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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-07-2009, 04:46 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Evolutionian View Post
heres my take.
i would have to say i get disgust by the bf...

just my personal opinion.
Calm down there big guy. Just because her bf doesn't wait on her hand and foot doesn't make him a bad person, care less about her, or a bad boyfriend.

Yes your chivalry is on full-auto right now but guess what position you're in and why you're doing it. Trust me, when you've settled in a relationship, you're not always going to be Prince Charming, but it's not going to make you nor him any less of a bad partner.

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Old 12-07-2009, 05:27 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Evolutionian View Post
heres my take.
i would have to say i get disgust by the bf, if ...

just my personal opinion.

like what others have said, as an outsider, you wouldn't know what's going on in a relationship. i don't want to repeat what's already been said, but just wanted to add that it seems like you're trying to justify yourself. Anything can be used as a negative against the bf, depends on how you say it, or how you look at it.

And I agree with Noir about the Prince charming thing.
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Old 12-07-2009, 05:57 PM   #28
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thanks again all for all perspective.. like i said.. im backing off right now..
i've put in enough impression.. its just up to the girl now..

thanks all keep it coming!
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:04 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by min.tee View Post
The general consensus means nothing in a matter of personal choice and morals. Again, can we really say that OP is right or wrong on the matter? Let me answer that.

No, because we are not the ones in his situation - we are only juxtaposing ourselves in his situation and posting our opinions based on the information we've been given. And that's what all those links you needlessly posted are: opinion, which varies per person just as much as their morals. Which is what it all comes down to, just as you said.

Again, intent is not always materialized into action. He may still be searching for the crack through which to enter into her relationship, but he hasn't done any harm to either party yet, which is why I have to ask why people like Preemo are already saying the girl is a cheater, and that OP is a homewrecker.

True, he's just asking for advice, which is why I don't understand why people are so quick to judge and label him and the girl.

What is the point of this thread?

My advice for the OP is to back off, and my opinion is that if he continues doing what he's doing with his ultimate goal in mind, he will be a homewrecker. I’m sorry if I didn’t elaborate enough on my original post.

I posted those links because we can see from them, what the general concensus is in situations like these. The OP will be going down that path if he continues. Another reason I posted those links was in response to what you wrote

“IF she's married/engaged, then OP can be called a homewrecker. Otherwise she's fair game. Just because she's taken doesn't mean she's off limits. In the end she weighed her options and chose her bf.”

I was re-iterating my point that, just because she’s not married or engaged, it doesn’t mean that the OP wouldn’t be a homewrecker if he intentionally broke them up to be the new bf. I guess if you take the word literally, by face value, then yes. (ie. Wreck the home) But the term “homewrecker” is not used to just describe what you’ve wrote.

Doing all that he's done for the girl, it would seem to me, that he is already stepping on the bf's turf. The main thing here is, that is exactly what he's aiming for, to be the new guy. It would be a different story if he were doing this all from a friend's perspective, but he's not. I'm sure the OP is a nice guy, but his intent here is to show the girl he's a better guy and to be her new guy.

It seems like you've been responding to many of our opinions. Let me ask you this min.tee: What is your advice for the OP?
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:11 PM   #30
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thanks again all for all perspective.. like i said.. im backing off right now..
i've put in enough impression.. its just up to the girl now..

thanks all keep it coming!
It's good that you are taking the advice of everyone here. Personally, I've known people in this situation, and it's not a pretty path. Generally, it just isn't a good idea to get in the middle of situations like that. If they were to break up naturally, then so be it. Then maybe you were meant to be together.
But if she is getting dissatisfied with her bf because you suddenly came into the picture, and you're everything her bf used to be when they first started going out, then that's not really a good situation. Who's to say that down the road, when/if you stop being the Prince Charming that you are, she won't let the new prince charming sweep her off her feet.
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:25 PM   #31
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It's good that you are taking the advice of everyone here. Personally, I've known people in this situation, and it's not a pretty path. Generally, it just isn't a good idea to get in the middle of situations like that. If they were to break up naturally, then so be it. Then maybe you were meant to be together.
But if she is getting dissatisfied with her bf because you suddenly came into the picture, and you're everything her bf used to be when they first started going out, then that's not really a good situation. Who's to say that down the road, when/if you stop being the Prince Charming that you are, she won't let the new prince charming sweep her off her feet.
i totally understand.. its probably heard a million times.. but im not prince charming for the first couple month.. i treat my gf the way they deserve.. i have lost a real good relationship in this very same sitaution i understand what the bf is feeling as ive gone thru the whole thing myself.. and im not planning to lose another one if i do become legit..
lets just hope things work out.. and if not, at least we can keep a friendship.
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Old 12-08-2009, 03:32 AM   #32
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Chrome ate my reply TTATT Anyways I'll just say this.

The true homewrecker is not the person who pursues a taken girl or guy, but the person who makes the decision to jeopardize their current relationship to pursue the other lover. The sin lies with Eve and not the Serpent, because the Serpent merely tempted Eve with the forbidden fruit; it was Eve's choice that led to original sin and the loss of Eden.

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That said, it takes two to tango, and truth be told it's not worth dancing with someone else's partner if you're not gonna end up with her at the end of the night. The question is, are you willing to take the chance and dance, knowing the repercussions of your actions and the difficulties which lie ahead? Can you dance under pressure, knowing that one slip might be all it takes before she decides to find a better partner? Are you willing to fight for her and show all the others that you're the perfect dancer for her?

I say all of this not to discourage you, but to encourage you to find that perfect little dancer, one who will make you answer yes to all of these questions and erase all of your doubts. If she's the one, then together you will dance endlessly through the night; if not, the ballroom is filled with many other dancers, all waiting for you to take their little hands and lead them onto the floor.

Some dancers pick and choose their partners with care; some dance with anyone who is willing to dance with them, be they many or few. Some dance well and sweep you off your feet; others, less graceful, but give you a fun time on the floor. Some simply can't dance but try their hardest; some choose not to dance at all. Some dance with you for a fleeting moment before being whisked away by another; some are willing to turn away better dancers in order to dance their entire lives with you. Some simply dance alone, and are happy.

So how does this all pertain to OP? Here is my advice to him.

No matter what, if you dance, be sure of yourself and don't be careless. Be a gentleman; dance well, don't step on the toes of others, don't be forceful in asking someone to dance with you, especially when it's someone else's partner. If she wishes to dance with you, then it will be her decision, and not yours.

And no matter what, don't be afraid to dance.
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Old 12-08-2009, 03:59 AM   #33
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douche and homewrecker are different.
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Old 12-08-2009, 10:01 AM   #34
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back off. you're being a homewrecker. and her a cheater if she breaks up with him to be with you.
if she breaks up then be with him that's not called cheating... if she doesn't break up and be with him that's cheating
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:54 AM   #35
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i totally understand.. its probably heard a million times.. but im not prince charming for the first couple month.. i treat my gf the way they deserve..
Good for you. But just because her bf doesn't chauffer her around doesn't make you better than him. And what makes you think that he's not a prince to her in other ways?
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Old 12-08-2009, 12:36 PM   #36
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I troll thru this forum alot just to read and learn bout relationships.. but this one ill have to put in my 2 cents..

i can say this has happened to me.. and the op is someone i would take a batt to his knee caps if i was the bf of the girl u are tryin to get..
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Old 12-08-2009, 03:29 PM   #37
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douche and homewrecker are different.
they sure are, and seems like i havent wreck anything yet, and have not ask to wreck anything, in fact i've backed off right after what has happened, because of what? because i dont want to cause all this issues.

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if she breaks up then be with him that's not called cheating... if she doesn't break up and be with him that's cheating
she was never with me, she saw me as a friend and hung out with me, and thats how it was all thru last week apparently, what do we know? nothing. like you guys said, we dont know what she was thinking.

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Good for you. But just because her bf doesn't chauffer her around doesn't make you better than him. And what makes you think that he's not a prince to her in other ways?
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i never thought i was better, it sounds like i think im doing more for her, but like i said, she has chosen to keep her bf and stop talking to me to prevent a problem, and i get that thats why im backing off.

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I troll thru this forum alot just to read and learn bout relationships.. but this one ill have to put in my 2 cents..

i can say this has happened to me.. and the op is someone i would take a batt to his knee caps if i was the bf of the girl u are tryin to get..
you know what? haha, i've done exactly what your talking about to someone who stepped on my toe, and it was a friend of the girl, and guess what? haha the girl end up leaving me and went to him.

let me tell you, you cant control whos gonna have feelings for who, and what this person is gonna do, if its your gf then take care of her, dont leave room for others, and lets get this straight, i've never laid a finger on this girl, we've hung out a whole week as friends, im asking for advice here because i accidently got myself more feelings for her.

now taking a batt to the knee caps, what is the point? so the OP who is me can get someone else to take more batts to your knee caps? you dont get it man, this is vancouver, and there are always bigger people out there than you are, thats why we solve problem with mouth talking then just beating up each other, stop being so high school.
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Old 12-08-2009, 03:33 PM   #38
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ok all, seems like we're getting some aggressive people in here.

lets make it clear, i've never laid a finger on her, and never asked her to break up with her bf, i've always hung out with her as friends, doing a favor, reason im asking for advice is cause i accidently got more feelings for her.

as for whos doing more for the girl, who cares, as long as the girl makes her choice, everything will end just like how it is now, obviously this guy im facing is more than i thought he is, so be it.

the girl also have never tried to cheat, as i said, we've done nothing more than friends do.
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Old 12-10-2009, 04:25 AM   #39
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just leave her alone for now and see what happens between her and her bf, without you interfering.

if she turns out to be single later on, def go for it??
must have respect for the bf...no matter what she may say about him (good or bad) because someday in the future...you could very easily be put in that position and you'll hope you hadn't stacked up your karma points over something as easy as having some patience.
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Old 12-10-2009, 07:22 AM   #40
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Everyone's opinion and including mine, say back off. I assume the girl thinks that you are into her. So she knows what you want.

However, there are many reasons why the bf "doesn't do his job", as you state, properly. But those are none of our issues. What happens in the end, happens for the best. And in due time, if that relationship doesn't work out, maybe she'll come banging on your door asking for some.
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Old 12-10-2009, 05:30 PM   #41
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just leave her alone for now and see what happens between her and her bf, without you interfering.

if she turns out to be single later on, def go for it??
must have respect for the bf...no matter what she may say about him (good or bad) because someday in the future...you could very easily be put in that position and you'll hope you hadn't stacked up your karma points over something as easy as having some patience.
thanks for bringing this back on track.. as of now.. i have backed off.. i will just wait and see what happens.. and i have succeed in keeping the friendship

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Everyone's opinion and including mine, say back off. I assume the girl thinks that you are into her. So she knows what you want.

However, there are many reasons why the bf "doesn't do his job", as you state, properly. But those are none of our issues. What happens in the end, happens for the best. And in due time, if that relationship doesn't work out, maybe she'll come banging on your door asking for some.
im pretty sure she knows whats up.. so its a good thing she is still keeping me as a friend however we cant talk to each other right now.. but im actually quite happy how it turned out.. we're still going to be friends after all.. ill back off and wait.. and see what happens.
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Old 12-10-2009, 05:32 PM   #42
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THANKS REVSCENE!

I have taken everybody's comments into consideration, including my friends, best friends, and her friends and some of our mutual friends advise, after talking to everyone, i have come to a conclution to back off, and wait, so thats what i will be doing.

The plus in this whole thing tho.. is, she has made it clear that she is still going to be friends with me, but we need time, nothing else, it has turned out good!

THANKS ALL!

Case Closed! (i will update on what happens later)
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Old 12-10-2009, 11:26 PM   #43
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^Damn when I saw all the "THANKS" in caps I thought she'd broken up with her bf for the time being and will consider being with you in the future
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Old 12-11-2009, 05:29 AM   #44
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^Damn when I saw all the "THANKS" in caps I thought she'd broken up with her bf for the time being and will consider being with you in the future

haha im actually glad it turned out this way because it could have been worse.. and in this case i still think i have a chance just not now..

definitly right person but wrong time..

ill wait.
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