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The thin line between love and hate
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Old 03-04-2009, 09:57 AM   #1
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More women keeping their name after marriage these days?

Is it just me, or does it seem like more women are keeping their last names or hyphenating when they get married these days?

Why is this? Is this just part of the women's lib movement, or is this the new trendy thing to do? Or are they just trying to keep the paperwork easy for the divorce in the future?

I even know some guys that change THEIR name... In my opinion they might as well be cutting their balls off and giving them to their wifes on a platter.

Call me chauvinistic but I told my fiancee that if she did not take my name I would not marry her. On the other hand, she is a good traditional girl that said she wouldn't even consider not taking my name.

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Old 03-04-2009, 10:33 AM   #2
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What's the big deal? You don't wanna give up your name, some women feel the exact same way as you.

Perhaps the lady doesn't like your last name. Perhaps she does but she likes hers better. Perhaps she is thinking about "just in case we get divorced" she doesn't want to be stuck with yours. Perhaps it is a liberating feeling for a lady not being "traditional".

I have also considered many times keeping my name. I like my name.
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Old 03-04-2009, 10:36 AM   #3
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Sometimes the woman's name doesn't sound very nice with the guys last name.
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Old 03-04-2009, 10:58 AM   #4
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in all seriousness, I dont give a fuck and neither should anyone. it's just a name.
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Old 03-04-2009, 11:07 AM   #5
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Quote:
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Perhaps the lady doesn't like your last name. Perhaps she does but she likes hers better.
Getting married is a way of saying "I may not like everything about you, but I'm willing to accept those things and live with them." You can't just pick and choose what to like and dislike.

Quote:

Perhaps she is thinking about "just in case we get divorced" she doesn't want to be stuck with yours.
Having ANY ideas that a marriage may fail in the future is no way to start off a marriage. It's almost like you're setting yourself up for failure.

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I have also considered many times keeping my name. I like my name.
I guess it's up to you to find a guy that's cool with it.
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Old 03-04-2009, 11:09 AM   #6
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i care. my name only or its not going to work. but before you go "so what you'd throw away a relationship because of a name" i wouldnt have to cause ive girl who knows me knows im kinda traditional and old school like that. It would never be a question if i was with someone long enough to want to marry them.
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Old 03-04-2009, 11:27 AM   #7
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Personally, I don't care. I don't like hyphenated names; they look too clunky. Wife's name sounds better with her existing last name. Also, I don't want her to go through all the troubles of having to change all her ID/bank stuff. Besides, I'm a Wong, but I often make reservations at Chinese places under her last name to avoid confusion with other Wongs!

Kids have to take my last name though.
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:07 PM   #8
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Getting married is a way of saying "I may not like everything about you, but I'm willing to accept those things and live with them." You can't just pick and choose what to like and dislike.
Not really. Why should I HAVE to change my name? So then why doesn't he take MY name? I accept his last name as HIS name just fine, but that doesn't mean I have to change my name to his. I accept his POV on many things that doesn't mean I have to change my POV to his.

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Having ANY ideas that a marriage may fail in the future is no way to start off a marriage. It's almost like you're setting yourself up for failure.
I was just giving a "perhaps". I know what "could" happen and one of those coulds is divorce. Expecting it to happen however is a different story.

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I guess it's up to you to find a guy that's cool with it.
This doesn't mean I won't take his last name it merely means I shouldn't have to and definatley would not if he said I HAD to. And I'm pretty sure my guy isn't sitting around saying I won't marry her unless she does...
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:01 PM   #9
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and definatley would not if he said I HAD to.
So if he did say you HAD to, and was firm in wanting you to change your last name, you would dump him?

You can't have it both ways, one of you would have to make the concession...
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:16 PM   #10
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So if he did say you HAD to, and was firm in wanting you to change your last name, you would dump him?
Perhaps. I really don't like being told I HAVE to do anything when in fact I don't HAVE to. He would just like me to. All it is is tradition, I don't feel like I have to follow that sort of thing. I guess that falls under the women liberation stuff you touched on. I suppose that's right.

Now if he explained why it was such a big deal to him of course I'll listen and weigh it.

Am I not allowed to express my own firmness in wanting to keep my own last name becasue I am a women? (just a question... not meant to disrespect, don't freak!)
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:34 PM   #11
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I can appreciate why I guy would want you to take his name. I can also appreciate why a woman would want to keep hers. I think it's best if both parties make the decision with an open mind. If my bf said I 'Had to' that just wouldn't go over well, but like Vmec mentioned I would be willing to talk about it if he would like me to take his name. I do like my name, but I also don't like how hard it can be for children to pronounce. My bf's families name is scottish as well so I wouldn't feel so bad losing mine.
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:47 PM   #12
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What happens when you have kids and each parent has their own name??

Berz out.
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:50 PM   #13
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Perhaps. I really don't like being told I HAVE to do anything when in fact I don't HAVE to. He would just like me to. All it is is tradition, I don't feel like I have to follow that sort of thing. I guess that falls under the women liberation stuff you touched on. I suppose that's right.

Now if he explained why it was such a big deal to him of course I'll listen and weigh it.

Am I not allowed to express my own firmness in wanting to keep my own last name becasue I am a women? (just a question... not meant to disrespect, don't freak!)
Myself, I don't have a problem with women that want to keep their names but I wouldn't be marrying one.
A lot of "liberated" women would say I shouldn't have the right to demand that of the women I go out with.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:00 PM   #14
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Myself, I don't have a problem with women that want to keep their names but I wouldn't be marrying one.
A lot of "liberated" women would say I shouldn't have the right to demand that of the women I go out with.
I'd say you can demand whatever the fuck you like, but any woman can leave you for that same demand. So whatever works.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:03 PM   #15
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What happens when you have kids and each parent has their own name??

Berz out.
That should be discussed during the whole discussion of who is taking whoose name. Perhaps it ends in compramise. She keeps her own name but the children will take his or vice a versa.

Let's say I refused to change my name but he REALLY wanted me to, but still I said no, I'd propose that I keep mine while our children get his. Or is this too liberated for you old fashioned folk.

For the record I nor my children will have hyphenated last names.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:11 PM   #16
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but any woman can leave you for that same demand. So whatever works.
Exactly.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:18 PM   #17
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So I hope I've helped you gain insight as to WHY a woman might not want to change her name. You don't have to agree (you clearly don't) but know you understand the reasons for a lady's decision on the matter.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:26 PM   #18
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Quote:
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What happens when you have kids and each parent has their own name??

Berz out.


Nothing really - doesn't cause any problems. Wife kept her last name because it was too much a PITA to do the paperwork, at least in the US. Yes we're lazy when it comes to the government.

Kids have my last name as my wife was still unsure at the time whether she would change her name over or not. No problems at all school, govt paperwork, even immigration for our PR. So don't let this prevent you from keeping your name if that's what you want to do.

Name change doesn't seem like a deal breaker to me there are plenty of other more important things to consider when contemplating marriage. If you are willing to break it off for something like a last name then I'd consider whether getting married to this person is right thing to do in the first place. Just my 2 cents.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:33 PM   #19
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i think by law, they must take on the fathers last name. however, later on by choice, when old enough, they can change to whatever they want.


Come to think of it, what if your last name was Cock, and your "wifes" last name was Loves and she wanted to keep both last names...


_________ Loves Cock. I bet your guy friends would be hi fivin ya each time they see ya "WAY TO GO BUDDY!"



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What happens when you have kids and each parent has their own name??

Berz out.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:40 PM   #20
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i think by law, they must take on the fathers last name.
I don't think that's true... but can't confirm. Doesn't sound right. Rape babies and the mother HAS to give this child that bastards last name? Or how about if the father just books it? You have to give the kid that assholes last name? If this is right, it shouldn't be law, it's a damn name! Names should be choosen not forced.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:44 PM   #21
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father is unconfirmed.

where a father is present, the last name is by default adopted to the child born.

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I don't think that's true... but can't confirm. Doesn't sound right. Rape babies and the mother HAS to give this child that bastards last name? Or how about if the father just books it? You have to give the kid that assholes last name? If this is right, it shouldn't be law, it's a damn name! Names should be choosen not forced.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:46 PM   #22
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Quote:
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What happens when you have kids and each parent has their own name??

Berz out.
Don't kids keep their mother's maiden name anyways just before their family name? Like: Joe + (joe's middle name) + (Initial of mother's maiden name) + (joe's familiy name)

Plus, for women, don't they get to keep their name by preceding it before their husbands name with an initial?
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:47 PM   #23
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either wayy... depends if you're THAT traditional or not.
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:48 PM   #24
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father is unconfirmed.

where a father is present, the last name is by default adopted to the child born.
But does default mean LAW? What if the mother doesn't want that, is it a whole process to change? OR is it like oh what's his name? Baby Jo Wong... mom says actaully no, he will be taking my last name Jo 'Chang'?
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:09 PM   #25
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ok, not law, hospital policy.

but im sure its written in law somewhere. this is going on the assumption that a marriage between a man and a woman is a legal binding contract, which is why poligimy (sp?) is an unlawfull offense. There is probably some written subclause where the child must adopt the surname of the father if and when present.

Laws were written back in the day where a lot of decisions then, would be seen very backward now, such as gay and same sex marriage.



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But does default mean LAW? What if the mother doesn't want that, is it a whole process to change? OR is it like oh what's his name? Baby Jo Wong... mom says actaully no, he will be taking my last name Jo 'Chang'?
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