REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum


Welcome to the REVscene Automotive Forum forums.

Registration is Free!You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

Relationship & Gender Discussion THIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE!
The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-22-2009, 01:49 AM   #1
Official Texas Ambassador
 
El Bastardo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10,135
Thanked 5,356 Times in 1,206 Posts
[Confidential] Going out with guy for almost 7 years..

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

Sorry for the long read but I donít like to share these kind of things with my friends because sometimes I feel embarrassed and I just wanted to get it off my chest here and get some opinions...
Iíve been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 years now. Weíve broken up sometimes during these years but it was never me who initiated them. Iíve wanted to break up with him just to see how heíd react or what heíd do but I was always afraid he would just let it go and I knew I couldnít afford to lose him. Heís been my first real boyfriend, been through a lot together and weíve had our good times and bad. There was the chase in the beginning, then I guess he wasnít as ďwhippedĒ no more and recently things have just been going downhill. He doesnít tell me what heís feeling and he just ignores me sometimes when we have fights. I try to talk to him but all I get are rude comments and Iím afraid to talk back because I know that I like him more than he likes me so I donít want to make him mad and leave me. His attitude is way worse than it was a few years ago; he gets mad easily now and is not as forgiving. I know I can be a bitch sometimes but at least I put in the effort. I know he cares about me but his actions tell me otherwise and I get very insecure. Iím afraid to ask him because heís not the type of guy who likes to express his emotions.

I think all the time that many girls in my position probably wouldíve left this guy by now but thereís always something holding me back...itís the fact that itís been so long and I donít want to throw everything away because I think itís better if I just keep trying. I admire my friends for having boyfriends that talk to them and actually try to work things out during fights. For me, it seems like although we talk again after a fight, the reason why the fight started was never brought up, so the problem never gets resolved.

Most people donít understand that itís hard to let someone go after being with them for so long. This is why I canít let him go even when I know deep inside I really should. He really is a good boyfriend but we just canít communicate properly...because of his attitude. How do I get him to open up to me? Should I just give up and stop trying to put up with him? I do love him but sometimes I feel like Iím just lying to myself and Iím the one giving myself pain. I just donít want to make the wrong decision...

By the way, Iím 25 years old so the fact that Iím almost at the age to get married/settle in also plays a role...

El Bastardo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 01:54 AM   #2
My name is Michael. J. Caboose, and I hate BABIES!
 
Inaii's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: MoI
Posts: 6,554
Thanked 1,408 Times in 668 Posts
Leave him. If he can't bring himself to be polite or at least civil, you don't need that kind of shit. Yea you'll end up alone, but isn't it better than sitting there wondering if he really cares at all? Also, I know it's hard to walk away from a long relationship, I've been there myself. But trust me, it'll be better in the end if you come to your senses and realizes there are good guys out there and you don't have to settle just because you think you're at the marrying/settling down age. News for you honey, there is no age. It happens when you're good and ready (emotionally and financially), same with having kids.

Just my $0.02
__________________
"Can you match my resolve? If so then you will succeed. I believe that the human spirit is indomitable. If you endeavour to achieve, it will happen given enough resolve." -- Monty Oum

Quote:
Originally Posted by STATUS105 View Post
IF I FIND YOU
I WILL EAT YOUR RICE!
Inaii is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 02:05 AM   #3
Mod.
 
!Nhan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: east vanner
Posts: 7,133
Thanked 1,768 Times in 683 Posts
I was there before. Before my ex left me and that was pretty much when I realized what I should have done, but of course it was too little too late. It takes losing someone before you realize what you had/coulda had.

My advice is just leave him like Inaii said. If he won't change for you then you should ask is he really worth it?
__________________
NiteShadow
flickR
93 Civic Si (RIP)
97 Civic CX (POS)

!Nhan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 02:50 AM   #4
My homepage has been set to RS
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: batavia
Posts: 2,226
Thanked 63 Times in 22 Posts
I know somoene who was in a similar situation, but they recently broke up after goin out for about 9 yrs. The girl was more interested in the guy and it was more a one way relationship. People kept reminding her that she should go out more and find guy friends so that she didn't depend on one guy. She was in denial and kept trying to make the relationship work out but she ended up wasting 9 yrs of her life.

The fact that you are both have been together for a long time doesn't necessarily mean you should force yourself to stay with that person (given the situation that you mentioned). Think logically as well instead of solely relying on emotions.
__________________
My feedback
Djiban is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 05:42 AM   #5
Rs has made me the woman i am today!
 
RiceIntegraRS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4,241
Thanked 625 Times in 246 Posts
It would be hard but i would have to say leave him. If he doesnt change his ways if it meant losing you, you guys shouldnt be together anyways. But even if he did treat you better i still dont think that would last and ur relationship would go right back to where u started.
RiceIntegraRS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 08:14 AM   #6
Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
 
hotjoint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Surrey
Posts: 12,670
Thanked 649 Times in 352 Posts
time means nothing, it depends on what you've done with your relationship. You need to either figure out where u both stand in your relationship or leave asap. It will be hard but you will be much happier
hotjoint is online now   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 12-22-2009, 08:57 AM   #7
MiX iT Up!
 
tiger_handheld's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: vancouver
Posts: 7,694
Thanked 1,908 Times in 771 Posts
you guys need a good heart to heart. i say you keep it on the dl for a couple of days, and go for a coffee to talk about things..
__________________

Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.


Make the effort and take the risk..

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
tiger_handheld is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 09:27 AM   #8
RS Veteran
 
Conan O'Brien Sex Video's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: .
Posts: 2,047
Thanked 25 Times in 19 Posts
Don't stay with this guy because he happens to be the guy you're dating when you're at the age where society tells you that you should be married. Yes it sucks that you've spent 7 years with him already and it will be hard to leave him, but from the sounds of your situation you seem to already know that that's what you should do. Your brain knows it, but your heart is fighting it. Assuming you believe in the true definition of marriage and you stay together for the rest of your lives, that could mean another 60 years together. Yes, you have 7 years of memories together, but is he truly the one you can picture yourself being with for the rest of your life? Can you imagine him being there for you during all the good times and all the bad times you'll experience?

Have a true heart to heart conversation with him. By the end of it, you'll know what you should do and do it.

If you think "I'm already 25 and should be married soon"... consider this... you are ONLY 25. If you leave him, you still have plenty of years to date/meet new guys. If you stay with him, get married, realize things aren't working out a few years later... you'll be in your 30's or 40's... and chances are it'll be more difficult to find "the one".
Conan O'Brien Sex Video is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 09:47 AM   #9
I keep RS good
 
Ulic Qel-Droma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Cosmos
Posts: 28,361
Thanked 5,348 Times in 1,408 Posts
the above responses are why divorce rates are at 50%.

there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. you want everything, you envy other's boyfriends, well maybe they envy some of the characteristics he has. The grass is always greener on the other side.

try talking to him. if that doesn't work, a letter always works because they have to read it all and you're not even there for them to talk back at, and they can read it multiple times. just make sure what you write is what you mean because it's written and set in... well stone, you can't change what you've written, nor can you forget it because it's always going to be there. I'd suggest just writing something very similar to what you wrote for us, but for him. oh and don't have a snobby bitch ass tone of voice in your letter, and proof read it like you're him, don't be commanding, and have explanations for every reason you give... just sound "understanding" and be considerate, that's the only way he'll drop his wall. you're trying to win an uphill battle here, you have to let your pride drop cuz right now he won't...

maybe leave out the whipped part and the breaking up with him just to see how he'd react part... that's probably not gonna help.

you're 25, you went to school, lol for years you've been training how to write convincing essays, do what every young person is good at, writing essays. write a letter, a nice one, but also asking for an explanation or asking if he's willing to try to talk to her or write back (give him that option). well if he's still an ass after and not willing to tell you or talk to you, then hate to break it to ya, he probably just doesn't like you anymore.

hate to be shallow as well, but guys are visual creatures, maybe you've gained weight, and he doesn't like it, but he doesn't know how to tell you. or whatever, use your imagination, we're guys, we're shallow, you can't change that. but if you admit you have changed in anyway, that can be reason enough for him not to like you (even if it's not physical). I mean people change over time, and not notice it. it doesn't just happen over night, he might just need to be reminded that he's an ass, or maybe he'll talk. maybe you've changed (personality) over time and haven't noticed and he's pissed. who knows. you have to ask.


you can always break up with him, he might come crawling back to you or whatever, he might not, that's a chance you'd have to take. is it worth it? i duno, only you know.

or maybe you have to just ask him the ultimate question, do you see yourself being with me for the rest of your life?

he might not even answer then, you might have to give him some time. but you'll know when he gives it to you. well i gave you a buncha suggestions, i always think you should work towards solving a problem, because dumping it away is always the easiest solution. but a person isn't a pet or a toy, you can't just throw em away when you can't stand them anymore.

if you were 17 i'd tell you to just dump him, but you're both "grown ups" now, you should be able to figure this stuff out.
Life is hard. you have to deal with hard people, and hard people are everywhere, even if they're the ones you love most, figure it out.
__________________
nipples neways...wat is with those fuck'n asians! i mean you would think they've never seen a dentist in their life. are dentists really that rare over there in ricey ricey and? looks like they're star trek ferrengi rejects! fuck'n have broken glass for teeth! goddaymn! and the smell....did a rat crawl in there and shit itself then marinate in its own shit as it decayed?ewwwwwwwwww! i swear...if one of those ferrengi asian girls gave head...when u pull the dick out it looks like it went thru a meat grinder! prolly shaved off a few slices of meat! *shudder*
Greebo i t-boned some guy and killed their baby, it was funny
silvia i have a couple asian guy friends that do very well with the ladies. but guess what, they go to the gym, they dont have long hair, they dont wear orange pants, and they dont play counterstrike. its not the ethnicity that the girls dont like, its the style and personality.
450HP Supra I am about to use your eye sockets as a shoe rack for my nuts. ...something about chinks, j-bodys, I can't quite remember as I was drunk and looking for a girl to punch in the clit. Think of it as a digital urinal, and you are the mint, except, instead of actually smelling mint, you smell like mothballs, rotten kimchee and virginity. I'm about to start drinking heavily now and you better be gone before I get back or I swear to god I will break the internet over my knee and use the pieces to beat you in the deformed skull with, cock muffler.
Iceman-19 If your gf cooks and cleans, good, tell the guy to take a fucking hike. If she doesnt, fuck, that joker can have her. Lifes too short to cook your own meals and do your own laundry, thats what women are for!
http://ho316.tumblr.com

Last edited by Ulic Qel-Droma; 12-22-2009 at 10:00 AM. Reason: cuz i fucked up.
Ulic Qel-Droma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 09:52 AM   #10
RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001
 
Gumby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 9,262
Thanked 2,318 Times in 872 Posts
^
You never cease to amaze me.

(No homo)
__________________
Do Not Put Aftershave on Your Balls. -604CEFIRO
Looks like I'm gonna have some hot sex again tonight...OOPS i got the 6 pack. that wont last me the night, I better go back and get the 24 pack! -Turbo E
kinda off topic but obama is a dilf - miss_crayon
Honest to fucking Christ the easiest way to get a married woman in the mood is clean the house and do the laundry.....I've been with the same girl almost 17 years, ask me how I know. - quasi
Gumby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 10:29 AM   #11
How I Mod your mother
 
!Yaminashi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,671
Thanked 968 Times in 474 Posts
Ulic's advice is win.

Good luck!
__________________
Quote:
[19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
Quote:
[19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
Crayon
!Yaminashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 11:07 AM   #12
Ubereem Mod
 
Gt-R R34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Richmond
Posts: 3,070
Thanked 120 Times in 63 Posts
Ulic /thread.

Pretty much anyone else that says anything is useless. He has told you. Now DO IT!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Culture_Vulture View Post
sometimes I like to use kindergarten art class scissors to cut my pubes
Gt-R R34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 12:37 PM   #13
JLC
Where's my RS Christmas Lobster?!
 
JLC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 898
Thanked 29 Times in 15 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
He doesn’t tell me what he’s feeling and he just ignores me sometimes when we have fights. I try to talk to him but all I get are rude comments and I’m afraid to talk back because I know that I like him more than he likes me so I don’t want to make him mad and leave me. His attitude is way worse than it was a few years ago; he gets mad easily now and is not as forgiving.
...

By the way, I’m 25 years old so the fact that I’m almost at the age to get married/settle in also plays a role...
Read that again....does that really sound like someone you want to marry? And if you do get married to him, do you really think you can tolerate that kind of treatment for the rest of your life?

The answer, although painful, should be a definite NO...

You need to move on and find someone better...its tough...but thats going to be what's best for you...

Uliq's suggestions are spot on...
JLC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 12:39 PM   #14
My homepage has been set to RS
 
danlee78's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Vancity
Posts: 2,472
Thanked 180 Times in 60 Posts
Wow, Ulic ftw...

I know a couple that went on for 9 years and they had ALOT of problems too...they just got married 2 days ago. Very puzzling to me.

I've had a long ass relationship too and I walked away from it as well...I couldn't afford to break it off, but I had to. I just didn't have strong enough feelings to take it any farther. If i did it wouldn't have been fair to her. I would say to talk it over with your SO to work things out...oh yea, talking not gonna get anywhere (email, letter like Ulic said) then make ur decision. 7 years is a long ass time, and people tell me after breaking up with their gfs/bfs after that long it's a hassle getting back into the game and finding someone new blah blah blah, but it's a part of life and everybody goes thru it once in awhile. Just try to work things out, if that doesn't happen then its up to you to make the right move.
__________________
MY FEEDBACK
MY HOFO FEEDBACK

(\__/)
(='.'=)This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(")signature to help him gain world domination.



Quote:
Originally Posted by babyyxjayy View Post
What if someone sold you cocaine, but it was laundry detergent ?
danlee78 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 10:57 PM   #15
The "You'd Know" Moderator
 
impactX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Home
Posts: 20,885
Thanked 214 Times in 118 Posts
7 years don't matter. You could be marrying the right guy within a year.
__________________
08 CBR600RR
03 IS300

Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
impactX is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 11:09 PM   #16
OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
 
LC21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: richmond Lah!
Posts: 5,460
Thanked 472 Times in 223 Posts
where is physixx now.....?
__________________
My Feedback~



BlAh~
LC21 is offline   Reply With Quote
This post FAILED by:
Old 12-22-2009, 11:21 PM   #17
I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
 
Ride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 529
Thanked 69 Times in 39 Posts
[QUOTE=El Bastardo;6738331]The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

He’s been my first real boyfriend, been through a lot together and we’ve had our good times and bad. There was the chase in the beginning, then I guess he wasn’t as “whipped” no more and recently things have just been going downhill. He doesn’t tell me what he’s feeling and he just ignores me sometimes when we have fights.QUOTE]

So you mean you had him whipped in the beginning and now he's not whipped
Do you let him have his time alone without you, like him hanging out with his friends?
There's always two sides to a story, he could be thinking that you have changed and by ignoring you it's his way of cutting you out of his life slowly.

You say you can't talk to any of your friends about it have you tried to talk to his friends about his changes?
Either you have to get thru to him by what Ulic said write a letter, or you mite want to get one of his friends to be a mediator between you two to figure out what is going on with him if you really want this relationship to continue.

Last edited by Ride; 12-22-2009 at 11:42 PM.
Ride is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 11:23 PM   #18
Captain Happy Bubble is my Homeboy
 
Sodium's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 341
Thanked 49 Times in 12 Posts
Agree with Ulic with the letter part. but instead of sounding like a beaten soilder asking for mercy...you should be non-biased and just lay out all the points on the table. This is what is going on right now. This is how I think you feel, and this is how I feel. You have to be affirmative that this is the last chance you are going to give him and you are dead serious. If he decides yes, he better try his best to make it work. If no, you are going to need sometime to be alone and not talk to him for awhile. there's no maybe let me think about it.
Posted via RS Mobile
Sodium is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 11:55 AM   #19
Proud to be called a RS Regular!
 
sweetiee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: vancouver
Posts: 127
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
wow.. Ulic is actually a pretty sensible creature..
sweetiee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 12:05 PM   #20
VLS Pet Forum Mod
 
Lil Bastrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,257
Thanked 39 Times in 31 Posts
Your real problem is with yourself. It has nothing to do with his behaviour. Unless you decide to bring up what you haven't because you are worried about losing him you will lose him. He's not listening because your not talking. If your not going to be a part of the relationship that will be frustrating for you both. Either decide to be a part and possibly lose the relationship or have it grow. Or slowly watch it self destruct.
__________________
Mother of MisFit.
Lil Bastrd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 01:20 PM   #21
My homepage has been set to RS
 
welfare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: van
Posts: 2,439
Thanked 258 Times in 165 Posts
personally, i find it to be somewhat ridiculous to ask advice of people who have never met you or the person you are involved with; let alone have anywhere near a detailed description of situations that have surpassed during this relationship (impossible). most times, it will be more damaging than good.
that being said, as the saying goes, if you love something, let it go. if it returns...
just better make damned sure you do love it; if there is such a thing
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevie P View Post
I am an atheist still, thank God.
an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind

Last edited by welfare; 12-24-2009 at 02:01 PM.
welfare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 03:16 PM   #22
Banned (ABWS)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Mid-levels, HK
Posts: 913
Thanked 1,336 Times in 198 Posts
ulic impressing chicks on RS since 2001
Zyzz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2009, 04:55 PM   #23
RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Port Moody
Posts: 939
Thanked 39 Times in 10 Posts
just read ulic's post.....it explains it all
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Physixx View Post
why are you still on RS

go fuck her brains out, shoot all in her mouth, and leave
Feedback:
http://www.revscene.net/forums/showthread.php?t=526766
nosleepboy87 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2009, 06:47 PM   #24
14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: vancouver
Posts: 669
Thanked 17 Times in 12 Posts
I've been with my girlfriend for almost 10 years I'm turning 27 in a couple days . We've been through countless rights and breakup. In the end it'll depend on the guy Andre when he grows up. Took me a long time to figure things out. Leave him and let him grow up. If not I guarentee you'll find someone better. Someone that will appreciate you.
Posted via RS Mobile
Neoxphuse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2009, 11:30 PM   #25
My homepage has been set to RS
 
welfare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: van
Posts: 2,439
Thanked 258 Times in 165 Posts
i retract my statement. take ulic's advice, IMO
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevie P View Post
I am an atheist still, thank God.
an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind
welfare is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:26 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.
Revscene.net cannot be held accountable for the actions of its members nor does the opinions of the members represent that of Revscene.net