Learning to live with in-laws
 

So my wife told me this story about her friend and I think I know what I would do, but would like to see what you guys think.

Her friend, both husband and wife are chinese, got married 2 years ago and now they live in the husband's parent's basement to save money. They own 2 condo's up on SFU that they are currently renting out but do not pay any rent to the husband's parents.

When they got married, the cost of the wedding was paid by the bride and groom. Neither families had to pay anything for the wedding. One of the bride's friends gave her a huge sum of $$$ as a wedding gift. But because the bride and groom was busy, the friend gave the $$$ to the husband's parents. It's been 2 years, the parents never gave the bride and groom the money.

Obviously the bride is pissed off about it, and I would be too, assuming the parent's didn't just plain forget.

Because they are living in the basement, the young couple spent $20K of their own money to renovate and re-furnish the basement. Well, the father will come downstairs and sit his ass on the new couch and watch their tv. This kinda erks the wife because a) it's "their" couch and "their" tv. b) she finds it a little awkward especially when she is downstairs alone.

As well, the wife is preggers and plan on having 2 kids. Since they are living in the basement, you would think the grandparents would be more than happy to sit the grandkids. Well, the husbands parents have said outright that they are not going to sit the kids for them while the young couple work in the days. The husband's parents are in their early 50's and both are retired.

Lastly, when she is doing the laundry, sometimes the mom will come down and take her clothes out of the dryer and lay them in an empty basket. The wife is a bit of a neet freak and doesn't like other people to touch her laundry and not to put them in a dirty basket.

Personally, I think they need to cut their losses short and move out. Either live in one of the condo's they own, or rent. But either way, just move out to avoid getting into any more fights with the husband's parents. They need their own space from the husband's parents or else this can/will cause a rift in their relationship.

move out asap, tell the husband to have a chat with the parents about all those issues

Couldn't agree more. There isn't any other alternative other than moving out. I mean they're not paying rent so they can't really say anything about the husbands parents. Move out or live with it.

actually, its the husband's fault for these problems.

The husband could have talked to his parents about the money, the dry cleaning thing, the wandering pervert thing and they would have been fixed right then and there.

As for baby sitting, she can start paying rent and tell the granps that "no babysitting, no baby playing time".

That or move out they have 2 fucking condos for crying out loud.

LOL, money issue aside they live there rent free and are mad because their parents won't babysit? Seriously, they have it so good they don't even realize the small invonviences are just that. If they don't like it do what other people do and move into one of their places they are renting out.

When people get older generally speaking the last thing they want to do is be fulltime babysitter.

I love my parents but I could never live with them now that I have my own family and I'm sure they think likewise.

It's a question that they can only answer for themselves, as everyone has different priorities at the moment.

They have to weigh out on their own what's more important to them:

*** The fact that they can live rent free and gain more money through investments (condo rentals)

*** Or take the financial hit but live comfortably on their own.

It's different for everyone and everyone has varying tolerances to these kind of things. So the only right answer is what's right for them.

I agree with what has been said.

Ironically, the whole reason they own 2 condo's that are being rented out is because the husband felt they were behind financially and tried to rush things by buying 2 units. It's hard to grasp, I know. I feel the same way.
1 unit they put money down. The other unit is based on zero down. Both are 40 year mortgages from a few years ago.

And they are living at home because they want to save up and then move out, but with kids on the way, it looks as if the chance of them saving up enough money to move out is slim to none.

I would :gtfo: !!!

How much was the sum that the father took?

$1000.

well think about it this way, the parents raised the dude since he was a kid, so in a way the husband owes his parents for their troubles. Sure, continuing on like this would be a pain in the ass, but the husband and wife should be more ... lenient about the issue at hand

For a $1000 that the parents took, I'd just forget about it. They've lived in the husbands parents place for 2 years which is a lot more then $1000.

The husband needs to talk to his parents to set some boundaries or to install locks on the door which I've seen some people do so there can be some privacy. As for the issue with the laundry, there's gonna need to be some compromise between the wife and mother in-law.

If you don't mind me. I'm a fairly financial guy, (if you've been in the finance forums *shameless plug*). But if they bought few years ago, chances are they are still in the green, when it comes to those condos. If they want to move out, I would suggest selling of a condo and then living in other. This is the best way to ****LIVE WITHIN THEIR MEANS****. Investments can be had some other way, and yes they would probably have a DECENT but not a great profit from selling one of those condos.

Even as suggested they DP one, and Zero down one. It would tell me they do make very decent money. So yah,

As with anyone said before me. Pick the inconvience or move out =)

The parents need to give the couple their own space. If they can't do that, consider moving out.

It may not be awkward for the husband, but he's got to do something so the wife feels comfortable living in such conditions.

Nope, no shameless plug here.

In fact, i've been telling my wife the same thing since day 1 when they decided to buy the second condo. They basically bought it at the peak of the housing market when everything was really hot.

But it was the husband's idea to try to "catch up" to everyone else financially.

Even if they were to sell one of the units now, I think they would end up taking a pretty big loss, but that imo is better than living life so stretched financially, especially with another mouth on the way and plans for a second.

husband takes 500 bucks of his money n gives it to the wife. that'll be her half of the 1000. or all of it as it was her friend. Husband takes the hit and treats the grand as compensation for raising him.

the two of em move out. 20K they put into renovations unless arranged prior n discussed with the inlaws will never be seen again.

It was the couple's idea to renovate the basement because they get to live there for free. Just because they put some money into it doesn't mean all of a sudden that becomes their property. The father going down to watch tv on "their" couch because he probably doesn't think it's a big deal, he probably wouldn't mind if she goes up and sits on the couch upstairs.

And the whole sitting the kids thing...like what? So she can live there for free and is entitled to free babysitting for her kids? How about dishing out some money and hire a maid around the house to take care of the two retirees as well as the kids?

The wife is the only one making a big deal out of it...if she really can't stand it than do something about it. They are all family, if she can't open up to talk about it or do something it's her fault for feeling whatever she's feeling. Everyone else seems fine with it. The husband isn't doing anything because he doesn't think much of it since it's his parents.

MOVE THE FUCK OUT.

sorry, chinese parents, they own you if you live under their roof, even if you contribute 100% to the maintenance of the place. they're chinese what the fuck do they expect? they parents are elder, therefore gods to the younger ones. there's no way out of that man. that shit can only be bred out by being raised a north american. and even then. if someone lives under my roof, i'm their boss unless they're tenants that pay and sign a contract. and even then. i'm still boss.

but the money the parents "got" for the wedding should be given to the couple.

Both of them should of moved out.. especially if they have two condos already... they want to have kids and expect the parents to baby sit ?? that isn't too fair either..

i think they should open their eyes... move out.. don't ask for the money back from the parents.. and just find a baby sitter..

if they can't afford all of that.. sell one of their condos.. they don't have money to invest for the future if they can't take care of themselves now !

Let this be a lesson to all:

Do not live with your wife in your parents' house. It's a recipe for disaster. Women cannot live with their in-laws.

Guys are different cuz they don't care.

The golden rule of parents: "My house, my rules". I thought that was stupid and never liked it while growing up, but as soon as I got my own place, I fully appreciate that rule.

If they can't stand living with the in-laws, their only option is to move out. Or just STFU and deal with it. Sounds like the parents are in the wrong in this situation, but there is 0% chance that the parents will change their perspective and/or attitude. Which is quite sad, as both sides will just start distancing from each other and the family just wouldn't be the same anymore.

move out with the cash

Lol- I don't really see any issue here besides the fact that the wife is being a big baby about the whole issue. Crying over $1,000? If it was $50k or even $10k, i'd understand. If they have enough money to afford 2 condos, $1,000 is a small price to pay to be able to live in their parent's house for free. Think of it as a $42/month rent (less the longer they stay there). Even IF, hypothetically, the parents said that the basement is their property, who's kitchen do they use? who's parking space do they use? The whole "it's my couch" thing is such a stupid issue.

And holy fkin crap- what's wrong about the parents not wanting to babysit? GTFO and get a babysitter. They're already saving so much by being able to live at a place rent free. I think it's just a case of the wife being greedy and not being able to appreciate what the parents have done for them.

I think the whole underlying issue is that- the wife hates the parents. If she didn't, this whole thing wouldn't be such a big issue. Not everything revolves around her. If she feels it's too awkward to be around the in-laws, no one's stopping her from getting close to them and changing that.

If she's not willing to make compromises and if she's gonna keep thinking that she deserves the things she demands- GTFO and move out. No one's forcing them to keep living down there.

consider the $1000 to cover all the free rent they had

move out

quit complaining.

hiep?