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Old 04-27-2010, 10:28 AM   #1
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has anyone uninvited someone to a wedding?

long story short, i have an uncle who has always been rude/condescending to me, and just yesterday he sent me an email telling me I need to resend an invitation to my cousin (his son) to include his gf who he's been dating for maybe 4-6 months, since he wont go without her. He also said since money is an issue(which its not, and he knows that) he will mail me the money to have her there. our wedding is going to be small (75 ppl) and me and the fiance decided no gfs/bfs, unless either of us has met them and know theyre serious.

I could never stand my uncle, and he's still condescending/rude to me if though i'm a adult. My fathers side is caucasian, so family isnt as close as an asian family. i'm considering telling him not to come since i dont want anyone there who i dont like and whos going to piss me off.

what do you think? both my mother and fiance hate him and didnt want him there even before this happened...

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Old 04-27-2010, 10:36 AM   #2
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so your uncle is white? just email him, on second thought you cant come either.
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:58 AM   #3
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Who's paying for the wedding? The person footing the bill usually has the final say. It's your day, don't let someone you don't like fuck it up. I'd go with Fafine's idea.
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:08 AM   #4
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Man thats pretty rude, im with presto ^, its your wedding not his, if they don't like it too bad, you wouldn't want someone who's gonna go and start trouble for you. Its a once in a lifetime thing, don't let your memory of it be a bad one. If she wasn't inviting why are they imposing, thats pretty hurting, A buddy of mine was getting married and I wasn't invited until 2 weeks before RSVP deadline, I felt like crap, so I didn't even bother going
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:46 AM   #5
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Who's paying for the wedding? The person footing the bill usually has the final say. It's your day, don't let someone you don't like fuck it up. I'd go with Fafine's idea.
We're paying for the majority of the costs, and my parents are helping a bit, but they're leaving it up to us. I remember he fucked up my cousins wedding by giving some 20 min speach bashing david suzuki, which nothing to do with anything..

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Man thats pretty rude, im with presto ^, its your wedding not his, if they don't like it too bad, you wouldn't want someone who's gonna go and start trouble for you. Its a once in a lifetime thing, don't let your memory of it be a bad one. If she wasn't inviting why are they imposing, thats pretty hurting, A buddy of mine was getting married and I wasn't invited until 2 weeks before RSVP deadline, I felt like crap, so I didn't even bother going
damn tahts pretty lame to send it 2 weeks before the RSVP deadline... i probably would have done the same as you
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Old 04-27-2010, 06:22 PM   #6
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what do you think? both my mother and fiance hate him and didnt want him there even before this happened...
I would say this + these recent actions = you should politely ask him not to attend.
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Old 04-27-2010, 06:39 PM   #7
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its you and your fiancee's special day..you have the final say. you make the rules!

G'luck and Congrats!
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Old 04-28-2010, 01:07 AM   #8
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if you want to avoid awkward situations in the future with your uncle, then dont uninvite him
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Old 04-28-2010, 01:19 AM   #9
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just tell him you are serving bear palm, monkey brain, pig lung soup, tiger penis on the table...then he won't come.
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Old 04-28-2010, 01:24 AM   #10
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I dont think you should politely say that he' isnt invited. He, along with his own family, will be around you for the rest of your life. Rather, just kindly say that the rules of the invitation stay as is and it is the firm decision of the people behind the wedding (you and your family). Regardless of his reply, leave it as is. He can choose not to come (to your benefit) or follow through with the invitation. I can't imagine he'll be barging through the doors with his son and his gf.
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Old 04-28-2010, 02:33 AM   #11
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I dont think you should politely say that he' isnt invited. He, along with his own family, will be around you for the rest of your life. Rather, just kindly say that the rules of the invitation stay as is and it is the firm decision of the people behind the wedding (you and your family). Regardless of his reply, leave it as is. He can choose not to come (to your benefit) or follow through with the invitation. I can't imagine he'll be barging through the doors with his son and his gf.
this one.
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Old 04-28-2010, 07:23 AM   #12
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if you want to avoid awkward situations in the future with your uncle, then dont uninvite him
Good point, this is one of the big motivating factors for not uninviting him.

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I dont think you should politely say that he' isnt invited. He, along with his own family, will be around you for the rest of your life. Rather, just kindly say that the rules of the invitation stay as is and it is the firm decision of the people behind the wedding (you and your family). Regardless of his reply, leave it as is. He can choose not to come (to your benefit) or follow through with the invitation. I can't imagine he'll be barging through the doors with his son and his gf.
Well he's pretty old, probably almost 70, so i dont think he's going to be around that much longer, and besides that I only see him and his family once every few years, and the crowd is so big I never talk to them.

When I replied to his email, I politely told him the guest list is not his concern, and we would understand if anyone would not attend because of that.

My fiance suggested I leave it as it, consesus so far is split.
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Old 04-28-2010, 07:25 AM   #13
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its you and your fiancee's special day..you have the final say. you make the rules!

G'luck and Congrats!
Thanks! I know we have the final say, which makes the decision so hard
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Old 04-28-2010, 08:02 AM   #14
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I dont think you should politely say that he' isnt invited. He, along with his own family, will be around you for the rest of your life. Rather, just kindly say that the rules of the invitation stay as is and it is the firm decision of the people behind the wedding (you and your family). Regardless of his reply, leave it as is. He can choose not to come (to your benefit) or follow through with the invitation. I can't imagine he'll be barging through the doors with his son and his gf.
yup
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Old 04-28-2010, 08:09 AM   #15
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I dont think you should politely say that he' isnt invited. He, along with his own family, will be around you for the rest of your life. Rather, just kindly say that the rules of the invitation stay as is and it is the firm decision of the people behind the wedding (you and your family). Regardless of his reply, leave it as is. He can choose not to come (to your benefit) or follow through with the invitation. I can't imagine he'll be barging through the doors with his son and his gf.
Pretty much what I was thinking too - just tell him plans are set and it's too late to change the guest list. That leaves the decision not to come entirely up to your cousin and your uncle. If they want to be petty and stay away, then it's all on them.

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When I replied to his email, I politely told him the guest list is not his concern, and we would understand if anyone would not attend because of that.

My fiance suggested I leave it as it, consesus so far is split.
Smart girl, that fiance. <obligatory rs comment>You should post pics of her </rs>
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Old 04-28-2010, 08:20 AM   #16
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Smart girl, that fiance. <obligatory rs comment>You should post pics of her </rs>
She is, otherwise I wouldnt want to marry her

Here you go, sorry she's not smiling:



want some more?
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Old 04-28-2010, 11:04 AM   #17
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Old 04-28-2010, 11:10 AM   #18
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hahahah, okay, you win :noob:
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Old 04-28-2010, 11:13 AM   #19
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your wedding, your call...

dont let someone ruin your special occassion that you know they will do. have a talk with your fiance...
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Old 04-28-2010, 12:29 PM   #20
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Pretty much what I was thinking too - just tell him plans are set and it's too late to change the guest list. That leaves the decision not to come entirely up to your cousin and your uncle. If they want to be petty and stay away, then it's all on them.
This, I wouldn't uninvite your uncle but I'd be firm on not allowing your cousins date. If it means your cousin or your uncle don't show it's their loss not yours. The reason i wouldn't uninvite him is because he's either your dad or mothers brother and he's already been invited, it would make it really awkward and might piss off other members of your family.

I had a super awkward situation at my wedding. One of my groomsmen got really sick (liver cancer). He could barely leave the house for anything other then doctor appointments by the time of our wedding, talking to him about having someone else step in for him was super weird. He was very good about it though and tried to make me feel OK about it.
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Old 04-28-2010, 12:32 PM   #21
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The people at your wedding are supposed to help you celebrate your marriage. If they can't do that.. they have no business being there.
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Old 04-29-2010, 02:52 PM   #22
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are you serious? weight the pros and cons dude. It'll cost you SO MUCH more headaches if you dont' invite the gf. You'll never hear the end of it if you dont' invite them let alone trying to 'deinvite' them.

Be the bigger person here and have the spots ready for them (you'll know there will be extra spots regardless), but put them at the furthest part away from your table behind some piller and just let it be.
Oh, don't reply his email and wait for him his call and just say you didn't get it since you're been very busy.

You have nothing to lose, you're even getting money from it. Be the bigger person or else you'll never hear the end of it.
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Old 04-29-2010, 03:08 PM   #23
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are you serious? weight the pros and cons dude. It'll cost you SO MUCH more headaches if you dont' invite the gf. You'll never hear the end of it if you dont' invite them let alone trying to 'deinvite' them.

Be the bigger person here and have the spots ready for them (you'll know there will be extra spots regardless), but put them at the furthest part away from your table behind some piller and just let it be.
Oh, don't reply his email and wait for him his call and just say you didn't get it since you're been very busy.

You have nothing to lose, you're even getting money from it. Be the bigger person or else you'll never hear the end of it.
Me and my fiance discussed the issue of bfs/gfs before making the guestlist, and we decided on inviting the guests bf/gf if we know/met them. To be fair, if we invited my cousins gf who we've never met/know, we would invite the rest of our guests bfs/gfs, which could potentially add on 10+ ppl who we've never met.

This has nothing about being a bigger person, its about being fair. Personally I dont want a bunch of strangers in our wedding pictures who might not even be dating my friend/relative in a few months time. This cousin has been going out with his girlfriend for maybe 6
months, and its his first girlfriend, i think he's in his early twenties, so even if I did invite her, they might not even be together at the time of the wedding.

For the record, money is not an issue.

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Old 04-29-2010, 04:39 PM   #24
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are you serious? weight the pros and cons dude. It'll cost you SO MUCH more headaches if you dont' invite the gf. You'll never hear the end of it if you dont' invite them let alone trying to 'deinvite' them.

Be the bigger person here and have the spots ready for them (you'll know there will be extra spots regardless), but put them at the furthest part away from your table behind some piller and just let it be.
Oh, don't reply his email and wait for him his call and just say you didn't get it since you're been very busy.

You have nothing to lose, you're even getting money from it. Be the bigger person or else you'll never hear the end of it.
^Fail. OP has a very thought out process, made his choices, decided on it. And we're all in basic agreement. He stood his ground and made his choice, the ball is in the court of the uncle and the son.

You go to the wedding to celebrate the ppl getting married, even if you are a relative, you should not force your way into changing the plans of the wedding.



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Me and my fiance discussed the issue of bfs/gfs before making the guestlist, and we decided on inviting the guests bf/gf if we know/met them. To be fair, if we invited my cousins gf who we've never met/know, we would invite the rest of our guests bfs/gfs, which could potentially add on 10+ ppl who we've never met.

This has nothing about being a bigger person, its about being fair. Personally I dont want a bunch of strangers in our wedding pictures who might not even be dating my friend/relative in a few months time. This cousin has been going out with his girlfriend for maybe 6
months, and its his first girlfriend, i think he's in his early twenties, so even if I did invite her, they might not even be together at the time of the wedding.

For the record, money is not an issue.
Good! +1
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Old 04-29-2010, 05:05 PM   #25
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