Colours in Facebook Statuses: Please Read

[+Kardboard+]

For those of you wondering why all these girls are posting colours, and colours alone, as their Facebook status, it's supposedly to raise awareness for breast cancer. Call me conservative, uptight, no-fun, but when I first found out I was upset.

Why?

My family's been affected by the disease. I know friends who have been. So what, you tell people what sexy lingerie colour you're wearing (or horrifying image if the lady ain't that pretty) and that's supposed to make things go better. That's supposed to help the fight against that horrible disease.

Give me a flippin' break.

Then, earlier today I saw this on Twitter, and I have to say it did make me tear up because it moved me so. Made me feel bad for sarcastically joking about it yesterday. Please, PLEASE read this, especially if you're a gal. Some things are fun, but if people are just posting it for attention whoring, promoting some skewed sense of yay-girly-thing-that-the-boys-don't-know, whatever, get a reality check.

http://ow.ly/UiN7

In the name of awareness (the FB color meme)
by whymommy
If you're on Facebook, you've seen the meme going around the past couple of days. Women the world over are posting colors to their status updates. Lots of black, some pink, some white, a virtual rainbow. It's a game that several of my circles (high school, local friends, blogging friends) are playing right now, and it looked cute if harmless. I wanted to play.

I tracked the game back a couple hours and figured it out -- they were writing their bra colors! I put hands to keyboard and wrote ... nothing. Truth is, I didn't know what to write. I wanted to frivilously play along -- the boys had gone to bed, and this was MY time, after all -- but I couldn't. And why couldn't I? If you know me, you don't have to ask. But if you're new here, I couldn't play along by posting the color of my bra because I don't have one. I don't own one.
Two years ago this month, I underwent surgery, you see. I had a double mastectomy to remove the cancer that was trying to kill me. In my right breast, Stage III inflammatory breast cancer, a fast-moving, deadly cancer that kills more than 60% of women in the first five years. (Statistics have improved somewhat since my diagnosis, but it's still the second-deadliest cancer, second only to prostate cancer.) In my left breast, potential. Potential that the same cancer would recur, as it was in my lymph system, coursing through my body, even as we tried to kill it with six months of tri-weekly, then weekly chemotherapy.
We had been through hell. First the cancer, then the chemo tried to kill me, and both of them almost succeeded. I was in bed for months, too tired to move. I couldn't leave the house for fear of infection during flu season -- and we had to take my oldest out of preschool, to keep those germs at bay. At one point, the taxol had ravaged my nervous system so much that I lost the use of my legs.
After all that, we had to wait for my body to rally after the last chemotherapy treatment and become strong enough to survive the surgery. As each day went by, I would grow stronger -- but so would the cancer. and if it grew faster than my white blood cells rebounded, then the surgery might not happen, and the tumor would be inoperable again.
It was terrible.
But eventually the day came, January 23, 2007, and I was able to have my breasts removed. I've never felt so relieved in all my life. This was my one big shot at getting rid of (most of) the cancer in my body, and starting life anew. This was it. This HAD to work.
And it did. I made it through surgery just fine (twittering when I woke up, and blogging about it the same day). I went through the gory aftermath of breast removal, and the difficulty of explaining it to my children. We found out that the second breast was not innocent at all, but fostering its own little type of cancer, Paget's disease. If I had not removed it preventatively, I could have been back in chemo within the year -- if it were found in time.
So I have some history here.
But I tried to shrug it off and play along. I wrote "None -- In fact, I don't even OWN one! :-)" and watched my friends play along in their own way, hoping I didn't make anyone uncomfortable.
But what I saw was nothing short of amazing. I'd forgotten for an instant that this wasn't about my story. This was about our story, and the Mothers With Cancer were coming out to play too. Here's what they wrote:
"Nude."
"Nothing."
"White, with pockets."
And then, in the comments, some amazing things began to happen. Their friends came out to support them, cheering them on. Friends engaged me on FB and twitter too, talking about it, asking why I felt left out, and letting me know that the whole meme was staged by some women in the midwest urging awareness of breast cancer.
Really?
Awareness?
Aren't we aware by now, people? Don't we know that we need to understand our own bodies, take notice of changes in one breast but not the other, and call the doctor when we see that something's changed? Don't we know that we need to talk to our doctor about thermography or mammograms? Don't we know?
As I talked to friends on twitter about it last night, a single message came through from my friend and fellow survivor @stales. She said something that struck me to the core. She wrote to all: "Time for a little less "awareness" and a whole lot of "action": the time to act is now: address the causes!" She's smart, that @stales.
Other cancer survivors joined in, telling me that they felt left out too. After all, this was ostensibly an effort to raise awareness of breast cancer -- but one in which breast cancer survivors themselves could not participate, and were reminded (as if we needed a reminder) that we didn't need bras anymore, that most basic undergarment of women everywhere, that symbol of sexuality, for the simple reason that we had already sacrificed our breasts in a hail mary attempt to keep the rest of our bodies from dying of cancer.
That's what it is, you know. It's not a choice. It's not just another treatment option. Women have mastectomies, double mastectomies, reconstruction (or not) because we have no other choice remaining that will give us a shot at life -- life with our children, our partners, our families, and our friends. And so we tearfully bid our breasts goodbye. We submit to surgery, weeks of the aftermath, drains and gashes where our breasts once were. We submit to doctors and nurses and students gawking with surprise when we disrobe for exams (not the oncologists, of course, but we still need regular checkups like everyone else, you know). We submit to months of physical therapy to rip the scar tissue off the muscles that stretch to cover our ribcage. We submit to lymphedema therapy, taking up precious time, time that we fought for, time that we sacrificed for, but time that nonetheless much be used for even more medical treatment, to deal with the aftermath.
And then we go shopping.
Clothes that fit just a few months previously don't fit anymore, you see. Every. single. shirt. is stretched out over the chest, and most new ones don't fit right either. Princess seams, sewn to flatter the big-busted and small-busted alike only serve to remind us, the no-busted, that we are no longer princesses. V-necks are flattering, but only if they are not too deep, cut to show no cleavage, as our cleavage has been taken from us as well.
And, for a while, the reminders are everywhere. Every TV commercial with the Victoria's Secret angels rankles. Every low-cut shirt sparks the tears. Every nightgown cut to flatter falls -- flat -- and we cry into our pillow.
We are aware, you see. We are all too aware, and we work to escape the reminders. Our friends dance around us for a while. They don't invite us to the pool (have you ever gone swimsuit shopping without your breasts?). They are gentle, and careful, and form a wall of support around you.
But eventually, life moves on, and the wounds scab over, and the scars begin to form.
Until one day, one day, when a harmless meme rips them off, and you realize once again that you will never be the same.

[Greenstoner]

none of my friends yet to put the color status, but im pretty sure i will see some soon... i hate status whore

[jeff_alexander]

Comment on status whore with "Do a barrel roll!"
Posted via RS Mobile

[+Kardboard+]

My Facebook pretty much showed only colour updates yesterday.

Yes. I am immature and still use Facebook, so shoot me.
Posted via RS Mobile

[Psykopathik]

girls version of Movember?

[+Kardboard+]

Ha. Good call. ....even though that made me think of something elsEWWEWEWEW EWWWW MAKE IT STOP
Posted via RS Mobile

[Crowtservo]

Honestly I see where she's coming from and understand the frustration and outrage at the attention whores who are doing it just because it's a meme. At the same time many MANY people take it seriously and are helping to build awareness. I understand she is upset when reminded about it but it does more help than harm to keep reminding others. People push the thought of disease to the back of their head but you can't ignore it when your facebook feed is covered in reminders.

It may not be the most conventional way to build awareness but it works and my hope is it motivated at least one person to go out and do something.

[Crowtservo]

Originally Posted by Turbo E

girls version of Movember?

Also, people weren't outraged at guys posting pictures on facebook of their staches, why the outrage over colour statuses? I see the same level of attention whoring in both cases. Those of us that took it seriously raised some pretty serious money.

[7seven]

I would say that at least 60% of them are doing these updates just for attention and could care less about raising awareness. I actually had 2 girls bbm me the color of their bras then ask if I wanted to come over and see, so basically trying to use breast cancer awareness to try to get laid, whores.

I could care less honestly, but it does get annoying when there are 100s of status updates cluttering up everything.

[The_AK]

attention whores is what they are, true story

[+Kardboard+]

"Black."

I see that and I'm supposed to know what that means and what awareness its promoting?

I can read minds, predict the future too. At least people knew the mo's were for something called "Movember." One word does not tell me jack all, does not help.

Awareness is useless without action, awareness is absent without clarity.
Posted via RS Mobile

[The_AK]

Originally Posted by +Kardboard+

"Black."

I see that and I'm supposed to know what that means and what awareness its promoting?

I can read minds, predict the future too. At least people knew the mo's were for something called "Movember." One word does not tell me jack all, does not help.

Awareness is useless without action, awareness is absent without clarity.
Posted via RS Mobile

Someone wrote "black" as her facebook status,
i said "yes you are"

[raygunpk]

Originally Posted by +Kardboard+

"Black."

I see that and I'm supposed to know what that means and what awareness its promoting?

I can read minds, predict the future too. At least people knew the mo's were for something called "Movember." One word does not tell me jack all, does not help.

Awareness is useless without action, awareness is absent without clarity.
Posted via RS Mobile

damn that was deep. like deep dish pizza.

[Crowtservo]

Originally Posted by +Kardboard+

"Black."

I see that and I'm supposed to know what that means and what awareness its promoting?

I can read minds, predict the future too. At least people knew the mo's were for something called "Movember." One word does not tell me jack all, does not help.

Awareness is useless without action, awareness is absent without clarity.
Posted via RS Mobile

I think people not knowing what it means was intentional. It's like viral marketing, you start seeing something everywhere you want to find out what it's all about. I think if people made their status updates "I'm supporting breast cancer" it would be much less effective.

Also I agree 7seven. At least half of them are for attention but I still think the whole thing is a net positive.

[+Kardboard+]

Originally Posted by The_AK

Someone wrote "black" as her facebook status,
i said "yes you are"

Ha! I was tempted to also.

Originally Posted by raygunpk

damn that was deep. like deep dish pizza.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by Crowtservo

I think people not knowing what it means was intentional. It's like viral marketing, you start seeing something everywhere you want to find out what it's all about. I think if people made their status updates "I'm supporting breast cancer" it would be much less effective.

Also I agree 7seven. At least half of them are for attention but I still think the whole thing is a net positive.

True enough. My first post is a sign of that. If it weren't for this, then "whymommy" wouldn't have written that. I would "thanks" you if I had any left for today.

I suppose in the end I just feel sad that it needs to come to this, and the fact that a lot of people like her have to do a "clean-up job" to show people what the real issue was supposed to be.

All this while others are still sharing their bra colours just to be ambiguously naughty.

[TOS'd]

Black

not wearing one.

red

pink

And one of them is 15yrs old..

[seakrait]

Originally Posted by +Kardboard+

Ha! I was tempted to also.

Thanks.

True enough. My first post is a sign of that. If it weren't for this, then "whymommy" wouldn't have written that. I would "thanks" you if I had any left for today.

I suppose in the end I just feel sad that it needs to come to this, and the fact that a lot of people like her have to do a "clean-up job" to show people what the real issue was supposed to be.

All this while others are still sharing their bra colours just to be ambiguously naughty.

^^^ while i understand that this bra colours meme is a bit frivolous, it still brings the message to the masses. and when it comes to cancer, any news about it is good news (in the sense that it brings a constant awareness to the disease)...

[bengy]

Thousands of people dying every year is not awareness enough?

[seakrait]

Originally Posted by bengy

Thousands of people dying every year is not awareness enough?

apparently not. you'd think that this awareness would lead to more women (and men) being more proactive about cancer screening and the like but there are many out there that cancer is taking by surprise...

[+Kardboard+]

Originally Posted by seakrait

^^^ while i understand that this bra colours meme is a bit frivolous, it still brings the message to the masses. and when it comes to cancer, any news about it is good news (in the sense that it brings a constant awareness to the disease)...

Agreed. Sadly, most of the people on Facebroken are too dumb to get it, too dumb to go find out. I say that with no sarcasm.

Also, I've moved past my initial emotional outburst and am at the point where I'm like, "Wow, that doesn't suit you."

-_-;

[sonick]

I am tempted to post "pics or gtfo" to every girl who does this on my facebook feed.

Or "show us your tits... for breast cancer awareness"... I mean, isn't that much more awareness-raising (among raising of other things) and much less annoying?

Or the guys should start posting detailed descriptions of their junk and call it testicular and prostate cancer awareness... "shrivelled, wrinkly and low hanging"

[Vansterdam]

posting your bra color, does absolutely nothing for breast cancer. kthnx.

just posted on my facebook lol

[JSALES]

the guys on my facebook are putting their boxer colors up like "baby blue pin stripe" haha

[Inaii]

Supposedly it's supposed to work by "getting people talking". Bullshit. It's fucking annoying is what it is. No one cares what your bra colour is. And there's people on my list FROM rs, that are treating it as nothing more than a game. Please diaf & gtfo. I don't give a shit so stop posting you attention whores.

kthx

[Bouncing Bettys]

big thanks to kardboard for a)informing me on what this colour thing on facebook is about and b) not giving into americanization by spelling colour the proper english way.