Falling for my best friend.

[jigguh]

noob here.. hi!

fell for my best friend of 5 years. I told her what's up even though she had someone at the time.... years later, I'm getting ready to get down on my knee....

was I an ass for doing so? maybe... but i had to get mine, or at least try....

op: the choice is yours... "yes, and it's the choice of a new generation"

[distanc3]

There's plenty of fish out in the sea.

It may be sweet and all right now, but if you choose to to pursue her the following may occur:
1. She might reject your ARSE
2. She will question your devotion as the best "friend"
3. Eternally whip you, and emotional mind fuck you and your life will only be a recurring nightmare!!!

[eclipseman]

I would just tell her. Life is too short and you'll always wonder, what if?

Someone said above, so many people are marrying their best friends. Take a leap of faith...

[Tim Budong]

i posted in another thread of similar content about watching a movie called "just friends"
anyways

so yea..i did fall for one of my closest female friends before, but i was too pussy to make a move, then came along a girl. The GF and the best female friends became REALLY good friends, and it was fantastic afterwards, I have an awesome GF, and she has a friend that can..err...sit in the corner and poke fun at me...bwahaha..

[Noir]

Originally Posted by distanc3

There's plenty of fish out in the sea.

Hahahahaha. I love this quote and I find it funny when it's thrown out there. It's actually more like

There's plenty of fish out in the sea...
(But in reality)
How many of them will actually date you?

Answer of course varies from person to person. Some wouldn't have trouble bouncing back within weeks, some months. Whereas others wait a year or 2 for their next female encounter.

[hawkman]

I had just recently had this situation too.

I knew this girl for like 2 years but she was just one of those people you knew, like you didnt talk to but the ocasional hi. But recently (january) we somehow got really close, to the point where we tell each other everything, she would tell me her boy problems and ill tell her my girl problems etc. But one night i was under the influence and I went to her house since she said she was gonna take care of me, and she looked stunning so i kind of fell for her. I was in what I thought was love for like a week but recently i thought that our friendship was more important so I just dropped all the feelings. Maybe sometime in the future I will tell her how i felt.

[monkeywrench]

just go for it, life's not long enough to enjoy the good things that happen, and even if you don't see it now, she might not be the one you really want in the end

im in a situation where im only best friends with my ex. how the hell can we be together, it doesnt even feel right, theres still that connection

and since you and her are so close, im sure you two have that special connection in between, take that chance, im sure she'd understand you

[DeadMeat]

Hey guys I appreciate the time and effort to respond. I really value your input. Sadly however I still haven't been able to find a solution to my problem. There are some things to keep in mind

1) She's my best-friend. First and foremost, our friendship is the most important thing to me.

2) She has a boyfriend. He isn't a bad guy... in fact, Im pretty sure he loves her just as much as I do.

3) Cutting all ties with her, sounds pretty harsh to me. Why does she have to suffer just because I feelings for her.

Now I can't say for sure that she doesn't have feelings for me. That I cannot say. But based on the numerous times that people have mistaken us for a couple and her responding with, "oh no, we're just friends", I can't really say that it looks good for me. I guess what I'm really trying to find is a balance between letting her go without having to cut ALL ties with her. She knows how I am, so she will know something is up when I "suddenly" stop talking to her. Is that even possible? Or is it inevitable that I tell her so that I can finally find closure and move on? It's a very delicate situation for me so I want to thread real light.

Thanks again guys!

[Noir]

Originally Posted by DeadMeat

3) Cutting all ties with her, sounds pretty harsh to me. Why does she have to suffer just because I feelings for her.

You don't. That's a pretty bad advice. Just keep her at arms length and continue being her friend.

It may be hard at times considering your feelings, but according to you, if she's such a great person and a friend, then it should be worth it. In addition, if she's that great of a person to you, it's really not fair for her to lose your friendship over something she can't help or has no control over.

[hirevtuner]

well u shouldn't cut all ties with her but it seems like whenever you guys hang out inside of you have a hope that it might be more than a friends thing.

i suggest that you should see her less, like see her/talk to her once/twice a week
go find someone that you can actually have a chance with

[q0192837465]

well, try not to revolve ur life around her. She is still ur friend, so dun cut ties. But at the same time, do things w/out her. Try to limit ur phonecalls. Go shopping by urself. Have dinner w/ ur other friends.

I've been in ur situation before, the first few months is gonna suck. U'll feel empty & dunno wut else u can do. That's normal cuz u'r getting out from ur comfort zone. After a while tho, u'll feel better and everything will return to normal. Maybe u'll meet someone else too.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by q0192837465

I've been in ur situation before, the first few months is gonna suck. U'll feel empty & dunno wut else u can do. That's normal cuz u'r getting out from ur comfort zone. After a while tho, u'll feel better and everything will return to normal. Maybe u'll meet someone else too.

sounds like all the troubles of a losing a relationship without the benefit of a having a relationship to begin with.

[rsx]

Originally Posted by Ulic Qel-Droma

no one's gonna say it? fuck i'm gonna say it. You're the fucking devil.. Sorry I had to say it, meanest thing i've said on rs, honestly. You're lucky the only thing you lost was him. 'nuff said.

Nope. I'm going to defend the chick on this one, it's the guy's own stupidity for not knowing his role and his ineptitude that led him to have his heart broken. Although, I'm not going to defend the drunken-rant. BUT, he shouldn't have been in that vulnerable position anyway.

Every guy has to assume the ladder theory!

[rsx]

I've been talking about the ladder theory way too much, here's a little excerpt from it:




The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is becasue in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.


The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered and intellectual whores are made. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.

To fully illustrate the point I'll now examine some common scenarios and their ladder theory explanations. For purposes of these examples Tom will be our boy and Jane will be out girl.

Scenario 1: Tom meets Jane. She's pretty and seems interesting to talk to. Tom and Jane start haging out and talking more and more. Tom develops an attraction to Jane, and one day tries to kiss her. Jane tell Tom she doesn't think of him that way and she wants to remain friends. The next few weeks contact between the two falls off. Jane starts fucking an outlaw biker.

Ladder Theory Explanation: Tom met Jane. Tom was immediately placed on the friends ladder. Tom didn't know this. Tom tried to jump ladders. Jane kicked Tom in the head rather than let him on and sent him hurtling to the Abyss below. The oulaw biker was not on her friends ladder (they never are) but rather on her good ladder.

Scenario 2: Tom meets Jane. She's cute and seems smart. After an appropriate amount of time he asks her out on a date. She acccepts and they have what seems to be a perfectly nice date. Tom thinks he has a chance with Jane. He asks her out again. She says no, either explicitly or by never returning his phone call. Tom has no idea what the Hell just happened. Jane starts fucking an unemployed alcoholic.

Ladder Theory Explanation: Jane misrepresented which ladder Tom was on. He thought he was on the good ladder because of her acceptance of the date. Mistake. This led to an unintentional ladder jump. He was kicked into the Abyss. In this situation, Jane often wants to stay friends becasue you are so interesting and funny or some shit like that. If this happens you are most likely an Intellectual Whore. I'm sorry. This is most likely to be a ninja-bitch.


Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:


• "You're like a brother to me"
• "You're like a big teddy bear".
• "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
• "You're so nice"
• "Can you help me with my homework"

Ladder Theory Explanation: You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.

[StaxBundlez]

hey
listen dude
don't do it
cuz IT WILL FUCK UP
and things WILL CHANGE

girls WANT their friends

dont fuck it up
every girl that i've ever talked to that has had a BEST GUY FRIEND.. has ended up losing them because the guys get attached and their emotions get the better of em...

i have a sister as well who has gone through like 4 best guy friends.. cuz they all eneded up liking her..

aint u listen to musiq soulchild !?!?

HALF CRAZY

here i'll do u a favor

listen to this.. absorb its message.. and u'll know exactly what everyone goes through once that happens..

IF U THINK U HAVE A CHANCE.. DO IT.. BUT SERIOUSLY
IF U WANNA KEEP HER AS A FRIEND
DONT DO IT

and yah i agree with everyone
go find another girl to keep u occupied..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsVIPcqZzpk

"Never thought that we would ever be more than friends
Now I'm all confused cause for you I have deeper feelings
We both thought it was cool to cross the line
And I was convinced it would be alright
Now things are strange, nothings the same
And really I just want my friend back"

WERD

musiqs the fucken MAN

[trip]

^ i can vouch for this guys sister.. seen it how many times now? lol

[hotjoint]

dont cut ties with her man, it'll hurt u and her in the end. Just remain friends but hang out less then ur feelings will slowly dissapear.