While this is a nice theory, this doesn't always work out. Many immigrants come to Canada with open minds, hoping for a better future and brighter times for their families. Upon arriving here, many of them feel that they lack an identity-even if they rebelled against their old national identity back home. They may suddenly feel at a loss or feel odd during national or cultural holidays, may not know what to think about different sxhool or everyday habits. They may suddenly find themselves staunch supporters of the culture they left behind.

One of the triggers for this can be the realization that they may not have a way of communicating with their children or grandchildren. They may want to cling to the traditional ways of thinking, education and culture so that they don't lose touch with the family they look forward to building here.

Or I could be totally off-base and just rambling. Who knows.
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Good theory, but her mom said they'd be the "laughing stock of the family". That means she is just an ignorant racist bitch.

I'd say the exact same thing. It doesn't matter which side of the fence you're on, racism is fucked. Especially if you move to a country, and are racist towards that country. Like what the fuck is wrong with you?

maybe she'll like him as time progresses... :thumbsup:

lol, you grew up with your parents (obviously), you should know what kinda problems you're gonna encounter.

depends how much you love your family and how traditional you are.

as much as we like to think the color of your skin doesnt matter, well it does, cuz it's obviously different, and that's all it takes.

he might grow on her, he might not. but if you're willing to live a life completely separated from your family, then ok.

or, he can try real hard and adapt your culture. and by try real hard, i mean try fucking hard so that if your parents even slander him, they'll lose face.

learn the language, learn the culture, be good at it. tell him to adopt their culture, and do it good.

im in tw and i have a few white buddies with tw gfs. or even wives now. you should see the look on their parents faces.

then you should look on their parents faces when these guys are more chinese than most chinese guys here. speak and read, know the culture like the back of their hand, respect the elders. harsh give them face. shower them with gifts and show them that he'll take real good care of their daughter. act "proper".

it's hard, but that's what you gotta do.

if HE isnt willing to do that, why should she be willing to accept him? right?
it goes both ways.

.

I have an asian female friend who was dating an east indian and her mother opposed it so badly that they got in a big fight and she moved out to be with him. They're now happily married and her mother loves her husband now. Your mother needs to realize that she's not gonna be the one spending the rest of her life with your husband, you are. How old are you? I'm assuming you're old enough to make your own decisions and not do everything your mother tells you to do
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Your mother will probably be pretty heartbroken, but its not the end of the world.

Chinese people aren't naturally racist, but they generalize way too easily, so it only takes one person and one incident for them to hate the race for a long time
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fml

I'm Chinese, and my bf is white. Honestly, i'm absolutely terrified of telling my parents about us. My parents are very traditional. According to them, i'm already a horrible daughter since i've rebelled every single step of the way. They've come to terms with the fact i'm the black sheep of the family but i know they feel ashamed of me sometimes.

This might send them over the edge. I know that. The worst case scenario when i tell them i'm in love with a white guy, and want to spend my life with him is that they'll kick me out. Permanently. It's heartbreaking, but i accept it. This is my life. I love who i love. I'm not going to sacrifice my own happiness for my parents foolish beliefs that white guys aren't as reliable. Their ignorance is painful. I try my best to ignore it. They're my parents, and so i love and respect them, but i cannot and will not respect some of their beliefs. the most I can do to coexist with them is to block out the things I hate about them.

In the end, I'm going with my heart. I chose already. It's up to my parents whether or not they can accept my decision. It's your happiness at stake here. I wouldn't let anybody try to sway me.

I really hate it when people interchange "traditional" with "racist". Believe it or not, it's not "traditional" to hate people for their race. Tradition explains ignorance, and the combination of ignorance and assholeness might explain the hate, but tradition itself doesn't.

You only have one life to live and thats yours. Not your moms not your dads not your great uncles. So live it the way you see fit and make sure you can deal with the outcome cus by living the life you want to live toes do get stepped on and thats life.

Just to be a devil's advocate, I question whether this is really an issue at all unless some people are in some ways still financially dependent on their parents?

Let's look at it this way: other than the odd life skill that parents can pass down, what else is there? (especially if you're established in your mid to late 20s?) Emotional support can easily come from close friends who understand the complexities of interpersonal relationships in today's world. Just cut the umbilical cord and be prepared to live with that decision.

I think its also a matter of what their family values are. Alot of people are very close with their parents and dont want to have to choose SO over parents and vice versa.

"blood is thicker than water"

yes i live with my parents and i am dependent on them, but at the same time i have my own values and morals. some i can implement to their faces and argue to the death to them about, but this thing with having a boyfriend of a different race is different.

my grandma said this to me:
your parents raised you and gave you the best of everything, the least you can do for them is to find a nice boy that they will like and accept too.

she said that after the rumors started flying around my family all over the globe that my boyfriend is brown.

i love him, but my whole family seems to look down on that. i don't want him to be the reason that i cut off tides with my family so i can be happy with him, and i don't want him to be the reason my family is unhappy.

i think my post is more of a vent, but some stuff people said here opened my eyes a little more and can help me later on when it gets to me actually bringing him home.

thanks for your input everyone =D

Your parents raised you and gave you the best of everything. The least they can do is trust your judgement, which presumably will be based on their good values. Thankfully you didn't pick up their racism and hatred though.

Maybe get him to go to Korea and do plastic surgery to change his skin color @@ J/K

Well I am a guy so I guess guys are more cold blooded O_o if I have to I will cut ties to be with the one I love but then it will be pretty hard for me too.

Luckily my parents are easy going.

I'm going to have to disagree with some people here. Who will always bail you out of a situation, clothe and feed you in your time of greatest need? I can tell you for damn sure that nothing in the world comes close to the love your parents have for you.

Your dad is not a racist dick. First impressions are LASTING impressions. He doesn't want what happened to him, happen to YOU. You can fuck up business deals, but fucking up your life by picking the wrong person is entirely different.

Think about it--a boyfriend is just that, a guy you happen to like. I'm pretty sure 99% of "boyfriends" would bail if you told them you had herpes, AIDs, cancer, a baby, huge debt, any combination of the above.

Never cut off ties with your parents. They're the only ones in the world who you can 100% count on when shit's down. They're the ones who make food everyday, bring it to the hospital, and feed you.

I'd stick with the people who fed, clothed, and sheltered me for 18 years over the guy I met for one year. Forget about that romantic "we'll get our own place and live together!" shit. When reality sets in, and you fall behind in rent payments/go pregnant/he cheats on you, you're fucked.

Your dad doesn't need to prove himself, even if he's an intolerant *****. If your boyfriend genuinely cared about you (these are rare), he would learn about your culture and customs, and prove to your parents that he's the perfect person for you. If he's genuinely willing to change, and understands the situation you and your parents are under, then stick with him. However, if he's suggesting that you ignore your parents/cut off ties with them, DROP HIM. I'll take my chances with the dependable parents over some biter who tells you that he's more important than your relationship with your parents.

I expect a boatload of fails, but this is just my 2 cents.

No. Although friends are great, they will never replace the support of a parent. You can always count on your parents when you need them. Friends, not so much, even if there are some really kind people. You might think your BFF will always be there to protect you, but reality sets in a really ugly picture.

he doesn't do that. lol. he's pushing tiger_handheld's idea that eventually they'll accept him just by me telling them good things about him. as i told him before, tough luck.

I read this thread, and I was incredulous. Really. If you were, say, white, and your bf was black, this whole thing would be a major shitstorm.

Best I can say, talk to your bf, have him learn a bit of your culture, at least to appease your parents a bit.

I really don''t get it. If you don't want to mix, you like, uh, don't immigrate. Or maybe I'm used to the whole mixing thing, given where I'm from.

Either way, just my two cents.

Edit: And I agree with darkfroggy, to an extent. One of my family members dates someone from HK. Not even my grandmother, raised in a traditional family, gives a shit.

I was dating for the last 5 months, I'm Punjabi and my GF was Tamil and we knew when we first started dating that our parents wouldn't accept our relationships. We kept putting it off, decided to date casually and worry about it later but things started to get serious real fast and we decided that we needed to break things off.

It's been one of my more difficult breakups but it's tough when you're EI or Indian in general and your parents and most of your family is so anti marrying outside of your religion that they're willing to disown you. I think at the end my parents might have accepted it if I fought real hard.

He's too scared to meet your parents directly and prove himself? What is he, 12?

Your parents aren't stupid, if he doesn't show himself they're going to think he's a pansy/person that doesn't live up to responsibilities. Unless your dad is extremely racist, I think introducing him to your parents and changing the way they think about X is a good way to start.

thank you for that comment =]

So you are willing to give up your happiness the man you wanted to be with till the day you die to make your parents happy?

Sure parents are there for you 100% but equally if the the guy love you he will be there for you as well.

So you mean people who said "I'll be with you forever" never change their minds or realize they've made misakes?
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