Hanging out with a married woman
 

My best female friend and I has gotten into an argument recently, except this time around it seems alot more serious cause her husband is now involved. She accuses me of being the culprit because I "constantly" call her to hangout and go out for dinner all the time. The fact is, we usually hangout about twice per month for dinner, with all being on weeknights cause she needs to spend time with her hubby on the weekend.

Anyway, I'll try to lay it out for you, I've known her for more than 14 years dating back to Elementary. About 8 years ago, she began dating this guy, the problem with this fellow is that he doesn't like it when she hangs out with guys, so she's kept me away from him as long as I can remember. There were times when he's been suspicious that she's chilling with me, but she would lie to him everytime when we're chillin, but he is aware that I am her longtime elementary classmate, but isn't aware that we hangout often together.

Fast forward to present, couple of days ago, i sms'd her and ask if she wanted to grab some dinner that night, unfortunately, her now husband had her phone that day and I wasn't aware of it. Later on that day when she got home, they got into an argument over a text message that i sent in which it read.. "wanna grab dinner tonight?"

now she's really pissed at me, and accusing me of being the culprit and not knowing the boundaries of hanging out with a married woman. I'm pretty frustrated with this shit, cause i've known her for a long time, and that i don't want to lose her as a friend, but i hate that bastard's guts. What should I do? am I really at fault here?

No you're not at fault.. who said married women can't have male friends (and vice versa)?
She shouldn't lie.. perhaps he's all paranoid because he caught her in a lie once (said she was going out with girlfriends and then found out she was with someone else)
Maybe he feels insecure about you and other guys because he doesn't know you well? Maybe the three of you could hang out and he could see that there's nothing going on between you and his wife. Try inviting the both of them to dinner.
That being said, they both sound really immature.

Not to be harsh or anything but get a life and hang out with someone else.

How does hanging out with a married woman equates to not having a life?

Go fuck yourself.

No sorry I believe that term "go fuck yourself" applies to you for hanging out with a woman that is married to another man and not yourself therefore forcing you to "fuck yourself" daily. Don't get angry because you can't get ass.

you make it sound as if she just went berserk all a sudden.

what's the protocol usually like when setting up a time and place to hang out?

do you usually sms her about it? or was the sms totally different than how you guys plan usually?

Don't really think it's his fault if hubby is insecure.

As a husband who sees that message on my wife's phone. Trust me I will be questioning her.

I think that's the way it is. One can still hang out on occasions but it wouldn't be the same as before. A female friend told me once married both partners don't spend too much time with their friends of opposite genders. May be you can do group stuff? Not sure if you and a female friend can hang out with this lady and her husband?

I have many female friends that used to be close but after their marriages we don't really communicate much.

The wife clearly hasn't been totally open with her hubby about you man. It's not your fault.. It also doesn't help that her hubby is insecure, you guys have been friends for a very very long time, there's nothing wrong with 2 old friends going out for dinner with each other.

Yeah it's not your fault. She's a weak girl who can't stand up to her husband, he's probably controlling and overbearing... just cut your losses right now before it gets any worse, because it will and she's going to take his side everytime.

I think she's just freaking out at you 'cuz she's angry and you're the closest/most convenient target.

That's the negatives with being the close/best friend.

Leave her alone for a month, then talk to her again.

Her husband's a douche, from the sounds of it. He knows of you obviously, and given that they started dating EIGHT years ago, there's no way he wouldn't know who you are and that you're just a friend to her.

You should talk to your friend too regarding this situation because if this keeps going on, it can potentially end the marriage altogether.

It's not really your fault, but take the initiative and talk it out. Be the man. Man.

i say just move on man, yeah its sucks to lose a friend that way, but if your going to be causing problems with her marriage - starting fights between them, arguing....its best to just leave them be...

would you like it if your wife was lieing to you going out for dinner with guys behind you back? didnt think so....

you're a dumbass, stfu

this husband and your friend are insecure morons too, childhood friend is just as important as a spouse imo

your friend should value the friendship, there is absolutely no harm when hanging out with a long time friend, they just dont know how to keep a relationship strong, weak couple, i give them 6 more months

Your friend is a moron. Her husband is an insecure asshole.

"I don't want you spending time with other men"

This isn't 1760 anymore.

someone sounds insecure about their relationship. If you do not trust your significant other then maybe they should not have gotten married

I think we all agreed in previous posts that you are indeed the dumbest person on revscene. All I said was that everybody has to move on and grow up, I guess your not there yet.

my what is not where?

you probably never had a close friend or already numb to being sold out

uhhhh no. Even w/o marriage, I'm not letting my chick have 1 on 1 dinners with a dude on a regular basis. Long time friend or not.

It's not a matter of insecurity. It's a matter of exclusivity. Boundaries shouldn't just be limited to sexual intercourse.

No, YOU'RE the dumbass that thinks that once a long time female friend gets a boyfriend, you're magically never supposed to talk to her again.

HEllo... LONG TIME FEMALE FRIEND... FRIEND HERE... Do you have NO idea what friendship is?? Are you from some backwards place like Iran where you treat woman as objects?? Not friends??

But anyways. I'd just leave her alone and let your friend and her husband sort it all out

wait a month and till everything dies then. Go to see her and stick it in the ass. Don't forgot to take pics and video and send it to her hubby.

Jokiing about the 2nd part. Just leave her alone for a month and stay ur distance away from her.

please keep arguing out of this thread

What I have notice is when a woman gets a boyfriend/hubby they are off limits. I have experience first hand many times.

My experience
You as a friend should know your limits; you can’t call her at 2am in the morning just in case she is at the dudes house bonin' (that would defiantly kill his wood). call/txt her once and wait for her to reply, don’t call her like your some crazy ex, even though you guys are used to bugging each other that way it might embarrass her if she is with him. Get to know the boyfriend/hubby. That’s a good way to break the insecure bastard. That will show that there is nothing going on between you and his woman. so you and your friend have known each other for x amount of years, you don’t want to lose her friendship for “sum yung guy” then its up to you to respect her.... respect her time with her boy/hubby. This might not be as accurate but hopefully this helps.

If you know that hanging out with her could cause problems between her and her husband, why don't you back off. You're putting her in a position where she has to lie to her husband. Does that make you feel good about yourself?

So you want to keep hanging out with her, and cause conflict between 2 married people, who are you to do that anyways? Just back off.