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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 09-17-2010, 05:57 PM   #26
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^^ That's if she haven't cheated on him already.

Green hat is comming his way if he doesn't do something.

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Old 09-17-2010, 10:38 PM   #27
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My advice is not to do anything rash. I think lots of people have a point when they say things like, "sleep with her before someone else does." But:
1. That means things have already ended between the two of you.
2. It'll just make the break-up messier.

From the sounds of it, you really like this girl. You're both at a time in your lives where you're definitely maturing and trying to identify yourself in society. It's common that she would start behaving a little differently.

Now...regarding her saying that if she sleeps with someone when drunk that that would be alright and if you did the same thing she'd be cool with that too, that is SO uncool. Objectively speaking, it's messed up. I think in a year or two, she would see that it's messed up too. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I think I might've said something as stupid as that in the past. In my defense, fortunately, I didn't actually do something stupid like that. But for some weird ass reason, at the time, I said that thinking there was truth behind it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're willing to be patient and risk that she just might be stupid enough to follow through on what she's allowed, give it some more time. It's an investment in the relationship you'd be making. I do feel bad for you tho, it's not a position any boyfriend should have to be in.

I appreciate your post tho. It's made me take a look back at my life and hopefully I can turn back and say that I've grown a lot from then. Still a lot to learn tho ^^
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Old 09-18-2010, 03:39 AM   #28
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Quote:
She said if something we're to happen if she was intoxicated, it'd be just that, it wouldn't mean anything. It seems like if she has sex (which i doubt she would, but there is still a high chance if she's wasted), she'll just shrug it off and be like "i didn't know what i was doing, i don't even remember". Which is total BS to me, she even went as far as saying that if I were to do that drunk, she'd be ok with it.
I call bullshit. Some girls like to talk a big game and pretend they're stronger than they really are.

I guarantee you, strongly guarantee you that if you slept with someone else first before she gets a chance to sleep with someone else, she'll feel cheated, you're immoral, and probably villify you to everyone in your mutual social circle.

However, this is your problem:
Quote:
Maybe cause I think our relationship is one of those I'm a 5 she's an 11 kind of thing.
She has leverage over you. If you guys do go your separate ways, she'll rebound a sure hell of a lot sooner than you ever could.



Quote:
Originally Posted by 6793026 View Post
The fact "oh, if i have sex because I was drunk, it'll mean nothing. ONLY A FUCKEN GIRL would say that shit. You would NEVER EVER hear a guy saying that and get away with this. Seriously, does ANYONE you know with a great bf/gf relationship ever say this to their sign. other?
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Originally Posted by Mr.HappySilp View Post
pop her cherry before someone takes it.
This "may" work. There are some women who have a tendency to get "clingy" after sex. I'm thinking moreso in this case if she's a virgin and you're first. However, she is an 11 after all and you're a 5 so there's no guarantees on that, just a good probability.
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Old 09-18-2010, 09:33 AM   #29
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It is just a matter of time when she sleeps with someone she met from the party because of the comment she made. She probably plan it will happen and that is why she made that comment to you. I'd say leave her now. No gf will say that shit to their bf if she truly loved you and care for you.
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Old 09-18-2010, 11:08 AM   #30
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Your a 5, Shes a 11, if this relationship is on its way out you should probably try to have sex with her now

just saying
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Old 09-18-2010, 12:34 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by miss_crayon View Post
But again, why do I feel like there's still a good chance that someone will win her over and she'll just dump me? I honestly think she's the one as well (plays video games, amazing good looks, interested in my hobbies, smart, funny, the whole package!), but as long as she's going to these parties/clubbing and all that stuff, I still feel it .
It's called growing up, living life to the fullest. Parties will happen, puking will happen, fucking will happen. You've held her hand for too long I wouldn't be surprised if you held your parents hands for that long too, and she's ready to move on.

Plays video games, alright my girl does too?
Looks, girls will always look better than the one you're with. ALWAYS.
Smart, maybe because she's in UBC?
Funny, that's just personality meet more girls.

Stop rationalizing the truth and open your eyes, if she doesn't have as much interest as you like her it won't work. Nobody gives 2 shits how much you love her, it's really whether or not she likes you more. Most times girls do the dumping, understand that. Obviously, you like her more than she likes you. If it was vice versa, you wouldn't be in this situation AT ALL! Make sense, right?

You gave yourself up for someone else, I find that a big mistake. Just let her break your heart, you'll realize your mistakes and become a man, hopefully. She's not the one for you, you're young and dumb. You really think your going to put a ring on this girl? I'm going to guess she's inbetween the ages of 18 - 22, you really think a girl is ready to settle down to become "the one" at that age? Do you really fucking think that? It's not impossible, but it's sure as hell not likely.

Think about it.

Edit: She won't sleep with you if she's really a 10/10 and you're a 5/10 with no confidence no backbone and insecure, why would she? If I was a girl, I wouldn't that would be a helluva shitty find.

Embrace the facts since they're laid out for you on the table, and become a man. Please? We're the same gender, on the same team not going after the same girl. Why would I lie to you? I don't want her, she hasn't even had practise yet.
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Old 09-18-2010, 02:55 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by v.Rossi View Post

You gave yourself up for someone else, I find that a big mistake. Just let her break your heart, you'll realize your mistakes and become a man, hopefully. She's not the one for you, you're young and dumb. You really think your going to put a ring on this girl? I'm going to guess she's inbetween the ages of 18 - 22, you really think a girl is ready to settle down to become "the one" at that age? Do you really fucking think that? It's not impossible, but it's sure as hell not likely.
QFT so true
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:36 PM   #33
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The following are replies from the anonymous poster. If the anon poster would like to make a reply please contact me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fafine View Post
lost her before you had her
Not entirely sure about this, I don't think i've actually lost her..

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_AK View Post
I remember my first real relationship, being too open will eventually kill it. What shes doing right now is moving on with her life and experiencing the joy of university. You need to stop revolving your life around hers and do the things you want to as well. Good luck
Thanks, I'll try to focus more around my life instead of focusing on hers way too much.

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I'm going to assume you both are still fairly young (19/20?) and all you guys had up to this point has been just you and her. Being in a relationship when you're in highschool seems like rainbows and shooting stars, but once you're thrown into a new scene (Uni/College) things are bound to change. You meet more people, you see new things that as a 'kid' you wouldn't have experienced. Right now, she's trying to be grow out of her shell as a girl and into a woman. And she's choosing partying as her way of fitting that womanly role. It's normal though, everyone goes through the partying phase to "find" themselves somehow.

I hate to say it, but from what youve mentioned...she just seems to be losing interest in you and if anything..somewhat disrespectful to you to say all that bs about sleeping with someone if she's drunk and shit. However, is saying all this to you..come to the point where she wants to break up with you? No. She's comfortable, she's content with her relationship thus far and will continue to be with you. It's nothing that you did to make her change or whatever... but just naturally..she's growing up and curious about the other things around her. Whether it be who she be friends with, drinks herself to an oblivion to feel that PAIN the day after etc...she's just simply growing out of her younger years.

As for how youre feeling, I think you just need to let go of the fact that youre no longer in highschool and the relationship isn't going to be as simple. Yes, it's scary to think you might lose her but at the same time...you can't let fear keep you from living your life. Cherish the relationship you have right now and just let it run its course. If it ends, it ends. If it lasts, it lasts. But don't let this relationhip MAKE YOU.

At the end of the day, you are stronger than you think! YOU WILL BE OKAY!
Yea we're both 20. I understand what you mean about it being completely different. I guess she's meeting a lot more people than I am, she's involved. I'm not. I'm shy :$ so I usually just keep to myself and it's hard for me to meet new people unless they come to me, I'm afraid they'll automatically assume I'm hitting on em or something (this is for girls). Guys I'm kind of ok too, just the initial approach. I still feel kind of uneasy about the whole partying thing though as I really don't like the idea that it could end really badly . Hopefully the phase passes quickly or something, but I highly doubt it.

Yea, I really find it to be a butt load of BS. It's really hard to hear it coming from her too as she is a person with a lot of moral standards, born and raised religious type. And me always thinking she was the nice innocent type. Hopefully she's really not losing interest in me though Are there any other signs that'll make it more obvious to me that she is losing interest?

Thanks a lot for your advice, I'll do my best to not let the relationship make me. It's always just gets in the back of my mind from time to time and I can't help but get saddened by the thought. I don't really know how not to think about it. And I will cherish this relationship as much as I can

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Originally Posted by trancehead View Post
very well written. took the words right out of my mouth

Like miss crayon is saying, just go with the flow. You too should be experiencing university as it is a once a lifetime thing. It wouldnt hurt to meet a couple girls too...keep that bench lined up.

If you really want to save the relationship, all you can really do is just give her space and let her be who she wants to be. The more you constrict her, the more she'll push away.
Any tips on meeting new people haha, i'm not the social type so it's hard for me to approach anyone and just strike up a random conversation .

Yea I'll try my best to give her space, but I tend to find my self always wanting her to be with me. And I guess it's just me being the clingy type. I'll start to show that I don't care/mind that she's doing w.e(but i think it'll still give me a weird feeling inside). I just don't really know how to "let go" per se. Just not worry about it and just keep doing my own thing, as i will probably just keep thinking about it .

Thanks

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Originally Posted by xmisstrinh View Post
You're kind of in a similar situation my ex was in. I was his 2nd girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend and serious relationship. We went out for 3 years and towards the end of our relationship, the way you described your gf was kind of like me.

I started my first year at college and started meeting lots of new people. Having been with only this one guy since high school, I grew more curious as to what was out there. He kind of kept me away from the whole party scene because he was a bit older than me and he had it out of his system while I was just beginning to go out and have a social life beyond him.

He kind of grew obsessive and very over protective, and i was expected to tell him everything that I do. I didn't have any room to breathe because whenever I had a moment (he knew my schedule to the minute), he would call me and I would have to talk to him till my next class started, or had something else to do. This display of obsession turned me off a lot and I started to stray away from him and go to more social events to meet people.

Asides from him being obsessive, I agree with Miss Crayon, she just wants to grow out of her younger years just as I did.

Maybe you should start breaking out of your shell too, go out and have fun, meet new people, but not with finding someone better in the back of your mind, but just to expand your social and networking circle.
I hate to say this, but I think I'm kind of exactly how you described your bf (minus the schedule down to the minute). I don't really show it that much but I usually take note of it or w.e. I give her some room to breathe but I feel that I am really protective of her. I don't really ask her everything she does, just from time to time. I should really try and stop this and just try and forget about it or something along the lines of that :S

Hypothetically, if I wanted to be your friend, how would the best way to approach you be haha. It's sucks being socially awkward and shy .

Thanks again!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FerrariEnzo View Post
you need to have a good heart to heart talk with her... and if she doesnt want too, then maybe its time to move on because it sounds like she is not taking the relationship serious.

this is what gets me mad if she was my gf... its obvious after this statement that you need to really think about the relationship. maybe start when you guys are in university, have you notice that she has changed towards you? to me, it does...
Yea, I'll try and have a talk with her. I'm afraid it's just going to be the same answers as last time. I feel/hope that she's taking the relation ship seriously, other than the fact that she tells me that, there aren't really any other signs that i've noticed(not really sure what they are though :S).

Ever since she has told me that, I've been thinking about it every now and then. Everytime she'd go somewhere I'd be like what if someones trying to win her and she just lets them and leaves me in the dust . There hasn't been any other changes, we haven't really gotten really really intimate in a while (minus the sex part). Just a quick kiss here and there, but I think it's because our schedulees are packed and we just don't have time/a place to do anything really :S.

Thanks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by butter_sashimi View Post
You lack confidence.
She's not into you as much as you are into her.
You spend too much time worrying about her activities.
You are missing out on your own university life. Why don't you try to be more open minded and try school activities/meet other ppl.
Above all, you're putting her up on a pedastal.
again, it sucks that this sounds like me I really need to try and change this. Hopefully sooner than later and before anything happens. Its hard sometimes to not think about what she's doing and stuff . Thanks!

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read my post and to reply. It means a lot and I'm starting to get a lot more insight in the situation and has got me thinking.

I think my 2 main questions are:
1. How do I stop worrying and thinking about her all the time, and how I get this idea that i might lose her out of my mind?
2. How do I meet and approach new people? Me being the shy/introverted/socially awkward makes things a bit challenging!

Thanks again![/QUOTE]
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:37 PM   #34
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The following is a reply from the anon poster.


Yea, thats the thing that mind fucks me even more, like I said she was a moral person and she said she wanted to save sex until she's married, yet she would be fine with it if she was drunk?? Total bs

I've honestly tried, have only gotten close a couple times, she seems really firm about waiting till she's got a ring. Any tips in this area as well? haha

Quote:
Originally Posted by v.Rossi View Post
if you talk to her about this situation as blunt as possible, you're going to look very very insecure. if you do this, i suggest using humor. i'll acknowledge now that this isn't a laughing situation, but you've got to word it so you don't piss her off nor turn her off. don't do this while your head is full of thoughts, do this on a day where you're in a good mood. that may be 2 days from now or 2 weeks who knows, at least you back off and give her space, then bring up this situation.

you also have to realize and accept if she's no longer interested, it's best to pick up the clues and leave before she does. it'll make things easier for you.
I'll try this approach as well. I think this'll be the best way to approach her. But I'm still not entirely sure if she's really not interested in me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vafanculo View Post
I'm going to give you the insensitive asshole advice.

She's given you the green to go ahead and bang any girl, "drunk". Do it.

Not because you are an asshole, but because she's saying some pretty nasty stuff, and all signs are pointing to her wanting more. Now if you take my advice you will most likely lose her. But chances are you are going to lose her anyways. Atleast if you take my advice, you will be semi distancing yourself from her and when that time comes, you won't be holding up traffic on the bridge as you ponder jumping.

But ya, all I'm saying is those aren't good things to say to a partner. Personaly after hearing that, I wouldn't be as concerned about keeping her, I'd be more looking into the possibilities of dumping her.
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Yea this method wouldn't real be an easy method haha. It'll be a daunting task, but it does sound like it'll help me keep her out of my mind/ mine out of hers and she'll get a taste of
her own medicine or w.e. But i'm honestly not this type of person, i wouldn't be able to pull through with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gdoh View Post
you know its ok if she goes clubbing and what not. my gf goes clubbing without me all the time cuz i really dont like clubbing. it bugged me at first quit abit the thought of losing her, but you just have to trust that she wont do anything. what did she say the first time u asked her if she found some1 better??how many times have u asked her?? ive done that and she just started to get mad that i was thinking that way so the answer got worse everytime so i dont ask cuz it causes problems.

maybe you should think about having sex with her too or bring it up

imho just trust her, spend your weekends with her, treat her well, ask her on dates, and at the end of the night as long as she comes home to you...
Yea I do trust her, but it's kind of hard to trust the decisions that'll she'll make when she's being influenced by alcohol and the people around her. I've asked her maybe 4 or 5 times now, and I just bring it up once in a while when somethings brought up around the same subject. I try to ask less as I know it'll cause her to get annoyed or something.

Sex is kind of out of the question like I've said at the top. I've gotten close but no cigar Need some tips on this area as well haha.

I'd be really choked if she were to have sex with someone else and not me for the first time. It's like a big slap in the face and then she sacked me really really hard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 6793026 View Post
GAME OVER.

You are from SFU, she's from UBC, she's active as heck and yeah you can cry about all the high school times but your gf is going to be active and become more and more involved with the club. Sorry to say, the sudden change in lifestyle, friends, schools will eventually phase you out.

The fact "oh, if i have sex because I was drunk, it'll mean nothing. ONLY A FUCKEN GIRL would say that shit. You would NEVER EVER hear a guy saying that and get away with this. Seriously, does ANYONE you know with a great bf/gf relationship ever say this to their sign. other?

Not saying it is impossible to work out but coming from me since I have been in this situation before, I would just dump her.

In 2 -4 weeks when you dump her, you'll see her going out with someone else. It's just reality. You'll soon realize you have made the right decision and it'll be your first time over a serious breakup.

In 4-6 months you'll let her go and finally realized moving on was the best option AND you'll become so much better in your dating experience. TRUST me on this.

If you don't, you'll end up in 4-6 months posting another break up thread on how ur girl changed so much because she changed so much.
Hopefully it isn't game over . It does sound like thats what going to happen, i'll eventually just be in the back of everything and she'll get caught up in everything else. Agree that stuff that she said is total BS. If it were the other way around and I told her that, I would've probably never heard the end of it.

I don't really want to dump her as I really do love her still

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read and reply, getting a lot more insight on the situation and slowly being able to get a more...

EDIT:
Also that I don't really have a problem getting the clothes off and getting intimate (foreplay mostly), it's just after that she'll just abruptly stop it or tell me she doesn't want to do it. It's the whole "save it for marriage" and not wanting to give herself up yet. Just that we don't really have time/place to do that kind of stuff nowadays AND I think I MAY have been exageration a little when i said I was a 5 and she was an 11 haha. Probably I'm just a bit average and she's somewhat above average and you wouldn't really expect us to be together kind of thing.
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Old 09-19-2010, 04:28 PM   #35
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You should still have sex with her to get it out of your system.



As for being socially awkward, try starting random conversations with people about random things and make it a habit. Try giving someone your opinion about something one day when stuck in line somewhere or when you're doing something else.
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Old 09-19-2010, 11:03 PM   #36
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The following post is from an anonymous poster. If he/she would like to reply please contact me.

Why do I feel like she's eventually going to meet someone better than me and then just leave me for him? I've brought this up with her before(we're really open) but the answer she gives me is kind of iffy. She tells me "what ever happens happens, if someone comes, then w.e". I feel like when she tells me this, if someone she thinks is "better" for her than me, she'll just leave me without even considering our relationship. Doesn't she ultimately have the choice?

take a hint. whatever happens happens means it already happened. There could have been two scenarios when you ask her a serious question like that: Lie through her teeth that she'll never leave you OR what she said above.

When you have to question someone that you're with about your insecurity problems they've already figured that you're disposable. Girl smell insecurity with a dog's nose. They've got quite the sensing ability for this kind of stuff.
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Old 09-20-2010, 01:26 PM   #37
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buddy, you KNOW what she is telling you are BS. We all called it on here, and you know it.

You want to look back when you're 25 and say damnnn i made the best decision of my life dumping her. I'm at SUCH a better place because I don't have to look back at my wasted EMO post break up years.

Well this IS your time to STEP up man.
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Old 09-20-2010, 01:36 PM   #38
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buddy, you KNOW what she is telling you are BS. We all called it on here, and you know it.

You want to look back when you're 25 and say damnnn i made the best decision of my life dumping her. I'm at SUCH a better place because I don't have to look back at my wasted EMO post break up years.

Well this IS your time to STEP up man.
Yeah exactly. You're 20. Wouldn't you rather spend your university years hitting up new chicks than trying to salvage a high school relationship with some bitch who seemingly doesn't even care about you?

And like others said, if you get the chance, do her first
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Old 09-20-2010, 01:48 PM   #39
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and you know it.
Weird, I was reading this response and right when I read the "and you know it" the song I'm listening to said that too LOL

Anyway..I agree with taking a hint, the fact that she's said whatever happens happens might be her way of saying "well its already happened but I just didnt tell you about it."

To me, thats a huge sign that she's losing interest because clearly she doesnt care about how that made you feel. Like someone said earlier, what kind of ppl in GOOD relationships say that to one another..
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Old 09-20-2010, 03:05 PM   #40
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The following post is from an anonymous poster. If he/she would like to reply please contact me.

I think my 2 main questions are:
1. How do I stop worrying and thinking about her all the time, and how I get this idea that i might lose her out of my mind?
2. How do I meet and approach new people? Me being the shy/introverted/socially awkward makes things a bit challenging!
1. you need to get active, either socially or physically. join a gym or some sports teams. also try and go out with ur friends and have a few drinks. make sure to turn off ur phone so you don't end up drunk text/dialing her.

2. i know this is not the best advice but just get tanked and you will usually end up talking to random people. it helps out in some social situations just as long as ur not a violent drunk lol.

ps. in general, if you find yourself thinking bout her or your situation with her, just take perspective. even if you end up breaking up with her in the worst possible way, you will be alright. of course its gonna hurt and you will feel shitty for a bit but ur a young dude just learning how to deal with relationships. its all good man. focus on other things bcuz breaking up is not the end of the world.
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Old 09-20-2010, 05:47 PM   #41
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[I]



I hate to say this, but I think I'm kind of exactly how you described your bf (minus the schedule down to the minute). I don't really show it that much but I usually take note of it or w.e. I give her some room to breathe but I feel that I am really protective of her. I don't really ask her everything she does, just from time to time. I should really try and stop this and just try and forget about it or something along the lines of that :S

Hypothetically, if I wanted to be your friend, how would the best way to approach you be haha. It's sucks being socially awkward and shy .

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Old 09-21-2010, 01:59 AM   #42
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Personally I would just leave her but if you insist on trying to make this relationship work, then you're gonna have to do a 180.

I would make yourself less accessible. To her right now, you're too easy. So she can keep you as a backup and string you along until something better comes up. Join a club and meet new people. Hit the gym and be more active. Go out more often with friends. Be more social. Like others have said, just start random conversations with people. Eventually it'll get easier. Basically make her come to you.

Are you the one always making initial contact (phone, text, IM etc...) or ask to hang out?
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Old 09-21-2010, 12:50 PM   #43
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I'm going to be as straight forward as possible to get the point across. Believe me, pulling off a bandaid quickly with a sharp pain is better than pulling it off slowly and painfully:

The dude is lucky that she's being honest with him at all. In the end if you get all emo over this, you know you had it comin' if not from her, then from this thread. At the very least, it won't sting like a bitch when you find out that what she was saving for marriage wasn't for you and she lied to you all along. I give props to her for being the man and manning it up.

Let me reiterate what "whatever happens happens" means: "I'M ALREADY LOOKING FOR SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU AT THIS VERY MOMENT BEACUSE THE THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME WAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOU EVER ASKED AND I CAN SAY IT STRAIGHT IN YOUR FACE AND I KNOW YOU'LL TAKE IT."

The end, Move on.
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Old 09-21-2010, 05:57 PM   #44
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Well, there's a time in everyone's life to go out drinking and partying it up. It's called experience. Straight and to my point: High school relationships usually don't withstand the college years not because people "change," but because people end up on different levels sooner than others. Out of all the people I've ever met, I only know of ONE relationship that has lasted since highschool. ONE!

There are people that never go through the party stage (ie yourself), and are probably more mature and have already developed a mindset of a non-partier family orientated adult. This definately makes it harder to stay together with someone who wants to party all the time. She will eventually "settle" down and be on the same road as you, but until that day comes, you two are just being together just for the sake of staying together. It'll do more harm than good as you'll end up worrying about her being out with other guys, she'll find you clingy... sound familiar?

It's your life, you should choose the best experience that you can have for yourself. 10 years from now, would you still want to date a 32 year old girl that parties all the time? Better question, how long would you be willing to wait at home while she parties with other guys? 6 months? 2 years? 10 years? It's not uncommon to see people in their 40's still frequenting clubs nowadays as a lifestyle~
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Old 09-22-2010, 10:28 AM   #45
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if you're shy, you have to break out of your little shell. talk to fat chicks, ugly chicks, homeless people, your friends, just talk to as much people as possible. when you gain more confidence then talk to girls that are 5/10 6/10 on looks and work your way up, you don't have to a big discussion. small talk works

consider talking to people like msn i'm sure you're good with that right, you're only stating your opinion, that's how conversations get started. right? just don't talk to people and say "el oh el" it's not completely like msn, though i know people who do say "laugh out loud" when they're drunk. anyways small convos like:

"what's up"
"hey hows it going"
"what are you up to tonight"

ending it:

"have a good one"
"take it easy"
"yeah man, see ya around"

hard? no.

the more you talk to people the easier it becomes, i use to wake up in the morning and game till night. stayed at home on weekends. go to sleep and wake up the next day only to do the same thing again. i wore rock & republic ed hardy because i lacked confidence.

most vancouver kids have to much ego to admit this, me i've realized my mistake and willing to admit it, only to remind myself to never steep down that low again. through my observation they're the ones that are close minded and judge people like no tomorrow. you don't want to be friends with uptight people anyways, don't paint all of them with the same brush though.

which is why i can put on a nice pair of jeans and a fitted dress shirt and steal there girlfriends from them. because my conversation skills are far superior than theirs. i'll even wear sweatpants and a roots hoody, and i can still get a girls number. if you ask most girls, they laugh at the people decked out in expensive clothing. complete misconception growing up in vancouver thinking the better the clothes the better your chances, fuck that.

anyways, i decided to change my priority in life. fuck the clothes and online games, i wanted the girls. so i changed myself, got classier clothing and stood out. made conversation with everyone i could, whether it's a homeless person(some of them have interesting stories). the reason i keep stating homeless is because i don't want you to be a judgemental person. that;s a negative factor to have. jsut talk to anyone you encounter, don't judge people until you know them. they could be nicer and more fun then that little broad of yours. you don't know, because you haven;t experienced.

don't expect to change overnight though, that's not going to happen and i'll let you know that now. it'll take months maybe a couple years. but, start with small talk then you will eventually build up into interesting conversations. if you have an in depth conversation with a girl you could get her to fall for you, if you gain social skills and make a girl laugh out loud in public. then you definately have her.

anyways, as i was saying i was that nerd that gamed and stayed at home. NO ONE IS GOING TO CHANGE YOU, YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT BIG IN LIFE, YOU'VE GOT TO DEPEND ON YOURSELF NOT ON OTHERS. it was hard for me to make that change, probably why i have so much pride in myself now.

i still recommend you stay with this girl, let her break your heart. you'll realize not all girls are what they appear to be. the cutest humble girl on the street could be the freakest girl ever in bed or an absolute cheater.

small steps buddy boy, if you put your mind to it. it takes a lot more effort than just reading pal requires doing.

anyways, this isn't completely irrelevant to your thread. stay with your girl, but continue to change yourself then meet more girls, guys, anyone. if you stay with your girl, fine, but at least you've met more people. i'm almost sure, you'll give her her space throughout this transformation or who knows you might meet someone better. but, at the end of it all i guarantee you will definately not be afraid to lose her.

oh, and workout it makes you look better and increases testorerone. win win.
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Last edited by v.Rossi; 09-22-2010 at 10:34 AM. Reason: Ask open ended questions, not dull ones where you get shut down.
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Old 09-22-2010, 11:45 AM   #46
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I think he's hit every point.
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Old 09-22-2010, 01:19 PM   #47
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are you sure you "love" her?
still relatively young and I mean ... you're really going to think you "love" her when you two have sex ~ I find the problem with relationships is people think too much

clearly she's telling you she's just going to be herself and you should do the same, and let things unfold

and maybe it's just me but people are too cavalier with the word love these days
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Old 09-22-2010, 01:35 PM   #48
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VROSSI WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND AND MENTOR
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Old 09-22-2010, 05:20 PM   #49
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are you sure you "love" her?
still relatively young and I mean ... you're really going to think you "love" her when you two have sex ~ I find the problem with relationships is people think too much

clearly she's telling you she's just going to be herself and you should do the same, and let things unfold

and maybe it's just me but people are too cavalier with the word love these days
Unless she's willing to rob a bank for you she doesn't love you. A girl will do anything if she's in love with you. Tell a girl you love her too soon, bye bye she goes. Tell a girl you love her too much, bye bye she goes. Theres no challenge, shell get bored. So do her and every other girl you meet in life a favor and just keep it light and fun. Girls are a piece of work aren't they? Always let the girl say those 3 words first, and the ratio of you saying I love you vs hers should be 1:5.

Don't be yourself, what the hell does that even mean? "Yourself" is subjective, everyones different. Telling someone that gives them the runaround. Seriously, it means jack shit. I love hot girls and want to compliment them, but that's a fucking mistake. Once per date is fine, assuming you're seeing her once or twice a week at most.

Sure guddagudd, buy me a beer or we can get high and chill on cloud 9. I just can't hang out with guys unless were getting impaired. That's just me.
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Old 09-22-2010, 06:42 PM   #50
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VROSSI WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND AND MENTOR
Props to v.Rossi for a good post and it's a philosophy I've been saying all along. I've seen mediocre chicks up their stock once they leave high school to be quite the formidable woman. Men can do the same by working out, investing a bit in their looks, opening themselves up socially.

However, I stopped preaching the above long ago because I've since figured out that it's like telling fat people how to lose weight. They keep crying they really really really really really want to lose weight but when they realize how much work it takes to change, they give up before they even started.

Anyways, good points by v.Rossi but I pity that for the reason above, points that mostly will go nowhere.
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