| Vancouver Off-Topic / Current Events The off-topic forum for Vancouver, funnies, non-auto centered discussions, WORK SAFE. While the rules are more relaxed here, there are still rules. Please refer to sticky thread in this forum. |
 | | 
06-10-2009, 10:52 AM
|
#1 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Delta
Posts: 15,911
Thanked 765 Times in 228 Posts
| My morning so far
I was driving along highway 1 today on my way back home from nailing this 19 year old supermodel. She wanted me to take her virginity three months ago, but I had to put it off because I was doing other stuff. Today, however, I found enough time to squeeze her in for a good 45 minute session. I think my giant 18 incher was too much for her because when I got done she was complaining about abdominal pain and she had trouble breathing. Oh well. She wants me to come see her tomorrow, but I got stuff to do.
I was driving along when I noticed in my rear view mirror, a long line of motorcycles rumbling toward me. Because I'm such a chill dude, I changed lanes to let them pass. They sped by me, one after another, some of them coming pretty close to my 100 thousand dollar Mazarrati. I noticed they all were wearing leather jackets with a patch on the back that read "Hell's Angels" or something like that. Anyway, one of them came too close to my car and a leather strap from a pouch on his bike whipped my car. I was pissed. I flipped him off and mouthed "asshole" at him. He started laughing adn flipped me off. Then I flexed my 20 inch arm, his expression changed from one of humor, to one of terror...... He sped up and passed rather quickly. Finally after a few minutes all of the bikers passed and were quickly out of view.
My Rolls Royce gets terrible gas mileage, so I had to stop at a gas station about 10 minutes later. I stopped at the first one I saw, pulled up, and guess what I saw? That's right, all ten bikers had stopped at a diner across the street. I got out of my Lambourghini and stepped into the gas station, dropped 100 on gas and told the cutie behind the counter to keep the change. She gave me her phone number and told me to call her when I wanted oral sex. She said she can deepthroat.... meh... Like I can't get that from any chick anyways.
I start pumping my gas outside, I was watching the diner and the biker that flipped me off stepped out for a smoke.... He saw my Corvette then looked at me, then went back inside. I knew something was going to go down.... A few minutes later all ten bikers were walking toward me and my Bentley. They looked like they wanted to fight... Little did they know that I watch a lot of UFC and MMA fighters on TV. I can fight. I shouted at them, "you sons of bitches better be prepared for a guy that knows how to throw down!" Then I flexed my 24 inch pythons at them. A few of them hesitated, but then started back up again. I quickly developed my strategy.
All of them were bigger than me, I'm not a big guy - only 6 feet @ 200, but I'm dense and lean. Built like a wall of thick muscle. The smallest one of them was 6 foot 5 probably 250, and the biggest one looked to be at 7 feet 300. I knew this was going to be fun, at least for me. When they were about 20 feet from me I decided to let them get a good look at my rippling physique.. I tore my shirt off, a few of them gasped, but remained unfazed. Two of them charged me. I quickly remembered a George St. Pierre fight I saw a few nights ago. When they got close enough, I roundhouse kicked one in the gut, the bigger one took a swing, but I ducked and caught him with an uppercut to the chin. He flew back about 20 feet, and was out cold. The other one recovered from the kick, and started toward me again. I shot in for the takedown, rear naked choke, then ground and pound. His candle was out quick.
Two more of them charged me. These were the two bigger guys. I quickly remembered a Cro Cop fight I saw a week ago. One of them caught a left kick to the side of the head, he was out cold. The other one took a swing, I ducked, shot in for the takedown, rear naked choke, then ground and pound. Done.
4 tough biker dudes laid out in front of me. The other 12 started looking at each other - guess they were starting to regret their careless mistake. Three of them whipped out knives and started toward me. I jumped up with a roundhouse kick that smacked all three of them like a three stooges slap. The knives were out of their hands. I quickly remembered a Randy Courture fight I saw a month ago. I was in a wrasslin' mood, so I picked one of them up over my head and tossed him over the gas pump, he was a solid 250 lbs. but I'm stong as an ox. To me, 250 feels like 100. He sailed through the air like a bird, and landed head first on the concrete parking block. He was out. I caught another one with a right straight to the chin, then and uppercut, then a left hook, then a vicious liver shot that I learned from watching a Mickey ward fight. He was out cold. The other looked at me and started to pee his pants. I shot in for the take down, rear naked choke, ground and pound. 7 bikers out cold in less than 3 minutes.
Two of the bikers ran away, got on their bikes and sped off screaming like girls. The two that remained muct have been drunk or something. One of them whipped out a big chain, the other had a crowbar. The one with the chain charged me, swinging it overhead and screaming what sounded like a battle cry. He swung the chain, I ducked. He swung again, I backed up lifted up my forearm, and let the chain wrap around my thick, dense, muscley arms. I jerked my arm back, and he let go of the chain. Then I ran my chain-wrapped forearm into his face, then caught him with an uppercut to the gut. He flew back, I saw a tooth fly out of his mouth. When he landed, he was out like a light. Crowbar lunged at me, I quickly remembered a Matt Hughes fight I saw a couple months ago. I shot in for the take down, rear naked choke, ground and pound. Crowbar was out like a light.
It was all over and I hadn't even broke a sweat. A MILF and her two 18 year old daughters were watching from inside. They walked out and all three of them fell to their knees in front of me. The MILF was screaming "You are the man of my dreams! Please take me and my daughters and do as you wish!" the two daughters were crying tears of joy at finally finding a real man. I looked at them and said "I got stuff to do". The MILF continued to scream and cry, she clutched my leg and wouldn't let go. I started walking toward my Ferrari, dragging her along with my leg. I got annoyed and said I might give her a call. She let go and started praying to god.
Someone must have called the cops because just as I was getting in my Porsche Carrera, a cop car pulled up. The cop got out, he looked pretty built. probably 6 foot 3, at a solid 280. I muttered out loud, "great... a meathead cop.... I hate these guys". He looked at me, looked at the bikers, looked at my Aston Martin, looked at the MILF and her two daughters still gushing over me, and I saw the look in his eyes.. He was jealous! HA! He started with "alright, what happened here?" Annoyed, I told him exactly what happened. He said he didn't believe it and that he wanted to question me downtown. I told him I had stuff to do, then he said he was going to arrest me.
"Screw that" I told him, he got an attitude and told me to turn around. I pushed him off and said "back off". He pulled out his nightstick, then I quickly remembered a Fedor fight I saw three months ago. I shot in for the takedown, rear naked choke, quick ground and pound. The cop was now dreaming of Krispy Kreme......
So I guess that makes it a biker gang AND a meathead cop. All in all a pretty average so-so day for me. It just goes to show that it doesn't matter how big they are, or how many there are, or even if they have weapons on them - a trained MMA UFC type fighter-guy bad ass like me can kick all the ass regardless. Just a little something to remind you weight lifting meatheads, big weights in the gymn dont' win fights. I do.
__________________
The harder I lift and the more I eat, the better my genetics seem to get.
| 
|  | |
06-10-2009, 11:00 AM
|
#2 | | sneaky beaky like
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: vancouver
Posts: 2,262
Thanked 4,512 Times in 638 Posts
|
wat
__________________ '19 honda civic fk8
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:03 AM
|
#3 | | Need to Seek Professional Help
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: 604
Posts: 1,049
Thanked 160 Times in 80 Posts
|
eeee-piK.
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:05 AM
|
#4 | | I subscribe to Revscene
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: russia
Posts: 1,942
Thanked 1,179 Times in 301 Posts
|
im losttttt
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:07 AM
|
#5 | | Official Texas Ambassador
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10,333
Thanked 5,671 Times in 1,324 Posts
|
And then a Unicorn flew by
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:09 AM
|
#6 | | Say NO to blade grinders!
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 8,083
Thanked 1,256 Times in 580 Posts
|
coles notes?
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:17 AM
|
#7 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: May 2002 Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,319
Thanked 1,283 Times in 270 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo  And then a Unicorn flew by | dropping gummy bears and post-its notes from its mane like dandruff Quote:
Originally Posted by HachiSix coles notes? | blah blah blah. bs
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Fei-Ji haha i can taste the cum in my mouth | Quote:
Originally Posted by orgasm_donor organge7 has spoken, and we have done the opposite. yay! | | |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:23 AM
|
#8 | | How I Mod your mother
Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,688
Thanked 977 Times in 477 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by HachiSix coles notes? | He was playing with 7 hot wheels cars at a gas station he had made out of lego, then pulled out his goku action figure and beat down 7 ghost rider figures with his kamahameha attacks,
or at least thats what I gathered..
Dont mess
__________________ Quote: | [19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
| Quote: | [19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
| | |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:29 AM
|
#9 | | RS controls my life!
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Surrey
Posts: 707
Thanked 747 Times in 121 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Draft He was playing with 7 hot wheels cars at a gas station he had made out of lego, then pulled out his goku action figure and beat down 7 ghost rider figures with his kamahameha attacks,
or at least thats what I gathered..
Dont mess | you forgot the 3 barbie dolls
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:29 AM
|
#10 | | My dinner reheated before my turbo spooled
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,738
Thanked 939 Times in 308 Posts
| | |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:34 AM
|
#11 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Van
Posts: 2,517
Thanked 943 Times in 327 Posts
|
so many car brand name, too many 18 years old
is it Joe_45 ?
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:43 AM
|
#12 | | Lomac owned my ass at least once
Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 6,259
Thanked 3,463 Times in 820 Posts
|
HIllarious!
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 11:49 AM
|
#13 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Delta
Posts: 15,911
Thanked 765 Times in 228 Posts
|
I call it "Hyde on blow"
__________________
The harder I lift and the more I eat, the better my genetics seem to get.
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 12:57 PM
|
#14 | | RS controls my life!
Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 731
Thanked 82 Times in 30 Posts
|
so not only does your car shape/brand shift like a transformer I also noticed that your body's dimension changes over time too....
I don't see the moral of the story though you said a guy who knows UFC and MMA can kick weight lifter's ass but you keep refering to your manly physique all the time
btw i nailed the same broad this morning just before you, how was the sloppy seconds?
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 01:03 PM
|
#15 | | RabidMod
Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 6,115
Thanked 1,100 Times in 408 Posts
|
hahahha where's this from?
__________________
22 R1T | 03 S2K | |
| | |
06-10-2009, 01:07 PM
|
#16 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Delta
Posts: 15,911
Thanked 765 Times in 228 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Orion
btw i nailed the same broad this morning just before you, how was the sloppy seconds?
|
weird.. her hymen broke when I fucked her..
sucks to be you..
__________________
The harder I lift and the more I eat, the better my genetics seem to get.
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 01:08 PM
|
#17 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Delta
Posts: 15,911
Thanked 765 Times in 228 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by RabidRat hahahha where's this from? | copied it from another forum I'm on.. I found it lol
__________________
The harder I lift and the more I eat, the better my genetics seem to get.
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 01:39 PM
|
#18 | | The RS Freebie guru
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: East Vancouver
Posts: 22,032
Thanked 2,491 Times in 860 Posts
|
No lulz here.
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 01:55 PM
|
#19 | | Unofficial Tin Foil Hat Specialist.
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 8,150
Thanked 1,529 Times in 604 Posts
|
I lulz...
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 02:02 PM
|
#20 | | Banned (BBM)
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: van
Posts: 1,067
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
|
this thread is useless w/o pics
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 02:06 PM
|
#21 | | Proud to be called a RS Regular!
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Burnaby
Posts: 121
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
|
i did not lul.
| |
| | |
06-10-2009, 02:14 PM
|
#22 | | I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Kitchen Stadium
Posts: 505
Thanked 43 Times in 16 Posts
| | |
| | |
06-10-2009, 02:17 PM
|
#23 | | Captain Happy Bubble is my Homeboy
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 312
Thanked 268 Times in 43 Posts
|
i laughed  | |
| | |
06-10-2009, 02:35 PM
|
#24 | | Captain Happy Bubble is my Homeboy
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Kremlin
Posts: 327
Thanked 78 Times in 26 Posts
| | |
| | |
06-10-2009, 02:38 PM
|
#25 | | I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,567
Thanked 238 Times in 94 Posts
|
my morning so far:
read a fantasy from this guy who suffers from hallucination ...
__________________
Q: What do you like most in a woman?
A: My dick Quote:
Originally Posted by JL9000 this is the internet and everyone knows better about what happened sitting behind a desk than the people who are actually involved. | | |
| | | |
Posting Rules
| You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post attachments You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
| | |
All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:16 AM.
|
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!
