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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-13-2009, 06:27 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Is she making me choose?


The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.



My gf of soon to be 11 months and i have been arguing about how I put her second. When ever I want to hang out with my family, she gets mad at me. She ends up saying "you always put me second." I just wanna hang out with my family. Like family does come first?

What I'm wondering is that is she making me choose between her and my family?

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Old 12-13-2009, 06:30 PM   #2
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Why don't you invite her to hang out with you and your family?
You can kill two birds with one stone there.
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Old 12-13-2009, 06:42 PM   #3
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i personally think she stepped out of line to be honest. you guys have been dating for less than a year and to say you put her 2nd next to your family (who has been there since the beginning of time) is ridiculous. the worst part is she gives you crap about it! i sure would hope so you put your gf one notch under them.

people can say "oh well family isn't going to grow old with you" or whatever, but lets face it...if my partner was to make me feel like i'm doing wrong by hanging out with my family....well ef it.

i say you talk to her about it because obviously this seems to bother you. a relationship needs time outs to be friends, family, yourself....you can't possibly spend every living second of your life with her.
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Old 12-13-2009, 06:53 PM   #4
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If family does come first for you, as it should, tell her that, and let her know it's not about choosing one or the other. She should understand, if not, maybe not the girl for you who is family oriented?

Or,

Pick a day to "hang out" with your family and when she throws out the "you put me second" tell her you are canceling your plans with the family and hang out with her. She'll feel all special and shit.
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Old 12-13-2009, 06:53 PM   #5
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the girl probably has a bad relationship with her family

anyways for me its always family first, even a wife can leave your ass, family will always be there
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Old 12-13-2009, 07:12 PM   #6
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Family First.

Blame it on Tiger Woods. He fucked it up for every guy.
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Old 12-13-2009, 07:33 PM   #7
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Why don't you invite her to hang out with you and your family?
You can kill two birds with one stone there.
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Old 12-13-2009, 08:44 PM   #8
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You've been doing the right thing OP. Family always comes first.

Like everyone else said, try inviting her to your family gatherings. If it's one of those things that it's strictly family, then you really can't do anything, but you can't say you didn't try either.
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Old 12-13-2009, 09:00 PM   #9
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Family first. If she isn't seeing that, chances are she is going to be a shitty parent. Drop her like shes hot, but in this case cold...and ugly.
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Old 12-13-2009, 09:08 PM   #10
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For me family comes first and everything else is classified secondary. Imo the girl is being a little selfish, she has to understand that in order to have a healthy long lasting relationship both sides must be happy and being human beings sometimes we become selfish. She should be more considerate to your situation, if it means a lot to you, she doesn't have to like it, but to be a good partner she must understand. From the outside looking in, if you're hanging out with your family cool, what is it that makes her feel second in your life? Is it the fact she asks you to hang out and you say you got a family thing? Or is it that its something she feels based on her own conclusions (ie other things in your life, your friends, sports, your car). It could be fault on either ends, she may feel neglected if you have many things going for you in life. It could be that she has family issues of her own, I'm not sure of the nature of her relationship with your family
Whether or not your family likes her? Sometimes individuals feel distant from an SO's family.If its a family function see if you can bring her along,
that goes for any other events or things in your life, if you include her it will make her feel that she's within the main part of your life.

And I know for some privacy is an issue, for me its the same, I don't let my gf to become part of my business/workside of life,
Such as my financial matters,accounts etc.

But if its one thing that I've said before and will say again is humans need to be accepted, I'm not a psychic I can't read minds, but I've had a friend that has felt the same as your girlfriend
and she was a girl, her boyfriend used to play hockey, hang out with his friends etc. She called me and opened up her heart to me, he was a close friend of mine and she said that she did love him and she said she was
Feeling a little jealous, a bit neglected and a bit insecure of herself, she felt he may be losing interest and at the same time she was feeling unappreciated.

It could be anything, but in a relationship you'll find out on your own and it will help you make an informed decision, but if you do feel like it take a little time and spend it with her, do something nice, it'll make her feel appreciated

And the way I view all relationships is that relationships shouldn't be based on decisions,choices and ultimatums, they should be based on acceptance, understanding and comprimise
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Old 12-13-2009, 09:23 PM   #11
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family first.

/thread literally!
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Old 12-13-2009, 10:08 PM   #12
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no, shes not making you choose

shes telling you "treat me like im the trophy gf or let me find someone else that will"

any normal person should understand that family is irreplaceable
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Old 12-13-2009, 11:30 PM   #13
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As everyone said, yes family comes first!
you need to tell her that family is important and SHOULD come first (if it isn't obvious
enough)
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Old 12-14-2009, 01:26 AM   #14
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she sounds like a kid.
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Old 12-14-2009, 09:33 AM   #15
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OP sounds like a kid.

I get the significance of family and all, but you see, sleep and eat with your family everyday. Prioritizing your social life over family every now and then is not going to make you a bad son/brother/cousin.
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:56 PM   #16
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I don't think is the matter of who comes first.....but more like you should have your personal space/time to do what you want?
Right now she can be bitching about your family.....next time you've got work/guy's night out is she gonna bitch about that too?

You need to let her know that she is important but not the only existence in your world.
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:08 PM   #17
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There's a chance she might be an attention whore ...
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:07 PM   #18
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a partner has the potential of becoming family as well. obviously 11 months is too early to put it into that perspective though
there's no first and second. your time, of course, will be divided. as long as it's done in a fair manner, there shouldn't be a problem. if there is, maybe she's got some things to figure out
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:09 AM   #19
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family first... good luck man
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Old 12-18-2009, 10:06 AM   #20
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the girl probably has a bad relationship with her family

anyways for me its always family first, even a wife can leave your ass, family will always be there
This is probably true. I have a friend whose gf has a bad relationship with her family. Sometimes when he goes to see his family or grandparents she gets mad and tells him he can't go and says he can only see them like 2 times a month or something.
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