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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-30-2010, 03:56 AM   #26
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My fathers side is caucasian

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Old 04-30-2010, 10:17 AM   #27
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It's really up to how much you want your cousin there. If he won't go because he can't bring his girlfriend, then that's his loss. If your cousin is an adult he should be dealing with you directly, not through your uncle.

For my wedding, my wife and I said no kids under 13. A few relatives had a problem with that, but we didn't sweat it.
If they couldn't find a babysitter for one night of the year with almost a year's notice, then it was their loss. All the closest relatives came no matter what.
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Old 04-30-2010, 10:41 AM   #28
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I didn't know that being Caucasian is a culture background.
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Old 04-30-2010, 10:48 AM   #29
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I didn't know that being Caucasian is a culture background.
"cultural background" is such a broad question, can you be more specific?
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Old 04-30-2010, 10:24 PM   #30
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"cultural background" is such a broad question, can you be more specific?
Greek white is very different from Scottish white which is different from Spanish white.
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Old 05-01-2010, 04:24 PM   #31
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Greek white is very different from Scottish white which is different from Spanish white.
russian/british, but they dont have many traditions, religious beliefs,etc...
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Old 05-01-2010, 06:38 PM   #32
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are you serious? weight the pros and cons dude. It'll cost you SO MUCH more headaches if you dont' invite the gf. You'll never hear the end of it if you dont' invite them let alone trying to 'deinvite' them.

Be the bigger person here and have the spots ready for them (you'll know there will be extra spots regardless), but put them at the furthest part away from your table behind some piller and just let it be.
Oh, don't reply his email and wait for him his call and just say you didn't get it since you're been very busy.

You have nothing to lose, you're even getting money from it. Be the bigger person or else you'll never hear the end of it.
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Me and my fiance discussed the issue of bfs/gfs before making the guestlist, and we decided on inviting the guests bf/gf if we know/met them. To be fair, if we invited my cousins gf who we've never met/know, we would invite the rest of our guests bfs/gfs, which could potentially add on 10+ ppl who we've never met.
I think you sticking to the planned before rules is the smart way to go. If he wants to be all butthurt than it\s better he stays home lol
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Old 05-01-2010, 08:09 PM   #33
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I think you sticking to the planned before rules is the smart way to go. If he wants to be all butthurt than it\s better he stays home lol
thanks! we're hoping he does stayhome lol
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Old 05-01-2010, 09:15 PM   #34
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send him and the other two a new invite but have it somewhere earlier and its just lunch or something. tell him he can bring whomever he wants haha.
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Old 05-02-2010, 03:43 AM   #35
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russian/british, but they dont have many traditions, religious beliefs,etc...
=redneck...

i kid i kid.....sorta
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Old 05-02-2010, 09:40 AM   #36
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=redneck...

i kid i kid.....sorta
haha most of the family from my dads side are... i think 2 uncles live on a farm lol
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Old 05-09-2010, 02:16 PM   #37
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tell him family only
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:41 AM   #38
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tell him family only
I could tell him that but then he would see a lot of ppl there that aren't family
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Old 05-10-2010, 09:53 AM   #39
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They could be HER family, how would he know the difference?
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:01 AM   #40
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They could be HER family, how would he know the difference?
If they're white
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:02 AM   #41
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Or how about this: don't be a pussy, and be straight with your uncle. Tell him the same thing you've told us.

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Dear Uncle Fucknuts,
I invited you and Cousin It because you're family, but quite frankly, I don't like you. You've always been a prick to me, and you're being a prick now with these demands. Honestly, I'm afraid that you might cause a scene and ruin the wedding for us.

The Future Mrs. Mikeitv and I have long since decided that we don't want any "significant others" that we haven't previously met or that we aren't sure are serious; this is an arbitrary division, to be sure, but the line had to be drawn somewhere, and it was set long before the invitations were sent out.

Since you ARE family, it's still important to me to have you and Cousin It attend; however, the question about Cousin It's girlfriend is closed.

Love,
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:06 AM   #42
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If they're white
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:27 AM   #43
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Or how about this: don't be a pussy, and be straight with your uncle. Tell him the same thing you've told us.
already did. Here's my response:

"Thank you for offering to pay for the extra cost of a plate - but the cost is not an issue.

Our wedding is going to be a small and intimate affair and we preferred not to have any guests we did not personally know. There is nothing personal with our decision on not inviting certain boyfriends and girlfriends of relatives. Frankly - our guest list is not your concern.

I understand if <cousin>, or anyone else, chooses not to attend this event as a result of this decision."
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Old 05-10-2010, 03:42 PM   #44
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already did. Here's my response:

"Thank you for offering to pay for the extra cost of a plate - but the cost is not an issue.

Our wedding is going to be a small and intimate affair and we preferred not to have any guests we did not personally know. There is nothing personal with our decision on not inviting certain boyfriends and girlfriends of relatives. Frankly - our guest list is not your concern.

I understand if <cousin>, or anyone else, chooses not to attend this event as a result of this decision."
beautifully written. Good job
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Old 05-20-2010, 01:35 AM   #45
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Sorry i know this is a few weeks old but i just had to chime in.


If you've kept the relation open with your Uncle all this time (of your life) and haven't cut it off officially in the past then he should stay invited.

You make his request sound spiteful; but you said so yourself he's 70 years old.

He was being considerate in asking you if you could invite your cousins gf. (He must be hearing shit from his side of the family hence his asking you)

He's 70 years old... He knows the value of money... his Offering to pay for any burden an extra guest might bare; shouldn't be looked at as a snide remark... (When you don't like someone anything they say will get you going... but you really have to take a step back and consider things)

The matter of being condescending; all adults or... the older generation, will always look at the younger generation as being "kids" him talking to you like your a young whipper snapper should be endearing, even if it is annoying... that's family...

You note that your fathers side (which is also a part of you) is Caucasian and "so family isn't as close as an asian family" This right here tells me you probably never related with your caucasian heritage, for if you had eyes you would know your race means shit. Maybe that's part of the reason why you felt you never got along with your Uncle... because you never bothered to try and relate to that cultural side of you; maybe if you did you wouldn't find some of the things that annoy you... annoying...

I don't know the whole thread just makes it sound like you could have taken things out of context... and it sort of rubs off an image of you being a douche...



you handled it ok... You probably did your Uncle a favour by telling him "this is how things are" it probably helped him so he didn't have to listen to Your cousin whine about his GF
but you didn't have to tell him "if my Cuz or you don't like it fuck off" that just seemed down right mean...


But none of us know the nuances of your relationships we can just garner what we're told on here. So i may be totally wrong / out of line... but from what's known it certainly doesn't seem like it.



and for those who say Marriage is about the 2 getting married and they should have things exactly how they want it.... You're wrong.

You're partially right... It is about the Couple... but if they hold Family to have any value (which is the whole point of getting married... family) than they should encompass their family into every part of the marriage (yes them being there is a part of it but its not the only part) and the whole event of Marriages (which also marries families together) should be acted out as a family, together, so that everyone is Happy... Wow im really starting to Ramble and become confusing.. probably because im dead tired; this is probably the part that i should say "But I Digress"
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Old 05-20-2010, 07:40 AM   #46
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If you've kept the relation open with your Uncle all this time (of your life) and haven't cut it off officially in the past then he should stay invited.
Well the relationship hasn’t always been open with my uncle or other family members from my father’s side. There have been a number of issues over the years, not typical family drama issues, much more serious.

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You make his request sound spiteful; but you said so yourself he's 70 years old

He was being considerate in asking you if you could invite your cousins gf. (He must be hearing shit from his side of the family hence his asking you)

He's 70 years old... He knows the value of money... his Offering to pay for any burden an extra guest might bare; shouldn't be looked at as a snide remark... (When you don't like someone anything they say will get you going... but you really have to take a step back and consider things)
Normally it wouldn’t bother me that he offered to pay, but he already knew that the issue wasn’t about money.

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The matter of being condescending; all adults or... the older generation, will always look at the younger generation as being "kids" him talking to you like your a young whipper snapper should be endearing, even if it is annoying... that's family...
I know this is how he will always look at me no matter how old I am, but he has to realize he can’t tell me what I should do. He tried to do that when I was much younger (under 10), and I wouldn’t talk back or say anything then, but I wouldn’t tolerate it now.

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You note that your fathers side (which is also a part of you) is Caucasian and "so family isn't as close as an asian family" This right here tells me you probably never related with your caucasian heritage, for if you had eyes you would know your race means shit. Maybe that's part of the reason why you felt you never got along with your Uncle... because you never bothered to try and relate to that cultural side of you; maybe if you did you wouldn't find some of the things that annoy you... annoying...
I have actually related with my Caucasian heritage, so that is not an issue. The majority of Caucasian people I have grown up with are not as tight knit with their family as Asian people. I know certain Caucasian cultures are more tight knit than others (Italian, Greek, etc), but most of the Caucasian people I grew up with moved out at an early age, and don’t spend a lot of time with their family. A lot of the Asian people I grew up with still live with their families, and even if they don’t they spend a lot of time with their families. How close a family is doesn’t come down to just their race, it comes down to the values and culture the family practices. You can have Caucasian people that are much closer than an Asian family if they were raised with stronger family values and culture.

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I don't know the whole thread just makes it sound like you could have taken things out of context... and it sort of rubs off an image of you being a douche...

you handled it ok... You probably did your Uncle a favour by telling him "this is how things are" it probably helped him so he didn't have to listen to Your cousin whine about his GF
but you didn't have to tell him "if my Cuz or you don't like it fuck off" that just seemed down right mean...
If you’re referring to the statement, “I understand if <cousin>, or anyone else, chooses not to attend this event as a result of this decision”? That is very different from, “if my Cuz or you don't like it fuck off”

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But none of us know the nuances of your relationships we can just garner what we're told on here. So i may be totally wrong / out of line... but from what's known it certainly doesn't seem like it.
I think there are too many assumptions made about the situation. On my part, I should have probably provided more information to make a good suggestion.

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and for those who say Marriage is about the 2 getting married and they should have things exactly how they want it.... You're wrong.

You're partially right... It is about the Couple... but if they hold Family to have any value (which is the whole point of getting married... family) than they should encompass their family into every part of the marriage (yes them being there is a part of it but its not the only part) and the whole event of Marriages (which also marries families together) should be acted out as a family, together, so that everyone is Happy... Wow im really starting to Ramble and become confusing.. probably because im dead tired; this is probably the part that i should say "But I Digress"
I do hold family value to have value, but what if hypothetically, the uncle beat the person getting married so bad he was in the hospital for months, and/or that same uncle killed the pet of the person get married, on purpose, or even raped another family member. Should they then be encompassed into every part of the marriage?
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Old 05-20-2010, 09:11 AM   #47
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You make his request sound spiteful; but you said so yourself he's 70 years old.

He was being considerate in asking you if you could invite your cousins gf. (He must be hearing shit from his side of the family hence his asking you)
Going from what the OP has said so far, though, the uncle DIDN'T "ask"... he TOLD.

"...just yesterday he sent me an email telling me I need to resend an invitation to my cousin (his son) to include his gf..."
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Old 05-20-2010, 09:21 AM   #48
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Going from what the OP has said so far, though, the uncle DIDN'T "ask"... he TOLD.

"...just yesterday he sent me an email telling me I need to resend an invitation to my cousin (his son) to include his gf..."
thanks Soundy. He wasnt being considerate, he told me that my cousin will not attend without his girlfriend (which was a lie), and to send out a new invitation with his girlfriend included.
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Old 05-21-2010, 11:26 AM   #49
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i dunno your uncle or his cultural background, but personally, when i receive invitation and if it specifically has only my name on it, i always leave the wife at home and never even thought about asking the bride or groom if its ok to bring her.

Your uncle's action is quite selfish and I think you should stand your ground. He thinks he can pay money to solve problem, but its your wedding, your the boss.

If he has no respect for you now , why should you worry about long term relationship with him?


btw, got a pic of your cousin's gf?
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Old 05-21-2010, 01:26 PM   #50
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i dunno your uncle or his cultural background, but personally, when i receive invitation and if it specifically has only my name on it, i always leave the wife at home and never even thought about asking the bride or groom if its ok to bring her.
Its good to hear that a number of people respect the decision of who's invited.

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Your uncle's action is quite selfish and I think you should stand your ground. He thinks he can pay money to solve problem, but its your wedding, your the boss.
I agree and have/will stand my ground, but I think in order of whos the boss can be different depending on factors like who's paying, culture, etc...

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If he has no respect for you now , why should you worry about long term relationship with him?
he never has during my whole life, including my fathers. He's been nothing but mean, condescending, arrogant, etc.. its hard to do deal with because he's family. If he was anyone else, I would have told him to go fuck himself decades ago.

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btw, got a pic of your cousin's gf?
haha I do, but out of respect for my cousin, who didnt do anything, i'm not going to put it up :P
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