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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 05-08-2009, 09:26 AM   #51
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I love being nice.

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Old 05-11-2009, 02:02 PM   #52
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It's true. Nice guys finish last. Girls who I hang out with find it more fun if I'm being a little bitch. Being a nice guy, however, may tend to lose that connection and and bore girls.

Although i'm speaking based on experience, it truely depends on who the type of girl you hang out with. But in the beginning of a relationship, try not to be a really nice guy in a relationship. take risks and have fun with it =)
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:15 PM   #53
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That depends on who you really are in the end. A nicer guy, or a meaner one? I think it's just best to be who you actually are. Depending on how nice you are, I suppose you could downplay or tone that down a bit, as long as it's never hidden. You are who you are and the other person deserves to know what they're getting into.

Ditto on being a bit adventurous though. Never hurts to go out on a limb unless it's something that misleads.
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:36 PM   #54
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Race has nothing to do with it. It's you and your personality.

he's right, I agree, it is what you make of your situation

but....I understand where asian xl is coming from......
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:38 PM   #55
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Here is talking to all the nice guys: If you are who you are and they don't dig it, move on. Seriously, if they don't appreciate who you really are, then it's time for them to GTFO.
makes sense if you are looking for a girlfriend....not so much if you are trying to get laid......
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:41 PM   #56
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makes sense if you are looking for a girlfriend....not so much if you are trying to get laid......
Totally agree there.
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:42 PM   #57
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Iam not directing this at you but to guys in general because the misuse of the term "nice guy" irks me.

"Nice guys" don't finish last, losers finish last. The sad thing is that a lot of guys that can't get girls seem to think that it's because they're "nice guys" when in reality its that they're just not attractive enough.

The guys that are most successful with women are "nice", but they're also successful, and fun, and all that good stuff.

sure nice guys can succeed....even nice ugly guys can do well.......but most of them have PHDs.......papa has dough
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Old 05-13-2009, 03:05 PM   #58
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It's true. Nice guys finish last. Girls who I hang out with find it more fun if I'm being a little bitch. Being a nice guy, however, may tend to lose that connection and and bore girls.

Although i'm speaking based on experience, it truely depends on who the type of girl you hang out with. But in the beginning of a relationship, try not to be a really nice guy in a relationship. take risks and have fun with it =)

it is good to be a little bitch for fun. but all girls run if you take it too far.

it is all in moderation. keep it interesting with out becoming overbearing
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Old 05-13-2009, 04:30 PM   #59
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sure nice guys can succeed....even nice ugly guys can do well.......but most of them have PHDs.......papa has dough
lol and yet another guy who thinks its all about moneyy

altho some girls do enjoy cash

kinda sad that u gota attract them with money instead of ur character

(wouldnt want to date them in first place )

...ne way havent u thot that these guys who has achieved PHD's has goals in life ..and that is what attracts girls..a guy with direction
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Old 05-14-2009, 02:11 PM   #60
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The reason why nice guys finish last is the fact that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY DO... YOU'LL STILL BE AROUND when she's done dating that jerk and as a nice guy... you'll forgive and forget and she'll hang with you until some other prick comes and sweeps her off her feet. it's a vicious cycle... like cocaine... except cheaper
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Old 05-31-2009, 04:01 PM   #61
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The reason why nice guys finish last is the fact that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY DO... YOU'LL STILL BE AROUND when she's done dating that jerk and as a nice guy... you'll forgive and forget and she'll hang with you until some other prick comes and sweeps her off her feet. it's a vicious cycle... like cocaine... except cheaper
damn couldnt agree more why am i like this?
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Old 06-01-2009, 04:06 PM   #62
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damn couldnt agree more why am i like this?
It's in our nature to do this unfortunetly... we think that somehow somewhere we'll be rewarded for being nice guys... but recently i found out that unfortunetly there will be be no reward. you can still be a nice guy GIVEN that you MAKE SURE THAT she doesn't place you in the friends zone. U need to ENSURE that she knows you can be her best friend or boyfriend OR BOTH and not just another "nice guy".
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Old 06-01-2009, 04:34 PM   #63
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You just stated the reward lol

Being a nice guy and being a smart guy are mutually exclusive. You should be both, otherwise you're just gonna get looked over, trampled over, passed over.
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Old 06-02-2009, 01:32 AM   #64
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i don't give a shit if i wont pick up girls blah blah blah

I like being who I am which is a nice guy. I'm not some horny young guy looking to get as much ass as I want. In the end I will meet someone who suits my needs and seems me for who I am.

Nice guy's finish last if they want alot of random pieces of ass.
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Old 06-08-2009, 07:08 AM   #65
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lol and yet another guy who thinks its all about moneyy

altho some girls do enjoy cash

kinda sad that u gota attract them with money instead of ur character

(wouldnt want to date them in first place )

...ne way havent u thot that these guys who has achieved PHD's has goals in life ..and that is what attracts girls..a guy with direction
I admired your idealogy.....but dude you must be young.....I am not saying it is right, but most girls are into dudes with dough...sure character matters, but cash matters more to most Vancouver chicks........
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Old 06-08-2009, 09:56 AM   #66
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I admired your idealogy.....but dude you must be young.....I am not saying it is right, but most girls are into dudes with dough...sure character matters, but cash matters more to most Vancouver chicks........
well i dont know if i'm young
but i've lived in vancouver all my life long enough to see for myself

sure u can get girls with money.. relationship wise wont be too long
if those are the girls that guys with money can get yeah

i'm pretty sure u've gotten a lot of chicks yourself
by flashing your nice car and how much money u've got

just like the other million guys in vancouver would do
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Old 06-08-2009, 10:14 AM   #67
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"You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible. "
Source: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...niceguys.shtml

Just to enrich the discussion
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Old 06-08-2009, 01:58 PM   #68
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wow epiphany...thx ecchi for your post!
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Old 06-08-2009, 06:10 PM   #69
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I learned that the hard way, ecchiecchi. It's true, but as usual there is no one formula to get to the 'enlightened nice guy' stage. Hahahah Everyone's different, so stage 1 is often getting to know oneself WELL.
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Old 06-08-2009, 07:58 PM   #70
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how do you know yourself better? i find myself asking myself questions when im bored at work...
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:00 PM   #71
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how do you know yourself better? i find myself asking myself questions when im bored at work...
I tend to know myself better once something dramatic happens in my life. I also like to reflect upon my actions or my thinking.
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:40 PM   #72
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Exactly. It's the same blacksmith-making-a-sword analogy, or the goldsmith one. You need fire and you need to be beaten before you're complete, before you know exactly who you are supposed to be. No one is born perfect, no one is born knowing how to socialize with gals or guys, no one is born with a healthy sense of confidence in themselves.

Those need to be developed; one needs to be forged.
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Old 06-09-2009, 07:51 AM   #73
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you can still be a nice guy GIVEN that you MAKE SURE THAT she doesn't place you in the friends zone. U need to ENSURE that she knows you can be her best friend or boyfriend OR BOTH and not just another "nice guy".
IMO thats not how it works. You're either boyfriend material or your not. You don't get to decide, so you can't "make sure" anything.

As I mentioned before, you Nice guys stop deluding yourself. The ladies don't like you because you don't have what they're looking for.

The only way to change this is to improve yourself.
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Old 06-14-2009, 07:18 PM   #74
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I'm surprised no one has posted this vid series if they know about it... it's another one of those definitions of nice guy. It's quality stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI
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Old 06-14-2009, 08:54 PM   #75
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LOL, people are actually like that? man i love being an asshole.
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