Texts from last night
 

www.textsfromlastnight.com


I've spent the past hour reading this site. Funniest shit ever.

LOL nice find!

this is better http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.php - better than FML too

its not as good as fml or texts from last night...

Good find! :D

I loved this one:

(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

:lol

hmm.. that my life is average thing is pretty charming, but nowhere near as funyn as the others

"I wish Morgan Freeman can narrate my life"

LOL

LOL.. hahahaa nice nice...

I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
lol

she poured me a glass of iced tea and then went to change her clothes. Then her dad walked in (to catch a predator- dateline)

Im about to go to the store to buy wd40 and condoms... Both purchases are unrelated

(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443): wasted?
(410): im pocohantasssss

bah-hahaahahhaa

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

(843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
o man this shit is too funny

my life is average is alright lol

Today, I spotted a giant green pipe. I jumped on it and knelt down. I did not enter an underground world. MLIA.

Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

HAHAHAHA this site is pure gold

This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

This site also proves that girls talk about sex just as much as guys do.. haha
Hell most guys are just like "yah.. the sex was good/bad"
girls go into freaking detail..

(586): love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
(586): and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
(586): I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.

(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

(+44): Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.

(585): Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?

awesome site :D

Gangstaaaa:

(847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

cool

haha

(858): sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
(818): No. He thinks you're slutty.