[Confidential] Help with my naive sister
 

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

My baby sister recently got herself a boyfriend and she is head over heels in love with this guy. THis is her first boyfriend (she's 21) and I understand how great she must feel. However, this guy is not serious about her..and I am for sure he doesn't hold her as high as she does for him. He treats her like she's a friend to him and will only go out with her if she goes picks him up and pays for all of his shit (which she is completely fine with). I know I know, this is her life and her boyfriend, but she is my sister and I don't want to see her heartbroken in the end. This is her first time having sex too so I can understand the emotional investment she has in this.

In my family we have 4 girls and the 3 oldest sisters have been lucky in love I guess you can say and her group of friends have all dated many people except for her. I feel like she doesn't see relationships as a growing process but a competition for her to do all these things right away so she'll fit in.

A part of me is telling myself to let her live out the trial and errors of a relationship but at the same time I feel like it's my duty (as well as my sisters) to tell her this guy is bad news and she can do better. Anyone else had this experience with their siblings? What did you guys do?

challenge boyfriend to roshambo. go first.

no matter what you say, she won't really listen to you until she sees it in her eyes that this guy's a douche.

she'll live and learn after.

Let her learn it the hard way, everyone has to learn once in a while.

Flirt with her bf, and then frame him for cheating on her. Win win, you get fling and she breaks up with him.

You might want to mention something. But if she's gonna ignore you, unfortunately she'll have to learn the hard way.

So glad I don't have a younger sister. If I found out she got jerked around I'd probably pummel the guy haha.

Are you 100% sure he doesn't hold her as high as she does for him? So the only times they have gone out were when "she goes picks him up and pays for all of his shit"? Did she tell you that when they go out she pays all the time?

Does he drive at all? I think its pretty pathetic, especially at that age when a guy always gets driven around by their girlfriend.

My sister started going out with some douche a couple years ago and she was driving his ass around all the time, but I realize everyones relationship dynamics are different, and it might work for them...I didnt think my sisters bf held my sister as high as she does for him, but theyre still going out.. maybe your sisters bf makes it up to her in other ways when the door is closed?

If it doesnt work out in the end, then you can tell her I told you so. I'm still waiting for that day with my sister...

as mentioned, its her lesson to learn, if she learns from this, it will help her throughout her life. if u tell her otherwise, she will just hate u for it.

self learned lessons go long way ...compared to somebody pushing them down ...

What would Toretto do?

You break her heart, I'll break your neck

http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medi...9/18944133.jpg

Self-learned lessons are great, but that doesn't mean you'd let your 2-year old touch a hot stove just so they can see what happens.

You need to talk to her about it.. you need to at least try to educate her on what she's getting herself into. If she won't listen.. well, there's only so much you can do.

give advice only when she asks other than that, let her live her life

Letting a 2 year old touch a hot stove and learning about life though dating is 2 different things.

Be a good older sister and let her live her life. Gently remind her to practise safe sex so she doesn't get pregnant or worse.
If things work out, great. If it doesn't, be a good sis and take her shopping.

The last thing you want to do is keep nagging her to the point you are actually pushing her away because she doesn't want to talk to you.

Best post in this thread

totally disagree.

If it wasn't for my bro's interviening when i thought i didnt need help, id be a much worse off person today.

Sorry, but your case doesn't mean it is right for this other person.
You are lucky you listened to your brother and things worked out. What if you listened to him and things turned out bad/worse?

I know friends who listened to their parent's advice and things turned out poorly which resulted in them losing a lot of money.

Also remember she is the youngest of you sisters, and also the one who hasn't been lucky in love yet. We all know you mean well, but me thinks she won't listen to you. Just like you, she wants to be lucky in love aswell.

Maybe give her a small talk and then just be ready for her when (if) she comes around needing your advice, or a shoulder. If she keeps listening to her older sisters, then she will never be lucky in love.

Oh, and if the guy really is a douche and she finds out the hard way, don't give her the "I told you so" speech.
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I went through something similar as your sister when i was around 18. Dated a guy who basically never really paid for anything, and refused to drive me around unless I paid gas money sometimes even. I was in your sister's shoes, and eventually I started seeing the reality of things after my friends kept telling me that what was happening wasn't right.

Skip forward,
I confronted him. Big argument. Broke up. Ended up being sad over it for about 6 months. But learned my lesson and I definitly see things much differently now.

You can keep telling her what you see and what you think if you truly think they are right, eventually she'll have a day where she'll turn around and realize that you were right all along. But other than that, you just gotta let her do her own thing and learn it the hard way.


Sucks, I know. But it's an important life lesson if you do happen to run into it.

shes 21... she's gonna go through many heartbreaks in her life, let her learn.

casually bring up what you think of him and how he treats her and such, she won't listen to you now but when he breaks her heart hopefully she'll realize you were right and to listen to/get some advice from you in the future.

The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

The little douchebag and my sister went for a weekend trip and he ended up inviting 3 of his other friends without telling her. The worst part was she planned and has been looking forward to this getaway for weeks now (and she paid for the hotel :( ) because she thought this would help "reconnect" them. Appaerntly they ended up getting a bigger room, and she fell asleep on the couch for a nap before dinner and he and his friends just left her there to go out themselves.

They went away for 3 days and theo nly time they got alone time was when they drove there. I've been telling my sister to get her ass in check and that this guy is a loser but she keeps on defending him. My mom has tried talking to her but she would just end up lashing out at my mom and saying she doesn't understand...htne start saying how WE dont understand.

It's a non stop rollercoaster with her because she places him so highly. ANd I know for sure he doesn't care for her as much as she does because ..well it's obvsious with the way he acts with her. He does drive and he's a car guy (i even think he's on here...) but it's alwas her going to see him.

Your sister values him more than he values her and she won't realize this until she hits her limit. In fact, she may subconciously realized this already but is in complete denial. Mind you, this is common for people during a bad relationship and happens quite a bit with women. It is also the underlying factor behind (physically/emotionally) abusive relationships.
She won't let it seep into her head for a while so all you can do is always remind her how much of a douche he is. Having heard you, she will value your words in the long run. Just be there for her when she cries and listen to sob stories when they come. But the most important thing is to ensure she doesn't do anything physically dangerous or unlawful. It is indeed a life lesson...

It's not that bad, could have been worse with 4 guys and a girl on a trip.

There's nothing you can do. Relationships can sometimes be a game of leverage. Right now, 100% of the leverage is with the guy as she thinks she needs him more than he needs her ATM.

The only way to change things is if she somehow finds a way to not need him anymore as she does now. Either someone else (another guy) or something (school, career, etc) becomes more important to her. Unless either these 2 factors enter the equation, neither words or advices by anyone would change anything.

For now, she's hooped.

^ Yup nothing you can do. She's about be in a world of hurt. :) Sit back and enjoy your popcorn.

It's sad, but (dumb) chicks who fall for this kind of garbage are a dime a dozen. The sad part is I know chicks who actually still got married after being treated like dirt for years. Truly sad. To the OP, this is the one thing you need to watch for. The last thing you want is a douche being part of your family.

Live and learn.
simple as that
you dont learn unless you experience it
I know how you feel, if he hurts her bad though just go beat him up