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-   Vancouver Off-Topic / Current Events (https://www.revscene.net/forums/vancouver-off-topic-current-events_50/)
-   -   The Official F*** My Life Thread (https://www.revscene.net/forums/565266-official-f%2A%2A%2A-my-life-thread.html)

3xta 02-18-2009 10:59 PM
The Official F*** My Life Thread
 
FML = Fuck My Life

http://www.fmylife.com/

"Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML"

"Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML"

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

:haha::haha::haha:

lilaznviper 02-18-2009 11:12 PM
i was reading that in class
so damn funny

Blinky 02-18-2009 11:24 PM
gawd.

Quote:
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Quote:
Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML
Quote:
Today, I got talking to a really hot guy at a party. He told me that he was only here because he heard the host would sleep with anyone, and he and his buddies had a bet going. It was my party. FML
:rofl:

Seems like a ton of these are posted by girls.

gotta add one more:

Quote:
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

skyxx 02-18-2009 11:27 PM
Good site!!!

muteki 02-18-2009 11:30 PM
OMG those are awesome haha

tonyvu 02-18-2009 11:36 PM
the 3rd one made me LOL..:rofl:

Alphamale 02-18-2009 11:40 PM
"Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML"

That is gold.

Jason00S2000 02-18-2009 11:46 PM
Awesome site, totally fake though

StaxBundlez 02-18-2009 11:51 PM
LOL
i know so many people who could use this site!

iwantaskyline 02-19-2009 12:05 AM
You know it's fake when all the posts have correct grammar.

Funny as hell though.

Armind 02-19-2009 12:23 AM
HAHA how awesome :D

Raid3n 02-19-2009 12:32 AM
"Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML"

rough, hahaha

dinamix 02-19-2009 02:29 AM
Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

Vansterdam 02-19-2009 02:36 AM
:bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl::bowr ofl:

orange7 02-19-2009 03:33 AM
haha.. i had moments like that before...

jlo mein 02-19-2009 04:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantaskyline (Post 6289084)
You know it's fake when all the posts have correct grammar.

Funny as hell though.
The website FAQ clearly states all user submitted material is reviewed by admins, who I assume also correct grammar.

hotjoint 02-19-2009 06:36 AM
haha nice

chun 02-19-2009 08:08 AM
Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

Adsdeman 02-19-2009 08:22 AM
FAIL!

Adsdeman 02-19-2009 08:45 AM
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML hahahaha

avinayyar 02-19-2009 08:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adsdeman (Post 6289431)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML hahahaha
ROLF!!! :haha::haha::haha:

quasi 02-19-2009 09:06 AM
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

!Yaminashi 02-19-2009 10:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by quasi (Post 6289454)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML
LOL these are hilarious

smoothie. 02-19-2009 10:50 AM
this is awesome!

mrclean604 02-19-2009 11:27 AM
LOL omg awesome site


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