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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 05-09-2009, 11:06 PM   #26
I STILL don't get it
 
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stright up eh. You know what i strongly believe, its that guys/men have nothing to lose in the begining. They dont really give 2 shits about any girl, but when they commit to a relationship for a long period of time they get sucked in. They fall deeply in love and its hard to get over her and to just move on. You know this when the real break up comes girls move on so easily and faster then the guys ever will! But during the relationship girls get hurt more then the guys, but that changes because in the begining guys arent really that nice and shit but after they are, so in my thoughts the girl gets what she wants then dumps your ass. How many of you guys see your girl cry and shit in the begining of the relationship and really cares and all but later down the road when the real one comes they dont give a shit and the guys are the ones that are fucken hurt. I will tell u to go talk to her and keep trying but honeslty no one can tell u what to do its what u really want. U can say ya u dont want to be with her anymore but can you really? Ive been so attached that when its over i dont even know how to talk to girls anymore. It sucks but what can u do.
Intersting theory! You bring up a perspective I have never thought about before. I have heard that guys are the ones who fall harder during a breakup but I did not understand why.

I was in a similar situation where I did not care as much in the beginning of the relationship when we would fight. She would always cry but I remained unaffected.

It wasn't till 1.5 yrs later when she broke up with me, I fell hard. I have never fell so hard for anything in my life. She was my third g/f and I'm in the 20-25 age group. In fact, it's been a year since then and I'm still hurting sometimes though I'm better. I think it's the fact that I still see her due to mutual friends.

It's funny how you mention that you dunno how to talk to women anymore because I am the same, too. It's weird because before her I was fine. This girl really fucked me up.

The good thing is I don't think she knows that she destroyed me with the breakup. I mean I did once text her in attempt to talk to her but she ignored me. I stopped pressing the mater since. I believe I walked away with dignity because of that.

Now, a year later, when I see her and when the opportunity arises, I would say hi and we'd make small talk.

I think what I am trying to say is, like some other above have said, is to keep yourself busy and improve yourself. After the breakup, I worked myself silly with 2 jobs and school. It was then I realized how important money was to me because it allowed me get things that made me happy. Try it! Before you decide to talk to your ex, I suggest you to try these things first. Good luck.

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Old 05-09-2009, 11:10 PM   #27
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Girls don't "lose feelings" they find someone they like better.
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Old 05-10-2009, 01:33 AM   #28
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
 
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Why plead?

You be a MAN, not a pussy. Try chasing her back, not try pleading your case. If you really want to.

that said, Good luck.
Not necessarily.
A MAN understands when he needs to get on his knees when the time calls. Sometimes you gotta toss the ego aside for things more important than pride and arrogance.
Of course, unless you're 200000000% sure about your decision, then pleading does make you look like a over-dramatic pussy.

The decision remains to you, OP,
but keep in mind that if she's telling everybody that she doesn't have feelings for you, then one thing is clear (regardless of whether or not that statement ALONE is true): she doesn't want the people around her to associate HER with YOU.

Food for thought for you.


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Last edited by Culture_Vulture; 05-10-2009 at 02:11 AM. Reason: rewording
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Old 05-10-2009, 03:14 AM   #29
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mvove on bro 1.5 years is nothing, you'll have more 1.5 years in the future
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Old 05-10-2009, 03:23 AM   #30
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You can achieve anything you put your mind to. I'm in a similar situation as you, but I've tried time and time again and she has changed. A friend told me that it's not the current her I'm missing and longing for, it's the one in the past that was sweet and caring. Why not make one last attempt? What do you have to lose? Dignity? Your ego? Who cares what other people think. Who are they to judge you? Opinions are like assholes, everyoens got one. I still talk to my ex time and time again, even tho my best friend tells me to do other wise because I might fall into the same depressed cycle again. In the end is your choice, this is just my 2 cents.
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Old 05-10-2009, 03:37 AM   #31
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Try one last time.

It'll give you the final closure that you need, knowing that she's 100% sure that she doesn't want to try again. That way, you'll at least get over her faster as well, without having the 'what if' thoughts lingering in the back of your head.

Good luck.
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Old 05-10-2009, 03:45 AM   #32
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its not that shes said " no " whenever i asked her to get back together...

its the " i dont know's " or " im confused " , and then...i jus leave her alone. im afraid i'd get the same answer again... maybe if she said " NO " straight up to my face, i'd be able to drop it.
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Old 05-10-2009, 04:02 AM   #33
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Then give her a choice.

Tell her this 'maybe' bullshit is leading you nowhere. You'll never get over her with responses like that.
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Old 05-10-2009, 04:22 AM   #34
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i've noticed a trend among ex-girlfriends. When they're the ones that left you, a lot of them end up popping back up in your life when you're with another girl, and say shit like " you were the best " or they'd start talking about how great our old relationship was , and somehow try to make a move on you. A few of them were like that when i was with my ex, but i guess it really didnt affect me. I guess i never really took heed to their " attempts " because now that i think back to it, i can't believe how fast i got over them, but this current one seems like it'll take a lifetime.
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Old 05-10-2009, 09:57 AM   #35
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give her some space and maybe she will see what she is missing. I had a g/f in the past where we were dating for 3 yrs and same thing happened b/c some guy started paying attention to her at her work. I let her take a break from the relationship and after she spent some time with this guy, she came right back to me.
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Old 05-11-2009, 12:23 PM   #36
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I think all you need is some closure from her.....so you should sit her down and have one last talk. Don't pour your heart out just yet and beg for her to take you back.....because you know that's just going to make her dislike you even more....

Instead....just ask her the questions straight up. No maybe/I'm confused kinda answers...it's either YES or NO.

Do you still have feelings for me....
Do you want to work it out between us....

Make her give you the definate NO, then you'll know what's done is done.
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:53 PM   #37
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Good luck OP! Everyone pretty much said everything. Wish you the best.
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:59 PM   #38
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Losing feelings is possible.

Some people fall really hard, some people just sort of exist in a relationship. One of the main reasons relationships end is because the other side doesn't feel the same.

You keep saying she says "I don't know" or "I'm not sure". You shouldn't ask her to get back together or to confess her feelings for you; you should ask for a straight up, no bullshit answer.

But if you ask for it, you'd damned well better be ready to live up to it.

If she says no, you'd better fuck the hell off and never come back, because that's what she's told you.

If she says yes, you'd better be ready to pick up the pieces and start shit over again.

Are you ready for those alternatives? Can you walk away? Can you start over again?

If not, you'd better think about what you can do to make yourself ready; because if you ask for an answer, you'd better be ready for when you get it.
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:59 PM   #39
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Can I guess how old you she is? 20-22? Only because I have a theory for girls in relationships when their in the 20-22 y/o range.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:36 PM   #40
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1.5 yrs? multiple that by 4 then throw it out the window and then you can put on my shoes.

get over it, shit changes, ppl change. if its mean to be it'll come back to you.

you're gonna throw everything out on the table and get it tossed back in your face, then how are you gonna be able to deal with it? by being worse on yourself?
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:49 PM   #41
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Can I guess how old you she is? 20-22? Only because I have a theory for girls in relationships when their in the 20-22 y/o range.
what if i told you i was just 19? yeah, maybe im still young, but like what one poster said previously, i too, have never fallen so hard in my life before. It seems to me that none of my ex's ever mattered, and i feel that i will never be able to completely get over my most recent one. I hear all these words of encouragement, about how " you're still young, plenty of fish in the sea " , but hey, the whole ocean doesn't even matter anymore when you've got your heart set out on just that one girl.

i've heard some things recently from her, and now i strongly believe that the answer is still going to be a " no ". I don't feel i should even waste my time, not even for just that one hour that i'd get to talk to her. Reflecting on how i treated her in the past, the things i've done for her and the things we went through together, i still wonder how the hell it was so easy for her to let go of everything, and not even look back.

oh well, i feel that just maybe it was meant for me to go through this roller coaster ride of shit at an earlier stage, so i'd be experienced and not perform the same mistakes i did in this relationship. Instead of moping around living in the past, i should pick up my shit and worry about my future, and strive to improve myself. Maybe then in the future if we were come across each other again, she'd realize it was her loss, and things will go my way for once.

What i'm just scared of now is that even though i'd try to move on, i'd never be capable of completely getting over someone who i've loved and cared so much for.
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:50 PM   #42
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1.5 yrs? multiple that by 4 then throw it out the window and then you can put on my shoes.

get over it, shit changes, ppl change. if its mean to be it'll come back to you.

you're gonna throw everything out on the table and get it tossed back in your face, then how are you gonna be able to deal with it? by being worse on yourself?


Take your 1.5 years and times that by 3 and you get what I went through.

Going for it again will just put you in an even worse position because she's just going to take everything you lay out and throw it back in your face. You'll end up going back to your friends and posting about it here and all we're going to do is say "Told you so"
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Old 05-11-2009, 06:19 PM   #43
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quoted from eminem, "But I do know one thing though
Bitches they come they go
Saturday through Sunday Monday
Monday through Sunday yo"
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Old 05-11-2009, 07:08 PM   #44
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Can I guess how old you she is? 20-22? Only because I have a theory for girls in relationships when their in the 20-22 y/o range.
share.

and i agree with girls don't lose feeling they just find someone better.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:49 PM   #45
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Wow... you sound clingy. That's probably why she moved on.
+1 , you gota let it go man.. there are alot of toher girls out there!
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Old 05-12-2009, 04:16 AM   #46
I STILL don't get it
 
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call her and talk if you really want the answer. think about it.. if she does that, do you really think she has any feelings left for you? things happen
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Old 05-12-2009, 05:37 PM   #47
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It seems to me that none of my ex's ever mattered, and i feel that i will never be able to completely get over my most recent one.
i didnt mean to be a dick but im on the same boat as you on this one. you learn from your past relationships and get a better understanding of what you want and or looking for. the special ones will always hold a place in your heart, whether meant to be or not.

but it comes with time and new relationships and i guess some people just heal faster than others. guess i'm glad i'm one of those.
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Old 05-13-2009, 01:55 AM   #48
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I don't mean to steal the thread but I myself, like the op, has broken up with someone who meant the world to me.

Did any of you, who has also lossed someone they thought they were going to marry, find someone after who meant even more? Is it possible to replace the love of your life? Sometimes, I think it's not going to be okay till I find someone just as special as the ex.
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Old 05-13-2009, 09:54 AM   #49
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do not try, leave while you have the upper hand with a dash of dignity. once you do the ONE last time thing (which u already know it's GOING to fail) you know you just wanted to do it. it's like a poker game, you KNOW u don't have the strongest hand but you want to see what the next card is... In this case, you know there are no cards to be dealt out no more.

if there is 'one last chance', wouldn't you feel so much better if they girl came to you and say "i want to be with you again"?
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Old 05-13-2009, 12:36 PM   #50
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if she did i would've known or she would've told me. things spread fast
My ex told me the same shit after we broke up and I thought since we live in small town, have lots of the same friends that i would find out if she did......... Little did I know, she was fucking every guy that would throw a tiny bit of attention at her. Since the break up I have had 'relations" with a few girls that had bf's at that time, including ones that have no job and live with their bf.

Personally I would never move in with a girl, if they stop having feelings for u or like some other guy it is so much easier for them to lie and cheat then just break up with u and have to move and shit.

DO NOT TRUST WOMEN. THEY ARE SCANDOLOUS, TRIFFLIN, EVIL beings.

in all fairness not all girls are like this, but its hard to find the ones that are, so as a general rule I feel this way about all girls.
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