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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 07-20-2009, 07:13 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Guys, what's the best thing to do? (Long read)

The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.


So my ex and I were dating for about 2.5 years and everything was okay, besides the usual fight now and then. Then abruptly, he decided that he doesn't know what he wants anymore in terms of a relationship.

I went to his house a few days after to return his stuff and just get my closure (to hear/see him tell me to my face, not just over the phone, which I think is easier to do b/c you don't have to face the person in rl), and he said after looking through his stuff he noticed it smelled like me and he started thinking about me and decided that he couldn't tell me it was over because he didn't want to be making a mistake and a month from now, be sad if I had already moved on. I guess he basically doesn't want to put that sort of finality to it.

This happened about a week ago, and during the past week we've still been talking every couple days but just as friends. It really hurts b/c I still love him a lot and care for him but if I say so, he just replies with sighs or silence. He tells me it has nothing to do with me and it's just he has to figure himself out.

I'm just confused about what I should do b/c he keeps telling me that "I should do what I feel like doing". I also don't know what this means in the guy world. Does this mean "he's just not that into me?" and he could care less about if I moved on or maybe there's another girl in the picture who's interested in him, or does he really want to date..just not date me?

In the meantime, should I start moving on, seeing other people, keeping my options open, etc? Are there any hints that we could possibly get back together (from a guys' point of view)?

He doesn't want to talk about it (our relationship) with me and gets angry/impatient with me if I bring it up and I'm sort of left hanging..I just want some clarity...

Any thoughts, tips, advice are greatly appreciated.
Thanks

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Old 07-20-2009, 07:59 PM   #2
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go search for another guy without telling him.
he doesn't know what he wants. It's dangerous for you to remain in this relationship.
keep a distance, so you two can cool down a bit
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Old 07-20-2009, 08:05 PM   #3
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you're dating my ex aren't you?

anyways, this guy is treating you like a pulley. he tells you things are ending so he reels you out, but then he gets reminded of you and doesn't know if he wants you back or not so he reels you back in. if he has issues to deal with then tell him to deal with them first before leaving you with unanswered questions. plus, it seems like he's looking for options when he tells you to kinda do your own thing at the same time this is happening.

every relationship is different and really anyone can tell you their opinions but at the end of the day it's up to you because it's between you and him only.

good luck!
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Old 07-20-2009, 08:48 PM   #4
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is that my ex???? wtf?
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Old 07-20-2009, 08:52 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
I'm just confused about what I should do b/c he keeps telling me that "I should do what I feel like doing". I also don't know what this means in the guy world. Does this mean "he's just not that into me?" and he could care less about if I moved on or maybe there's another girl in the picture who's interested in him, or does he really want to date..just not date me?


That's what it means. You can do something obnoxious and if you get caught, show him the Get Out Of Jail Free card.
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Old 07-20-2009, 09:06 PM   #6
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move on, see other people

don't wait. tell him to make up his mind before talking to you again. at this point you're probably already second to whatever it is he wants next anyways...don't gamble on false hope while he makes up his mind about you anymore.

even though it's probably so painful for you to be left on such uncertain terms, sometimes you just have to walk away because the other person doesn't have the strength to leave you

hope this helps
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Old 07-20-2009, 09:18 PM   #7
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There is a possibility that he's doing this because he wants to know if he can find someone better, and if he doesn't, he'll know that you're still there as plan B so to speak. I've done that before and in the end I regreted it but theres nothing I can do about it now. Just go out and start moving on with your life. Either sooner or later he's gonna realize he let you go and he wants you back and it will be your choice, or you'll find someone who's willing to be commited to you.

Just my 2 cents. Hope everything works out well
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:56 PM   #8
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@Anonymous, pm me and we'll set up a date, and hopefully you'll forget all about him...
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Make the effort and take the risk..

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Old 07-21-2009, 12:25 AM   #9
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^ lol nice

imo i think he wants an upgrade, not saying you're not any good. but i think he may want someone else anyone else, maybe for a change of scenery or something. im saying this because i've been through it. did i regret it? hell naw LOL although he might though. basically for him to pull this card just shows he isnt worth it and just move on. hes looking out for number one (himself) and in return you should look out for yourself.
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Old 07-21-2009, 01:22 AM   #10
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My ex did this too (hm, am I seeing a pattern here?). Move on, he wants to keep you around as a back up. Not worth giving him the time of day imo. Even if you were a guy, I'd say the same thing. No one deserves that sort of treatment. No one. Except maybe joe_45
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Old 07-21-2009, 01:49 AM   #11
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There is a possibility that he's doing this because he wants to know if he can find someone better, and if he doesn't, he'll know that you're still there as plan B so to speak. I've done that before and in the end I regreted it but theres nothing I can do about it now. Just go out and start moving on with your life. Either sooner or later he's gonna realize he let you go and he wants you back and it will be your choice, or you'll find someone who's willing to be commited to you.

Just my 2 cents. Hope everything works out well
IMO
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Old 07-21-2009, 02:31 AM   #12
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Move on.

Either he's telling the truth, which means he's a pussy because guys who don't know what they want are all pussies, or he's BSing you and trying to look for better.
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Old 07-21-2009, 08:16 AM   #13
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move on, no point in waiting around
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Old 07-21-2009, 09:34 AM   #14
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i have a friend that's kinda doing that right now, and the other day I almost knocked him on the side of the head for it.

It's stupid

It's cowardly

It's inconsiderate

It's disrespectful.


Drop the guy and move on. Send me pics and I'll see what I can do for you. LOL

But seriously, drop him, move on. What he's doing's not cool.
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Old 07-21-2009, 12:07 PM   #15
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

Ok tyvm everyone, I guess if a guy really wants to be with you then he would be right?

I did send him one last email last night as a goodbye, just sort of reminding him about the good times we had and that I'm not angry..he hasn't responded and I don't think he will.

I love him too much to even be mad that this is happening..I guess I can say I tried my hardest and it didn't work out but I have no regrets..

but if the best thing to do, is move on then that's what I'm going to try to do.. thanks a lot everybody for your opinions..
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Old 07-21-2009, 12:26 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

Ok tyvm everyone, I guess if a guy really wants to be with you then he would be right?

I did send him one last email last night as a goodbye, just sort of reminding him about the good times we had and that I'm not angry..he hasn't responded and I don't think he will.

I love him too much to even be mad that this is happening..I guess I can say I tried my hardest and it didn't work out but I have no regrets..

but if the best thing to do, is move on then that's what I'm going to try to do.. thanks a lot everybody for your opinions..
Yeah right.

You'd be all over him the next minute he's all warm and cuddly when he's in need of ass and companionship.

And when he's satisfied, it's the same song and dance all over again. He's colder to you and your left with confused feelings again.

We're just assholes that way.
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Old 07-21-2009, 12:54 PM   #17
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I wonder if this has to do with the new post in the Speak It Out thread.
Anyways, there's no point in just waiting around when you're just an option.
But what Noir said is right, people are so easily reeled in though they claim they're going to move on. Don't let it be your mistake.
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Old 07-21-2009, 01:04 PM   #18
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Men who dawdle like this are useless. Why spend another minute with such uselessness. You should realize the fustration he has spurred by not knowing what he wants. If it was something good, obviously you wouldn't make a fuss about it.

Depending on how far your patience can stretch and how firm you can stand, move on asap. Judging from your heartfelt email, you don't have enough rage in you so I have some doubt in your grasp over your emotions.
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Old 07-21-2009, 02:51 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BallPeenHammer View Post
i have a friend that's kinda doing that right now, and the other day I almost knocked him on the side of the head for it.

It's stupid

It's cowardly

It's inconsiderate

It's disrespectful.


Drop the guy and move on. Send me pics and I'll see what I can do for you. LOL

But seriously, drop him, move on. What he's doing's not cool.
totally agree
If I had a friend like that I'd seriously consider knocking him out
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Old 07-21-2009, 03:43 PM   #20
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every guy who posted here are hypocrites
every guy goes through this stage in their life, where they are in a relationship and 1 day they pause and think whether they should try something new or continue on what they have
its called an upgrade. hell even women look for it too
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Old 07-21-2009, 04:18 PM   #21
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every guy who posted here are hypocrites
every guy goes through this stage in their life, where they are in a relationship and 1 day they pause and think whether they should try something new or continue on what they have
its called an upgrade. hell even women look for it too
Careful who you generalize now. If you recall my post, I didn't put myself on a self-righteous pedestal here. And I'm sure there's a margin of like-minded guys as well.

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Yeah right.

You'd be all over him the next minute he's all warm and cuddly when he's in need of ass and companionship.

And when he's satisfied, it's the same song and dance all over again. He's colder to you and your left with confused feelings again.

We're just assholes that way.
And yes, I've had my share of upgrades too without remorse.
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Old 07-21-2009, 04:19 PM   #22
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Everyone has reason to do what they do, but for everyone to start assuming that this guy is going and trying to "upgrade" and calling him a pussy for not knowing what he wants is uncalled for.
We dont know the entire story or how their relationship was so who are we to judge?
My advice to you is to move on. Maybe he isn't entirely sure what he wants out of life even, who knows.
At least you are sure of what YOU want. Make the best of it.
Let him go and if he "figures himself out" and you still want him then maybe you guys can give it another shot.
If that doesnt happen you have an entire life ahead of you. Dont get depressed over one guy. I know its easier said than done tho lol

Last edited by Deesnuts; 07-21-2009 at 04:24 PM.
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Old 07-21-2009, 05:30 PM   #23
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Quote:
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every guy who posted here are hypocrites
every guy goes through this stage in their life, where they are in a relationship and 1 day they pause and think whether they should try something new or continue on what they have
its called an upgrade. hell even women look for it too
If you're talking about random thoughts on a random day like "oh what if I was going out with her" then you MIGHT have a point. But these thoughts are meaningless.

A lot of people are satisified with their SO. Meaningless thoughts about dating other people are just that: meaningless, and there's no point letting the SO know. As for seriously sitting down and "considering other options", to the point where the SO is aware and is left guessing whether you love them or not (OP's case)...that's a douchebaggy move. Either keep it inside until you make your decision, or be completely honest so they aren't left hanging.

No need to cause unnecessary grief.

Last edited by E=mc˛; 07-21-2009 at 05:52 PM.
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Old 07-21-2009, 06:30 PM   #24
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if he wants to be with you, he would be
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Old 07-22-2009, 12:42 AM   #25
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He probably cheated.
Feels bad, so he's breaking it off so that you wouldn't need to feel the heartbreak of getting cheated on.
Only now realizes he likes you too much, and feels like a total dick.

Or he's just indecisive.
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