
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02-19-2009, 11:16 AM
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#23 | | How I Mod your mother
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,688
Thanked 977 Times in 477 Posts
Failed 18 Times in 11 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by quasi Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML
Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML | LOL these are hilarious
__________________ Quote: | [19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
| Quote: | [19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
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02-19-2009, 11:50 AM
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#24 |
Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 3,959
Thanked 3,814 Times in 1,019 Posts
Failed 267 Times in 76 Posts
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this is awesome!
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by jasonturbo Too bad it isn't about flipping cars to lose money, I'm really good at that. | Quote:
Originally Posted by SkunkWorks This wouldn't happen if you didn't drive a peasant car like an Audi... | Quote:
[14-05, 14:59] FastAnna You tiny bra wearing, gigantic son of a bitch
[15-05, 10:35] FastAnna Yeah I was dreaming of those big titties in that tiny bra
| Quote:
Originally Posted by westopher I'd probably blow someone for that 911 | | |
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02-19-2009, 12:27 PM
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#25 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: richmond
Posts: 2,157
Thanked 239 Times in 48 Posts
Failed 51 Times in 11 Posts
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LOL omg awesome site
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