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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-27-2009, 03:20 AM   #1
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
 
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He's too nice. (Yahoo article)

Not to challenge the idea that being a "nice guy" is a good thing. I honestly do believe that being a "nice guy" is a positive thing and has its rewards.
But I happened to come across the following (and surprisingly not in correlation with the recent discussion about 'nice guys'). It has to do with being TOO nice:

It's a pretty interesting read:

Quote:
Single women say they want the nice guy. But I'm not so sure. I recently had the following IM conversation with my friend Jill:
RICH (11:09:02 AM): punks, and rock stars
JILL (11:09:12 AM): pretty much
RICH (11:09:21 AM): hence Dave and you will never be together
JILL (11:09:27 AM): he's a good guy
RICH (11:09:30 AM): haha too clean cut and nice
JILL (11:09:35 AM): pretty much

Poor Dave! He's losing out to punks, bartenders, and rock stars! Nothing against these occupations (not that being a punk is an occupation), but the more important part of this conversation is that Jill stated that Dave (who adores her) is too nice.

A little more about Dave: He is well-off, takes care of Jill as a friend, and asks her to do fun things all the time... you know... dates?
Imagine!

I had a friend who is now married who suffered from the "nice guy syndrome." On one occasion, we were standing in a bar and he announced that he had to walk five blocks to the subway station to pick up his date and walk her to the bar. We were none too pleased with this: Maybe we are not old-fashioned enough, but we figured if a girl makes it out of the New York subway, she should be capable (and independent) enough to walk five blocks to a bar.

His worst showing of being too nice was when he was on a first date with a girl and he walked her into the subway station (behind the turnstile -- he paid even though he wasn't riding the train) and waited with her for the train to come. When she stepped onto the train, he then ran along as the train was leaving, waving through the window at her until he couldn't keep up.

His gentlemanly strategy did not pay off. A few weeks later, I ran into her and they were no longer seeing one another. She joked about the train run-along and proceeded to hit on me. Was he too nice, or was she just a bad seed? Maybe a little bit of both.

Is it possible for a guy to be too nice? Here are some ways that this could ring true:


#1: He's So Nice, He Can Only Be a Friend

Hey, a good friend is hard to find. What sometimes happens when we get into a relationship? It eventually runs its course and ends, which means awkwardness and/or change in both of you, since you started off as friends. Maybe you can recover and remain buddies, but is it worth the risk if you find that you're really good friends with a nice guy? Also, sometimes the nice guy just has no edge, so he's destined to be just a friend.

#2: He's So Nice, He's Not Challenging Enough
I've recently learned from your comments: Women enjoy the thrill of the chase a bit too much. People like to wonder what's going to happen, that nerve-racking first few months when the "training wheels" are still on the relationship. And, no matter how much we try to deny it, we do like that we've won someone over instead of just having them give themselves up to us. If a guy is too easy, he may be ruining his chances.

#3: He's So Nice, He'll Always Be There

I've seen some friends take their time with a nice guy. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Maybe a woman wants to meet some new guys and "sow her wild oats" while the nice guy fawns over her. She enjoys keeping him in her life as a friend, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knows that she can probably return to him later. Again, it's all about risk management: If you want to take the risk of him meeting someone else, then go for it.

#4: He's TOO Nice, You Can't Trust Him
Sometimes people are so nice that it seems like they might have sinister overtones. I always see it on Lifetime movies: The guy comes into the woman's life and he is just perfect. Then he slowly disintegrates into a psycho freak. Perhaps a guy can come off as so nice in the beginning that he appears to be covering up for something bad. A woman might avoid a relationship with him if something just doesn't feel right. What makes a guy too nice or "friend" material instead of dating material? Do you avoid getting into relationships with a guy who's too nice, or is he destined to be a "friend"?
Again, don't get me wrong. I'm big into the whole karma thing, this is mostly food for thought.

I personally think that this article sounds a lot like the old Craigslist ones people used to post up a year or two ago, about the "nice guys" and where they've gone. Only this one approaches it from the female's perspective.

Up for discussions.



-Physixx

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Old 04-27-2009, 04:39 AM   #2
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ugh. little off topic.. but it really annoys me how its an increasingly majority of the time that the guys are the ones who have to change who they are, to accomodate the other sex.

not saying this is always true, but i find an overwhelmingly amount of critique on how guys should change their ways versus women changing

guess the saying "pussy costs money, but dick is free" holds strong
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Old 04-27-2009, 04:51 AM   #3
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the world will never be equal. sexism will always exist.

just like if guy are players if they screw around but girls do the same thing and they are whores.
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Old 04-27-2009, 05:31 AM   #4
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guys can't be nice to every fucking body. Some bitches need some slaps in the ass, and
treat them what they deserve, even though they tell people they are looking for nice guys,
it can't be real. If you are at the stage where she says "you are nice, but you're not my
type" GO PULL THE TRAP DOOR LEVER and let her disappear in your life.

There are ways that can prevent you from falling into the same trick again, but I don't want
to go into detail now, so yeah...for those who are in similar situation, go finger her and look
for some new chicks.
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:18 AM   #5
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how bout girls?

what happens if they're too nice. do guys appreciate that shit? or do they prefer the bitch type hoe that is a " challenge " for them.

i, for one, would prefer a " nice " girl over a challenging girl any day of the week, fck unstable bitches
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:34 AM   #6
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Same for guys but I would rather get a stable nice girl but chances are, they will become boring..

Fail.
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Old 04-27-2009, 11:19 AM   #7
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oniyou View Post
how bout girls?

what happens if they're too nice. do guys appreciate that shit? or do they prefer the bitch type hoe that is a " challenge " for them.

i, for one, would prefer a " nice " girl over a challenging girl any day of the week, fck unstable bitches
I suppose the same could be said.

Nice girls are great and all, but from the short termed perspective (i.e. to clean the pipes with no obligation), they just can't compete with the bad girls.
Most guys, if they were just looking for a one night thing, would rather sleep with a stripper than the "good girl"; no obligation, and on top of it all, a LOT more fun.

-Physixx
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Old 04-27-2009, 11:38 AM   #8
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In my opinion, it has to do with alpha males. If you are too nice, you are seen as weak and wimpy, girls need a guy that can also protect them and look up to. It's ok to be nice, but also be confident; know who you are and be comfortable with it, know what your values and morals are and stand up for them, have goals in life, have passions.
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Old 04-27-2009, 12:06 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Physixx View Post
Up for discussions.
I think it has nothing to do with being nice or not and has everything to do with attraction.

You could be a badass but very attractive - and girls will like you
You could be a really gentle or sweet but attractive guy - and girls will still like you

Note: Although it's usual, attractiveness isn't solely limited to good looks; and also the definition of good looks also vary from women to women.
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:52 PM   #10
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Being nice doesn't mean being ignorant and stupid and letting people run all over you, IMHO. I think there is a balance here, for "being nice" is an art. It's...a process, something that you either are/become are you'll never be. Some just have the propensity for it, some not. I mean, the examples in the article I laugh at, because that's not just nice, it's to the point it's stupid, blind.

Mind you, the points in bold are true, good warnings really. I've been down that road and hit almost every one of those and ended up realizing that I had been used. It's a terrible feeling.

Be nice, but have an edge and challenge things. You are still your own man!
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Old 04-27-2009, 06:16 PM   #11
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It's not about being a nice guy or bad guy... it's about being a winner or a loser.

"Losers always whine about their best... Winners go home and fuck the prom queen." - Sean Connery
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:08 PM   #12
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I think there needs to be a better word used. I like 'nice' guys. But guys who pretend nothing bothers them and bottles it inside is bound to blow sometime. Essentially without meaning to they are lying. I'm sorry but if nothing bothers you then you are not human. I want to share my life with a human, one who feels mad, sad, annoyed, happy, estatic, pissed off, etc. The nice guy most of these articles seem to refer to are the ones who just don't seem real. besides how annoying would that be to have it pushed in your face when your annoyed with something that nothing bothers them.
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:13 PM   #13
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Beware of nice robots.
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:25 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Noir View Post
I think it has nothing to do with being nice or not and has everything to do with attraction.

You could be a badass but very attractive - and girls will like you
You could be a really gentle or sweet but attractive guy - and girls will still like you

Note: Although it's usual, attractiveness isn't solely limited to good looks; and also the definition of good looks also vary from women to women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jassanova View Post
It's not about being a nice guy or bad guy... it's about being a winner or a loser.

"Losers always whine about their best... Winners go home and fuck the prom queen." - Sean Connery
I like both of these points.
Just to add to the discussion though:

Being the generic "nice guy" often means there are limitations to "attractiveness". Perhaps it's just society, but there are many traits with negative connotations that some people consider to be attractive. For example, cockiness (thrown in with a little humor here and there) can be a very attractive trait on both genders. Yet the typical "nice guy" would be viewed as a more modest and hardworking person.

And of course, "nice guys" likely won't just use any means necessary to be the winner. This isn't saying that nice guys can't be winners, or that non-nice guys all use dirty tricks to come out on top though.


-Physixx
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:29 PM   #15
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Put it this way, you can't get much being just a nice guy.

That about sums everything up.
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:30 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illuminate View Post
In my opinion, it has to do with alpha males. If you are too nice, you are seen as weak and wimpy, girls need a guy that can also protect them and look up to. It's ok to be nice, but also be confident; know who you are and be comfortable with it, know what your values and morals are and stand up for them, have goals in life, have passions.
Good point. Just to add to the discussion again:

Note that here are many ways to be seen as an "alpha male" with respect to the males around you.

For example, the guy with the most skills and stamina would be the alpha of the team and play center-forward on the ice. This is a display of an alpha's physical traits.

And for another, the guy most capable of handling situations, who does lots of extra-curricular activities, and excels in academics may be the elected class president. This is a display of his non-physical traits.

These two types of people are alpha in their own ways. On the ice, alpha one makes alpha two look like a wimp. At school however, alpha two gets more adoration than alpha one.

-Physixx
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:46 PM   #17
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Don't limit yourself to being either a physical or non-physical alpha either. You can be both and I've seen several examples. And you don't have to be the stereotypical super buff jock or a nerd. You can be a lean dancer, yoga practitioner, gymnast or charismatic leader, care taker, musician, etc. Girls will also like those guys too. Who ever you are, you just need to be the best you can be, and girls will be drawn to you.
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Old 04-28-2009, 02:58 PM   #18
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I can say sometimes too if I have no other nice way to describe someone then they just become "nice". There was either nothing memorable, or they came across too pushy or too weird, and following the old 'if you have nothing nice to say...' groups these guys into the "nice" category. I know if another chick would come up and try to set me up with a "nice" guy the guy was either a) pathetic, b)weird, c) they had never met the guy, etc.
The minute the "nice" comment is used it sets up a red flag. If nice guy actually meant nice guy, then yes that would be part of what women want but the word has different meaning.
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Old 04-28-2009, 03:08 PM   #19
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Your different meaning sucks.
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Old 04-28-2009, 05:50 PM   #20
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so many articles on 'the nice guy'
'the nice guy finishes last'

dayaam..lol
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Old 04-28-2009, 09:22 PM   #21
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Who ever you are, you just need to be the best you can be, and girls will be drawn to you.
Wow...great line. One of the best i've seen on revscene.
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Old 04-29-2009, 01:28 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illuminate View Post
Don't limit yourself to being either a physical or non-physical alpha either. You can be both and I've seen several examples. And you don't have to be the stereotypical super buff jock or a nerd. You can be a lean dancer, yoga practitioner, gymnast or charismatic leader, care taker, musician, etc. Girls will also like those guys too. Who ever you are, you just need to be the best you can be, and girls will be drawn to you.
Thumbs up. That hit the spot.

-Physixx
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Old 04-29-2009, 01:38 AM   #23
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i freaken hate being such a nice guy, it already cost me a few times lol
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Old 04-29-2009, 12:03 PM   #24
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so many articles on 'the nice guy'
'the nice guy finishes last'

dayaam..lol
all aboard the asshole wagon
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Old 04-29-2009, 12:47 PM   #25
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Just to add to the discussion:

Sometimes the definition of nice seems skewered IMO. You're not really "nice" when you want something from the opposite gender and using "nice-ness" as a tool of obtaining/achieving it; wether it be sex, relationship, or other companionship. Yes the actions one may take may BE "nice," but the intention is actually just for the benefit of one's own interest under the guise of the other. (it's a euphemistic version of selfishness)

So one can't really take the title of "nice" at face value.

Just food 4 thought.
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