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-   Relationship & Gender Discussion (https://www.revscene.net/forums/relationship-gender-discussion_17/)
-   -   Hanging out with a married woman (https://www.revscene.net/forums/580674-hanging-out-married-woman.html)

rageguy 06-30-2009 03:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The7even (Post 6486548)
Heres the deal.

Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.

So here is some advice for ALL of you.

If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.

You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.

Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.

If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.

No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.

I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit.
im late to this thread, but he is right. and im surprised it took this long for someone to say this fact. when you are an adult and binded by marriage, relationships will change (friendship). there is something called a constraint placed on the husband and the wife. you're no longer a "free" individual; you are actually under a set of rules that govern how you can act. for example, the "friend" in the OP's situation cannot expect to hang out the same as before the marriage. it just does not happen. the wife has a set of rules/constraints that she must abide to, or else there may be problems down the road.

it's true that a lot of people on this forum does not agree with what The7even said. it's also true that a lot of marriages end up in a divorce in our society. maybe the previous 2 sentences have a correlation. hint.

willystyle 06-30-2009 06:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The7even (Post 6486548)
Heres the deal.

Most of you are delusional. At some point in your life, you have to set a boundary. You can't always do what you did as friends when you were little.
Marriage isn't for fucking toddlers or retards, that is why many people break up now-days anyway.

So here is some advice for ALL of you.

If you wan't to hang out with her, you need to be okay with her bringing her husband along, EVERY TIME. If you don't like that, something is wrong with YOU and that is that. Her husband has EVERY right to be asking questions and w/e else he fucking wants to.. its his woman.

You need to find a new best friend. She has a bigger priority now.. her husband, kids and etc.
If you are fucking serious about marriage, you WILL include your SO into EVERYTHING. Period. Otherwise it will not work.

Most of you are fucking stupid and retarded. I fucking said it. You idiots expect to do shit your way all the fucking time. It doesn't work that way.

If your wife was spending time with some fucker behind your back you would be pretty suspicious too. The wife is wrong for blaming it on you, as it is her fault as well.

No, this is not 1760, but it sure is 2009, where like 3/4 of the marriages fail within the first 5-10 years... some even sooner than that.

I don't give a shit what any of you have to add to this, you're all wrong if you disagree with what I've said. You can't hide shit from your SO and you need to GROW THE FUCK UP. This isn't god damn fucking preschool. Nor is it fucking cute to be doing this shit.
I don't fuckin mind that. As much as a douchebag I think he is, I had even asked her to bring her husband along to our dinner sessions in the past on MULTIPLE occasions, so that I can have the opportunity to get acquainted with him, but she never bothered. What am I suppose to do?

And by the way, things were always like this dating back before their marriage, he's gets jealous of ANY guy that hangs out with her, it's not specific to me.

In the end, I think it's best for both of us to just stop chillin anymore. As I don't wish to cause any further damage to their marriage. Case closed!

willystyle 06-30-2009 06:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by np3player (Post 6487554)
theres nothing wrong with hanging out with her just because she's married. But, being her best friend, if you knew shes sneaking around to hang out with you, you shoulda been the first person to tell her what she is doing is wrong. You should be trying to help her marriage... And if you ever pressured her to hang out with you, then you are just lame~

but it concerns me that he's been around for 8 years and you guys hvnt all become frnds... I mean if you're her best frnd. i'll have to agree with what was said before about her using you to feel single and side with those who say you should back off~
I've always been the first person to tell her to tell him about me, but the fact is she never mustered enough courage to accomplish that. I am trying to help her marriage, it's always been like that, but she never listens.

Noir 06-30-2009 07:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by willystyle (Post 6488946)
In the end, I think it's best for both of us to just stop chillin anymore. As I don't wish to cause any further damage to their marriage. Case closed!
Quote:
Originally Posted by willystyle (Post 6488951)
I've always been the first person to tell her to tell him about me, but the fact is she never mustered enough courage to accomplish that. I am trying to help her marriage, it's always been like that, but she never listens.
Drama!!!!!!!!


Why were you trying to force yourself into her life anyways. C'mon dude, her life has moved on. People grow. Let the married couple be.

You make it sound like there's she's committed some serious crime of friendship here. It's like she has to meet your minimum requirements or risk devaluing your friendship. You're sound like a pretty high maintenance friend.

willystyle 06-30-2009 08:17 PM
I'm not forcing myself into her life. What are you talking about? I've already said that I should move on, and let them be. You lack comprehension skills or something?

If you don't know me, don't make false accusations of me.

WHEYsted 06-30-2009 08:54 PM
If you already knew the right thing to do then there is no reason to post this and not be expected to get flamed on. Stupid fuckface.

willystyle 06-30-2009 09:01 PM
If I already knew the answer to my dilemma. I wouldn't have made this topic. It's obvious that I didn't made up my mind at the time, smartass.

WHEYsted 06-30-2009 09:07 PM
Then why argue back when you know most of us are right.

Noir 06-30-2009 10:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by willystyle (Post 6489087)
You lack comprehension skills or something?
Defensive much? Actually, it's you who doesn't have a clue. :rolleyes:

No wonder you made this thread. You lash out when you don't get what you want. Earlier, when you didn't get what you want from your friend and so you had to make a post that villifies her, her husband, their marriage; And now when people call you out for your errors instead of the married couple.

No wonder your friend bitched at you. If you haven't realized, it's pretty self-centered of you to challenge the husband's priority over a friend's. (long history withstanding or not)

bcrdukes 07-01-2009 12:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonamehustla (Post 6489132)
If you already knew the right thing to do then there is no reason to post this and not be expected to get flamed on. Stupid fuckface.
That is priceless. :lol

SoulCrusher 07-01-2009 12:21 AM
My interpretation of this:
willy has the hots for the friend,
friend knows that willy is a douche,
friend gets married to another dude,
willy is jealous of the guy hence the hate,
willy resorts to the role of the creepy friend in the hopes that he can get with the friend at a later day

LanEvoMR 07-01-2009 08:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulCrusher (Post 6489422)
My interpretation of this:
willy has the hots for the friend,
friend knows that willy is a douche,
friend gets married to another dude,
willy is jealous of the guy hence the hate,
willy resorts to the role of the creepy friend in the hopes that he can get with the friend at a later day
agreed

BallPeenHammer 07-02-2009 09:02 AM
to the OP:

I Think everyone has said it best, that you'll need to stay away from her until one day this can be cleared up, and maybe she'll come to you.

I have friends who married that I no longer talk to, men or women. Because I know they're busy with their lives/kid/job so I know that they'll come to me when they are more available. And if they dont? oh well, we had some good times.

Every friend is disposable IMO. The ones that are worth keeping are the ones that actually call every couple months to check up on ya. "Cuz u know then that they still care, despite the lack of time to be able to spend with you.

GL.

3xta 07-02-2009 11:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BallPeenHammer (Post 6490921)
to the OP:

I Think everyone has said it best, that you'll need to stay away from her until one day this can be cleared up, and maybe she'll come to you.

I have friends who married that I no longer talk to, men or women. Because I know they're busy with their lives/kid/job so I know that they'll come to me when they are more available. And if they dont? oh well, we had some good times.

Every friend is disposable IMO. The ones that are worth keeping are the ones that actually call every couple months to check up on ya. "Cuz u know then that they still care, despite the lack of time to be able to spend with you.

GL.
this should go both ways though, you should also call them to see whats up too.

bigbadboss101 07-02-2009 11:36 AM
I agree with BPH. Friends will come and go, sometimes out of your control. Give this lady space. Women are different. Guys like to fix things and the more we try, the worst it gets.
Time will allow things to sort itself out.

BallPeenHammer 07-02-2009 11:40 AM
3xtra - noted. I usually just leave a text or 2 of course.
but some reply, some never do

you 07-02-2009 01:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulCrusher (Post 6489422)
My interpretation of this:
willy has the hots for the friend,
friend knows that willy is a douche,
friend gets married to another dude,
willy is jealous of the guy hence the hate,
willy resorts to the role of the creepy friend in the hopes that he can get with the friend at a later day
BAM!

ohh willy's gonna be mad when he sees this:lol

liu13 07-02-2009 03:32 PM
wow there are a lot of assholes on RS

Adsdeman 07-02-2009 03:43 PM
A double date would have been a more sensible option. If any1 should be pissed its her husband. Y wouldnt she tell him if you r both innocent. Its like shes trying to hide deeper feelings.

WHEYsted 07-02-2009 04:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by liu13 (Post 6491366)
wow there are a lot of assholes on RS
No. They are called liu13 impersonators. Haha I guess I just proved your point but what can I say, your my idol.

revin-Rx 07-02-2009 07:22 PM
Looks to me like your 'friend' sold you down the river once her cover was blown (the txt msg). She was the one hiding the fact that you two were hanging out, and if she can't own up to that, it's clear that your friendship isn't as strong as it once was.

MR_BIGGS 07-02-2009 07:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonamehustla (Post 6489132)
If you already knew the right thing to do then there is no reason to post this and not be expected to get flamed on. Stupid fuckface.
This guys awesome :thumbsup: but's he's right too!

Lil Bastrd 07-03-2009 08:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by willystyle (Post 6488946)
I don't fuckin mind that. As much as a douchebag I think he is, I had even asked her to bring her husband along to our dinner sessions in the past on MULTIPLE occasions, so that I can have the opportunity to get acquainted with him, but she never bothered. What am I suppose to do?

And by the way, things were always like this dating back before their marriage, he's gets jealous of ANY guy that hangs out with her, it's not specific to me.

In the end, I think it's best for both of us to just stop chillin anymore. As I don't wish to cause any further damage to their marriage. Case closed!
See that would have set off a red flag to me. You had asked to be able to include her husband, so that you could get to know him and she still keeps him in the dark and lies. Hate to say it but your "good friend" is using you.
I think your right to back away slowly and not get caught in the tangle web.
Good for you for trying to salvage the situation though, and for realizing her decision to have things they way they were was not healthy


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