REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

CRS · 05-04-2010, 07:45 AM

This could have all been avoided if you had never asked the question.

To be honest, there are just some questions that do not need to be asked. The answers are none of your business and in fact, it is actually really disrespectful to ask these questions. Although you want to be as open as possible and be honest as possible, there are times where things should be left alone until it is necessary to reveal them.

So similar questions are: How many sexual partners have you had or even how many people you have dated? What are you sexual fantasies/fetishes?

Questions like these are so loaded that regardless of the answer, it is going to be upsetting/unsettling for one if not both of you. I know that you are curious about the persons past but asking such invasive questions (especially in the beginning of the relationship), you are going to hurt the person you are asking or get hurt yourself. It will either cause you to be self-concious (like you are right now) or cause the person to feel inferior/shame.

Best advice? Do not ask because you are simply curious. Do not assume until you find proof. I suppose this leads me to my last point about jealousy which seems to be inevitable in this case, jealousy is never a sign of love, it is a sign of insecurity.

Noir · 05-04-2010, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wstce92

I totally disagree, there IS a simple answer, and it's selfishness. I don't buy any of that bs about lack of communication, support, etc. If that was the case, either talk it out, work it out, or dump them. Plain and simple, people who cheat are selfish and really don't give two shits about anyone else. Even if they're just "getting back" at their cheating s.o., why sink to their level? It takes a lot of disregard and disrespect to completely abuse and betray someone's trust in you, and knowingly destroying their manhood/ making them feel like trash not worth keep your commitment for in the process.

Having said that, people change and relationships can only succeed with trust, so if you're not capable of trusting her after this, don't bother. And if she ever does cheat on you, don't be surprised, people change, but many don't.

Don't you think that's a bit too cynical?

M0NTEG0 · 05-05-2010, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kod_mako

I've been dating a girl for a few months now the whole thing of 'cheating' came up a few weeks ago. I asked her if she had, and she said when she was with her ex she made out with another guy. She told her ex right after away and they worked through things and were together for the next 3 years.

Faithfulness is one of my most important things in a relationship and it has bothered me ever since she told me.

Should I be able look past this or should I hold true to the old mantra "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

interesting... Why did you ask if you weren't prepared to hear the answer? So she kissed another dude a long time ago (at least 3 years). Big deal.

I'm gonna be brutally honest here. You need to grow up just a little bit. As you are letting a simple kiss get in the way of your relationship. The funny part is that this was even before you knew her! lol. You are gonna look back in a few years and realize what a miniscule problem this really is.

I have a friend that shares that same quality. He asked his then GF stuff that was really none of his business. It drove him insane... The funny part about it was that his past is 10X times worse. I talked to him about how he is a hypocrite and he shouldn't judge her for things that she did before she knew him. Eventually he got over it well sort of... Now they are married and when he gets drunk enough he brings it up and ruins everyone's night. At that point I take him to the side and say "dude so what if she made out with some married guy before she knew you... You fucked a pornstar that specialized in anal gangbangs (no lie)... and this is when you were dating her! so shut the fuck up and get over it... please"

Jmac · 05-05-2010, 11:39 PM

People cheat for a lot of different reasons but, ultimately, it means that the relationship has reached a point where they don't really care about it.

Just because she cheated in another relationship, it doesn't mean she'll cheat on you.

maxxxboost · 05-06-2010, 12:45 AM

In a way, she knew she was wrong and even told the ex right after. Some things are worth looking past. But it is up to you to decide what to do. If you're the type of person that can't let it go, so be it. But you should be happy she even told you the truth.

No trust, no go.

DGiRL · 05-06-2010, 07:29 PM

let's pull out the magical scale and measure this one out..
making out with someone else vs. fucking someone else
telling boyfriend in subject vs. lying about it
or more importantly..

telling you vs. lying to your face

in your opinion, which one is a better choice?
if she told you, it means she has nothing to hide and wants to start the relationship off on a good note. considering it was at least 3 years before you came along, you should now do her the same courtesy and get over it

Leparto · 05-15-2010, 03:57 PM

its true some people change but keep in mind people change for the worse as well

but if you love her, forget about it and if she does cheat do u regret ever being with her and living your life with her? if u believe shes true then forget about it and enjoy your your time with her

Walperstyle · 05-15-2010, 04:12 PM

I wouldnt date one, but damn i'd still tap it

x72896 · 06-04-2010, 12:48 AM

What if its the exact same thing, but it is happening to you right now?
my gf is in switzerland for school and last friday night she went to the club there got drunk , made out with two guys, one was her frd. after the club she took him back to his place cuz he was drunk. while at his place he wanted to have sex with her, but she refused and went back to her place. got on skype with me and told me the story.

i was mad pissed and very depressed. i did forgive her but i could never forget it, now i dont trust her as much as before.

Gumby · 06-04-2010, 08:23 AM

^
At least she refused to have sex with her friend! That would've been much worse.

ScizzMoney · 06-04-2010, 11:41 AM

I never believe chics that say they went to a guy's place after the bar and nothing happened. Girls know what a guy wants before they even walk through that door.

Powerslide · 06-07-2010, 07:38 AM

i dont think everyone here is being too cynical

i dated a girl who had the same kind of thing - she blatantly cheated once in her past. I wasnt too upset about it. She was quite the selfish type.
But although she didn't outright cheat again, she made allowances like "oh, we were on a break that one time so TECHNICALLY it's not cheating etc etc"

It should be a warning flag OP. Maybe CRS is right - maybe it would have just been better not to ask such a question. But you did. I think that making out isnt nearly as big a deal as fucking someone else though, but that's just me and others will argue on that.

It takes a whole hell of a lot of transformation to change a selfish person. Of course it happens and people change, but most of the time they just repeat their own patterns out of fear of facing their own underlying causes. Or even caring of those causes for that matter.