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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-19-2010, 12:29 PM   #51
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I know someone like that..........He just got fired from a pizza store....

But with him, he pretends he's hardcore, or just someone who can do outrageous things...
What, the 14 dollar baller was fired from Bella?

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Old 04-19-2010, 03:22 PM   #52
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Hm, from reading everything you posted, I really dont think hes retarded or anything people say in this thread. I jsut think you and the family babys him too much. Cleaning up his mess etc, and he not learning how to deal with the conseqeunces. (the noodle story)

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I know this may be a stupid suggestion but maybe take him backpacking to Europe or Asia. The culture shock might change him instantly. (It worked for me.)
like what bcrduke said, backpacking around europe, or even take him camping outdoors. (summer is coming, maybe a good idea?) but during your stay, give him responsiblities and let him deal wiht the consequences.

ex: tell him to make the tent, if he cant, no one sleeps
ex; tell him to cook food, cant. everyone starves
ex; tell him to find firewood/ make a fire, if not everyone freezes to death

by letting him deal with the consequences, I think it will shock him a bit.

Dont baby him during the trip no matter how much you want to help him. Will it work the better? the worse? perhaps but its tough love.

letting him deal with the consequences / the after effect (feeling hurt, like him fleeing to his room after you were told you can hit him) should do him some good. This is the stage were he should learn how to fend for himselve.


anyways, back to studying !
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Old 04-19-2010, 05:13 PM   #53
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OP what type of meds is he on exactly?

you make it sound like he's on a shitload, hence short lifespan/not army material.
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Old 04-19-2010, 06:46 PM   #54
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^^ Same here. What's this underlying medical condition?

From what I've read:

-he's been coddled AND controlled too much
-he has low self esteem and is pretty sensitive
-even though his parents put him down, they won't let him fend for himself
-is somewhat introverted
-not the sharpest tool in the shed
-you and your wife will probably end up caring for him if he doesn't improve in the next 5-10 years?
-you'd like for him to man up and smarten up so he can ultimately be independant

IMO he needs responsibility, consequences, moral support and socialization.

Camping/backpacking is a good idea.
Construction labourer would be a decent job. He could just be a helper (sweeping, running errands, dumping garbage, etc)

You should also seriously talk to his parents and make them realize that protecting him from reality isn't going to help his future. Also that, since he's emotionally weak, ridiculing him is extremely counter-productive. The way they're going about it is NOT helping. How encouraging are they?

BTW my 14 year old son has cerebral palsy and is non verbal.
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Old 04-19-2010, 06:55 PM   #55
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The camping idea should be good and costs A LOT less.

I think this guy needs a little bit more encouragement from immediate family like yourself, your wife, and parents. He won't change overnight but it will help. Some improvement is better than none.
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:48 PM   #56
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I'm not too sure of the meds. I know some of the meds are equivalent to what some cancer patients might take. He also requires blood tests once a month (used to be weekly). If he misses an injection of meds sometimes his feet will kinda cramp up and he can't walk for a while...

And yes, like stated above he is harsh babied. I don't live with him so I'm not constantly around him, but when I am I make sure he does things himself. Not too long ago I had to help him pack his clothes in a suitcase cause he went on a trip. He didn't know what to pack, or even how to fold the clothes. So I showed him an example and made him do the rest.

I'm not too worried about what he does for a job, but I just wish he had a bit more of a mentality for someone his age. I did a resume for him and he got an interview with a retail chain...and ofcourse he showed up to the interview one hour late lol.

Socially he's okay. Used to hang around with kids younger than him, but as these kids aged (17) they are now doing their own thing, work, school, etc.

The main thing he lacks is common sense. Guess you can't teach someone that.
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:37 PM   #57
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Aren't there social programs for this kind of situation?

I remember in Elementary school there was a kid like this, and he was born like that. I remember meeting him in Kindergarten, and when I saw him recently, he's still like this. I saw him with the social worker that helped him since we were kids though. So I'm sure there's some program out there that will help you out. He was a smart kid, but just lacked ALL social skills.
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Old 04-22-2010, 11:37 AM   #58
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My brother is exactly like this. since about grade 4 he just didn't care anymore, his grades went to shit, was getting bullied at school, and eventually just had no friends. then WoW came out when he was in grade 8. by grade 9 he had fully dropped out of school to play 18 hours a day... he is now 22 and sitting on his worthless ass living with my parents and leaves the house roughly once a week... and you guessed it, he plays WoW.

Longest he's ever held a job was a month. it was his first and only job. We've given up on him. my parents wills designate that I get everything, so long as i make sure he is covered. its pathetic.
shit, i use to be like this! dead on! though i had friends, and didn't let my grades go to complete shit, C+ and B's.

shy with no confidence, then i acknowledged the fact and changed. to the OP maybe do the same with him? i'm sure you've talked to the guy before, but get him to look his life over. if you get him a socializing job such as a movie theatre or something, it might make him more comfortable around people. as a result, he'll build socializing skills, confidence, be more outgoing.

now i'll talk to anyone anywhere with confidence. i never ever want to go back to what i was once upon a time.

maybe buddy is lacking testosterone? just a guess..
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Old 04-22-2010, 03:35 PM   #59
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ask him to persue his interests
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Old 04-22-2010, 03:50 PM   #60
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Funny thing is, just yesterday he asked me why he is so stupid. Opened up and told me he hates his life and that he's treated as a child. Ofcourse I told him he wasn't stupid, but rather that he wasn't properly trained. I told him spend a few weeks with me and il teach him basic math, money skills and any other things he lacks. I told him in a matter of few weeks your parents will treat you like an adult rather than a kid. He seems interested in it, but he just won't put forth the effort. He told me he would let me know soon.


Atleast he knows there are things that must be worked on. He just doesn't have the ambition for it.
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Old 04-22-2010, 07:55 PM   #61
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^that's a good start. Keep us updated.
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Old 04-22-2010, 09:06 PM   #62
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how much older are you if you dont mind me asking?
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Old 04-22-2010, 09:13 PM   #63
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27 he's 20
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Old 04-22-2010, 09:38 PM   #64
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At least he's acknowledged it that there's problems in his life. Now he can live and learn with help.
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:43 AM   #65
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See a psychiatrist as this sounds very much like a mental disorder manifesting, if he hasn't been diagnosed already.
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Old 05-09-2010, 02:12 PM   #66
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Its called natural selection. If someone pays 50bucks for a product at a dollarstore, its nature weeding him out
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Old 06-05-2010, 07:14 AM   #67
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Old 06-16-2010, 09:12 PM   #68
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i imagine if he joins the army he'l be like Forest Gump Lol
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