[Confidential] Going out with guy for almost 7 years..
 

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

Sorry for the long read but I don’t like to share these kind of things with my friends because sometimes I feel embarrassed and I just wanted to get it off my chest here and get some opinions...
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 years now. We’ve broken up sometimes during these years but it was never me who initiated them. I’ve wanted to break up with him just to see how he’d react or what he’d do but I was always afraid he would just let it go and I knew I couldn’t afford to lose him. He’s been my first real boyfriend, been through a lot together and we’ve had our good times and bad. There was the chase in the beginning, then I guess he wasn’t as “whipped” no more and recently things have just been going downhill. He doesn’t tell me what he’s feeling and he just ignores me sometimes when we have fights. I try to talk to him but all I get are rude comments and I’m afraid to talk back because I know that I like him more than he likes me so I don’t want to make him mad and leave me. His attitude is way worse than it was a few years ago; he gets mad easily now and is not as forgiving. I know I can be a bitch sometimes but at least I put in the effort. I know he cares about me but his actions tell me otherwise and I get very insecure. I’m afraid to ask him because he’s not the type of guy who likes to express his emotions.

I think all the time that many girls in my position probably would’ve left this guy by now but there’s always something holding me back...it’s the fact that it’s been so long and I don’t want to throw everything away because I think it’s better if I just keep trying. I admire my friends for having boyfriends that talk to them and actually try to work things out during fights. For me, it seems like although we talk again after a fight, the reason why the fight started was never brought up, so the problem never gets resolved.

Most people don’t understand that it’s hard to let someone go after being with them for so long. This is why I can’t let him go even when I know deep inside I really should. He really is a good boyfriend but we just can’t communicate properly...because of his attitude. How do I get him to open up to me? Should I just give up and stop trying to put up with him? I do love him but sometimes I feel like I’m just lying to myself and I’m the one giving myself pain. I just don’t want to make the wrong decision...

By the way, I’m 25 years old so the fact that I’m almost at the age to get married/settle in also plays a role...

Leave him. If he can't bring himself to be polite or at least civil, you don't need that kind of shit. Yea you'll end up alone, but isn't it better than sitting there wondering if he really cares at all? Also, I know it's hard to walk away from a long relationship, I've been there myself. But trust me, it'll be better in the end if you come to your senses and realizes there are good guys out there and you don't have to settle just because you think you're at the marrying/settling down age. News for you honey, there is no age. It happens when you're good and ready (emotionally and financially), same with having kids.

Just my $0.02

I was there before. Before my ex left me and that was pretty much when I realized what I should have done, but of course it was too little too late. It takes losing someone before you realize what you had/coulda had.

My advice is just leave him like Inaii said. If he won't change for you then you should ask is he really worth it?

I know somoene who was in a similar situation, but they recently broke up after goin out for about 9 yrs. The girl was more interested in the guy and it was more a one way relationship. People kept reminding her that she should go out more and find guy friends so that she didn't depend on one guy. She was in denial and kept trying to make the relationship work out but she ended up wasting 9 yrs of her life.

The fact that you are both have been together for a long time doesn't necessarily mean you should force yourself to stay with that person (given the situation that you mentioned). Think logically as well instead of solely relying on emotions.

It would be hard but i would have to say leave him. If he doesnt change his ways if it meant losing you, you guys shouldnt be together anyways. But even if he did treat you better i still dont think that would last and ur relationship would go right back to where u started.

time means nothing, it depends on what you've done with your relationship. You need to either figure out where u both stand in your relationship or leave asap. It will be hard but you will be much happier

you guys need a good heart to heart. i say you keep it on the dl for a couple of days, and go for a coffee to talk about things..

Don't stay with this guy because he happens to be the guy you're dating when you're at the age where society tells you that you should be married. Yes it sucks that you've spent 7 years with him already and it will be hard to leave him, but from the sounds of your situation you seem to already know that that's what you should do. Your brain knows it, but your heart is fighting it. Assuming you believe in the true definition of marriage and you stay together for the rest of your lives, that could mean another 60 years together. Yes, you have 7 years of memories together, but is he truly the one you can picture yourself being with for the rest of your life? Can you imagine him being there for you during all the good times and all the bad times you'll experience?

Have a true heart to heart conversation with him. By the end of it, you'll know what you should do and do it.

If you think "I'm already 25 and should be married soon"... consider this... you are ONLY 25. If you leave him, you still have plenty of years to date/meet new guys. If you stay with him, get married, realize things aren't working out a few years later... you'll be in your 30's or 40's... and chances are it'll be more difficult to find "the one".

the above responses are why divorce rates are at 50%.

there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. you want everything, you envy other's boyfriends, well maybe they envy some of the characteristics he has. The grass is always greener on the other side.

try talking to him. if that doesn't work, a letter always works because they have to read it all and you're not even there for them to talk back at, and they can read it multiple times. just make sure what you write is what you mean because it's written and set in... well stone, you can't change what you've written, nor can you forget it because it's always going to be there. I'd suggest just writing something very similar to what you wrote for us, but for him. oh and don't have a snobby bitch ass tone of voice in your letter, and proof read it like you're him, don't be commanding, and have explanations for every reason you give... just sound "understanding" and be considerate, that's the only way he'll drop his wall. you're trying to win an uphill battle here, you have to let your pride drop cuz right now he won't...

maybe leave out the whipped part and the breaking up with him just to see how he'd react part... that's probably not gonna help.

you're 25, you went to school, lol for years you've been training how to write convincing essays, do what every young person is good at, writing essays. write a letter, a nice one, but also asking for an explanation or asking if he's willing to try to talk to her or write back (give him that option). well if he's still an ass after and not willing to tell you or talk to you, then hate to break it to ya, he probably just doesn't like you anymore.

hate to be shallow as well, but guys are visual creatures, maybe you've gained weight, and he doesn't like it, but he doesn't know how to tell you. or whatever, use your imagination, we're guys, we're shallow, you can't change that. but if you admit you have changed in anyway, that can be reason enough for him not to like you (even if it's not physical). I mean people change over time, and not notice it. it doesn't just happen over night, he might just need to be reminded that he's an ass, or maybe he'll talk. maybe you've changed (personality) over time and haven't noticed and he's pissed. who knows. you have to ask.


you can always break up with him, he might come crawling back to you or whatever, he might not, that's a chance you'd have to take. is it worth it? i duno, only you know.

or maybe you have to just ask him the ultimate question, do you see yourself being with me for the rest of your life?

he might not even answer then, you might have to give him some time. but you'll know when he gives it to you. well i gave you a buncha suggestions, i always think you should work towards solving a problem, because dumping it away is always the easiest solution. but a person isn't a pet or a toy, you can't just throw em away when you can't stand them anymore.

if you were 17 i'd tell you to just dump him, but you're both "grown ups" now, you should be able to figure this stuff out.
Life is hard. you have to deal with hard people, and hard people are everywhere, even if they're the ones you love most, figure it out.

^
You never cease to amaze me. :D

(No homo)

Ulic's advice is win.

Good luck!

Ulic /thread.

Pretty much anyone else that says anything is useless. He has told you. Now DO IT!

Read that again....does that really sound like someone you want to marry? And if you do get married to him, do you really think you can tolerate that kind of treatment for the rest of your life?

The answer, although painful, should be a definite NO...

You need to move on and find someone better...its tough...but thats going to be what's best for you...

Uliq's suggestions are spot on...

Wow, Ulic ftw...

I know a couple that went on for 9 years and they had ALOT of problems too...they just got married 2 days ago. Very puzzling to me.

I've had a long ass relationship too and I walked away from it as well...I couldn't afford to break it off, but I had to. I just didn't have strong enough feelings to take it any farther. If i did it wouldn't have been fair to her. I would say to talk it over with your SO to work things out...oh yea, talking not gonna get anywhere (email, letter like Ulic said) then make ur decision. 7 years is a long ass time, and people tell me after breaking up with their gfs/bfs after that long it's a hassle getting back into the game and finding someone new blah blah blah, but it's a part of life and everybody goes thru it once in awhile. Just try to work things out, if that doesn't happen then its up to you to make the right move.

7 years don't matter. You could be marrying the right guy within a year.

where is physixx now.....?

[QUOTE=El Bastardo;6738331]The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

He’s been my first real boyfriend, been through a lot together and we’ve had our good times and bad. There was the chase in the beginning, then I guess he wasn’t as “whipped” no more and recently things have just been going downhill. He doesn’t tell me what he’s feeling and he just ignores me sometimes when we have fights.QUOTE]

So you mean you had him whipped in the beginning and now he's not whipped
Do you let him have his time alone without you, like him hanging out with his friends?
There's always two sides to a story, he could be thinking that you have changed and by ignoring you it's his way of cutting you out of his life slowly.

You say you can't talk to any of your friends about it have you tried to talk to his friends about his changes?
Either you have to get thru to him by what Ulic said write a letter, or you mite want to get one of his friends to be a mediator between you two to figure out what is going on with him if you really want this relationship to continue.

Agree with Ulic with the letter part. but instead of sounding like a beaten soilder asking for mercy...you should be non-biased and just lay out all the points on the table. This is what is going on right now. This is how I think you feel, and this is how I feel. You have to be affirmative that this is the last chance you are going to give him and you are dead serious. If he decides yes, he better try his best to make it work. If no, you are going to need sometime to be alone and not talk to him for awhile. there's no maybe let me think about it.
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wow.. Ulic is actually a pretty sensible creature..

Your real problem is with yourself. It has nothing to do with his behaviour. Unless you decide to bring up what you haven't because you are worried about losing him you will lose him. He's not listening because your not talking. If your not going to be a part of the relationship that will be frustrating for you both. Either decide to be a part and possibly lose the relationship or have it grow. Or slowly watch it self destruct.

personally, i find it to be somewhat ridiculous to ask advice of people who have never met you or the person you are involved with; let alone have anywhere near a detailed description of situations that have surpassed during this relationship (impossible). most times, it will be more damaging than good.
that being said, as the saying goes, if you love something, let it go. if it returns...
just better make damned sure you do love it; if there is such a thing

ulic impressing chicks on RS since 2001

just read ulic's post.....it explains it all

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 10 years I'm turning 27 in a couple days . We've been through countless rights and breakup. In the end it'll depend on the guy Andre when he grows up. Took me a long time to figure things out. Leave him and let him grow up. If not I guarentee you'll find someone better. Someone that will appreciate you.
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i retract my statement. take ulic's advice, IMO