REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum


Welcome to the REVscene Automotive Forum forums.

Registration is Free!You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

Relationship & Gender Discussion THIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE!
The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-26-2010, 06:11 PM   #1
Official Texas Ambassador
 
El Bastardo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10,135
Thanked 5,356 Times in 1,206 Posts
[Confidential] Help with my naive sister

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

My baby sister recently got herself a boyfriend and she is head over heels in love with this guy. THis is her first boyfriend (she's 21) and I understand how great she must feel. However, this guy is not serious about her..and I am for sure he doesn't hold her as high as she does for him. He treats her like she's a friend to him and will only go out with her if she goes picks him up and pays for all of his shit (which she is completely fine with). I know I know, this is her life and her boyfriend, but she is my sister and I don't want to see her heartbroken in the end. This is her first time having sex too so I can understand the emotional investment she has in this.

In my family we have 4 girls and the 3 oldest sisters have been lucky in love I guess you can say and her group of friends have all dated many people except for her. I feel like she doesn't see relationships as a growing process but a competition for her to do all these things right away so she'll fit in.

A part of me is telling myself to let her live out the trial and errors of a relationship but at the same time I feel like it's my duty (as well as my sisters) to tell her this guy is bad news and she can do better. Anyone else had this experience with their siblings? What did you guys do?

El Bastardo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2010, 06:25 PM   #2
I *heart* Revscene.net very Muchie
 
raygunpk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,711
Thanked 2,584 Times in 610 Posts
challenge boyfriend to roshambo. go first.
__________________
<3 tos'd the troll king
raygunpk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2010, 06:27 PM   #3
ah_some
 
ah_cat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: North Siiiiiide
Posts: 9,429
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
no matter what you say, she won't really listen to you until she sees it in her eyes that this guy's a douche.

she'll live and learn after.
__________________
www.pientertainment.com:
Embassy Fridays @ Pop Opera
Live Saturdays @ Gossip


CoLoRs member #19 [The Enforcer, you maggots!]
RSB #6



ah_cat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2010, 06:29 PM   #4
I'll be good I promise.
 
Kim Jong Un's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: North Korea
Posts: 1,927
Thanked 1,492 Times in 323 Posts
Let her learn it the hard way, everyone has to learn once in a while.
Kim Jong Un is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2010, 06:33 PM   #5
bcrdukes
 
TOS'd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 9,048
Thanked 5,120 Times in 1,531 Posts
Flirt with her bf, and then frame him for cheating on her. Win win, you get fling and she breaks up with him.
TOS'd is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 05-27-2010, 05:28 AM   #6
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
slammer111's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,627
Thanked 273 Times in 90 Posts
You might want to mention something. But if she's gonna ignore you, unfortunately she'll have to learn the hard way.

So glad I don't have a younger sister. If I found out she got jerked around I'd probably pummel the guy haha.
slammer111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 07:44 AM   #7
RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
 
mikeivb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: vancouver
Posts: 993
Thanked 126 Times in 59 Posts
Are you 100% sure he doesn't hold her as high as she does for him? So the only times they have gone out were when "she goes picks him up and pays for all of his shit"? Did she tell you that when they go out she pays all the time?

Does he drive at all? I think its pretty pathetic, especially at that age when a guy always gets driven around by their girlfriend.

My sister started going out with some douche a couple years ago and she was driving his ass around all the time, but I realize everyones relationship dynamics are different, and it might work for them...I didnt think my sisters bf held my sister as high as she does for him, but theyre still going out.. maybe your sisters bf makes it up to her in other ways when the door is closed?

If it doesnt work out in the end, then you can tell her I told you so. I'm still waiting for that day with my sister...
mikeivb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 10:28 AM   #8
My homepage has been set to RS
 
tool001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: vancouver
Posts: 2,214
Thanked 810 Times in 274 Posts
as mentioned, its her lesson to learn, if she learns from this, it will help her throughout her life. if u tell her otherwise, she will just hate u for it.

self learned lessons go long way ...compared to somebody pushing them down ...
tool001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 10:45 AM   #9
RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
 
mikeivb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: vancouver
Posts: 993
Thanked 126 Times in 59 Posts
What would Toretto do?

You break her heart, I'll break your neck

mikeivb is offline   Reply With Quote
This post thanked by:
Old 05-27-2010, 11:07 AM   #10
nuggets mod
 
freakshow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: richmond
Posts: 6,702
Thanked 3,045 Times in 840 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by tool001 View Post
as mentioned, its her lesson to learn, if she learns from this, it will help her throughout her life. if u tell her otherwise, she will just hate u for it.

self learned lessons go long way ...compared to somebody pushing them down ...
Self-learned lessons are great, but that doesn't mean you'd let your 2-year old touch a hot stove just so they can see what happens.

You need to talk to her about it.. you need to at least try to educate her on what she's getting herself into. If she won't listen.. well, there's only so much you can do.
__________________
I searched for truth, and all I found was You

'00 323i (Sold)
'01 Civic Si (Sold)
'95 240sx (Sold)
'02 LMB M5 (Sold)
'92 4Runner (Sold)
'92 Civic VX (Sold)
'03 SL500 (Sold)
'92 NSX
'99 M3 (Totalled)
'07 A4 2.0T (Sold)
'01 CB M5 (Sold)
'01 540i (Sold)
'11 535ix
freakshow is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 12:39 PM   #11
I bringith the lowerballerith
 
hirevtuner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,179
Thanked 178 Times in 77 Posts
give advice only when she asks other than that, let her live her life
hirevtuner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 03:15 PM   #12
Pull Out Towing. Women rescued for free.
 
SumAznGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Hongcouver
Posts: 7,486
Thanked 1,879 Times in 994 Posts
Letting a 2 year old touch a hot stove and learning about life though dating is 2 different things.

Be a good older sister and let her live her life. Gently remind her to practise safe sex so she doesn't get pregnant or worse.
If things work out, great. If it doesn't, be a good sis and take her shopping.

The last thing you want to do is keep nagging her to the point you are actually pushing her away because she doesn't want to talk to you.
__________________
Originally posted by Iceman_19 you should have tried to touch his penis. that really throws them off.
Originally posted by The7even SumAznGuy > Billboa
Originally posted by 1990TSI SumAznGuy> Internet > tinytrix
(11-0-0) Buy/Sell rating
Christine
Shitvic
Pull Out Towing
SumAznGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 04:25 PM   #13
How I Mod your mother
 
!Yaminashi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 13,671
Thanked 968 Times in 474 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by hirevtuner View Post
give advice only when she asks other than that, let her live her life
Best post in this thread
__________________
Quote:
[19-07, 16:52] bloodmack: EB did u change my avatar and title?
Quote:
[19-07, 16:54] El Bastardo: bm i have no idea what you're talking about because i don't speak gorilla
Crayon
!Yaminashi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 04:47 PM   #14
Banned By Establishment
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Richmond
Posts: 12,489
Thanked 2,090 Times in 773 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coach Hines View Post
Best post in this thread
totally disagree.

If it wasn't for my bro's interviening when i thought i didnt need help, id be a much worse off person today.
Meowjin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 04:52 PM   #15
Pull Out Towing. Women rescued for free.
 
SumAznGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Hongcouver
Posts: 7,486
Thanked 1,879 Times in 994 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by MajinHurricane View Post
totally disagree.

If it wasn't for my bro's interviening when i thought i didnt need help, id be a much worse off person today.
Sorry, but your case doesn't mean it is right for this other person.
You are lucky you listened to your brother and things worked out. What if you listened to him and things turned out bad/worse?

I know friends who listened to their parent's advice and things turned out poorly which resulted in them losing a lot of money.
__________________
Originally posted by Iceman_19 you should have tried to touch his penis. that really throws them off.
Originally posted by The7even SumAznGuy > Billboa
Originally posted by 1990TSI SumAznGuy> Internet > tinytrix
(11-0-0) Buy/Sell rating
Christine
Shitvic
Pull Out Towing
SumAznGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 05:26 PM   #16
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: richmond
Posts: 2,518
Thanked 1,352 Times in 445 Posts
Also remember she is the youngest of you sisters, and also the one who hasn't been lucky in love yet. We all know you mean well, but me thinks she won't listen to you. Just like you, she wants to be lucky in love aswell.

Maybe give her a small talk and then just be ready for her when (if) she comes around needing your advice, or a shoulder. If she keeps listening to her older sisters, then she will never be lucky in love.

Oh, and if the guy really is a douche and she finds out the hard way, don't give her the "I told you so" speech.
Posted via RS Mobile
vafanculo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2010, 10:59 PM   #17
I don't get it
 
NimbeeTT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Richmond
Posts: 439
Thanked 37 Times in 22 Posts
I went through something similar as your sister when i was around 18. Dated a guy who basically never really paid for anything, and refused to drive me around unless I paid gas money sometimes even. I was in your sister's shoes, and eventually I started seeing the reality of things after my friends kept telling me that what was happening wasn't right.

Skip forward,
I confronted him. Big argument. Broke up. Ended up being sad over it for about 6 months. But learned my lesson and I definitly see things much differently now.

You can keep telling her what you see and what you think if you truly think they are right, eventually she'll have a day where she'll turn around and realize that you were right all along. But other than that, you just gotta let her do her own thing and learn it the hard way.


Sucks, I know. But it's an important life lesson if you do happen to run into it.
NimbeeTT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2010, 07:13 PM   #18
Proud to be called a RS Regular!
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: vancouver
Posts: 100
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
shes 21... she's gonna go through many heartbreaks in her life, let her learn.
ooops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2010, 12:06 PM   #19
Willing to sell body for a few minutes on RS
 
underscore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Kel-pwn-a
Posts: 11,969
Thanked 4,957 Times in 2,167 Posts
casually bring up what you think of him and how he treats her and such, she won't listen to you now but when he breaks her heart hopefully she'll realize you were right and to listen to/get some advice from you in the future.
__________________
1992 Toyota Celica GT-S // 1991 Toyota Celica GTFour RC FOR SALE // 2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee CRD

Quote:
Originally Posted by maksimizer View Post
half those dudes are hotter than ,my GF.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RevYouUp View Post
reading this thread is like waiting for goku to charge up a spirit bomb in dragon ball z
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_KarMa View Post
OH thank god. I thought u had sex with my wife. :cry:
underscore is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2010, 08:40 PM   #20
Official Texas Ambassador
 
El Bastardo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10,135
Thanked 5,356 Times in 1,206 Posts
The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

The little douchebag and my sister went for a weekend trip and he ended up inviting 3 of his other friends without telling her. The worst part was she planned and has been looking forward to this getaway for weeks now (and she paid for the hotel ) because she thought this would help "reconnect" them. Appaerntly they ended up getting a bigger room, and she fell asleep on the couch for a nap before dinner and he and his friends just left her there to go out themselves.

They went away for 3 days and theo nly time they got alone time was when they drove there. I've been telling my sister to get her ass in check and that this guy is a loser but she keeps on defending him. My mom has tried talking to her but she would just end up lashing out at my mom and saying she doesn't understand...htne start saying how WE dont understand.

It's a non stop rollercoaster with her because she places him so highly. ANd I know for sure he doesn't care for her as much as she does because ..well it's obvsious with the way he acts with her. He does drive and he's a car guy (i even think he's on here...) but it's alwas her going to see him.
El Bastardo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2010, 11:47 PM   #21
I don't get it
 
butter_sashimi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 402
Thanked 65 Times in 26 Posts
Your sister values him more than he values her and she won't realize this until she hits her limit. In fact, she may subconciously realized this already but is in complete denial. Mind you, this is common for people during a bad relationship and happens quite a bit with women. It is also the underlying factor behind (physically/emotionally) abusive relationships.
She won't let it seep into her head for a while so all you can do is always remind her how much of a douche he is. Having heard you, she will value your words in the long run. Just be there for her when she cries and listen to sob stories when they come. But the most important thing is to ensure she doesn't do anything physically dangerous or unlawful. It is indeed a life lesson...
butter_sashimi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2010, 11:50 PM   #22
The "You'd Know" Moderator
 
impactX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Home
Posts: 20,885
Thanked 214 Times in 118 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

The little douchebag and my sister went for a weekend trip and he ended up inviting 3 of his other friends without telling her. The worst part was she planned and has been looking forward to this getaway for weeks now (and she paid for the hotel ) because she thought this would help "reconnect" them. Appaerntly they ended up getting a bigger room, and she fell asleep on the couch for a nap before dinner and he and his friends just left her there to go out themselves.

They went away for 3 days and theo nly time they got alone time was when they drove there. I've been telling my sister to get her ass in check and that this guy is a loser but she keeps on defending him. My mom has tried talking to her but she would just end up lashing out at my mom and saying she doesn't understand...htne start saying how WE dont understand.

It's a non stop rollercoaster with her because she places him so highly. ANd I know for sure he doesn't care for her as much as she does because ..well it's obvsious with the way he acts with her. He does drive and he's a car guy (i even think he's on here...) but it's alwas her going to see him.
It's not that bad, could have been worse with 4 guys and a girl on a trip.
__________________
08 CBR600RR
03 IS300

Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
impactX is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2010, 02:20 AM   #23
Hypa owned my ass at least once
 
Noir's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Japan
Posts: 6,747
Thanked 1,314 Times in 540 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

The little douchebag and my sister went for a weekend trip and he ended up inviting 3 of his other friends without telling her. The worst part was she planned and has been looking forward to this getaway for weeks now (and she paid for the hotel ) because she thought this would help "reconnect" them. Appaerntly they ended up getting a bigger room, and she fell asleep on the couch for a nap before dinner and he and his friends just left her there to go out themselves.

They went away for 3 days and theo nly time they got alone time was when they drove there. I've been telling my sister to get her ass in check and that this guy is a loser but she keeps on defending him. My mom has tried talking to her but she would just end up lashing out at my mom and saying she doesn't understand...htne start saying how WE dont understand.

It's a non stop rollercoaster with her because she places him so highly. ANd I know for sure he doesn't care for her as much as she does because ..well it's obvsious with the way he acts with her. He does drive and he's a car guy (i even think he's on here...) but it's alwas her going to see him.
There's nothing you can do. Relationships can sometimes be a game of leverage. Right now, 100% of the leverage is with the guy as she thinks she needs him more than he needs her ATM.

The only way to change things is if she somehow finds a way to not need him anymore as she does now. Either someone else (another guy) or something (school, career, etc) becomes more important to her. Unless either these 2 factors enter the equation, neither words or advices by anyone would change anything.

For now, she's hooped.
Noir is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2010, 03:23 AM   #24
I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
 
slammer111's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 2,627
Thanked 273 Times in 90 Posts
^ Yup nothing you can do. She's about be in a world of hurt. Sit back and enjoy your popcorn.

It's sad, but (dumb) chicks who fall for this kind of garbage are a dime a dozen. The sad part is I know chicks who actually still got married after being treated like dirt for years. Truly sad. To the OP, this is the one thing you need to watch for. The last thing you want is a douche being part of your family.
slammer111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2010, 10:39 AM   #25
My dinner reheated before my turbo spooled
 
greendb7's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,758
Thanked 403 Times in 130 Posts
Live and learn.
simple as that
you dont learn unless you experience it
I know how you feel, if he hurts her bad though just go beat him up
greendb7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:55 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.
Revscene.net cannot be held accountable for the actions of its members nor does the opinions of the members represent that of Revscene.net