Help with very immature young male

[babykiller]

Originally Posted by hsh4

if he goes into the military im just afraid he would get charged for shooting his own guy before even getting deployed

Meh I've known a couple guys that were total dipshits that got straightened out by the military. Think about it, you've got a parent figure yelling at you all day to get your shit together, teaching you the right way to brush your teeth even, and then you also have a bunch of "brothers and sisters" that will call you on it if you screw up.

[Mr.Jay]

Asian teaching style?

Give him some home homework and if he doesn't get it, beat it into him?

How does he not understand the value of money when he works and gets nothing?

My question is wtf is his family doing? I mean u married into his family and can see he isnt the brightest dude so has his family tried anything to help him out?

[Qmx323]

His family probably gave up on him?

[Mr.Jay]

if your family gives up on you at 20 than there no hope

[vafanculo]

Originally Posted by Mr.Jay

Asian teaching style?

Give him some home homework and if he doesn't get it, beat it into him?

How does he not understand the value of money when he works and gets nothing?

My question is wtf is his family doing? I mean u married into his family and can see he isnt the brightest dude so has his family tried anything to help him out?

that's how he was brought up. Got beat up for failing things. He's been sheltered his whole life and even to this day his parents make decisions for him. Sometimes he will buy things with his own money and parents will make him return it lol. Since he's met me I've taught him things and made him a lil more independant but he still has his life controlled by parents.

Poor guy has alot of issues. Is taking tons of meds for an underlying ilness so he is not army material. Parents haven't really given up, but they don't expect much of him. Might even have a short life span cause of all the meds aswell so they want him to enjoy life.

This case isn't as cut and dry as "let him figure it out himself" or join the army. I guess he was dealt shitty cards in life...

Just spoke with his mom, she's gonna have a sit down with him to go back to school some how and il teach him math,etc.
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[freakshow]

Someone mentioned this already, but how about trades?

[wuuhoo]

hm I would talk to the guy. Maybe he has something he doesnt like to talk about. Internal problems maybe?

talk to him, see what HE wants out of life


my two cents

[Fafine]

is his name michael?

[vafanculo]

Originally Posted by wuuhoo

hm I would talk to the guy. Maybe he has something he doesnt like to talk about. Internal problems maybe?

talk to him, see what HE wants out of life


my two cents

All the time. Even wrote out a list of things to get or accomplish. I helped him get all the things you need to APPLY to get, but so far all the things you need to put forth some effort haven't been touched at all.

Nope not Michael.

Trades is good idea, but I'm not sure he can pull it off. Side effects of meds might be more than I make them out to be.

**on a sidenote, I recommend everyone to write down a list of goals and then stash it away. Such a great feeling when you find that list few years down the road and most of em are completed.
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[Ulic Qel-Droma]

he hasn't found a reason to do anything yet.

those "skills" he lacks, he won't care about until he finds something he wants, that requires those skills.

making him learn skills for hypothetical reasons isn't going to motivate him at all.

that and his parents... i know a handful of people who's parents are super controlling, some of them are young kids, some are late teens, early 20's and some are even my age, 28.

it's sad, cuz I see from the youngest to oldest, they're all exactly the same.

they can't do anyting in life, they have no life skills, they're like... really awkward and almost in a way anti-social, and when i say anti social i don't mean they don't want to be around people, but they're just not socially functioning at the same level we are.

[Gpkyo]

i have a friend who is 24 and doesnt know how to do borderline grade 7-8 and he can get a perfect score in literature.... Sometimes the mind just works like that... I was only able to teach him some grade 7 math thru many different methods!

the same with whats going on in life... Obama is president why isnt all black people
the same with some people just get math and some cant.

[BlacknJean]

he can suck dicks as a job

[goo3]

Originally Posted by vafanculo

Also it's not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure he may have dyslexia (sp?).

Any advice is appreciated.
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Maybe you should find out for sure before doing the whole learning thing. Not just dyslexia, any learning disability.

[sleazyho]

was he raped as a child?

[v.Rossi]

Originally Posted by sleazyho

was he raped as a child?

were you? sleazyho.

[AutozamAZ-3]

I have a step sister in the exact same situation as you so I know what you mean op. Although she is only in grade 8, she has some pretty bad problems. I'm not sure if it's an adolescent thing and if it will go away as she gets older, but she literally has the intelligence of a first grader. Her 8 year old sister takes care of her when it should be vice versa. She does not have any socializing skills and frequents a counsellor. She's been diagnosed with psychosis and is on anti depressants.

Im guessing it stems to something that triggered when she was very young.. She was actually pronounced dead prenatally but somehow came back to life-I'm guesing this probably killed some of her brain cells or something (I'm not trying to be funny). Growing she was sheltered and was never exposed to anything so she never learned how to socialize. She's often teased and bullied in school. There was a time when she was eating so much food she overdosed and was sent to the hospital. She got teased for being skinny. During this time she gained 30lb.

I find that she is always on the computer and often dreams about being Miley Cyrus or some Disney popstar I can't remember. I guess it's okay, at least she has something to fill the empty void of being alone right?
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[FI-Z33]

^ i hope all goes well for ur step sister

op: like what everyone said, i think you should just have a talk with him and see what he wants..maybe he has a talent for something else

[vafanculo]

Autozam...

I can see lots of similarities with what you described and my guy. It can get really frustrating eh?

I've had tons of talks with him. Once in a while he even comes up to me and says "what do you think is gonna happen with me"? We always talk about how he is 20 and it's time for him to put more effort into things, but nothing comes of it. It's like it goes in one ear and out the other. Part of it is he knows his parents will get him out of any situation and since they don't expect much he's got nothing to worry about.

I'm a patient guy but more than once I wanted to kick his ass. Once I even joked around and told his mom "can I hit him?? Just once" and she said "sure". Found out later he went up to his room and was sad cause his mom said "sure". Ughh
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[bcrdukes]

I know this may be a stupid suggestion but maybe take him backpacking to Europe or Asia. The culture shock might change him instantly. (It worked for me.)

[bcedhk]

is he asian? if he is, im suprised his family didn't kick him out already

[SumAznGuy]

Originally Posted by eddy89

is he asian? if he is, im suprised his family didn't kick him out already

If by asian you mean chinese, then you are wrong. Chinese families favour the son. In this case, it is possible he was babied too much as a child and since he knows his parents will bail him out, he has grown up to be socially retarded.

But to the OP, if his family isn't doing anything about it, why should you worry so much about it. The more you try and worry about it, the more stress it is going to cause you, and this stress might come between you and your wife or her family making family dinners awkward.

[vafanculo]

^ it's true sometimes I do stress too much

I think I worry for 2 reasons.

1) I feel for the guy. Want to help him live best life he can
2) im pretty sure when he gets older I will have to take care of him and hold his hand. At this rate he can't possibly live by himself (other day he boiled some noodles and just went upstairs while leaving the stove on with no one in the kitchen. His mom was like "that's your brother for you...")

Really I just want to make him independant as much as possible.
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[AutozamAZ-3]

Originally Posted by vafanculo

Autozam...

I can see lots of similarities with what you described and my guy. It can get really frustrating eh?

I've had tons of talks with him. Once in a while he even comes up to me and says "what do you think is gonna happen with me"? We always talk about how he is 20 and it's time for him to put more effort into things, but nothing comes of it. It's like it goes in one ear and out the other. Part of it is he knows his parents will get him out of any situation and since they don't expect much he's got nothing to worry about.

I'm a patient guy but more than once I wanted to kick his ass. Once I even joked around and told his mom "can I hit him?? Just once" and she said "sure". Found out later he went up to his room and was sad cause his mom said "sure". Ughh
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Yeah, sure is op. I think my girl has a very low iq, so low that it is considered disabled. She's like a sponge-she understands what we tell her but she won't respond or just walks away. I think it is to avoid any conflict.... She genuinely is a really nice girl but just lacks social skills to express it. I've always wanted/tried to get her to join team sports (soccer etc) to help her make friends and gain social skills but she doesn't listen to me. She does listen my sister though so I'm guessing she just seems to relate to girls better but that's okay.

I see that your guy is really lucky to have a guy like you because he probably had no one to talk to before. He's not totally useless either. At least he's working. How is he with the socializing part? (he seems to be talking to you so he can talk to others I'm sure if they opened up). Have you tried getting him to join some clubs or whatever so he can meet others? Maybe from there he can tap an inner hidden talent or even discover an interest that could stem into a career? (ie gym could turn into personal training)
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[GT4RC]

My brother is exactly like this. since about grade 4 he just didn't care anymore, his grades went to shit, was getting bullied at school, and eventually just had no friends. then WoW came out when he was in grade 8. by grade 9 he had fully dropped out of school to play 18 hours a day... he is now 22 and sitting on his worthless ass living with my parents and leaves the house roughly once a week... and you guessed it, he plays WoW.

Longest he's ever held a job was a month. it was his first and only job. We've given up on him. my parents wills designate that I get everything, so long as i make sure he is covered. its pathetic.

[BallPeenHammer2]

I know someone like that..........He just got fired from a pizza store....

But with him, he pretends he's hardcore, or just someone who can do outrageous things...

-sigh- I feel for the OP.